Monday, 21 January 2013
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Mismatched Priorities
I feel like I am suffocating under your overwhelming sense of self righteousness.Please keep in mind that I am caring for your children.
I wash behind their ears, kiss their little toes, and have night time rock sessions in our jammies.Money goes quickly when you have little mouths to feed. I try to do the best I can and save by using cloth diapers, making my own baby food, and cutting out all the unnecessary things in life. But the $200 you gave me two months ago didn't go very far.
When you told me you were at Best Buy installing a new stereo in your truck, I was instantly brought to tears. Not because you weren't giving me money. Because I can finally see how you have prioritized your children. I tried to make excuses for you for so long! Saying that you needed to spend a little on yourself every once in a while because you work so hard.
Love is blind.
You're their father.
You should want to provide for these babies and be the perfect male role model in their lives.
Instead? You're leaving the state, CHOOSING to live far from your children, knowing you will only see them once or twice a year.I hope she was worth it... and from the way you've been acting, you never really cared to begin with.
How will I explain to our daughter that she will not get to see her daddy every other weekend?
Let's face it, our son will completely forget about you since he's so young.No matter how I look at this and logically think this through, you have succeeded in making me feel like I'm at fault for this. It's going to take a lot of time, and possibly some counseling... but I WILL get through this. I WILL be strong for these babies. I WILL be there for them through all the hard times we will surely face in the future.
And when they tell me they love me at night when they go to bed, I will smile inside and out because I'll know I did it all on my own.
How do you co-parent with someone whose priorities don't match your own?
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About the Author
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- From: TK6927@xanga
- About Me: We have a beautiful 2 1/2 yr old daughter and one bundle on the way. Life is an adventure and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
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Comments (11)
You dont, you be the most awsome mom there is to have. My mom is raising 5 kids by herself my older bro is married in the military, Im getting my bachelors, my little bro is getting his associates, and my other two bros in middle school are making all A's; single moms rock.
my cousin is pregnant with a man i know its bad for her.she left university and her house for him.and he is a looser.this post is exactly for her.im so sorry for the babies in this post for the mother but most for the father because he is a piece of s.....i hope his children will not forgive him.i really really dont understand men like this.and you women open your eyes twice.im so so sad.
I'd like to say you attempt to compromise, but I think in your circumstance, you just don't. You do what you have to in order to take care of your children, and the hell with him. If he's anything like my dad, or even my mom, he won't realize what damage he's caused until the kids are grown and it's far too late to do anything about it.
Take legal actions. If he can't do it out of the love for his own blood. Then force him. There shouldn't be any excuse for a man to a horrible person.
Much like everyone has stated...you don't. You do the best you can for your children and live with the knowledge that he will answer to them some day. Trust me, they are far better off.
I really cannot relate to this, but I see it happening to my cousin and will just give you this: you chose him. His self righteousness would be pparent before you guys pocreated. At this point all you can do is drag him to court for child support and move on, trying to be the best parent for your children. It's just that chapter of your life. You're gonna have to get over it, his mismatched priorities, and move on. Unfortunately, if a parent doesn't want to be there they do not have to, and it sounds like the courts are your only answer.
I like how you used a good portion of this post to let your feelings out. I'm sure that was very liberating! I also liked how at the end of the post you let your confidence show. You go, girl! As far as trying to co parent with someone who has different priorities, I'd have to agree with the comments above. You really can't if he's not willing to compromise. All you can do is be the best mother you know how to be and let their dad do what he's going to do. As frustrating as it is, you can't force him to be an involved parent if he just doesn't want to be. Plus, trying to force it on him will probably just push him farther away, and it's definately not worth your time or energy. You obviously treasure your children more than anything, and they will grow up knowing how much their mother loves them and wants what's best for them. Maybe their dad will re arrange his priorities and put them higher on his list, and maybe he won't. Try thinking about it this way: It's his loss. Your children are amazing, and he's the one who'll be missing out. Chances are, the kids may have a difficult time with this situation, especially if their father doesn't ever try to make more of an effort, but all you can really do right now is take every day as it comes.
So, I just re read the post and the part where you mentioned he only gave you $200 two months ago struck me. I would never tell anyone what to do, but I know how hard it is to feel your child deserves the financial support, and daddy (or in my case, sperm donor), isn't paying you. My best advice would be to get in touch with your local Office of Recovery Services, provide them with his information, and get your ex to at least take financial responsibility for his children. Have his wages automatically garnished. Aside from the financial aspects, there is also custody to consider. I'd get in touch with a lawyer (definately find out if there are income based ones in your area like we have here in UT) just so you can have all your bases covered.
I don't think it inappropriate to write a very civil letter to your ex explaining the wonderful strides your children are making, and explaining an itemized list of what you spend on them. You can tell him you know he cannot pay for all their expenses, but that you cannot either, rationally, and that feelings between the two of you might be better if you felt like you had a little more help. Children need to see their father, and when there are raw, tender, hopeless emotions involved, they pick up the package. Is he paying child support? If not, take legal action that doesn't cost anything and have his wages garnished. Immediately. Do not fear doing this. I think I'll change my post here and suggest you do this before talking to him. If they are spending time with him during the year, and feelings are bad, perhaps a mediator from the court might be helpful. I 25 years ago I divorced the father of my children over violence and physical abuse, and after 7 months of court battles, I caved. I had custody, but he got to claim them on his taxes. He has three engineering degrees, making really outstanding money, while I was a practicing nurse, part time just then, and he paid me $250.00 for 2 kids every month, even when something disastrous occurred. The court determined he have them every weekend, and if I did not abide I would go to jail, so the kids picked up his violent outbursts instead of me. Now we are all on a talking basis with new spouses, but my children don't trust him, and resent his lack of financial support. Have your ex's wages garnered. period.
Good riddance !!!
Good luck.. your children are lucky that one of their parents is loving and responsible.
A story writes to a girl. im so sorry for the babies in this post for the mother but most for the father. Children need to see their father, and when there are raw, tender, hopeless emotions involved, they pick up the package. As frustrating as it is, you can't force him
to be an involved parent if he just doesn't want to be. Plus, trying to
force it on him will probably just push him farther away, and it's
definately not worth your time or energy.