Thursday, 31 January 2013
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I Am the Product of Teen Parenthood
I am the product of teen parenthood.
This statement alone creates both stereotypes of who my parents were, and who I am or who I will be. I feel as though it is unfair; but as unfair as I deem it to be, there will always be crude commentaries made about groups of people (any people) who fall away from the status quo.My mother had four children, all before she was 22. We lived on welfare for most of my childhood, her own money going towards my father's drug addiction and later her own addictions when they separated. My sister raised us, an angel at 14. She started working young so that we could eat, have clothes, and survive. She taught us resilience. Our mother taught us patience. Our father? He taught us abstinence.
As far deep as my mother falls into the stereotype (more than one father for her children, welfare case, children also as teen parents, poverty), I will still dispute any argument. I will still defend my livelihood and the way in which I lived. Every time someone says a teen mother "can't," I'm belting out "why not?"
Recently, my girlfriend brought up this stereotype, referring to a "lesser breed" almost. Putting teen parents in a category with welfare cases and drug addicts, making them all seem unworthy, unwanted, and useless. As if they couldn't achieve what any other person could. I know she meant no harm, but I remember arguing with her, reminding her that I am one of those children! That I came from one of those homes. She said, "well obviously I don't mean you, you're so intelligent." I retorted, "I'm one of them, regardless of intelligence. I still come from that impoverished home, that struggle for food, that "trashy" label. I am no more than they are, and you are no better just because you had educated parents." Our debate ended with her apologizing for stereotyping. I still correct her every time I catch her passing judgement.
I grew up with friends giving me their pudding at lunch in bulk so that I had a meal to last me the rest of the day. I still slur and mispronounce words that most people say just fine, because my parents weren't well-educated. I am still teased about it, but I wouldn't change that fact about myself. The children from families with less, learn love before money. They learn survival and strength before algebra and physics. We could be perfectly happy with nothing; because it's all we've ever known. I constantly tell people that I would be happy with a shack in the woods and nothing but a girl to love and a pillow to sleep on. No BMW, fancy house, or mounds of money could buy me that kind of happy.
Do you feel like stereotypes are too often brought into real-life? Do you find yourself angered by this? Upset even a little? Do you fall into one of these stereotypes? If so, do you catch and stop people when they use them?
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About the Author
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- From: BreakingArizona@xanga
- Name: BreakingArizona
- About Me: Wow, so obviously I'm going to assume someone is actually interested in knowing me. To be blunt, which happens to be one of my greatest assets - The only thing you need to know about me is that I love to write, especially when it comes to voicing my own opinions. I like Honesty.
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Comments (15)
Honestly, I never thought of the stereotype of teen parents and their families in a negative light. I guess it's because I was having sex so young that I always figured it could have been me or my friends, as it happened to my best friend and several other close friends. Most of us were not "lower class" (I hate to utter that term as it implies lack of money makes you somehow lower than others) or incompetent and went to the same Christian school, lol. It just meant that the condom broke or that they were caught up in a moment. It happens to rich teens, it happens to poor teens. I guess I figured a good amount of children of teens went to live with their grandparents or at least, were watched a good amount of the time by them or close relatives. I thought of how they depended a lot on family and close friends and that was fine. We all need help from time to time.
I am glad that you are proud of who you are and your circumstances growing up. We are not our circumstances and it is not what we are, but who we are that's important.
you're amazing. i commend you for posting this online
@f5ye_angel5@xanga - Thank you, so incredibly much. I don't like to think of teen parents in a negative light because, had my parents made some other choice out of haste, fear or some other force. I wouldn't be here. I can only thank them for trying their best with what they had.
I so appreciate this! My mother was not a teen parent though I am. I believe to this day that we're fine. I have a GED but I make enough for us to live and be happy. We have no lavish house, but we have a home. We have no fancy car, but what we do have I worked hard to pay for. By myself. I have received welfare, I do not live off of it. The world is what you make of it and I plan to raise my children in a home environment that deems things aren't what you are, YOU are who you are.
Thank you for posting this! I personally believe that some teen parents are better mothers and fathers than some of the people that wait to have children until they are in their late 20's or early 30's. Yes, some recieve welfare but everyone needs help at some point in their life.
I am not a teen parent. I had my son when I was 20. I do get people giving me dirty looks just because I look younger than I am. I have been harrassed a few times by random strangers saying that my son will never amount to anything because I had him at such a yong age. It hurts, not gonna lie. When I was pregnant my great uncle told me that I'm ruining my life and I should have gotten an abortion. I've lost a lot of my family for being a young, unwed mother. I wouldn't go back and change anything though. My son is my world and I tell him that every single day. We may not have everything but we have what we need. He has toys, clothes, food, diapers, and everything else he could need at this age. He's happy and healthy and will know that love is more important than money.
