Thursday, 11 October 2012

• How to Have a Boyfriend: Single Mom Edition

  
  
  When your husband leaves you you're supposed to pull the I'M A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND DON'T NEED NO MAN! card, right? So, you do. And you're tough, single, determined to never be a sucker for any stupid man again, and then he walks into your life.

  No big deal. So what if he has muscles, and a sexy goatee, and looks like Hercules in wife beater...

  ....and not half bad in a suit....
  
  ...and has a tattoo written by JRR Tolkien...
  
  

  ...But then it turns out that he isn't the delicious bad-boy that you think you want because you're convinced that you need to validate yourself as a DIY MILF. You're newly single for the first time you can remember, you want to go on a bender, to boost your ego, to convince yourself that you're still that little minx that got herself hitched and knocked up in the first place, but instead you're still older than you've ever been, with twice the responsibility you had than when you were married, with less time, and fewer resources, and a hell of a lot more stretchmarks than little black dresses to use as man-bait. 

  The pickings get slimmer.

  Your options are that scruffy-faced regular at the dive bar for half an hour in the back of his pick-up, or the college boy who thinks you'll be exciting because you're experienced, or maybe Prince Charming who comes in on his white steed but doesn't have extra saddles for your toddlers, and somewhere in there with the Joe Dirts and Douchebags are the men who like the 3-for-1 deals. Who have kids of their own already, or want kids, or want you and everything you have, even if it includes dirty diapers and drool. So they adapt, adjust, and instead of the dating world you remember where dates involve 2 hours of hair, makeup, perfume, and nervous verbiage, they're taking place at the playground, and the library, and on the sofa. 

  And you're kinda OK with that. 

  Then comes the panic. What if he gets sick of the kids? What if the kids don't like him? What if the Ex goes into a frenzy and kills him out of jealousy? What if he breaks my heart? What if he breaks the KIDS' hearts? What if bringing someone new into the family is the biggest risk I ever take in my life?

  And eventually you're kinda ok with all that, too.
  
  So, you take the plunge. And he takes the plunge. And next thing you know you've been together almost a year, and you have a house, and the start of what could be the family you always wanted, and happy sons who kiss your boyfriend goodnight, and a happy boyfriend who kisses you at every opportunity in between potty training, and working nights, and vacuuming up Cheerios. 

  
  What were you so afraid of again?
  
  And you look damn cute together, too.
  
  Here's to the next chapter, folks! Meet our newest official cast member.
  
  
  
  
  image source 1

  • 11:00 AM
  • 4232 Views
  • 14 eProps
  • 7 Comments