Tuesday, 09 October 2012
-
The Chronically Ill Parent: My Daily Struggle
As a mom with a chronic illness, parenting can sometimes be a huge challenge, especially with a toddler. From the defiant attitude to his never-ending energy, some days I wished I had constant supply of coffee. Luckily, I have an amazingly supportive family to help out when I need it. However, it did get me to thinking a bit.It is oft unspoken, but I would like to shed some light. Anyone who is afflicted with an illness of any type, will experience bouts of depression, low self-esteem, hard days and a whole myriad of emotions. Being a parent can amplify these feelings tenfold.
Personally, I know that I've had days that I feel like the worst mom in the world due to the pain I experience. I feel like my son deserves a mom who can play with him all day, every day. I have this fear that someday when he gets older and has friends, that he will compare their moms to me, and that I won't be "good enough". I know it seems like a silly fear, but that's what's in the back of my mind.I want to be able to hear him giggle as I chase him around the backyard, I would like to pick him up without the fear of a sharp pain. I love him more than anything in the world, and I want to give him everything, just like any other parent would for their child.
However...
Instead of focusing on the things that I can't do, I have decided to focus on the things that I can do:
- I can wake up every morning, being grateful for another day, filled with new opportunities.
- I can sit down with him and teach him new words, or read a new book with him.
- I can take short walks with him.
- I can snuggle.
- I can play games with him.
Sometimes, I think of my illness as something to be thankful for. Trust me, I know that sounds a little wacky, but indulge me for a moment; I realize just how much time I really do get so spend with my son, even if I can't run around with him. There are also the many things that I am not missing out on like his first steps, first words and more. I am able to see everything he does, every little milestone, all his amazement at his newest daily discoveries, and for that I am grateful.
On the "bad days", where I feel like I bad mom, the one thing that can lift my spirits and turn the whole day around is when my son walks up to me, lays his head on my lap, pats my leg and says "mommy". Everything falls into place, and suddenly the world makes sense again.
For those who are afflicted with a chronic illness, what are some of your biggest challenges that you face everyday as a parent? Is there a balance you have found? Share your experiences and insights, please!
Image Source
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to momaroo's Momaroo Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in momaroo's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: JennCorter
- Name: JennCorter
- Location:
- About Me: Hi there! My name is Jennifer. I am 22 year old mom to an energetic toddler. I am also a freelance writer/journalist with a love for jewelry making.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 16 Views: 0 43838 Comments: 0 159 View all posts by JennCorter
Comments (7)
Thanks for opening up in your post Jenn! I'm sure it must be so hard to find the energy and strength to take care of your son when you're not feeling well, but I love your list of positives and the attitude you have.
Sending you a hug!
Both my Partner and I have Psoriasis and I have Scoliosis. Most day's we are okay but then there are the random boughts we get.
It can really suck for the kid's at times. We live with family but they aren't very helpful or understanding. They see it as a joke. (For some reason we have the parents who don't beleive doctors.) It's a little comforting knowing there are other younger parents dealing with a similar siuations. Nice to beable to relate to some one.
On our bad days we keep things mellow and do mellow little art projects and try not to stress about messes. Then there are the times that we are just no fun... (We try to suck it up and keep that to very few.)
Ever want to vent or wanna here me vent pm me on here. :)
I live in pain every day every minute. I have a lower lumbar fusion my vertebreas above the fusion are buldging, herniating, and tearing. Which is compressing my nerves and giving me pain down my legs usually it's one side or the other and numbness in my hands and legs... i know how you feel about one day your child saying you weren't good enough (as i sit here in tears). That too is my biggest fear i'm sure one day it will be said (we all have things that we have regretted saying someting to our parents) and hopefully i can be like you and say yes i was able to teach your your colors, read you books, cuddle, and let you jump on the bed as long as you wanted and feel that i've done a good job. I refuse to let the doctors fill me up with pain meds i will never be that type of mom ever! But to answer your question my biggest challenges with an almost two year old is still wanting to be picked up we since have bought a big step stool for the kitchen so i push that around with her on it so she's still right on my hip but i will admit she did have to learn pretty fast how to do stuff on her own i dont know if that's good or bad yet :)
Thank you for making this post. I'm 22 with chronic migraines and dizziness. I don't have kids yet, and although I absolutely love kids and would love to have them, sometimes I think its a bad idea because of my chronic pain. Sometimes I think it wouldn't be fair to my kids and wonder if my husband and I should just give up the idea of becoming parents even though we really want to. It makes me want to cry every time I think about it. It's exactly what you described, I just don't know if I'm good enough or healthy enough to be a good mom.
