Wednesday, 06 March 2013

• Natural Childbirth is For the Birds!

  
  Surprisingly Cheerful Just After Delivery

  Yesterday was The Big Day for the arrival of our fourth and final child. 
  

  My scheduled induction was at 6 a.m. So, of course, I couldn't sleep past about 4 a.m. Contractions had also kept me up about once an hour, so I started the day very, very tired. 
  

  I was hooked up to pitocin around 7 a.m.
  I got an epidural around 8 a.m. 
  My Doctor broke my water at about 8:45 a.m.
  
  This is when the contractions got a lot worse and I discovered that the "sidedness" of my epidural actually meant it WASN'T WORKING. Curses. I laid on my side and pushed my little pain meds button every 10 minutes hoping it would start working. Unfortunately, there must have been some kind of anatomical issue and the drugs just couldn't move over to my right side at all. And the right-sided pain slowly eclipsed the lack of pain on the left side.
  

  CURSES AGAIN.

  I had the nurse check me at 9:45 a.m. and I was already at 8 cm! Her prediction was that the baby would be out in about 30 minutes, which meant there was just not enough time to redo the epidural. And from my previous childbirth experience, it is really hard to get the epidural in during those nasty full-bore pitocin contractions.
  

  So, I waited it out. And moaned. And breathed. And made all those noises laboring women make. I made it to 10 cm in about 15 or 20 minutes (THANK GOD) and got Grey out by 10:16 a.m.
  

  Fast, yes. Painful, OH GOD YES! EverythingeverythingEVERYTHING hurts more without Fentanyl circulating in your epidural space, bathing those spinal nerves into blissed out oblivion: contractions, pushing, the baby coming out, passing the afterbirth, rolling over, walking, peeing... IT'S ALL WORSE. 
  

  So now, I can state will the full confidence of actual experience: Take the drugs.
  

  NOTE: I still fully respect and support your choice to have whatever kind of delivery you want - at home, at the hospital, with drugs or without drugs, induced or natural, in the water, out of the water, whatever your heart desires!  After yesterday, though, I think I am fully convinced you are crazy for wanting the pain.
  

  The unexpected mental trauma of full PAINBIRTH, combined with the lingering crankiness of the miserableness of the last few days of pregnancy, made me extremely antisocial, which is why the few phone calls I made were very short and Joel made all the rest of them. So if I didn't call you, it's because I didn't feel like talking.
  

  After the kids left, it was a quiet afternoon. Joel ran interference for me with the Denizens of the constantly busy World Of The Hospital and I did get some uninterrupted sleep (*gasp*).
  

  But around 3:30 p.m. I started to feel like I was bleeding more than normal. A lot more than normal. One should simply not describe normal post partem bleeding with the word "gushing." The assistant nurse was changing my pads and checking my uterus around 4 p.m. when suddenly, she shrieked and hopped back a little. A splattering gush of blood spurted out of me!
  

  Things went downhill quickly. They got me up to see if I could pee (I'd already accomplished this Very Important Task once successfully right after I got to the room) and I got to the little bedside potty and sat down and then all of a sudden, I was on the bed feeling like I'd woken up from a long sleep with freaky weird dreams and the nurses were saying, "Wake up, Eva, wake up!" 

  I think that's the first time I've ever fainted. It was very disconcerting and another thing I don't recommend.
  

  Then began a long several hours of nurses pushing (HARD) and prodding my abdomen to try and get things out and to see if my uterus was shrinking down like it was supposed to. And IT HURT. It hurt really bad on top of a lot of unexpected, undesired pain that morning. And I cried. As Eowyn used to say, "I cried A YOT." Like, really sobbing crying. Because they just kept hurting me and all the percocet did was make it so I couldn't actually sleep when I had a chance to close my eyes and curl up in a fetal position. Percocet gives me weird auditory hallucinations and bizarre half-waking dreams, and I thought I'd stick to naproxen, but the constant pushing on my abdomen broke me. And I took it against my better judgment.
  

  So, anyway, percocet = worthless freaky-dream candy. Gushing blood continues. I got a shot in the rear to try and make my uterus contract more. That didn't fix anything, either. FINALLY, the doctor showed up and I think the quiet despair in my crying touched her heart and she looped me out with a double dose of morphine analogue through my IV.
  

  Of course, she looped me out with the morphine after she'd squeezed out the fist-sized clot that was causing all the trouble.
  

  She also gave me a lovely rectal suppository to cause more painful uterine-shrinking contractions, but luckily at that point (see: powerful morphone analogue, double dose, above) I was beyond feeling or even caring a whole lot about what I did still manage to feel.
  

  
  Sweet Boy
  He helped his mommy by not wanting to eat at all yesterday
  while she spent the evening crying and bleeding
  

  It was all fairly anticlimactic after that, as the bleeding finally became a lighter version of a gush.
  

  Summary of the Drugs I took yesterday:
  

  • Pitocin - IV
    
  • Fentanyl - epidural
    
  • Naproxen - oral
    
  • Robitussin - oral
    
  • Percocet - oral
    
  • Dilaudid - IV
    
  • Methergine - gluteal shot
    
  • Cytotec - rectal suppository
    

  Between all those, sucking on cough drops all morning and barely eating, NO WONDER my stomach was upset.
  

  There was one more confrontation that evening when I very firmly became a non-compliant patient and refused to be catheterized even though I hadn't peed on my own in 6 hours. I HATE being catheterized and had already been twice that day and was at my limit of painful intrusions into (and out of) my body.
  

  After being told very firmly "No, you will not catheterize me because the reason I am not peeing is not because I can't but because there is nothing in my bladder," the poor sweet nurse who was only trying to do her job called the doctor, who came up with the excellent plan of giving me a bag of fluid to get my blood and bladder volumes up. I also drank a bunch of water/etc and SURPRISE SURPRISE an hour later at 1 a.m. I had to pee like a racehorse.

  And did.

  Without fainting.

  Although I was pretty tinny-eared and woozy by the time I laid back down three minutes later.
  

  After 2 middle-of-the-night snickers bars, 2 meals and lots of water, juice and milk, I was finally able to get up without feeling light headed this afternoon. Grey had a great nursing session at 5 a.m. and another 2 good ones today. Nana flew in 15 minutes ago. Dinner should be here in an hour or so. I think I may even take a shower this evening. THINGS ARE LOOKING UP.
  

  And my sweet eldest daughter painted some amazing pictures to share with me:
  

  
  Top: Who Loves You Eowyn Ash Hazal Momo (pronounced Mama) Dade, bordered by Grey's baby hats
  Bottom L: Watching Grey get his bath
  Bottom R: A drawing of Grey for Katkat to take to Papaw so Papaw can see what Grey looks like
  (Do you like his hat?)
  

  We go home tomorrow. I am slowly feeling better and more sociable.
  

  And THAT is the long version.
  
  
  
  

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  • 8:50 AM
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