Thursday, 27 September 2012
Missing the days that went by so slow yet were so full. Missing the moments of wide eyed understanding. Missing the only known emotion of unconditional Love.
I think back to my childhood and am more hurt now than I was then. I was always so forgiving, but not anymore. Why is that? I feel like I am falling into that terrible cycle of parenting. The one that causes me to feel the disappointment I have now. I never want my daughter or any other child to feel the sadness I felt as a child. I was so lonely, and now I notice this occurring in my daughter, too.
No child should ever feel lonely and unloved.
How do I balance my life? How do I love my children enough? How do I discipline without damaging my children? How do I feed my children the love and attention they need when I can barely balance my own day to day?
I love my kids and want to give them so much more. I know I need to look on the bright side until the sky clears but, the wait seems so long and it feels like a moment in their life is slipping away? I don't want them to miss out on growing internally.
I just want my children and partner to know, they always came first in my heart and choices. I feel like I'm not showing it well enough.