I know what you mean! I have an autoimmune illness called Still's disease. It's a rare form of Rheumatoid arthritis that is systemic (whole body) so my organs, muscles, skin, blood, everything is effected by it. I am a younger mom, 24, with 2 little guys, one almost 3 and another 15mo. and at these ages you just have to have energy! My husband is a bit of a workaholic and he often works 12 hour days or more 6 days a week so a lot of the burden, and joy:), of raising my kiddos is on me. I have only had one MAJOR flair since I've been a mom which landed me in the hospital every couple weeks for about 6 months. Thankfully, I FINALLY got a rheumatologist that could help me and have been on treatment that helps a lot. But no matter how good the treatment, there are always symptoms that can't and won't completely go away. I've had my illness for 17 years, so I have a lot of damage to my joints and some to my stomach and lungs and those problems are daily challenges.
Even though it isn't easy, I am so grateful for being a mom. I love my kiddos to death and I'm confident that my husband and I can teach our children that mommy will have bad days and that it's not because of them. Even though they might miss out on a mommy that can run around all the time and wrestle with them ( I can do this just not everyday and sometimes not any day for a couple months) they do get a mommy that can teach them to have compassion for other kids that are ill and other people that are ill. And they never miss out on cuddle time or having books read to them, or the biggest lego castles, and they still know how much I love them by doing all the things I can.One of the only things that is very problematic and unfortunately unavoidable, is that there will be days and parts of days when I'm just really not doing well and my patience is shot. I've tried so many things to help but when you have a 3 year old throwing a trantrum and a 15mo old that's knocking over or pushing everything down and spilling everything, while being in pain anyway and not having the energy to chase after them let alone clean up the damage, I tend to get very frustrated very quickly.
I'm hopeful that my kids are getting the best childhood even if I can't be the soccer coach. I just have to use the energy I do have to the best of my ability and not be afraid to call on help if there's a rough couple weeks. I find that being organized helps to the avoid stressing and extra energy. My husband and I have to be on board and have an action plan when I do go into flairs. In fact we even have a savings account that we add money into every paycheck in case I go into a major flair and we need extra childcare help. We certainly don't make a lot of money but by planning we can avoid my husband needing to take a ton of time off work or even losing his job because I can't take care of the kids. Also cater to your body. It won't cure you but try and keep you body strong though bits of exercise and eating a little bit more healthily. Give your body every chance to fight it's hardest so that you can have more good moments with the kids:) I hope that every mommy with a chronic illness finds the support they need and that you all stay as healthy as possible! All the love and happy vibes to you mommies:)
@angela_herself - I don't have kids yet, but I've been the "cool aunt" or "cool cousin" to a lot of kids, and your comment resonated with me.
It's so hard when you want desperately to play with them and keep up with everything they want to share. They can sense it in you and know that you care, but it's just so hard to keep up!
A boyfriend I had a while back had a little brother who was severely autistic and he and I were best friends from day 1. It was unfortunate because he just had so much energy, but didn't understand why after about 15 minutes of full intensity play that I had to lay down and relax a little while. It was even worse when he would get to wanting to wrestle and didn't understand that wrestling hurt me a lot. :[
I fear that if I have kids, I'll not only pass my condition on to them, but that I'll be a neglectful parent. My boyfriend assures me that even if I can't be there to do all the high-intensity physical stuff, I'm very compassionate and loving, and sometimes in a moment, that's all a kid needs. It helps if your SO and other parent isn't ill or disabled in any way, but understands your condition. I think it helps keep us sick people grounded in reality and stay away from self-hate.