I absolutely love this post, I really do. I hate when people just assume they know what you need to do, what you've already done and/or what you're doing wrong in every situation. I hate it even more when people assume you want their opinion. If I didn't ask for your help, it means I don't want or need it, so please, keep your thoughts to yourself! I'm guilty of making snap judgements as I'm sure all of us are. It's in our nature. What matters most is what we choose to do with those judgements.

Just last week, my kids and I were grocery shopping, and my youngest was throwing the tantrum of all tantrums. He wasn't touching things on shelves or throwing groceries like the child mentioned in this post, but he was screaming, flailing in my arms and nothing seemed to be working. Every attempt to calm him just made it worse, so I put him back in the cart, and let him work it out on his own. You wouldn't believe the reaction from the other customers! I expected some stares, eye rolls, some tsk-tsking and maybe a comment or two, but what happened was absolutely ridiculous. One woman, who was also shopping with her children, told me I had two choices: "Pick a GD bag of lettuce or get my psychotic child the F away from her." An elderly gentleman flat out asked me if I could just tell my son to shut up. Oh, wow, Sir! I never thought of that, thanks for the tip!.... Two others told me to leave, one told me to give my son a good ol' spank (we don't spank our kids). I know my son was screaming, but leaving the store wasn't an option. I had to get the grocery shopping done that afternoon, and there was no other time to do so. Most people just shook their heads, mumbled under their breath or tried to stealthily whisper to their shopping companions. Though I do not agree with inserting oneself in another's business outright or indirectly unless absolutely necessary, I was okay with those displays of judgement because at least the people weren't trying to tell me what to do. Now, I realize a child throwing a tantrum in the store is unpleasant for everyone, especially the kidless shoppers, but it's like nobody has any compassion for the mom trying to cope with her child's fit. The last thing an already embarrassed, stressed out mother needs is everyone in the store offering them unsolicited advice, telling them they're doing things wrong or outright insulting them. Everyone seems to have a cure-all solution for ending a tantrum/preventing one from starting, but let's be honest here, how many of those tactics and tips work when your child is in the middle of a scream fest? My son did eventually calm down, and total disruption time was only 10min, but it seemed like all the people who witnessed his tantrum wanted to tell me what to do and what I did wrong. Um, really?.... My child's calm, I'm in a better state of mind, and all I want to do is get my shopping done and go home, leave me alone!

My hubby was let go from his job last May, and the opinions, comments and flat out demands from family members, friends and members of our church have run rampant over the last 17 months. I'm not going to get into the details because it'll only upset me, but suffice it to say we know what's best for our own family, and the suggestions/demands from those who are not in our situation or have never been unemployed are not helpful at all. I think people make suggestions to others without truly thinking it through or asking questions first. Unless you have all the information about someone's situation, I don't feel you can adequately help out. But, that's just my opinion.....

I get a lot of suggestions from people who are upset at me for being disabled. My family makes stupid comments a lot about how "they thought I would be the successful one". People constantly cry about how smart I am "I just have to apply myself". They don't get it. It's not about applying myself. I am sick. I am super good at covering it up, because I don't like to victimize myself. I spend a lot of time alone, suffering. And everybody has to have their stupid input on it. It's especially hard because it's a mental illness, which doesn't obviously show as well. Unless you catch me jamming a knife into my arm, because of things going on in my head. Then suddenly people realize how sick I am and their worlds collapse around them of the perfect image they saw me as. Then they don't want to talk to me. They become scared. So either I speak to people who see me as a lie or I have nobody. 

@VampireOfSeduction@xanga - But unless you're going to step up and take action yourself, what are your opinions and advice going to change, even if that jaded opinion is true?

@VampireOfSeduction@xanga - I totally get that.  But most of the time, people give unsolicited advice to those who will figure it out one way or another and don't even bother with the ones who need the advice of, "Well, you could start by getting out of the bed a couple of times a week..."

Ah this post is wonderful! Just one way in which we as humans have a tendency to hone in on our own experiences without first considering the other person. You'd think it'd be a no-brainer, someone is struggling and you wanna help, yet the first thing we do is start telling them how they're doing it wrong! Listening, empathy, and genuine (and asked for) opinions or advice to me are always welcome, though that may not be the case for everyone. Throwing around what you think is best before anyone even asks, though, is not the way to go.

@rachmorgan01 - Sounds like you got your hands full.  Probably the people passing judgement on you never considered that maybe your whole family are dealing with things that you don't have answers for yet.  Good luck with everything.  I know you'll figure it out.

I used to think I was ultra compassionate till I started working with elderies, and going to a Bible Study full of moms.

I was told just a few days ago when I responded to someone's fear about another c-section that I was trying to "solve" her problem and that I shouldn't do that I need to just listen. I'm really having a hard time listening to that statement because that's not what I was trying to say at all, and I feel completely upset and misunderstood. I feel like 'cause I have kids I have nothing of value to say I'm a lower species.

Anyway I am constantly reminded that we all have stuggles in our lives and many people (including myself) are carrying heavy burdens of pain bitterness (and so on) from the past. I don't like the way people do things. I mean it's not such a big deal to where it hurts me, but it's annoying. I remind myself in my mind that although it doesn't make sense to me that person did that for a reason.

Honestly if my kid was screaming at the store for 10 minutes straight I would still take him outside the store. I think it's disrespectful to keep your kid inside when they act like that, I'm not saying leave but at least go outside.