Friday, 01 February 2013
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Infertility -vs- Baby Boom Or Bust
A family friend recently announced her fifth pregnancy on Facebook in a cute way. She had her daughter paint a picture of seven snow people and underneath, she wrote the family's last name. I guess a lot of people didn't count the snow people or didn't realize the seventh one meant a baby is on the way, because my friend had to explain the significance of the picture to everyone.A woman I don't know left the following comment on the snow people picture: "Welcome to the baby boom of 2013! LOL." An ultrasound picture of a baby's head was this woman's profile pic. My guess is? She is expecting, too.
I rolled my eyes, cringed, and giggled when I read the comment. I giggled because babies, baby bumps, and birth announcements are cute. I cringed because I am not pregnant. I rolled my eyes because the woman's comment sounded too cheerful, too naive, and too stupid to my aching heart. Her choice of words, "baby boom," makes me think she knows nothing about infertility. My bitter and cynical half thinks she must ASSUME all women can become pregnant on their own. I wasn't part of the "baby boom" of 2010, 2011 and 2012.
This ultrasound picture of my nephew, Noah James, is the coolest one ever!
A co-worker/friend of mine turned 50 and became a grandmother for the first time last year. I enjoy looking at her pictures of her grandson. He has blonde hair and big blue eyes! I seriously think he could be a baby model. I mention my friend's age because her struggle with infertility is very similar to mine. When she was around my age (27) she endured several rounds of Clomid while struggling with her weight. She likes to remind me of my age and the ticking clock. I've told her that my doctor probably won't put me on Clomid until I lose more weight and my cycles become regular again.
She insists that I should drive down to Mexico and purchase the Clomid myself without my doctor's approval. We live two hours away from the border and many people cross over to Palomas for the cheap medicine and doctor visits. Every now and then she will ask me for an update on progress in the baby making department. Maybe she stopped asking so much because I've had nothing to report. I'm still taking weight loss pills and I haven't attempted a visit to Palomas.Ever since she shared her story with me I've been finding all kinds of articles, blogs and comments on the controversy of overweight women receiving fertility treatments. I've been told by several doctors that I should/need to lose weight before I (can?) conceive a child, but I've never been denied fertility treatment because of my size. Well, I should say I've mentioned Clomid to my family practitioner the last two times I've seen her and she says I should concentrate on losing weight first. I haven't pushed her to prescribe it to me, but should I? How much weight do I need to lose before she'll prescribe it? What do I need to weigh to be considered healthy enough to pursue fertility treatments? Every woman is different. I just get worried when I think of my co-worker and the fact that she only had one child with the help of Clomid.
Is time running out for me?Should Overweight Women Be Denied Fertility Treatments?
Now, this is controversial.
The Montreal Gazette is reporting that the nation’s top fertility experts believe that heavy-set women should lose some pounds before looking into in-vitro fertilization treatment. Discussions will begin this week as to whether to keep obese women from receiving the treatments.
The Canadian Fertility and Andrology Society, which recommends standards for Canada's fertility doctors, are hosting a debate on the issue in Toronto over the weekend to answer the question of whether a woman of a certain Body Mass Index (BMI) should be banned from getting in-vitro fertilization.
Doctors say there is an increased health risk that women have with a BMI higher than 35 (which depending on your height can range from 167 lbs–287 lbs) while trying to get pregnant and keeping the weight down to help reduce complications. Saturday’s debate moderator, Dr. Al Yuzpe said “Woman who are obese, they have a higher risk for miscarriage, lower conception rate, gestational diabetes, a whole lot of complications. If they require a C–Section, it’s more difficult on an obese patient.”
In British Columbia, where Yuzpe practices, doctors at a non-hospital clinic are not allowed to perform egg retrievals in women with a BMI over 38. The debate is not the health risks however. The debate is over whether denying obese women IVF treatment is discrimination. But obesity specialist, Dr. Arya Sharma of the University of Alberta stated, “It’s not discrimination if the health risks are real.”
Banning obese women from getting IVF treatment is not a new practice. The practice has been recommended by the British Fertility Society as well as by medical associations in New Zealand and Sweden.
Almost every woman wants to be a mother someday. Is it wrong to deny them the right due to their weight? Or is Dr. Sharma correct in saying that if the risks are real, then there's no discrimination?
