How old do you think a child should be before they are allowed to play outside by themselves?I live in a neighborhood that is considered very safe. The other moms in the neighborhood will let their kids, some as young as three, play outside with out any one watching.
Phoenix is now five and a half. I've never let her play outside with out adult supervision. She wants to be able to play in the backyard by herself. Our backyard is pretty big, not fenced and you can see parts of it from the street because we live in a culdesac.
I know I am overprotective when it comes to her because I would not be able to handle losing her. So when things like this become and issue I need to start asking to see what is normal.
I really do think my neighborhood is safe but bad things can happen anywhere and I always have the worst case scenario playing through my head.
{Editor's Note} We live in a decent neighborhood - not the best, not the worst. Our house is situated so that there is an alley that runs along side of it and along our back yard. Our back yard isn't fenced. Unlike the droves of children running rampant (and being disrespectful to property lines AND items in people's yards, fenced or not), we do not let our oldest, who is 7, play outside alone. We have seen way too many people who use the alley as a cut-through to the street behind us, and they are flying down that alley! After living here for 3.5 years, we are getting estimates on fencing because it's just too dangerous. I want more then anything to be able to tell him, "Sure!" when he asks if he can go outside because while I trust him, I don't trust others. Having him contained in our yard, in my eye and ear shot would be so nice. Not that he's loud inside or anything
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As a homeschooler, I am a member of the HSLDA, a legal representative association who also sends out alerts when others have legal issues. Recently, a mom was inside putting the clothes from the washer to the dryer while her children were out in the (unfenced) front yard. A policeman drove by. He saw the kids alone outside and stopped. He determined that the kids were "unattended" and threatened to take the children into protective custody and the mom to jail. None of that actually came to fruition, maybe because the mom knew he could not do that without a judge's orders unless eminent danger was present. Either way, be careful out there leaving kids unattended particularly in plain view and no physical border.
I don't live in a safe neighborhood, there is a lot of drug use and alcohol use and kids run around unsupervised all the time. I want to be out of here before Diana gets old enough to want to go out and join the kids because I don't even want her associating with a lot of the kids with the ways they act. I see nothing wrong with it if the private yard is fenced in and locked shut where they can't easily get out, that's what my parents did. They bought gate locks so I couldn't get out then I could go out in the yard, we also lived in a middle class neighborhood back when this town was a lot safer.
We live in a somewhat safe neighborhood, close to downtown.. but i wouldn't let my children play in an unfenced backyard alone. That is why we fenced it in, and I have several windows where i can see them at all times. We also have a lock on our gate, and a big dog.
My kids are 5 and 10... We live in a safe neighborhood and I let them play outside semi-unsupervised. I can always see or hear them, or know that they are down the street playing with a friend. The 5 year old, if she is by herself is not allowed anywhere but the front or backyard. The 10 year old rides her bike on the street, I live in a cul de sac that consists of 4 or 5 fairly short streets and have never seen anyone speeding. They don't go into people's yards unless they are playing with kids who live there. Anyway, someone decided that warranted a call to Child protective services. They said that I leave them home alone on a regular basis and that I let them have free reign on the neighborhood. I don't, for the record. Even though I have nothing to worry about, this investigation has turned my life upside down and I will no longer be giving them that freedom. I will probably come outside with them from now on, which ultimately means they won't be able to come out as often since I can't always drop what I'm doing to come outside.
I'd say around 6 or 7 in a garden like yours. I don't have kids so here my childhood expiriences: I was allowed to do that much earlier (age 3 or so) but there was a hedge around the garden, we knew all the neighbours very well (3 of them were family, the others families with kids) and it is quiet, nearly no cars. The streets are so narrow and steep here that you virtually CAN'T drive more than 20mph. At 6 I was allowed to play away from the house, like visiting a friend on my own. At that age I understood the dangers of traffic I think.
It sounds mean but I would test her a little. Ask her how she would react in certain situations and tell her your worries, then watch if she can stick to it on her own or if she tries to sneak away for example. .
It's sad to forbid something like that only bc there are so many irresposible people out there...but my mom once asked me if I would let my hamster cross the street on its own when I was mad she wouldn't let me. That stuck with me and I understood her, lol.
I don't have kids yet but I thought about this question. When I was a kid I played outside from dusk till dawn - bike riding, roller blading, walking to the store - whatever! Probably why I'm not obese! But now, you never know if Pervy Perverson is lurking around the corner ready to snatch your child. I would not let my child play unsupervised unless it was in my fenced in backyard. I'm gonna be a crazy mom!
