Friday, 12 October 2012
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Things I'd Do Differently Next Time
I’m SO happy & excited to be pregnant & I cant wait to hold my little one...but if I could do some things differently, I would. I wouldn’t change my situation or anything about the baby at all, just a few side things after I found out I was expecting.1) Keep the name choices to myself. My husband & I chose baby names before we were pregnant to plan for the future. When we found out, we already had the first boy & girl names picked & gave the baby a nickname for now so we wouldn’t have to call the baby “it." When people asked me the baby’s name, I said “we picked X X for a boy & Y Y for the girl." We got a few positive reactions, with questions, because the names we chose weren’t common but have deep meaning for us. One friend, however, made a face & said the boy name we picked was old fashioned & he would be teased for it & asked why we picked it in the first place. Then she told my husband that the first boy was “supposed to be named after him” & reiterated the teasing part. All of this caused quite a few arguments between me & my husband. I was hurt he chose to talk to her about not being fond of the name & for trying to change it because of someone else’s opinion that didn’t even matter.
In the end, we kept our original names (after he stonewalled about picking another one & seeing how upset I was getting). But definitely for the future kids, we’re not telling the name until after the baby comes.
2) Wouldn't tell my mother in law so soon. I admit my relationship with her wasn’t the best from the beginning but I tried to include her into things to show that I was trying to include her & be a nice daughter in law. After she caused a scene at my wedding & had a fight with my husband, I was ready to write her off but I figured telling her about the baby would change things. Big mistake!! This is the first grandchild on her side of the family & all she cared about was getting the rent on time (at that time, we were renting the basement). I cried when I found out she said that. Then every time she saw me, she would comment on my weight or give name suggestions. It got so bad that I left the house & went back to my mother’s because I refused to be treated so badly & risk losing the baby due to stress. Now my husband is so mad, he refuses to tell her anything else about the baby or tell him the address to where we’re at now (we left the state so good luck finding us).
3) Wouldn't buy a ton of books. This is my first baby & when I found out I was pregnant, my mom was hundreds of miles away & I had no trusted female mom friends nearby, so I loaded up at Barnes & Noble. Don’t get me wrong, I got great books & a few magazines but mom told me to stop buying all that & just ask her even if she’s far away because I’ll waste money! My friends said the same thing. Thank God for texts & social networking. At the time, I wanted to wait until the second trimester to tell people but when I got too antsy & needed to talk to someone, I let a few friends know. Best decision ever! :) It made up for the in-law fiasco.
I also found out that there are PLENTY of sites with pregnancy info that are SO helpful & FREE!! I use those more than the books & many of those sites have free phone apps for when you’re on the go! My favorites are babycenter.com, thebump.com, babiesonline.com & parenting.com
4) Less worrying. There’s only so much you can do while pregnant & worrying shouldn’t be one of them. Once I let go of some of my fears & built up confidence, I felt SO much better, even with the aches, leg cramps & weird sleep patterns! I just pray for the best & coast through the rest. As long as I follow doctor’s orders & do the best I can with everything else, I know baby & I will be fine!
5) Wouldn't wait so long to buy maternity clothes. I waited until my clothes were too uncomfortable before relenting. At 5 weeks I needed maternity & sleep bras because mine were tight & strangling me. By 8 weeks, I needed looser pants but not quite maternity pants so I got some underbelly yoga pants (and scored a BOGO sale so that helped!). I ended up needing new shirts & pants within a month so now I know to dress as the need demands but not to spend a ton. I noticed that overbelly pants are more comfortable & I can probably wear them my whole pregnancy so I will buy a few key pieces & hopefully that will last me. I must admit though, I’m jealous of those lucky ladies that didn’t need maternity clothes until at least 6 months.
What are some things you would do differently for your next pregnancy? Do you have any advice for how to deal with rude comments regarding baby names & weight gain? I’ve all but cursed people out & I’m very tempted to at this point.
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- From: Shinbi_Belldandy@xanga
- About Me: *~Te quiero. Me gusta tu voz. Me quieres? ¿Tienes novia? ---Mi Amor~* Hola. This is Mina! <3 I smile when I feel like it so don't force me <3 As with cheeses and fine wine, I get better with age but I dont act the age I am. LOL <3 Proud Lady of Cherokee, Blackfoot, PR, German & Black decent. Haters stay away! <3 If you want to talk to me, speak to me like the lady I am & leave the street talk where it belongs, in the street. Mommy raised me better than that! <3 Single but not desperate <3 Anime & Manga fanatic for life! <3 Love me or leave me because I won't change for anybody. I've lost friends over this but then again they weren't my friends if they treated me that way right? "You may feel alone when you're falling asleep, And everytime tears roll down your cheeks... But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet. Someday you will be loved... ---Ghost Girl"
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Comments (14)
Also, going to ignore more people and their unwelcome advice. I'll ask for it when I need it, and tune all the unsolicited advice out instead of letting it bother me.
I agree with the name thing 100%. People always have an opinion about things.
Also, I would have taken more pictures.
I'm only 33 weeks pregnant with my first so I still have some learning to do. I'm sure next time I'll do many things differently. :)
@alonely_one@xanga - OH MY GOD!! YES!! The advice this is annoying. My mom keeps giving me her opinions & I know she means well but she's starting to hurt my feelings. Like telling me I eat too much & I'll gain too much weight & have a hard labor. Never heard that before. I actually LOST 8 pounds since I've been pregnant from changing the way I ate & from cooking at home. Then when I DO try to talk to her about things, she gets snappy & tells me I have time but I'm excited & I want to talk about things.
