There's things about pregnancy (and parenting) that I love. There's also things that I hate and could easily do without. I like my sleep, I'm selfish and I want to sleep good at night. The huge belly, leg cramps, and having to pee all the time are things I could do without. I love shopping, so going to Carter's or Gymboree and piecing together cute little outfits? That's something I love. Another thing I love is knowing that my husband and I created this child together, and will have years of memories.
So how in the world am I supposed to decide if I'm done?
Do I look at our finances and our current 3 children and see if it's financially responsible of us to bring another child into our lives?
Do I look at our health and age?
Do I look at our careers and where we want to go?
Do I think about all of the sleep that I can get in a few years when the kids will be teenagers and sleeping 12+ hours on the weekends just because they can?
What the heck am I supposed to use to help me?!
What if I make the wrong decision? What if I do something permanent, and then in 5 years when the kids are older, start to think what life would be like with a little one?
What if I make the decision to do something NOT permanent and we have an accidental pregnancy?
I think every mom has those moments where she proclaims out loud, "I'm done! No more!", and then minutes later our babies do something that melts our hearts and we can't imagine NOT having another.
If you've made this decision to be done - what made the scale go in that favor?If you decided to do something non-permanent as a form of birth control - what made you decide that?
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Comments (26)
I think IUDs are a good option if you aren't sure. Hormonal (Mirena) or non-hormonal (Paragard) and last 5-10 years. I know for a fact I don't want a kid this year (my son is almost 8 months now) but I don't know about later. I got the Mirena at my 6 week postpartum visit because I was adamant about no kids the first year - I'll have it taken out when I'm more on-board with the idea of more kids.
I have no idea what it feels like to be "done," but I imagine it's something you just *know*. If you're really done and don't want more kids, it's probably much easier to make the decision to do something permanent.
I am 24 years old, my husband (32 soon) and I have been married for 6 years and we have three little girls, absolutely love them. 7 yrs, 5 yrs and 3 yrs - they are at such good ages right now - all going into school next year as well. I am also in school and a stay-at-home mom. However, we have talked about having more (years ago) and wanted to wait to TTC at the end of this year. Now, I am not sure - how DO I make the decision? Are we done? Do I wanna wait a few more years when they are all able to care for themselves (like getting dressed, showering, etc)... sigh. I asked this just the other day. I am so torn.
I have just had a baby recently, my son is 9 weeks old today. There is no way I am having a 3rd child, I have a 4 and a half year old daughter too. My pregnancies were difficult, tiring and a strain on my health. I can just about afford the 2 children I have. I have decided not to have another for those reasons. I have a girl and boy and am happy with what I have. They are the biggest blessings in my life, nothing would or could ever change that!
I've never given birth, but im an adoptive mom to our son, and waiting to adopt our babygirl....
and im done. We have also had 9 other fosterbabies in the last 4 years.
This is how I know.... we TTC for just over 7 years.. and I used to hold all the new babies, and long for one of my own. I never went to the Dr about it because I could not handle being told it was never going to happen.
About a month ago we went to a baby shower for my cousin.. and there were at least 3 other babies under 6 months there.. and I realized that desperate aching longing was gone. I don't want another baby...
I have an amazing 4yr old son.. and an incredible almost 18month old daughter.. and they are my world.. and Im done with 2. If the Good Lord decides to bless us with a baby then so be it, if not I am wonderfully content with our little family.
For me, it was a matter of rough deliveries. I was tired of having to get c-sections and decided my third was my last and that if we wanted any more kids we'd adopt. I don't regret getting a tubal ligation.
If you're unsure, I'd suggest getting an IUD though.
I don't think I could do an IUD. They can affect your fertility in some cases. Also, if it doesn't work properly and you get pregnant anyway then your baby (and maybe you) could die.
I understand why women use contraception to avoid having more babies, but personally I don't plan to use any ever again. Coming off the pill was really rough on me and affected my health. My aunt is having similar problems.
My husband and I use the Rhythm Method to avoid pregnancy. And if there's a surprise pregnancy, it must be because that's what God had in mind for us. We have one son already who will be 2 in May. We are thinking of TTC sometime near the end of the year.
I'm done for now. there's no way that i want 2 in diapers at the same time, and i'm a bit iffy on having one starting school while the other one is cooking. my hubby and i have agreed that when it's time to redo my IUD (the non-hormonal copper one, so 10 years), we'll think about family additions then. we both are just not cut out to handle infants, let alone more than one at a time. life is better now that my son is older and starting to gain more independence, but that wasn't so a few months ago.
I recommend the IUD as easy hassle free birth control. If you're not digging that, i've also been really happy using the patch.
Done for now... My husband and I need our time together...
We have made the decision. (We have 5 year old twins and our baby will the 1 in June) For us it had a lot to do with finances. We kinda went back and forth and finally made the decision to be done with biological children, but we most likely will become foster parents and/or adopt within the next few years. I hated being pregnant, I know most women love it, but I did not. I dreaded it the whole time. I got the essure procedure done. Painless and easy. I'm glad I did it.
I definitely would not get an IUD, especially a non-hormonal. I've researched how they work and I'm just against it. My husband and I have an 8 month old son, but we're not ready for another baby anytime soon. We're using the FAM method and a diaphragm :)
I am childless, but, can comment on my mother's experience. When my youngest sister was born in Fall 1999, she had decided on getting her tubes tied since she wasn't going to have 4 girls trying to have a son (my aunt/her older sister wound up with 5 sons trying to have a daughter) and was in her mid-30's so it seemed like a logical time to stop having kids.
