Tuesday, 02 October 2012
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Living the Moment
Life is pressure. It starts when you're young: pressure to make good grades, to be the smartest, or the fastest on the playground, or the best at sports. To have perfect hair, clothing, make-up. To be cool and admired. To be the most technically advanced dancer/ballplayer/artist/musician.Then you get married and the pressure mounts: To still have perfect hair, clothing, make-up. To have a well paying career. To maintain a perfectly clean house. To provide three healthy, delicious, appealing meals. To maintain a creative hobby.
Then you have children and you are expected to: Still have perfect hair, clothing, make-up. To still maintain a perfectly clean house. To still have a well paying career. To still provide three healthy, delicious, appealing meals. To maintain a creative hobby. To raise children who are the smartest/best/most advanced.....
And do it all with a smile on your face and loving words from your mouth.
During the course of my married life and time as a mother, I've learned a few things. I cannot please everyone and it's an unnecessary burden to try. I was called a failure for dropping out of college and quitting my job to take care of our children. I was called selfish, greedy, and lazy because I wasn't working and that put the financial burden for our family solely on my husband. Then I was called a bad mother because I didn't put my children into preschool/daycare. I was keeping them from obtaining the best education I could and denying them social interaction by my desire to homeschool. Conversely, I have been called a bad mom because I now have to put them into public school and am letting someone else do the teaching. Apparently, in order to please everyone else I need to work at home, homeschool my kids, volunteer any free moment to any and every organization possible, clean tirelessly, cook constantly, and look like a movie star all at the same time. So when does that leave time to LIVE life? To just take a moment and enjoy taking a moment without feeling guilty that something is going uncompleted? Or maybe that's what anti-depressants and happy pills are for?
So here is what I'm going to do, and I'm pretty sure it's going to help me to be a happier person. I'm not going to listen to the rest of the world. I'm going to do what makes us happy, as a family. There will be sacrifices, I know. But I'm also okay with that. If you come over to my house, there will be dirty dishes in the sink, overflowing laundry hampers, and toys all over the floor. I might just serve you breakfast for dinner or have dessert first. You'll probably hear me yell at my kids or see them get swatted on the butt. We just might all be in our pajamas still. But I can guarantee that you'll have a good time. You'll be able to relax and not have to worry that your kids are making a mess somewhere. And if we decide on the spur of the moment to go to the creek or on a picnic or just go for a drive, you'll be welcome to join us.
To me, life is about enjoyment. I'm not talking about living only in the present: blowing your money, living the "high" life, or seeking pleasure where it shouldn't be sought. We do have responsibilities and need to prepare for our futures. But I'm talking about finding enjoyment in the mundane, enjoying whatever moment we're in, even if it's not an ideal one or one that we would have chosen. And being thankful that we have that moment to spend with those we love and care about. We only have one life to live and we couldn't live it perfectly even if we tried. So, the next time you are feeling overwhelmed or that your life isn't perfect, take a moment for yourself. Ask yourself what your basis for comparison is: are you trying to live your own life or someone else's? Let the dishes sit, leave the laundry. Gather the kids and your favorite book or some paper and a pencil. Head on down to the creek and just enjoy being in that moment. You don't have to be perfect. You just have to be you.
What is the last thing you did to enjoy being in the moment?
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About the Author
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- From: greene_lily@xanga
- About Me: I'm a stay-at-home mom of two small children, a cat named Only, and a score of fish. I'm happily married to my high school sweetheart, celebrating 10 years of friendship and love. We're expecting a baby girl in January 2013. I love to sing, dance, and learn about old-school home keeping methods. We're into homeschooling, homesteading, and learning about Messianic Judaism. I'm a little strange and enjoy a bit of weirdness every now and again. Hope we'll hit it off and find something in common!
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Comments (7)
Your philosophy seems to be one of hedonism. It's very "zen" and would fit many eastern philosophies. I personally like pressure. To me a life floating by idlely, idyllically, is nice for a while but gets dull quickly. Though it's true that one needs to take time to smell the roses, so to speak, (vacuuming is very calming for me lol). Living fast pace with high standards and planning ahead are some of the values I hope to never give up as I progress through life. Living in the moment probably will grant the most overall happiness and satisfaction at the end of the day, but happiness is not something I personally value. But I'm glad you're able to find your inner calling.