Things are not the way they used to be. When I was growing up, my siblings and I as well as every other kid in the neighborhood were running around all day without a parent in sight. We would walk to the surrounding shopping areas alone, would sometimes "forget" to come home before dark and have to run back after the sun had set, and we'd often take off on our bikes/rollerblades without even letting our mothers know. This sort of thing rang true with all my high school friends too, and for us, it just seemed like the normal thing. Looking back, I'm horrified! I cannot believe how completely relaxed our parents were. Anything could have happened to us! There were quite a few incidents of, well, stupidity that could have easily been prevented if an adult were watching. Jumping off the garage roof onto the trampoline and missing by a foot and a half, laying in the road and getting up just before a car came too close, doorbell ditching and having a man come out waving his shotgun.... Insane! I'm truly surprised nobody ever got abducted, but I guess our parents just trusted us and hoped for the best?
Now that I'm a mother, I wouldn't dream of letting my children play outside without my husband or I supervising. I feel there are too many risks and scenarios that I refuse to entertain. Our kids are 5 1/2, 3, and 2, so they're not even close to an age where I'd feel comfortable with letting them play alone. We live in an apartment complex full of children. There are quite a few large, grassy areas as well as two decent playgrounds and a basketball court. There are also many children who are outside every single day playing alone. Most of the children are at least 5 (which I think is way too young to be alone), but there are times when toddlers are out alone as well. I honestly don't know what the parents around here are thinking, and I'd like to smack some sense into all of them! It's their job to make sure their little ones are safe, and it's as if they're all too busy with their own stuff to bother supervising. I'm sorry, but if you aren't able to accompany your children outside, especially when you live in an apartment complex, you have no business sending them out. My heart is in my throat nearly every time I hear a child screech because my mind automatically jumps to the worst case scenario. I don't just worry about the safety of the children who are outside alone, although that is always my top concern. I also get extemely annoyed. Children left to their own devices often find trouble, and the kids around here are no exception! They sit on and try to break into people's cars, throw rocks, dirt, wood chips, etc into the A/C units, ding dong (well, it's more like knock knock) ditch, hit windows with sticks and rocks... We have quite a few bullies too. These kids steal toys, throw wood chips at other kids, punch/kick/hit/bite/push, and one little boy in particular seems to thoroughly enjoy running people down with his bike and urinating on the playground. Nice, huh?
Just a few months ago, a little boy who lives in an apartment complex was nearly abducted. His mother wasn't paying attention and turned her back on him for a few minutes. When she turned around, she realized her son was gone, and to her horror, saw him being led away by a man. She chased him down, called the police, and the man was arrested for kidnapping. That little guy was so lucky! This incident happened in my city, and the first thought that came to my mind when I saw the story on the news was: That could easily happen where I live, and unfortunately, there wouldn't be any parents to stop it.
Sorry, I wrote a lot, but this is a subject I am currently passionate about, and I am actually happy to see a post about it. I'm sure this is a common problem in many areas! To answer the author's question: I think children can be allowed to play outside alone if there is a fenced in area for them to be in and if their parent/caregiver is able to hear them clearly at all times and peek their head out occasionally. I also feel a 10 year old is old enough to have a bit more freedom, but only if they are with a few other kids. It all depends on your child and how much you feel you can trust them (are they troublesome? do they fully grasp the concept of Stranger Danger?). As far as areas go, I don't think it matters if someone lives in a good neighborhood or a bad one because scary things can happen anywhere.
@LiLRedBoat@xanga - I was the same way growing up! My siblings, the other neighborhood kids, and I were always alone outside. We walked to 7-11, the supermarket, and the strip mall in our area alone all the time. Crazy what we were allowed to do!
if it were locked and fenced with no hazards like a pool or anything probably 6 or 7 as long as i could see them, but out in the open not under 10 for any amount of time even 10+ she needs to check in or be where i can see her from the house or ask to go further. Bad things always happen where you dont expect them to so dont think for a second your kids are fine to run around when your in a nice neighborhood. Bad people target nice neighborhoods thats where children feel safe and are not as closly watched.
I had a very secure, fenced in back yard and I was allowed to play outside alone from the age of three or four, but our living room had French doors, so my parents were around all the time anyway. I was allowed to cycle up and down our road from a very young age too, as long as my parents could see me from the kitchen window - but my neighbours all knew me and kept an eye on me as well. But then again, my street was exceptionally save - very slow speed limit, and the area was mostly full of middle-class, retired couples. I was never allowed to play out of my parents line of sight/unsupervised until I was ten or so, though.