@Still_Bruhaha@xanga - I started taking bump pics at 13 weeks because I started looking pregnant. When I started showing, I just looked like I gained weight so I wanted a rounder tummy first. lol
Me personally i know on other forums i've mentioned this before but i wouldn't get an ultrasound. (Though i would go to like a baby preview and find out the sex). I also never took any pictures until i was about 7M though i didn't show much at all so fingers crossed i get that big belly lol.
dont worry about the weight gain comments my daughter is 21M and i just lost all the baby weight and now working on the marriage weight gain lol Doesn't matter what other people say or think becuase in the end your family (spouse, and children) are the only things that matter
I'd get the flippant t-shirts from Spencer's.
Sometimes, you should really listen to what other people are saying about a potential name. Anita Dyke, Harry Balls, Ivanna Hoe, Ima Hogg, etc.
Having said that... I've gotten some flack about the names we've picked out. I know Draygan Slade is going to get turned into "dragon slayed", but... that works for us. lol And IDK what my mom's problem with Raina is. Whatever.
@rwiedenfeld - Yeah I'm not worried about the weight gain. I'm not going on a diet right after I push either. I'm getting compression wear to help with healing & eating right. When I can exercise again, I will but slowly.
I couldnt wait for my ultrasounds. To me, it made the pregnancy real! I didnt get sick but I was like chronically fatigued & sore. I just felt like I worked out too hard but when I saw the little bean in a bubble (as it looked to me. LOL), I felt an instant maternal bond!
@VampireOfSeduction@xanga - OMG I LOVE THOSE SHIRTS!! I seriously might. I love the witty maternity ones, especially the ones for Halloween!
I honestly dont mind questions or polite comments about names but the friend in question made faces, was an adult teasing a child about its name, saying it was too hard to spell & asking incredulously why we picked that name. Just because it's not a name that's familiar or liked by you is an excuse to be rude.
Then I think it was in poor taste to talk behind my back about it to my husband & make him start questioning things, you know? It turned into almost explosive arguments at times & then he would stonewall when I tried to suggest new ones. It wasnt until he saw how upset I was getting that he relented but I said so I dont hear any shit in the future, we'll go with the nickname of the name I picked. It may not seem like a big thing to anyone else but it deeply hurt me because I had such a strong feeling about that name when I was a kid & I wanted to give it to my first son. Now because of a callous person & my husband's insecurities, it's gone. Dont get me wrong, I still love my hubby but I'll always be hurt that he takes other peoples opinions (or rather their being nosy) into account over private decisions. The kicker is when we first started talking about names, hubby said his middle name was a family name & he'd like to keep the tradition. I said ok & picked the first name so I think that was more than fair. And in a sense, the baby is still named after him because they would share the middle name & one of the last names since we also agreed to hyphenate our names for the kids.
My legal first name is Amina (I just go by Mina & have forever) & I've gotten so many jokes, mispellings & off pronounciations but I never got mad to the point I hated my parents & wanted to change my name. People just need to grow up I think. When I went to Catholic school, if you didnt know a person's last name, you were screwed. Most of the time when you called a name, 3-5 girls raised their hands! LOL I swore that wouldnt happen to my kids!
I didn't like my grandson's name, but I kept it to myself, since he wasn't my child. Sometimes giving names, like male names to girls etc., are like putting a kick me sign on their butts. My grand daughter has such a name, and hates it. Hates being in a class where a boy might have that name, but oh, it was so special to her mom. I feel sorry for her, and now her mother does too. I tried to pick fairly easy names for my kids, since their last name was more difficult and uncommon. I'm glad my folks did the same with me and my brother, since our last name was a difficult one to spell on tests and applications.
@Pollypinks@xanga - Yeah I dont get this new trend either but I dont overstep & say anything. Some gender neutral names are ok but obviously boy ones on girls seem odd. Like Jessica Simpson's daughter, Maxwell Drew Johnson. Gorgeous baby but it sounds like a boy's name. Drew Barrymore made Drew a popular girl's name now so maybe they should have put Drew first? I understand why she did it though. In an article she said it was a tribute to her mother.
At my daughter in law's baby shower, a cousin of hers was there with a baby girl she'd named Charles. She said if she had another girl, she name her a man's name as well. I just kept thinking, why? No pride in the female gender and it's names, and what the names embody? I mean, when we look back through out history at great women, they weren't named after men. Maybe a couple of closely gender type names, but nothing like we are seeing now. I think we should embrace our womanhood, and not try to make a girl strong by naming her after a man. Because sometimes it has the opposite affect when she goes to school.
@Pollypinks@xanga - I agree 100%. Charles is obviously a man's name. I CAN understand Charlie/Charley/Charlee because they can be nicknames for Charlene or Charlotte but Charles is totally male. Everytime I heard that name, I think of my mom's ex or Prince Charles of England. either way, not a good association with the name for me!
I agree with all of them except number 2 I adore my MIL and wish she could be more involved :( but she lives sooo far away :(
@xllxo0o_0_Kara_0_o0oxllx@xanga - I'm glad your MIL is great!! :) I've had problems with her extending all the way back to when she met me. I dont want to put my business in the street but let's just say she's not happy her son's focus & money is now on his little family & not her.
@Shinbi_Belldandy@xanga - From what I understand I lucked out amazingly but actually liking my in-laws lol!
@xllxo0o_0_Kara_0_o0oxllx@xanga - My father in law & sisters in law are great. They dont like my MIL much either. They dont tell her anything. When I left the house, she didnt know I was gone until a week & a half later & then she thought my husband & I broke up. As if I'd let her ruin my marriage.