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About the Author
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- From: JamieRaeBearCollector@xanga
- Name: JamieRaeBearCollector
- Location: Silver City, New Mexico, United States
- About Me: "My goal is that they may be encouraged..." Colossians 2:2 Dr. Cline and I have been married since 2008 and have been TTC since the spring of 2010. I am the proud parent of three furbabies, a black and white cat named Aquinas, a black Chihuahua named Bridget and a red and white English Cocker named Katniss. On 3/21/13 we found out that I am pregnant with our first child. Higgy Baby is due on 11/23/13. We are surprised, shocked, overwhelmed and joyous over this unexpected miracle! This child is a miracle because I have PCOS, am obese and only have half a reproductive system. My one remaining ovary has two cysts on it.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 2 Views: 0 3525 Comments: 0 39 View all posts by JamieRaeBearCollector@xanga
Comments (27)
I am seeing a ton of Facebook pictures of pregnant bellies and baby announcements lately. I was pregnant three times, and super excited, but lost each one, in May, July, and December. It sucks, especially when I see unwed teen mothers on my FB posting pictures.
I think they should shut up and do the in-vitro for whoever wants it. Why do they care? As long as they tell the mother all of the risks, and even advise her to lose weight first, it is her decision. They don't tell obese women not to TTC naturally, so they shouldn't try to stop her from doing IVF.
If the government is helping fund the healthcare system (or funding it outright), then they have the right to dictate the terms under which that healthcare is provided, which includes prohibiting certain groups of people from obtaining a medical procedure that is fundamentally elective, not a necessary medical procedure to save your life. Furthermore, this is not done out of malice towards overweight women but rather done with health concerns cited... health concerns which can cause additional stress to the government-funded healthcare system.
You don't want them to tell you what to do? Get the government out of funding healthcare, simple.
It's not really any different from a company that provides a "Terms of Use" along with a service or product they offer to customers.
Also... adoption, anyone? If it is so important that you must satisfy your motherly instincts, then consider adopting one of the many unwanted children that inhabit the foster care system.
Its not like overweight people don't get pregnant. It's not just skinny people that make babies. Trust me, I knew some people from my old job that conceived and/or had a baby even though they were pretty big.
At the same time, I think your doctor is doing what doctors are supposed to do. I think she's looking out for your health. It does seem like there is a higher risk of complications if you're not at a healthy weight. I don't know what your weight is and all that, but if this doctor wants you to get down to a size 0 or something before getting fertility treatments, maybe see another doctor. Being super skinny doesn't seem to be healhty either.
Do what you feel is best for you AND your future baby, and good luck.
Talking about a baby boom isn't being insensitive about infertility, and it doesn't mean she doesn't know anything about infertility. You're just being overly sensitive. She's not being stupid or naive. You're being jealous and resenting her for being pregnant. I'd say that's just as likely to be stupid as her being happy about her pregnancy. I feel terrible for women who are having a hard time conceiving, but they are childish to hold it against women who aren't. I understand that it hurts, and I would understand having thoughts like this. But it's really hypocritical to expect other people not to be happy about their pregnancies just because you are unhappy with your lack of pregnancy.
You are being a bit unrealistic here.
1) Your complaint about our inconsideration for your condition is like someone that is allergic to sunlight (yes, they exist) complaining about people posting pictures of their day at the beach. If the general populace had to be concerned for each and every single condition out there, we'd have no fun at all because there's always someone that will be left out.
2) The people in the medical are doing what they feel is in the best interest for all parties. If it is high risk and low chance of success, then of course they won't recommend it. They aren't doing it because they hate fat people. And the fact that you're considering going down to Mexico to buy unprescribed meds indicates that you might be irresponsible.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - Adopting is not that easy. And wanting a baby is not only about satisfying motherly instincts. There are endless problems that come with any choice- IVF, surrogacy, adopting.. Your comment was pretty rude.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - ha ha if only it were that easy to adopt! (and yes, Im a fostermum who adopted a year ago and doing it again so I know the process).
I say do what you have to do.
Im not desperate to have my own baby, so Im not going to go through all the IVF/fertility treatments. I believe if its in God's plan for me to conceive, then I will. If not, I have been blessed with 11 amazing foster babies, 1 of which we adopted and are working on adopting our 2nd.
Stay strong and have faith. You're in my thoughts and I hope good things come for you!
Your story is truly touching because i've known many couples who were unable to have children.
If you are unable to get invitro, I would consider adopting.
I would consider asking your doctor more questions. Maybe ask how much weight you have to lose? What the chances of you getting pregnant are once you've had the help of Chlomid? Etc.
I really hope that everything works out for you.
