Sunday, 06 September 2009
Well it’s back to school season. As I was helping my younger sister prepare for going back to school, she bought to my attention that some of her beloved educators will not be returning this year due to budget cuts. This of course puts a strain on the school. It means a higher student to teacher ratio, which usually means more uneducated, pregnant, drug using teenagers running around. I have a proposed solution to this problem…
I think that we should adopt a one child policy like China. Except I don’t mean that you can only have one child. You can have as many children as you want, go ahead and do it like bunnies. I think we should just have a ONE EDUCATED CHILD policy.
Yes that’s right.
I think that families should start investing all their resources into one educated child. If you send only one child to school it does many things.
One, you will only have to check one kid’s homework, therefore saving time. Two, you will only have to go back to school shopping for one child, therefore saving money. Three, teachers will have less children to deal with, which means less work for them, which means that they will have the time to find good wives and husbands, therefore decreasing the chance that they will sleep with your child. Four, the whole sibling rivalry thing will become extinct, as the other children will not have to fight for attention, they will automatically know you don’t love them as much. There is just an infinite number of reasons to do this that will take too much time to discuss.
What to do with those other, uneducated kids? That is a good question. You should turn them into slaves. You can have one child do the housekeeping, one do the cooking, and another do prostitution on the side to bring in some extra income. And if all else fails, you should just send them off to China. The Chinese are very skilled in the art of figuring out what to do with unwanted children.
Yes, this is a great idea. I am personally going to write to Obama and ask him to put a rush on it. If I hurry, maybe he can approve it before the upcoming school year; you know he is soooo efficient. That way if he passes it, my sister can stay home all day and clean, as I am clearly the more valuable child.
This is soo much easier than asking for more money to pay for the educators of our future. C’mon asking for more money for education is beginning to sound like a broken record. And questioning why they can find billions of dollars to build new stadiums in NYC for our sports teams, and yet have no money for teachers seems like I am betraying my precious Yankees. And I do not want to do that. I spent hours staring at ARod’s bum, obviously that means more than my sister’s education; after all this new plan benefits me anyway.
Yup, this is how we should solve this. Yup…