I am most definitely not a fan of stereotypes. I can't understand why some people have the need to judge others for their position in life. Besides, it is unfair to judge all teen parents, or women whose children have multiple fathers and categorize in the same manner. We don't know all the facts about a person. Just because a person who was a teen parent, or have children fathered by more than 1 dad, that does not make them a person of a lesser type. I don't think more or less of people of these criteria, I just think we're all different. It is also not a smart choice to make assumptions about others. I prefer to worry about the needs of my family and I, rather than getting my nose in other people's business.
Respect!
I know a saintly young men, 20 years old, whose parents had him when they were 15 and 17. They got married and have had a few other kids over the years, and they struggled for a while. My point is, he is the best man I know, and he is the product of teen parenthood. It's so beautiful! Ever since meeting him and hearing his story, I never, ever judge teen parents anymore as "unfit" or "unworthy" or whatever else people might say. It's not about at what age a person has kids; it's about the person's heart and courage to do such a difficult thing. And even those with tremendous courage fall into bad circumstances, so really, I don't like to ever blame a parent for being a "bad" parent.
My mom had me when she was 16 and my sister when she was 19. She worked 2 jobs to support us and my dad was in the Marines. In my opinion we had a great childhood. We had a big, supportive family. My mom was always loving and she always made time for us. We did fun things together, we had food on the table, and a roof over our head. Did we get everything name brand? No. But we were happy and we're still happy. My mom doesn't regret having us young because she likes that she's still young now. We shop together and even hang out. I'm very thankful for my mom and my dad. My mom has a good job and owns her own home. She NEVER used welfare or any type of government assistance. She worked her ass off and I'm a better person because of it.
i feel broken in 2 about this:im not against teen parents but im against teen supid parents.my cousin just got pregnant at 20,left school,left her home with a boy she knows for 2 months.only he works.im not against the babay im against the fact she left school depends tottally on him and they pay rent doesnt have money for nothing.im sure the baby could be the best person alive but i grew up poor and my parents beating each other.im a good person now on my own but if the pregnancy is not an accident i think we must have the best opportunities for our children since they are young.a home clothes food money to send them to school.the regular things.not be donald trump but normal people.like the author i suffered when i couldnt eat,go to school trips or have shoes of my own.they ripped my toe nails,twice, because i got a disease from the shoes i got fom other kids when i was young.so i think that you are mature enough and work hard you can have kids at any age.my applause for the author.
Me too.
why is "what society thinks i do" on there twice?
I am incredibly grateful my parents were college educated before they had children. They were buying a home, and my mother could stay home, where we had our own sandbox, swing set, tetherball, and neighborhood friends. I was grateful I could stay home with my children, both of us college educated, and in a neighborhood where all the moms were home, and we shared with one another. Our brains are still growing up until the age of 25, in some cases. Why take it out on the kids, just because the mom thinks she wants to be loved by her baby? How unfair. Yes, strength can come from all forms of situations, and yes, bad things do happen even in well educated families. I know this all too well. But I knew exactly how I wanted to raise my children, and I taught them to read, and basic math, before they went to school. A teen mom keeps the baby for herself, while an older mom decides what she can do for the child, long term. The statistics tell us how many teen moms go on to school. I realize there are those here who defied the odds, and to you, my hat it off. But you've seen the same stuff I've seen, you cannot deny it. My good friend had 4 by the time she was 18, and they've never had a supportive relationship with her, because she has never had the kind of income, or, education, to help them out when they needed it. She would up having 7, with 5 fathers, and lived on minimum wage, so none of them saw a dentist, rarely saw a doctor, and basically cared for themselves. I love her so much, and she's a different lady now, my age, in her 60's, but none of her kids got any education, and she laments most of her decisions. I'm just saying, if you are a teen, think long and hard about the baby, not you. You can still see the baby, and have a relationship, with an open adoption, and still go to school.
@pretty_inx_plaid@xanga - HAHA I never noticed that.
@Kuai_le1010@xanga - @f5ye_angel5@xanga - @BreakingArizona@xanga - @xllxo0o_0_Kara_0_o0oxllx@xanga - @Lost_Innocence09@xanga - @babybug329@xanga - @babybug329@xanga - @aclvsh@xanga - @scrittore@xanga - @thisis_endless@xanga - @cherylee333@xanga - @striemmy@xanga - @pretty_inx_plaid@xanga - @Pollypinks@xanga - @sarahsmurfette@xanga -
This is my hats off to all of you, for understanding, listening and respecting this post. I am not a teen parent, in fact I probably won't have children, but my parents were incredibly young and unprepared. They had no knowledge of what being a parent meant. I know they tried and I know they did what they could with what they had, and maybe they weren't the greatest and maybe I suffered and I still suffer because of it. But nonetheless, I shouldn't be defined by my parents. I have two brothers, both teen dads, both who love their daughters tremendously. They can't offer their children the world, but they can offer them love and a decent life. It's not all sparkles and perfection but love is the one thing you can't substitute no matter how old your parents are. Thanks again for reading this!