Thinking back to when I was pregnant with my son, it was a hectic, exciting and scary experience all at once. After all, he was my first child. Going to the doctor a couple of days after I took my test, we were told that my numbers were a bit low, and that possibly
could mean an ectopic pregnancy. At that very moment, I felt an overwhelming love for the little life growing inside of me. I was scared for it, I wanted it to be okay. I knew I would love my child more then life itself.
Everytime my fiancee and I were at a store, we would head to the book section to scope out their selection of baby books. We usually would come home with one or two. We wanted to be prepared, ready for anything. Boy was I wrong about thinking I could get all my answers from a book, but I digress.
When it got close to my due date, which happened to be August 30th, 2010, I was anxious, nervous, and full of Braxton-Hicks contractions. I swear I thought I was going into labor each day I woke up with them. However, finally the day arrived when I was indeed in labor. After walking around the maternity ward for 3 hours, my obstetrician told me I was dilating and I was having this baby today. That's when it hit me.
I had felt like I was just hit with a ton of bricks. "You're having this baby today". My first thought that popped into my mind was "OH NO I'M NOT!". I was so scared, I didn't know what labor was going to feel like, what was going to happen or if everything was going to turn out okay. Hours passed, and finally Syrus arrived, this is the moment I had been waiting for. This was it, I was going to get that dreamy overwhelming sensation of love the minute they placed him in my arms. I waited for it.
He was put into my arms, I looked him in the eyes, and felt absolutely nothing. Not a thing. I don't know if it was from being so incredibly worn out from labor or something else, but I hadn't felt the slightest twinge of anything. Don't get me wrong, I was excited he had arrived, my son was here!
But as for that sweet sensation of falling in love with your child the minute they are placed in your arms? That had felt like a total and complete lie to me. I believed every word those books told me. I know that it is different for every person though, so this brings me to the question:
What did you feel when your baby was placed in your arms for the first time?