Since becoming a mother, I have learned many things. I have learned to have more patience, be more confident and so much more. But there is still one thing that I haven't quite gotten a good grasp on yet.
Tantrums thrown by my tiny two year-old are the worst things I think I've seen from him. He has quite the little temper, and when he doesn't get something he wants, that's when the "ugly side" comes out. Sure, babies are the cutest little things in the world, and then the tantrum comes.
There is not only foot stomping and tears, but also grabbing random objects, whether it be his toys or not, and throwing them across the room. Recently, he has also learned to bite and slap the people around him. Just the other day he got so mad that he went and bit the couch, which has wood on it, and ended up hurting himself. I myself have not been able to find the happy balance between being stern and gently teaching him that doing those things are wrong. Sometimes, I feel like I am speaking too loudly, and I don't want him to think I am yelling at him, and other times I believe I have been too gentle with him, and that he won't know that he has done something wrong.
My husband is generally better at disciplining our son then I am. I usually try to be the "softy", and I do know that it's wrong. I want him to look up to us both equally and not pinpoint the "bad guy". During the day is when I am home with him, since my husband works and I try to do my best to discipline him when he needs it. I implement "time-outs", and for the age that he is, I make him sit for that amount of minutes (i.e. He is 2, so he sits for 2 minutes). When we do that though, he seems to think that it is a game, and he begins laughing. Now, if you've ever heard a baby's laugh, it can be quite infectious. So it gets rather hard sometimes to be serious while he is giggling away. These are the times that are hard.
But, like anything else, motherhood is a road paved with many stones, some rather smooth and others quite bumpy. It is a brand new learning experience each and every day, but one that I wouldn't trade for the world.
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I know exactly where you're coming from with tantrums. My sons, who are 3 and 2, have tantrum throwing down to a fine art. The older one will throw himself to the floor kicking and screaming, and most of the time, there is literally nothing we can do to calm him down. Talking to him, touching him, attempts to distract.... It all just makes things worse. We just have to let him work it out on his own and ignore his behavior until he's ready to act like a big boy and tell us what he wants and/or deal with whatever it was that set him off. I've been told by many people that we're doing the wrong thing, but honestly, what else can we do? We can't force him to speak to us calmly if he doesn't want to. His vocabulary is advanced. He speaks in full sentences, knows all the right words for feelings and has a full knowledge of what's expected of him, yet the tantrums still happen. Also, we don't want his behavior escalating to the point where he starts hurting us (which has happened), hurting his siblings (which has also happened) or hurting himself (which will only make him cry more). When he was a baby, he cried for hours, and we could never quite figure out why. We did everything we could to soothe him, but he only stopped when he was ready to stop. His crying bouts stopped around his first birthday, picked back up at 18mo, stopped again at 2 years and now, he's right back into the habit. It's exhausting and frustrating, but we just have to push through it.
Our 2 year old is a screamer, hitter and thrower. Take something from him, and he'll try to hit you. Tell him he can't have something, and he'll scream or try to hit you. Make him do something he doesn't want to do, and he'll scream. He also runs in place, throws himself to the ground and will throw any item within his reach. He is a bit easier to deal with than his brother, though. If he goes to hit me, I catch his hand in mine mid swing, and firmly tell him not to hit me. Giving him alternative options seems to work pretty well too.
Time outs can be a very effective form of discipline, but only if you stick to it. I am very familiar with the giggles, and will admit I'm a total sucker for the cuteness. Our youngest even innocently asks us if he can come out of the corner, and that makes it super hard for me to stand my ground. We have chosen to implement Supernanny's method where we repeatedly put our child back into the time out spot whenever they get out and restart the time. It's exhausting at times and makes us want to give up, but well worth it because eventually, they stay in time out for the duration of their time, and they do so quietly and patiently. Our daughter, who is 6, has learned that we mean business when she's put in time out, and she almost never acts out while there. The boys, on the other hand, are still learning.
he is 2. Tantrums are normal, and healthy, to a certain extent.
When my boy was that age, and he wanted to throw a tantrum, I ignored him. Now I did NOT actually ignored him, I had a mirror on the desk where I could still see him, but I turned my back and pretended to ignore, and he realized he was not getting the attention he wanted.
At a point tantrums become a power struggle. If you give the attention the child wants by throwing the tantrum, the child has the upper hand. If you turn and walk away, thus not playing into it, there is no point to tantrum.
Go get the book Have A New Kid By Friday by Dr Kevin Leman.
If you are home, he must be put in his room. And if he has toys he's going to destroy in there, take them out and don't put them back for a day. Whatever he's attempting to destroy must be removed for a short time, even if it's everything in his room except the mattress. Once he makes the connection between all my good stuff getting taken away, he'll slowly start assessing in hiis mind what's happening. If in public, and I hated doing this, but it worked over a period of time, it happened while he was in the shopping cart, I removed him, left the stuff there, all the stuff for him, and hit the car. We did not go back for the stuff he wanted for a period of time, even in the grocery store. It was always the next day, "Where's my this or that"? And I'd quietly remind him he'd behaved so poorly I was humiliated, and we left the store without it, and every time he was going to do that, we'd leave without his favorite stuff. It took a while, but it's effective.
@Pollypinks@xanga - We do the same thing with our kids at the grocery store. I'll put their special stuff back, and they remember how sad they were when they didn't get to have that treat or choose a cereal, and their behavior is so much better the next time.
@Pollypinks@xanga - We do the same thing with our kids at the grocery store. I'll put their special stuff back, and they remember how sad they were when they didn't get to have that treat or choose a cereal, and their behavior is so much better the next time.