She sometimes regrets it, but, feels things are as they should be. Prior to surgery, she used the pill. She didn't want to mess that up again though as she took antibiotics while on it not knowing that it weakens it and got pregnant with aforementioned sister.
Make sure you can afford more children if that's what you want. Make sure you and your partner are on the same page, and if not, don't get pregnant unilaterally. Due to bad birthing experiences, my uterus literally fell down between my legs at 29, so I had a hysterectomy after 2 kids. I never regretted having just two kids, but I did regret the health issues that plagued me for 20 years until I found 2 wonderful female doctors who repaired my bladder by using my own tissue to make a sling to hold it into place. Best decision I ever made, and that was after already having one surgery done that failed miserably. Make sure you don't plan on waiting until you are in your forties, assuming that pregnancy will happen naturally, and that life will be all ducky at that age.
We refuse to have more than we can afford, so one or two is going to be our limit.
I love kids. I don't think I'll ever see a day where I think "I don't want anymore."
But let's be reasonable here. I'm not rich. Not by any stretch of the imagination. My husband and I make just enough to support our only child, and even that's with the assistance of food stamps. It'd be terribly irresponsible of us to try to have another child right now.
And there's also the issue of actual pregnancy. I've been pregnant three times now. The first two resulted in a miscarriage around 12 weeks. My final pregnancy that resulted in my son was horrible. I was violently sick from the time I woke up till the time I went to bed for seven months straight. I lost over fifty pounds during that time period, developed bleeding ulcers, and my hair fell out. I had to quit my job because I was physically unable to get up and go to work most mornings. My boy was fat and healthy, though. He was nine and a half pounds when he was born.Right now I use the Mirena implant. It's due to be removed in November this year. I plan on getting my tubes tied that day. If we ever find ourselves in a better financial situation, my husband and I plan to either foster or adopt any future children.
@the_rocking_of_socks@xanga - i didnt know you had a child! cool! you just looked so young. i shouldn't have assumed though. i was very young when i had my daughter too.
good for you. i feel the same way. i would love to adopt or foster care for some children if i ever got married. i already was a single mother for very long, and even though i loved it, i can't see myself getting pregnant again. my pregnancy was hell like yours was too - every day. i think i would need a stronger support system if i was to do consider enduring that again. lol
@the_rocking_of_socks@xanga - i also didnt know you had miscarriages. i am so sorry =/ HUGS
@YouToMe@xanga - Lol, I'm 28. My boy just turned four a few months ago.
@the_rocking_of_socks@xanga - no way! i figured you for early 20's! only in looks though. you seem a lot wiser/smarter than what i thought your age was
@YouToMe@xanga - D'awwwww
My little girl is 5 months old now i cant imagine not having her! Im planning on getting an iud whenever my body decides its ready, brestfeeding is delaying my cycle which is fine with me! We definitely dont want another baby for at least 2-4 years. However if a normal vaginal birth is not an option for me (had a c section after failed forced induction) then im definitely done. If i can even carry a pregnancy that is since csections can cause sterility and other lovely risks. I cant willingly put myself through that kind of pain again and major surgery. If i were to have another i will refuse induction untill im past 42 weeks, unless there is a real medical condition putting me or baby at risk. I was healthy and doing great so was my little one and my body was progressing getting ready for labor, because of scheduling they pushed me to induce. It was the most tramatic painful expirence of my life, and it will not go that way again unless it is the only option. We wanted a natural vaginal water birth, i ended up with every intervention there is and a c section. Makes me wonder if i had just gone midwife and homebirth like i originally planned if it would have gone the way we wanted. Dont let your family and fear push you into a decision when it comes to labor and birth.
This is how you decide. You must offer a she-goat to the vestal virgins. They will sacrifice it before the fire alter of cities patron god. Then they will inspect the entrails of the she goat and tell you if the gods wish you should have more kids or not.
I hope this helps.
if your not sure, that says it all. this is one decision you have tobe 100% about. and i think its very practical and good to look at your age, health, financial situation and yea... you deserve a life as well! and im gona go on the IUD.the non hormonal one. i hate the idea of putting hormones into my body!
I knew I was done when I decided I wanted to carry a small purse and not a giant diaper bag full of everyone's "stuff". I wanted a smaller car, to get rid of the stroller, to take vacations and play with my kids instead of being home bound or carting a baby around. When my youngest was born (almost 5 now) I found myself coveting every minute of her baby stages. She is still very much my baby and I am content with that. I'm content with my three kids and looking forward to the future; moving past the baby stages. Sometimes I do look at my friends' new babies and miss mine, but I'm good with holding them and handing them back. I'm good with sleeping through the night and most def good with my little teeny tiny purse.
I had two sons. People pestered me about trying again for a girl, but I was happy with my sons. We used condoms before. I decided to try a diaphragm after my first child was born.
I ended up in the emergency room. It turned out that I was allergic to latex. There's nothing like heading in to the hospital where you work and having your colleagues giggle at you because they think you don't know how to use your diaphragm. I was swollen to the point that they had to call for an instrument tray from surgery (even better since that was the unit I worked in). Oh well, at least I was able to tell them what tray they'd need. It took an hour to deliver the dreadful thing.
We went back to non latex condoms. After I weaned the babies I went on oral contraceptives. They work for me.
I had several issues with my 1st pregnancy and my 2nd was smoother, but I knew it was going to be several years before I was sure that I was absolutely done, so I opted for the IUD. So far, I'm completely pleased with 2 children and only rarely consider a 3rd, but I'm almost 99% sure that we are done having children and might make it permanent when my IUD is scheduled to come out.
I do consider a tubal but at the same time, not having a period is so nice, might just opt for another IUD... decisions decisions!