Monday, 12 November 2012
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I Still Don't Know...Dealing With PCOS
I still don't know if I am capable of having a child or not! That is is what is bothering me the most about of all of this...
I went to see my family practitioner last week to discuss my progress (or lack thereof) in weight loss while taking Phentermine. This year I've seen her maybe 3 or 4 times and she told me she thought she was pregnant back in March. Turns out she was pregnant and when I saw her last week, her baby bump was very noticeable. During one of our visits, before she found out the sex of the baby, she told me that she and her husband had tried various techniques that would increase their chances of having a girl, they already have two sons. Her third son will born in December. She told me his name will be Orion. She was disappointed that I hadn't lost any weight in the two months since she saw me last and I didn't really have an explanation for her as to why I've maintained my current weight but haven't lost any. I know I've been eating too many carbs and too much ice cream, but I don't know if it's because I am stressed, bored, sad, happy, or just enjoy food too much? She said it wasn't worth the risk to my health or the price of the pills to keep me on the double dose of Phentermine, so I am back to one pill a day instead of two. Since her baby is due in December and she won't be back from maternity leave until February, she told me she would prescribe enough refills until I see her in a few months. She also wants me to start taking Metformin again, a medication I have had a love/hate relationship with for years. It's supposed to help me, but it makes me sick to my stomach sometimes and I don't even know if it is really working for me.
I also looked into scheduling an ultrasound, my last one was five years ago. My family practitioner's mouth dropped down to the floor when I told her how long it's been since I've seen the inside of my lady parts. My last ultrasound was in 2007 and I believe I only scheduled it because I was 24 and was about to be kicked off of my parents' insurance. Benji and I were engaged and I was about to start my last semester (turned into last YEAR) of college at the time. If you've read my earlier posts, then you already know that back in 2003 I had major surgery to remove an ovarian tumor, left ovary and fallopian tube. The ultrasound I had back in 2007 didn't reveal any cysts and I was told I could still have children IF I lost weight. By the time I walked out of my family practitioner's office last week, I had: prescriptions refilled, a referral for an ultrasound and a referral to see a mental health counselor.
A few days after I saw my doctor I received two different phone calls to schedule an ultrasound and a intake session with a mental health specialist. I thought it was funny when I looked at the calendar and realized the date of my first counseling appointment is exactly two months after CYFD told us we wouldn't be approved to foster until we sought out therapy. I sent out a prayer chain request to family and friends days before my scheduled ultrasound appointment. Judy, my substitute mother/mentor/pastor, offered to come with me to the hospital and offer her support. I happily accepted her offer. I wanted someone to be with me in case I received bad news from the radiologist during the ultrasound. I trust Judy and know she loves me like a daughter. My husband would have accompanied me, but he had to work that day. For years I have gone to the doctor by myself and have been alone with only my stormy emotions after these visits. It was nice to finally have someone comfort me during the visit (Judy) and someone to comfort me right after (my husband). During my ultrasound Judy, the radiologist and the student nurse I allowed in the room tried to engage in small talk with me. I kept looking up at the ceiling and noticed someone had tacked a picture of a blooming pink rose up there. I didn't want to think about what that rose did and did not symbolize for me or any other woman.
Pink Roses are used to convey gentle emotions such as admiration, joy and gratitude.
Light pink rose blooms are indicative of sweetness and innocence.
Deep pink rose blooms convey deep gratitude and appreciation.
Pink roses also connote elegance and grace.
Primary Significance: Love, Gratitude, AppreciationAs a symbol of grace and elegance, the pink rose is often given as an expression of admiration. Pink roses can also convey appreciation as well as joyfulness. Pink rose bouquets often impart a gentler meaning than their red counterparts.Above all, roses are a symbol for love and gratitude. As the pink rose was the most prevalent among the old garden roses, it was most strongly associated with these sentiments. While different roses may have more specific meanings, these are still the underlying message of any color rose. Pink roses also now carry a connotation of grace and elegance, as well as sweetness and poetic romance. Different shades of pink also carry their own significance. Dark pink roses are symbolic of gratitude and appreciation, and are a traditional way to send a message of thanks. Light pink roses are associated with gentleness and admiration, and can also be used as an expression of sympathy.
