Monday, 23 January 2012
No matter how much control you prefer to have over situations, you can't control every aspect of your pregnancy. While I certainly knew this to be fact, it hit me on a whole new level today.
With how uplifting my love is for you, today it makes my heart ache. At about 10:00am, I felt an unusual pain in my uterus. Between the violent shaking of your body and the contracting of my uterus, I was scared. Upon doing a bit of research, many women have described this feeling the same way I had... a seizure. Shortly after, I contacted a friend of mine who's daughter has a neurological disorder and is prone to seizures. This friend described experiencing the same thing while her daughter was in utero.
I called the doctor's office just to be safe and was told to go to the emergency room immediately.
Upon arrival, they filled out my paperwork rather quickly and sent me off to the maternity ward where I was hooked up to monitors. They checked your heart rate and fetal movement for almost two hours and sent me home with strict instructions to return immediately when (or if) it happens again. After speaking with the nurse in the emergency room about the sensation I was feeling, she came to a similar conclusion as I... seizure.
I'm scared for you. I can't concentrate on anything but your development. All day I have wondered if there was something I could have done differently. From the time your father and I started trying to conceive, I have made sure to keep as healthy as possible. I drink about 70-80 ounces of water per day and I only drink water. I do not smoke, nor do I put myself in situations where I will be surrounded by smoke. I stopped drinking all alcoholic beverages once we started trying to conceive. I eat well balanced meals, take my vitamins daily, and exercise often (although not every day). My sweet baby boy, is there something I have done wrong?
While I know there is a large possibility you could be a very happy healthy child, your father and I have come to the conclusion that we can only hope for the best but expect the worst.
I wish I could look into your eyes and tell you how much we already love you. No matter what the situation is, I will always take care of you and love you unconditionally. But until you are in my arms, I will continue to care for you the best way I know how.
What did I do wrong?