Monday, 26 November 2012
I found out on my twenty-third birthday, August 5th, that I was pregnant. My Husband was so happy about our new little addition, and we planned on telling all of our family on September 1st. On August 31st, my (unemployed) husband decided to show up at my job, and leave all of my belongings in bins and garbage bags outside, then proceed inside my place of work to tell me I wasn't allowed home, and he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He had apparently sat down with his parents, and they decided this was the best solution for him. I still don't know the details.
I ended up calling my dad, who lived a few hours away, since I was in a little mountain town which didn't even have a motel, and he came and picked me and my things up. Moving to a new town, I had to tell everyone that I was pregnant and that my husband of almost two years had thrown me to the side of the curb. I then tried finding work, which still to this day has not happened.
I received a phone call last night from my soon-to-be ex-husband's new girlfriend. She accused me of trying to hack into her facebook and e-mail accounts, which was impossible for me to have attempted, since up until that phone call, I had no idea he even had a new girlfriend, let alone who she was. She's from a few states away, and already has a three or four year old son from another man. My (ex)husband took her to his high school prom over ten years ago, and apparently reconnected with her two weeks after he dumped me. He has changed his phone number, turned off his facebook, moved closer to me (but I don't know where), and according to his new girlfriend, has mailed off my divorce papers. He wants nothing to do with our unborn child, wants to divorce me, and sign over his parental rights, but won't even have a conversation with me.
My mother and her side of my family live on the east coast, over three thousand miles away from me, so do my two younger brothers. My father, two older brothers, and their wives all live out here, but we're not on the best of terms, and they're not very supportive. I contemplated getting an abortion early on, but decided against it since I'm strict Roman Catholic, and it is entirely against my beliefs. I have been tossing around the idea of adoption, since I can't even get a job to support myself. My family here has decided that they won't let that happen, and they've all decided to "chip in" and help me get my own place and get situated, yet all they do is put me down in the process.
I have no desire to be a single mother going thru a divorce, nor do I want to raise this child on my own whatsoever. I have no friends or family to lean on for actual support, since no one wants to even hear me talk about giving up the baby. No one is taking my feelings or concerns into the situation. My sister in law told me that she would adopt my child if I was going to "really just give him away." I do NOT want that. I want a closed adoption. I want to pick out a family thru an agency, and never have to see the baby after he's born. I don't want to be a part of his life. I want him to grow up with more than what I could ever give him. Yet, my family and friends don't see the situation the same way.
I've become extremely depressed, to the point where I feel suicidal. I would never do anything to harm this baby, I know where the line is. That doesn't mean that I don't have suicidal thoughts constantly. I have nothing left to live for. Nothing makes me happy anymore at all. The one man I loved has left me high and dry with no intention of ever speaking to me again. My family doesn't support me or the decisions that I want to make. My friends are all still in 'party mode', and have no idea what I'm going thru, and if I tell them, they never know what to say.
I have nowhere to live, no job, no money, no car, and no hope left. I don't know what to do anymore, so I figured I'd reach out to anyone with an opinion.
Does anyone have any advice for me ? Or at least some kind of information that could be helpful ? I'm literally at wits end, and have no one left to turn to for support, so anything would be appreciated.