I didn't want to engage in small talk, I wanted to know what was showing up on the screen and what it meant for my overall health and chances of conceiving. I asked the radiologist to tell me if she saw anything and she was hesitant to respond. She told me she wasn't supposed to tell me anything and that I needed to wait and hear from my doctor. I asked guiding questions...was there a cyst? Is my fallopian tube OK? Do you see any eggs? She was honest, in a polite standoffish way, that she was just a radiologist and wouldn't be able to explain to me everything regarding my results. She did tell me that my ovary is 4cm and that I have 2cm cyst within it. She said a 2cm cyst is really small and that she couldn't see my fallopian tube, which is a good sign. I remember the cyst/tumor I had removed when I was 19 was around 10cm. She couldn't offer me anymore information beyond what she knew. She tapped the screen and pointed to a black bubble that appeared within the shape of my ovary. Judy took me home and stayed with me for awhile, I think until she knew I would be OK alone in the house, and when she left I immediately jumped on the computer to look up anything I could find on 2cm cysts.
My search didn't reveal any concrete information regarding what I want so desperately to know: am I able to have conceive a child and what are my chances if a cyst has taken up 50% of my remaining ovary?
Is there hope for me or do I need to move on with my life?
In 2003 I was told I would have an 80% chance of conceiving a child with my remaining ovary.
In 2007 I was told I could conceive a child if I lost weight.
In 2012 I am being told my one remaining ovary, which carries the remainder of all of my eggs, has a (growing?) cyst within it.
I still have no clue if I can have children, how much weight I need to lose or if I should give up and move on from my dream of motherhood?
The not knowing part is what kills me.
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About the Author
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- From: JamieRaeBearCollector@xanga
- Name: JamieRaeBearCollector
- Location: Silver City, New Mexico, United States
- About Me: "My goal is that they may be encouraged..." Colossians 2:2 Dr. Cline and I have been married since 2008 and have been TTC since the spring of 2010. I am the proud parent of three furbabies, a black and white cat named Aquinas, a black Chihuahua named Bridget and a red and white English Cocker named Katniss. On 3/21/13 we found out that I am pregnant with our first child. Higgy Baby is due on 11/23/13. We are surprised, shocked, overwhelmed and joyous over this unexpected miracle! This child is a miracle because I have PCOS, am obese and only have half a reproductive system. My one remaining ovary has two cysts on it.
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Comments (12)
I hate sounding pessimistic, but if it were me in that situation, I would just put my hopes down so a negative outcome wouldn't feel like such a rough impact and a positive outcome would feel like an uplifting from the heavens. I can't even compare to what you're going through, I've had a fairly rough life, but not in the aspect you're talking about, which is why I am suggesting what I am. I've had a life of letdowns, mental health counselors and psychotropic medications, but have finally found a solid point in my life and it brings me tears of joy everyday. I'm not claiming to be as strong as you, or stronger than you for that matter, I am however, offering you some honest advice from a recovering soul. You sound like you deserve children more than anyone in the world and I'll be keeping you in my prayers.
Your post topic caught my attention. I'm at work and haven't had a chance to read it word for word all the way through yet, but wanted to comment and say that many women are out there experiencing the very same thing. PCOS is unfortunately very common and many women who have it don't even realize it. Can someone with PCOS still have a healthy pregnancy? Sure. But as with ANY woman there are some keys to first, finding out if it can happen, and then finding out HOW to increase your chances of it happening.
