There is one dilemma that keeps popping up for my husband and me as parents. The question has been asked many times, in many different ways. How will we raise our son? Will we bring him to church? Do we teach him about "God"? What about a higher power?
When it comes to atheist parenting, my husband and I have had many in depth discussions about what we will teach our son, and when we will teach him about it. My husband was raised without any religion or faith-based teachings, while I was raised Catholic. I remember from when I was small, early on I was never comfortable within the church or the classes I was forced to attend. We had attended the Catholic church for the sake of my paternal grandmother. She wanted us to be baptized and raised in the Catholic church. After my father had passed away when I was 12 years-old, my mother had given me the choice of still going or not. Back then I had made my choice. All throughout my teen years, I struggled to find a place to fit in. Instead of Catholic church, I attended Christian, Methodist, and many other churches, trying to fit in, to feel comfortable and to feel like I belonged somewhere.
As a parent today, I don't want my child to have to go through the same experiences I had to, but I also do not want to force anything upon him. Ideally, I would love for him to come to his own conclusions without any outside or inside influences. My husband and I have discussed it, and if it happens to be that our children want to go to church to see what it is like, we will be more then happy to take them for as long as they want to go. We want to be able to answer their questions to the best of our ability, but religion is such an incredibly delicate topic for many people, and children are highly impressionable beings.
When the time comes that they start asking about these topics, we hope to have quite a collection of books for them to pore through, all on the subjects of the different religions of the world. Rather then expose them to one, we would expose them to every religion, belief, etc.
I know that we still have a few years before he even begins questioning tough subjects like that, so we have some time to prepare ahead of time. I just hope that when the time comes, that we do have some answers for him.
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My parents actually took me to every vacation bible school we had in our town (several). I went to presbyterian, catholic, church of christ, baptist, methodist, and so on. It was super fun, and I never felt forced, but at the same time I was learning about God and his teachings. I feel that by doing this, my parents gave me the ability to choose what I believed in. I ended up not believing. Choice is where truth lies.
I was raised to be atheist. My parents never taught me about God or whatnot. We celebrated all the Christian holidays in every known secular fashion. At some point someone said Christmas was about Jesus. I was shocked! How could they not know it was about Santa Claus, I was in first grade.
At some point around this same time, the lunch guy from school took a church van around the trailer park picking up heathen childrens and taking us to church. My parents considered it free baby sitting. lol Then my dad would give us lessons on the Big Bang and evolution. I think we grew up well rounded. Later as teenagers my dad would discuss atheism with us.
I was raised Christian, but not once have I ever believed in God. Even when I attended Christian school when I was small, it never held an ounce of truth for me. My husband was raised Catholic. While he believes there's a God, he's otherwise not religious. We share many of the same views, actually. Our boy is still too young to really grasp religion, so we haven't discussed anything with him yet. But when he's old enough and gets curious, we're more than happy to take him, let him see what it's all about. If it turns out he shows interest, we'll continue taking him. We'll not belittle him for believing differently than we do. And if he ends up a non-believer, we won't celebrate (at least not out loud). Whichever route he ends up going is fine by us.
I was raised atheist. I wasn't taught much about God or any religion, although I was taught to respect people's beliefs. Unfortunately, religion makes me a little nervous now (I'm not quite sure how to respond to it, I guess?) but as a person I consider myself well-adjusted (not lacking community or morality or anything). The only thing I would point out is that you could add moral and spiritual teachings/experiences that are not religiously affiliated. For example, great/ancient philosophers (on ideas of good and evil, etc), or something like yoga and meditation. I also find stars, mountain vistas, big trees, fires, and flowing water to be spiritually moving. Oh, and old churches (the ones with actual architecture). And I think it's ok to (intentionally) feel moved, inspired, or comforted by things, even if you don't believe in spirits or God(s) of any sort.
This might not be applicable to you, but I certainly hope it helps.
I have a 3 year old daughter and completely understand the motive behind what you wish for your child. There IS a middle ground, however, that I have found.
After a lot of deep though, research and consideration, I dove into the Unitarian Universalist congregation and actually found myself right at home! In no ways trying to force the religion - and I can explain that simply.
It is the loosest faith I have ever been a part of. Most people within the church are of all walks of faith and beliefs, holding hands with one another, many of us "ex catholics" (like myself) who found that the church gave us a better chance to explore and rekindle what spirituality meant to us. We're pretty much free to believe as we wish. Some of us believe in heaven, others in reincarnation, yet some of us in the absence of existence itself - nothingness.
They also have a wonderful childrens program centered on giving children and youth a spiritual ground without indoctrinating them to one thing or another. You are free to believe and be as you like within the church - Athiests, Christians, it doesn't matter. They pull from all beliefs and pour their sermons into what it means to be human and live amongst people, bettering each others and our own lives. There is also the absolutely wonder benefit of having a strong community to work with and understand your situation, giving your child/children the gift of that community as well.
