It's only been a few days since World AIDS Day 2012. This is a day close to my heart. Allow me to start from the beginning.
My father contracted AIDS when he was in his twenties, from doing hard drugs. The kicker is that he contracted it from his best friend, because they had shared the same needle. To think, that one small decision to use a different needle, and perhaps my father would still be here to see my son grow up. Growing up, my father tried to be the best he could be, but most times he would hole up in his bedroom with a case of beer instead. Looking back, I can see that he was probably incredibly depressed, and understandably so.
When I first found out about my father's illness, I was only 9 years old. It was completely by accident too. I caught the tail-end of a phone conversation that my mother was having with someone. After that, I fell into a depression, at nine years old. I was put on heavy duty anti-depressants, which only ended up messing me up more in the long run. But I digress.
My whole point to this is my wondering about what age is appropriate to tell my child about his grandfather? Obviously, not anytime soon, as he is only two years old, but I wonder when is the best age to really sit him down and talk to him in depth about what happened, and the dangers of
drugs? My sister and I learned the hardest lesson there was to learn about drugs. It's such an incredibly delicate topic, and I know what I went through when I was just a child.
What do you think is the best age to talk to a child about their grandparent's death?
Photo Source
Recommend
Comments (9)
When you feel you and your son are ready. Since your son never knew your Dad; perhaps some pictures of your Dad could be used during your talk.
I'm sorry I'm not much help.
Considering that your son has never known your dad, I would wait until he asked about him. And then just explain it in a way that he would best understand.
My boy was three when my stepdad passed away. He was too little to understand death (still is), so I just told him that Papaw wasn't here anymore. It seemed to suffice. When he's older and wants to know why his papaw's gone, I'll tell him then.
First off, I am sorry to hear you suffered so long from knowing about your father, as a mother of four boys I think now is the time to talk about him. Incorperate photos of him and talk age appropriate.
"This is a photo of xxxxx I miss him sometimes especially when __________________.""Why is xxxxxx dead?""He was very sick.""What made him sick?""He was sick from something he did that he shouldn't have been doing."
As the children get older.....
by the time they are ten they should know hows and whys because it was gently done.
I have had to tell my oldest son why his father isn't around....his father was a drug addict and and chose to walk away instead of subjecting him to the chance of being poisoned. My son is now 20, and knows how much he was loved by his dad...he loved him so much but he just couldnt overcome the addiction.
The mor open and honest you are the less traumatic it is to learn things ... just like you as a kid, had your mother explained things to you age appropriate you would have been less to not traumatized. But that is just my oppinion
If you have a religious background the task is easier and less traumatic,
I would wait until they start asking questions, and then I'd tell them that he was very sick for a long, long time. Tell them the truth, but at the same time keep it vague. There will be plenty of time for them to learn about HIV/AIDS when they're older, and it's very likely that when they mature, they'll ask more questions anyway.
The best time is when it comes up. I expect that different discussions about your father will come up at various times. There will be no one time to divulge all, it's a process of getting to know the family stories and history that has already begun for him and will continue the rest of his life.
I appreciate how devastating it was for you to learn the circumstances of your father's condition, but it will not be the same for your son, who never knew him. It's common for us to assume that what was easy for us will be so for our children and what was hard for us will be so for our children. Likewise with memories, we sometimes try to ensure our kids have the same experiences we remember fondly, not trusting that their lives will provide peak experiences albeit different from our own.
The years will provide ample opportunities for you to share the family stories and your own feelings as you were growing up. As long as we are neither hiding important information or forcing details, I think these things tend to work themselves out. Trying to hard to create a situation that we think is perfect is most likely to backfire.
We started talking about the danger of drugs when our kids were very very young..age 5 or so... and they've never been involved with drugs and they are full-grown.
I think you can start early talking about the dangers of drugs and eventually, if they ask or the topic comes up, you can tell them what happened to your father..They probably will more fully understand it around age 11 or 12..but you can give them simpler explanations a little bit earlier.
Next, I don't want to leave this post until I tell you that I'm sorry to hear about your dad.. Losing a dad at an early age is never easy.
Christy