In my efforts to AVOID pregnancy through non-hormonal bc methods, I read Toni Weschler's "Taking Charge of Your Fertility". One of the topics in the book was women with PCOS trying to get pregnant. I would strongly strongly recommend you read it if you have not. She will teach you everything you need to know about your body, how it works, how to determine if you're ovulating, how to determine when your peak times for sex are, etc. If you have never charted your cycle by using your basal body temp etc....then I'd say it's definitely not time to give up yet. :)
i have pcos, too. i found out once my gyn recommended that i see a fertility specialist after failing to conceive after one year of trying. going to the fertility group has been hard, but good. my endocrinologist diagnosed me in the first 15 minutes with pcos. i was 32! it was a hard 4 years, 1 attempt at IUI (had a chemical pregnancy), 3 IVFs. all while on metformin. (i tolerated well two 750 extended release pills at night after dinner before bed.) i had a miscarriage of twins last year at 15 weeks. now with the 3rd IVF, we're 6 months pregnant with a boy.
i've read the book that iheartearth recommended above, but basal temperature it harder to use for predicting fertility because of pcos.
@SarahakaHungry@xanga - Good point, and I should have clarified that part of "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" is learning the other signs and symptoms of ovulation. She does talk about the bbt issues with women who have PCOS. Some women with PCOS have enough of a thermal shift to be able to recognize ovulation. The other advantage is that SOME women with PCOS think they're not getting pregnant because of the PCOS when in fact perhaps it's an abnormal luteal phase prohibiting implantation. Or perhaps they think they're ovulating every month when in fact they are only ovulating once every couple months. So they try and try and try and have no success. Charting BBT, cervical fluid, cervical position and other symptoms is crucial. Thank you for pointing that out. And HUGE CONGRATS on your pregnancy!!
the main point of my comment was to recommend that you see a fertility specialist or group with experience with pcos. as part of my checklist for the fertility center, i had to have a hsg, which showed that my fallopian tubes were clear. i actually had a small polyp in my uterus removed. they checked every cycle for cysts on the ovaries. my husband's sperm was checked the first year. they has us do genetic testing for a laundry list of items.
Check to see if there is a Napro doctor in your area.
http://naprotechnology.com/
hey I'm commenting to give you some encouragement, but I don't have any helpful advice. The medical field works on what "usually" or "generally" happens, and no one can tell you for sure what will happen for you, in terms of your fertility. I would guess that if weight loss would be required to get pregnant, then weight loss would probably be healthy overall anyway? I was diagnosed with PCOS 7 years ago, and at the time my OB said my ovaries looked too huge and "juicy" (ew) to be functional. I was 19 at the time and that was extremely upsetting to hear. Now at 26 I've had several large cysts burst, one surgery to remove one, and more ultrasounds to monitor cysts than I can count. The PCOS diagnosis was taken away, but clearly I have some huge issue with cysts and large ovaries. I also have had 2 healthy pregnancies and have 2 children, after being told by two doctors that getting pregnant would be very hard (and both babies were "accidents"). I'm not saying that to give false hope, just to say, the medical establishment can't tell you everything. I second the idea to join a support group. Also, can you see an acupuncturist or Chinese medicine specialist?? Worth looking into for a second opinion, or other ways to view the issue, at least. Best of luck in your journey.
I have PCOS, too. Although I'm 22, I still want a child and have already suffered a miscarriage in 2010. I'm on metformin and am following an exercise schedule, along with watching my diet.
It's possible for you to have children. But I think you should see a fertility specialist- they have more experience with this than other doctors. Also, follow an exercise schedule and watch your diet. Both need to be done, not just one or the other.
Everyone here knows far more than I, some having lived through what you are living through, but you simply must drop the family practitioner and head to a specialist for this. I second the idea for acupuncture as an aside.
Stay on the metformin. If you are overweight and have PCOS, you may be at very high risk for diabetes. There has been a strong correlation between PCOS and type 2 diabetes. Unfortunately, in my case, I not only had PCOS and Type 2 diabetes, but a double uterus so I was never able to reproduce (had a few very early miscarriages). Now I'm too old, but if I had known then what I know now...
Metformin makes me really sick to my stomach also, but I stay on it.
Both my sister and my youngest cousin have PCOS. My sister (24, who has never dated) has decided to not even try. She wants to just be an auntie. My cousin (19, who has been engaged and is very keen on dating) on the other hand, has plenty of hope that one day she will be a mommy. I don't think we talk about PCOS enough for doctors to get accurate studies to know the rates for conception. Some of the doctors my sister has gone to have to google what it even is.