There's no creed, no sign off, really. Just the "Guiding Principle's" - which they call it.
The inherent worth and dignity of every person;
Justice, equity and compassion in human relations;
Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations;
A free and responsible search for truth and meaning;
The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large;
The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all;
Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.
http://www.uua.org/ Perhaps give it a look through, it might be just the thing for your family.
- - - Edited to add that I, myself, am agnostic with a the ability to cling to spirituality, lol. I kinda twist "holy words" like blessing, miracle, etc, to fit my own definition of what they could mean to me. O.o I had defined myself for many years as an athiest, as I don't believe in a God, not one that anyone can recognize or understand. For that reason, I am in a sort of limbo as far as terms go.
I was raised atheist and religion never even came up in my childhood. I learned about God at school and I learned about the different religions, but I never even came close to believing in any of them.
Can I just say that you guys sound like amazing parents! Kudos to you for letting your child make their own choices about something that can be very taboo and confronting. I think the way you have decided is an excellent option.
Do try to be non-argumentative though, if your children happen to turn religious, try not to snap at them lol~
i was forced to go to church all me life frm little girl to teen
i stoped after a while and turned wiccan
then i fell in love found god got married again i belive its up top u what you teach your child
as long as ure happy and there happy
This post and these comments make me sad.
I was raised atheist. At one point my parents showed us some of the hypocritical/horrible/sexist passages from the Bible and told us this is why we did not subscribe to Christianity. My Dad was always gungho atheist (to the point where he would make rude comments to my christian friends), and my Mom was opinionated at home. This rubbed off on us, and we would often argue with Christian friends at school. It kind of made us outcasts in a way (but this is no reason to raise your child as a christian), but I think we were better for it. Plus, we were probably the only people challenging their beliefs which is pretty rad. As I grew older I became more agnostic. My brother and sister are still atheists. Actually most of my friends ended up atheist -- either by their own volition, some weird coincidence, or listening to my reasoning.
I was raised as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints by my mother. My father is agnostic. Growing up in that church, I came in contact with so many judgemental people. You know the kind I'm talking about, right? The people who think they're so damn perfect and can do no wrong, but everyone else is beneath them.... There are also those people who treat you differently for months or years or forever based on one simple mistake. Seeing so much judgement and "holier than thou" attitudes made me question my faith alot, especially when I got pregnant out of wedlock at 18. I came to discover that my beliefs were intact, it was just the people in my religion that brought me down. When I stopped going to church for the people and started going because I wanted to feed my testimony, I started to feel better. I married a man who is a member of my religion, and we are raising our children in the church, but we're very open minded. My open mindedness comes from my father and grandmother. They taught me to be accepting of everyone regardless of religion, and I've always tried to treat everyone the same. Yes, my husband and I would be sad if one of our children fell away, but would never under any circumstances treat them poorly because of it.
I read the Bible as a child.
It was of a time long ago and far away and of an awesome God.I found the words of Jesus to be absolutely compelling.
I've grown to be unsure what I believe. I was born and raised mainly a Jehovah's Witness but "converted" to Christianity entirely throughout my teen years. As I matured into a young adult my questions, and answerless thoughts led me to read and explore many things and now I guess I would be Agnostic. Either way I recognize Love and Happiness as fundamental values within my social circle and significant others. I appreciate the thought provoking post and wish you well with raising a conscious, thought provoking child!
Love and Light
My husband and I are both atheists. I don't think religion will be much of an issue in our home, other than trying to tone down his disgust of Christianity.
How to work out holidays is still being discussed. My husband still wants to do the x-mas and Easter stuff that my family does, but I very much don't want to be associated with anything x-ian, and those are technically viewed as x-ian holidays, even though our celebrations have been of the non-religious variety. I kind of want to basically do the same things but move the dates to align with the winter solstice and vernal equinox, and us celebrate the seasons in a way. I can see someone thinking I'm somewhat splitting hairs and being silly, but it's not much different than the x-ians 'borrowing' the already existing holidays anyway, right? Trees, presents, and egg-laying bunnies aren't exactly religious.
Thank you for posting this! I've had these thoughts, but didn't know how to get them out. I was raised Methodist, my husband Catholic... we both are atheist/agnostic. I waver between the two and am still trying to figure out exactly what I believe. We plan to raise our daughter and let her decide.. if she wants to go to church, we'll find someone to take her, if she doesn't that's okay too.
This is why you don't marry outside of your religion. You and your spouse should be on the same page as much as possible. If you don't agree on the fundamental life questions such as origin, purpose of life, purpose of existence, afterlife, the nature of man, etc., then what is your relationship based on? A favorite song? A favorite TV show?