@LondonsMommy - I never said adopting is easy. But just because adopting is difficult, does not mean you have the right to impose a health risk that the taxpayers have to foot for an ELECTIVE surgery, considering the fact that the government is supporting the bill (and by extension, the taxpayers).
Now if we were talking about an emergency surgery that was intended to save your life, that is another matter altogether. But this is not an emergency. Your DESIRE to experience pregnancy does not supersede the rights of taxpayers to see that their hard-earned money is not squandered on healthcare problems that could have been avoided. That is the nature of the social contract in which you partake when you have a publicly funded healthcare system.
And if you find it "rude" to have it pointed out to you that your individual rights in this instance do not trump the common good, that is something you will have to deal with. I wish you well in that regard.
@LadyGwenivere@xanga - I never said it was easy to adopt. My argument is that in a public healthcare system, your desires for lifestyle do not supersede the common good when it comes to maximizing healthcare services for the people who actually NEED it. IVF is NOT a necessary surgery - it is elective. And additionally, in the case of overweight women, it has a risk of creating additional health hazards that can, in turn, cause stress on the government healthcare system by forcing the government to pay for emergency surgeries and other issues that arise as a result of the irresponsibility of said mothers.
It is absolutely critical to realize the risks some women face when they refuse to take the necessary steps to lose weight in order to carry out a pregnancy. My morbidly obese mother in law had 8 miscarriages. The fetus, actually drinks amniotic fluid that contains chromosomes that are linked to the obese situation, therefore, making the risk of the child becoming obese more likely. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Get the government funding if you qualify, lose the weight, and do what needs to be done. If you really want to, you'd do this and not complain. If you don't want to discipline yourself, look into adoption. One look into a sweet baby's eyes, and you'll fall in love. Adopting isn't always hard. My brother and his wife had their baby seven months after application, simply from writing letters to the bio mother, and that child is now a band teacher in Montana, having benefited from two parents who could raise her, and send her to college. Figure out what you really want, and deal with it.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - I am not very familiar with the healthcare laws in Canada. Can she purchase her own health insurance? It's really not fair for the general public to decide what type of treatments she should be allowed to receive.
Actually it says her location is New Mexico, so what's the problem? I'm confused.
@LondonsMommy - You'll have to look into the healthcare laws in Canada yourself as I am not intimately familiar with them. But to my knowledge, most forms of elective surgery and cosmetic surgery are not covered under the public-funded aspects of Canadian healthcare as they are not considered "essential care." Satisfying an overweight mother's desire for pregnancy is not an essential care, especially when those medical resources could be used to help people who ACTUALLY need such care for life-saving treatment, and ESPECIALLY considering the health risks involved with providing said overweight mother with the IVF treatment.
"It's really not fair for the general public to decide what type of treatments she should be allowed to receive."
It's really not fair for someone to engage in an elective surgery that poses health risks which can put her back in the hospital on the public dime. In other words, it's not fair in a public healthcare system for someone to place their desire for pregnancy above the needs of the common good. Having a desire to be pregnant is not a sacred right that is worth diverting resources away from legitimate, life-threatening problems other people have.
"Actually it says her location is New Mexico, so what's the problem? I'm confused."
There is no problem, except in the eyes of those who think their right to be pregnant supersedes the interests of the public good in a public healthcare setting such as Canada.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - This public healthcare stuff seems pretty shitty. And what I meant was if she is in New Mexico she won't have public healthcare.
@LondonsMommy - Well, that's public healthcare for ya. And in this case she brought up the issue of banning overweight mothers in Canada's system as a point of discussion for the post. She doesn't have to live there in order to do that.
i tried to read most of this, but toward the end I ended up skimming. a few points though;
1) motherhood(and while we're at it, fatherhood) is not a right. motherhood has requirements/prerequisites. putting aside adoption for the moment, motherhood requires that you become "fertilized" in some way; there was a time when this meant that it required sex. sex would first require at least an attraction, and if the goal of the sex is a child hopefully love or else i pity the child the home they would grow up in. this means that women who are considered unattractive for any reason could be denied what you call a right, not by doctors but by the opposite gender at large.
unless you can force someone to love you enough to want to have a child with you, you can't correctly call it a right though. now, given the tone of your piece it seems you do already have someone who loves and cares about you which puts you ahead of a LOT of people, even many who have children.