You are so right on, I wish I'd had someone like you to listen to 30 years ago. One thing I did a number of years ago was, unless I was going to church, or an important appointment, give up make-up. Take my shower, blow my hair, lotion up, and forget the make up. Figured if people thought I was homely that was okay. Another thing was allow my husband into my world to help. I always had perfection in mind where the house was concerned, and he began training my grade school kids to clean bathrooms, the house, do their own laundry, etc., and if it didn't look fabulous, I forced myself to thank them all for their efforts and pick something interesting to read that day. And yes, for a few months I'd do some things the next day that they didn't know about, but I got over it. I mean, how important is it, really, in the scope of all eternity? And I quit worrying about fashion. Stuff that wasn't comfortable, but looked good on my body. Went back to my hippie years, sans the pot smoking, and wore long lose skirts, dresses, sweaters in winter, etc. After being diagnosed with 3 autoimmune disorders I went 2 years without shaving---yeah, you can creep out now, I can almost hear you. I'm light haired, and after a few weeks, it got really soft, and not very noticeable, and my husband actually preferred snuggling up to that vs. bristle, or me shaving every damn day. Now I've reached a compromise, because in the summer I spend time at the beach at the river. But I'm sure not opposed to doing that one again. Not at all. Maybe just giving up making the damn bed would be enough for somebody out there to get a few minutes to herself.
I actually started into this post because of a lovely evening my husband and I had with the children. He's a school teacher so there's always some sort of function or planning to get done. I have two small children and I'm 6 months along with our third, so it's becoming difficult for me to keep up with everything around the house. He had gotten home from a busy afternoon and had some yard work to get caught up on. I was trying to get dinner finished and keep the house mostly straightened. The kids were getting fussy. My husband joked that it would be great to be able to just go out to the local "swimming hole" and paint a picture and let the kids throw rocks into the water. I just asked "why not?" So we packed up dinner, paints, and a book for me and just went. We were there until it was the kids' bedtime. It was fantastic! Sure, our normal work was still waiting for us when we got back, but it was very refreshing to just take a spur of the moment vacation. It was nice to know that even though "real life" is always waiting, we do have opportunities to just leave it behind and take a moment for ourselves.
I guess if you continue living your life as you wish, you will have few regrets when it is done.
While I guess, it is best to ignore critics, it is always wise to see if anything they have to say is grounded in realism...and then you must decide what to do about it. Others sometimes have more experience or different experiences than I , so I try to listen...even to the criticisms for something I can learn about myself or my actions.. Then, decide what to do from there.
I can relate to quite a bit from this post. I was criticized for quitting college and then later quitting my job to stay home with my kids. I was criticized for not sending my daughter to pre school, and will be criticized again because my boys will not be going either. I'm criticized for not putting my kids in every extra curricular activity (excuse me for not wanting to eat fast food every day because we're practically living in the car). I've been criticized for the complete lack of perfection in my every day life from wearing pajamas well into the afternoon to having an overflowing laundry basket. My husband and I have both been criticized for our lack of financial overflow because we have no choice but to live within our means. I've even been criticized for being too involved with my kids, whatever that means.... I stopped caring about what everyone else thought and basically decided to give society the middle finger ha ha. I have three happy, healthy, thriving children who are being provided with all the love and care I can possibly give them. So what if my hair looks like a rat burrowed in it? So what if we don't go on expensive trips or give the kids every toy under the sun? I'll live my life and care for my kids the way I see fit and don't butt my nose into other people's lives, and all I expect in return is to be shown the same courtesy.
The last time I lived in a moment was last Friday. We took a drive into the canyon to look at the leaves, and I just watched my kids run and jump and play. I still had dinner to worry about and company that would be coming over later that night, but taking a little time to get out and do something fun was more important. I sat back and thought to myself: "Yep, this is all worth it."
I have been to college three times with four different majors… and being a SAHM (Stay at Home Mom) is the hardest job one can ever take on!!! We first of all are not paid monetary things for all the work and effort we put in. We are never truly given a vacation, because even if the family is out, we’re still hard at work ensuring our families are comfortable and enjoying themselves. Than there is the fact that we do not get a “sick day”, because whether we have a fever or not isn’t going to matter when dinner needs to be on the table and homework finished (I had 2 Csections, and came home doing laundry, dishes, and normal things… as soon as I was released home, didn’t need attention so I didn’t pretend it was more than it was, my husband’s cousin’s wife was neglected and used hers to get her husband to pay attention to her). I could go on but I imagine if I’d entered the work force, and paid a daycare to do my job (and they do not measure up or place the same effort/value I would), that my kids would not be as advanced as they are.
There is nothing wrong with being a SAHM… I learned being where I am in life, what truly matters in life, to build a stronger family foundation, and that life is about more than a dollar
I love this post! I have came to the conclusion like you about how I can't please everyone. To be happy I am just going to be me. I am not perfect and I'm alright with that. If others want me to be perfect they can go else where.:)