But my guess is that this person is not a believer, because if you really believe the Bible then you believe that Jesus is the only way to Heaven, and that without him you have a hot and firey eternity ahead of you. Given that, why would you want to take any risks with your kids? The Bible says that we have a duty to bring up our kids in fear and admonition of the Lord. My kids are going to be brought up exactly the way I was, except maybe more strictly.
I'm just guessing that the time has already come for some answers. You can't raise a child completely unaware of religion and God. There is a curiosity about it that we are all born with. You either quench it, quell it, or delay it.
I don't believe that you can remain unbiased about it. Religion is personal. What can be more personal?? You can't keep your feelings out of it, that's impossible. So I think you need to come to terms with the *fact* that your child IS being steered toward his religion BY you.
My husband and I are "atheist-agnostic" and plan to raise our sons to be EDUCATED.
We plan to tell them about what we believe and also tell them about - and learn about with him - the other beliefs of the world. I'd like for my sons to experience and be knowledgeable of them ALL so that he can make the decision for themselves. I don't want to force them in to believing something or NOT believing something. I want my sons to question everything and to use their own minds, instead of blindly following something.
I grew up in a Catholic home. My father has always been Roman Catholic, and my mother was somewhat Christian and still believes in God but doesn't go to church nor really care about the whole issue. My brother and I attended a Catholic school for one year which was weird but not really oppressive. My brother first fell out and has been Atheist every since. I re-evaluated my beliefs and found that I never felt the physical presence of the spiritual being described in the bible, so I'm a pantheist, which is just very sexy atheism essentially. My current girlfriend has an extremely mormon LDS family and used to believe herself. I guess in the last year or so she lost her faith but has kept it mostly a secret. I always joke about how I'll join the church just so I can get up on testify Sunday and proclaim "I know the book of mormon is true because I deserve my own planet when I die."
Anyways, I don't exactly know how I'll raise my child. If he hasn't already heard of it by 10 I'll probably tell them about organized religion. Introducing these topics at a very early age can take logic out of the decision. I tell myself and others that I wouldn't mind if my child was religious, but to be completely honest it would probably shake me a little to know his perception of the world is radically different from my own. I believe most parents think that way, and that's why my father still doesn't accept that my brother and I aren't Catholic.
I also believe that religion is going to progressively become more and more unimportant until it has completely withered and been erased in hundreds - thousands (though few thousands) of years. It's not my hope, it's just what I expect will happen as we gain further insight into space and technology. I don't really want to concern my child with things that will have little impact on his life.
I was raised as an orthodox christian, though I'm an atheist now. It's a true and difficult question you bring up. The fact that you've been thinking about it so much shows how objective and fair you're trying to be.
I can't speak as a parent, but I know if I were to raise a child, I want to teach them of many different philosophies that religions have (rather than the practice of a religion). As they grow older, they can decide for themselves if they associate with these philosophies or not.
I think the most important thing is to provide your kid with an opportunity to question, to give them perspectives from different cultures and schools of thought (which make up a religion) and let them romp around searching and discovering for themselves! This shouldn't matter what religion you are at all.
And any mention about marrying outside your religion is a no-no is bullshit. How do we grow as individuals if we are so clouded by our narrow perspectives. Good for you for doing what you're doing :)
I was raised Catholic but now I consider myself agnostic/bordering atheist. Your child will pick their own religion (or lack of religion) no matter how hard you try As long as you teach them to have good morals, it shouldn't matter what you raise them.
Excellent! There are books on the matter of "raising freethinkers." I would also recommend finding a Unitarian Universalist church. They're very welcoming of all religions. The one I attended for a while had a nice program for kids. They're introduced to major religions and taught to respect them all. The church had a pagan group, an atheist group, Buddhist meditation sessions...you name it.
I have a sort of reputation around these parts of being an atheist extremist. I guess I've earned it. But the thought of raising a child as an atheist - basically indoctrinating him like religious people do - fills me with disgust. I can't possibly see myself doing that. I think it's disrespectful and borderline abusive to indoctrinate a child, who doesn't know any better. The best course of action is to let them explore, let them ask, give them info on the major religions. If my child decides to become a Christian, then so be it. I'm not going to be ecstatic about it, but I'll be happy that I didn't force my beliefs (or lack thereof) upon him. If s/he becomes a Buddhist, or a pagan, I'm gonna have much less of a problem with it. The only religions worse than Christianity are Islam, Scientology and Mormonism. Yuck.
@Ambrosius_Augustus_Rex@xanga - Well if we really didn't want to take chances with our children we would raise them while trying to indoctrinating them with as many regions as possible. Christianity is just one out of the known 730 that you can chose from. Assuming that there is one correct religion you have a .13698% chance of selecting the right one.