2) there is as @QuantumStorm@xanga - always adoption. instead of using vast amounts of money to put your health at risk and potentially another life whose health would be at risk, why not take in a child that would otherwise grow up rejected, neglected and alone and meet not only your own desires, but someone else's needs? there is a point where this frantic need for genetic reproduction of one's self becomes stupidly selfish. sure, unless you're one of those rare cases that adopts from the womb you won't get to see all the cutsie BS like sonograms of the child's every development, cliquey stories like what it was like to have an epidural and OMG the amenities of that hospital... but, what you will have is the opportunity to positively change an entire life that already exists and discover a whole new world of people and sub-culture you probably never knew were around, all with their own cliquey storied of the adoption process and being an adoptive family.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - @iones_island@xanga - Yes, there is always adoption and pretty much everyone struggling to have a child is aware of that, but when someone is going through so much emotional pain and turmoil trying to have a biological child, it is INCREDIBLY insensitive to bring it up.
@Persiankitty@xanga - Emotional pain and turmoil do not justify reallocating resources away from more important healthcare issues. I can assure you that there are people going through emotional pain and turmoil as a result of dealing with cancer, or waiting for an organ transplant, or a whole host of other issues. I would consider those things to be of a higher priority than someone who insists on experiencing pregnancy. If that is insensitive to say, so be it because it is just as insensitive to think that one's need to experience pregnancy is equal to or greater than the needs of others dealing with serious, life-threatening illnesses.
@iones_island@xanga - Amen. Though I would also point out that the existence of sperm banks can circumvent the need for a partner, but that's a minor point. And you are absolutely right in pointing out that there are times where the desire to engage in reproduction can transcend into selfishness.
@Persiankitty@xanga - meh.. no more insensitive than it is to whine about not having a child when there are millions of children without parents. or for women to whine and bitch about how there are no good men available when they treat good men like trash and worship abusers, or to... insert any other person who whines about something they could easily rectify just because they see the solution as "second best" at best.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - "Though I would also point out that the existence of sperm banks can circumvent the need for a partner," which is why i said "there was a time when".... i fully acknowledge that anonymous sperm donors and turkey basters circumvent the need for women to be attractive, my point was that at one time it was necessary and billions of women have been denied this so called "right" on the basis of attractiveness alone because they lacked the requisite partnership.
@iones_island@xanga - Ah okay, gotcha.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - I'm not talking about healthcare resources or any of that stuff. My point had nothing to do with that. I'm just saying women in that position are already well aware of the options so there's no need to bring up a specific option and rub it in their faces and make an already painful situation that much worse.
@Persiankitty@xanga - How is bringing up adoption worse? You act as though adopted kids are somehow inferior to kids that are genetically related to you. How is adoption an inferior option to demanding the "right" to experience pregnancy even if it means stressing the healthcare system and your own well-being?
I think it may depend on the weight. I don't know if you mean like 20 pounds overweight or 100 pounds. And also, the bmi scale doesn't always account for everything. I think there is the fear of diabetes for the child and other things, but I wonder if thy are critical to women who are underweight since that doesn't seem safe for having a child too. I have heard it is harder to get pregnant with more weight on someone. I'm not sure if miscarriage risk goes up either.
@QuantumStorm@xanga - Ive been over weight my whole life, so I know the health concerns all too well.
I can understand the desperate desire to have your own baby... i totally get it, heck Ive been there..And I know women who want it so bad that they are not in a healthy mindspace to adopt. You cannot adopt a baby in hopes to fill your desire for a baby, because if you do then that baby you adopt (if you are lucky enough to get an infant) you are setting yourself up for all sorts of issues.
I would suggest counseling before considering adoption. (by "you" i am talking about women struggling with infertility, not you specifically)
Now to the OP I have a question about the whole obesity... Are we talking obese as in 400lbs or obese according to the BMI? I do not agree with the BMI, I think its completely outdated.
If several doctors have told you that it's too risky for you to undergo fertility treatments and IVF at your current weight, maybe you should listen to them. The risks you listed in your post are very real concerns, not just excuses to "deny" you a chance at motherhood. And your friends are not being insensitive, they're just happy about their new addition to their family. It's really no different than somebody telling a friend about the new job they've gotten, when their friend has been unemployed for several months. It might sting a little, but suck it up and be excited with them.
If you need to be a mother THAT badly, go to your family services office and ask them about the process in becoming a foster parent. It could eventually lead to adopting a child that you could love as your own.
Also, all the pills in the world aren't going to help you lose weight unless you change your lifestyle, as well. I notice you didn't mention any diets or exercise regimens. But if the only thing you're relying on is a little pill while continuing to shovel food in your face while your ass is firmly planted on the couch, you will never get the result that you want.