It's different than when I raised mine, 36 years ago, in a small neighborhood with lots of kids. I think if you can be where you can see them, like looking out a window while working in the kitchen, or watching out a window from another room, or a patio, perhaps that would work. I had a neighbor that made her children afraid, telling them robbers would steal them if they went in the front yard. To me, this took away any rational action they may have taken. Schools here also have a program about what to do if someone approaches you, or, is following you. But at least by 4th grade the child needs some autonomy, like riding her bike around the neighborhood, knowing how much time she has. They have to be taught, but without the fear aspect, because freezing in fear will take away any logic should they be approached.
It is completely circumstantial. I let my son play outside but that is only because we have a sliding glass door and I can see him all the time. If we didn't have this, I would only let him play outside if I were there with him. We live in a safe neighborhood, but my son is only four. I am not worried about someone hurting him, I am more worried that his love for bugs, snakes, lizards, and frogs will cause him to pick the wrong thing up, or he will try to ride his bike down too steep of a hill etc.
@Pollypinks@xanga - I'm curious why you think 4th grade, about 9 years old, is the age you think autonomy should be allowed/present?
I was a kid in a middle class rural neighborhood surrounded by cornfields. :) It was the 90's, so not toooo long ago. There were a lot of families with kids my age, and the parents all knew each other, so I was allowed to walk by myself to friends' houses (like 3 houses down) at age 8. Their mom would call my mom to let her know I'd arrived and I'd happily play in my friend's yard until my mom poked her head out the back door and hollered across the yards for me to come home. My sister was allowed to go at a younger age (around 6) because I was 10 by that time and old enough to watch her a bit. By age 10 I was riding my bike all around the neighborhood with the other kids and holding capture-the-flag tournaments in several backyards. lol. Just get to know the other parents well enough that you feel comfortable with them watching yours as well as theirs out the window if they're playing in the yard. Don't deprive your kid of an awesome childhood by keeping them from potential playmates. :)
I am not actually worried about kids being abducted. I have none of my own as I have shared before. I majored in Administration Of Justice, when I was in college. yes abductions happen, but they are very very few given the high number of children in the country, and of the few that happen, most of those are abducted by people they know, such as an ex spouse who holds a grudge. So I have absolutely no fear of my nieces and nephews, and other kids I know of being abducted. My fear, is that in the original post, is that there is no fence, and that you can see the yard from the cul de sac. As I said, I am not worried about abduction, but if you can see it from the cul de sac, that means there is a road near by, and if she is playing with a ball, and hits it just right, she could hit/kick/throw the ball and it could roll into the street. the fear here is without thinking she could then chase after the ball and be hit by a car. I would fence the yard in, before I let a kid younger than 13 out by them self. kids do stupid things without thinking, and that is a much bigger fear to me than abduction.
@Ooglick@xanga - Providing at least indirect supervision to younger children wouldn't deprive them of having awesome playmates. Teenagers? Yeah that is a whole 'nother story. And I absolutely agree with you, get to know the other parents!
I think it is crazy not to have your child play in your own backyard! I assume when you say without supervision you mean that you are inside occupied with some other task? You would be of course free to check on her every so often. As long as you trust her to be able to handle it, I think it's a reasonable risk to take. The risk involved in having your child play in your own backyard in a safe neighborhood is surely very small. I'm sure being a passenger in a car is a much greater threat to her livelihood.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - I understand, but this post seemed to be more about stranger danger than knowing your child's limitations.
@lifeonacitybusem4@xanga - it's not so crazy if you have busy roads nearby. Kids get easily distracted, and all it takes is their ball to roll onto the road for them to run out, grab it and get hit by a car. I wouldn't let my kids play in an unfenced back yard alone at age five.
I think the biggest danger is traffic. We have become a paranoid society
and therefore a new generation of over-protected kids are arising. This
is going to bite us in the butt! It is already creating young people
afraid of risk, who don't know how to do anything without "supervision".
I have three girls, all beautiful blond and blue eyed. I, too was
afraid of the Pervert, but within reason I fought the over-protective
tendency. Now, 15, 13 and 11 they are pretty street smart. This is so
important and I think we over-look the later dangers of not having
learned those lessons we can only learn when our parents AREN'T around!I
let them play alone in the back yard starting a 2,5 and go to the
corner store alone at around 7 - always at least 2 together after
"reviewing the rules". God bless! Parenting is like walking a tight
rope...
I think the best way to find that out is to ask your local school what age they let children walk home alone.
btw, here is an interesting article on this:
http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/2011/06/09/outrage-of-the-week-cops-say-its-illegal-for-kids-to-play-outside-unsupervised/
I really find this trend sad and not conducive to creating strong, savvy children
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - I think it is great that you are letting people know about these dangers...who would've thought!!!! BTW, I grew up in Texas and lived in Illinois for a while. It is because of such actions you describe above, that we have decided to leave the country.