Mine was (and still is) terribly negligent.  I had food, water, clothing, and shelter, but I've been invisible to her for nearly thirty years now.  She hasn't seen my own son in over a year now.  Doesn't even call to ask about him.

And as far as being like my mother...I am so much like her that some of those characteristics make me really proud and some of them make me cringe. She was such a great mom in a lot of ways but God bless her, she had a temper that came out to play for a week each month that was pretty awful. She also had a hard time letting go of things that hurt her feelings which can be my problem sometimes too. I just pray and work on them and try to see the positive in being like my mom.

  My parents were and still are selfish, self absorbed, arrogant individuals. They always took care of our basic needs and provided us with entertainment, but emotionally, we were on our own. One of my mother's favorite lines is: "I didn't become a parent to get involved." She said it alot when my siblings and I were kids, and she still says it now. It started out as a joke, and she'd most likely deny any truth to it now, but actions speak louder than words. The moment my father walked through the door each night, my siblings and I were cut out from the picture. It was always "This is our time, go somewhere else," and "Can't you see your mother and I are talking?" It was like we were invisible.My parents would complain about having to chauffer us to and from extra curriculars, criticized me for getting involved in the dramatic arts, and forced my brothers to quit sports because they didn't like the level of commitment. When we did something wrong, all blame fell on us, but when we did something right, they'd take the credit. For example, my parents credit themselves entirely for me graduating from high school. Apparently, I had nothing to do with receiving a diploma. The fact that my younger brothers didn't graduate due to my parents' complete lack of consistency and involvement during that time is overlooked. And don't even get me started on the way my mother cooked....

 For the past 7 years, my mother and father have been in permanent vacation mode. They do what they want when they want, and brag about all the money they have (which is total crap considering they're middle class and are in debt to their eyeballs). You can't ever bring up any problem you may be having with them or anyone who lives in their home because all you'll receive in return is complete dismissal of your feelings. If you push the issue because it's important to you, you'd better prepare yourself for some yelling, personal attacks, and on some occasions, threats from a man who thinks he can still intimidate his children. My parents don't really spend time with my children. When they want to see the kids, I'm expected to bring them to their house (where there's nothing for my little ones to do), and after five minutes, my parents shoo the kids out of the room or delegate their needs to my siblings. If you took a look at my mother's FB page, you'd think she wasn't even a grandmother.... My kids are nothing more than something to brag about to friends and family members so they can save face and look good in front of other people. My mother spends most of her free time in pajamas in front of the tv watching recorded shows on the DVR or TV on DVD, and then claims she's "too busy" to be involved in the lives of her grandchildren. Call me judgemental, but I think grandchildren should be the most important part of a grandparent's life. Now that my parents have the time to dote on the children they claim to love so much, I don't understand why they won't. They're too busy going to movies, taking random Saturday day trips, going out to eat, and hanging out with my brother and his girlfriend (my mother's best buddy is a 21 year old airhead, but that's another story) to pay attention to my kids. It makes me so sad to think they're missing out on so much. My kids are only going to be little for a short time, and pretty soon, they're not going to want to have anything to do with my parents.

To answer the OP's question: I don't remind me much of my mother or father. I have some of the same tendencies, especially when I'm stressed, but I do my best to stifle the urge to send my kids to their rooms or disregard things I think are silly or not worth my time. If anything, my mother taught me how NOT to be a parent. I am so involved in everything my kids enjoy and love. I am so proud of them and everything they do. I may not always enjoy sitting on the bench at the park or watching the same DVD over and over, but I remember this: It's not about me!

My parents tried to control me when I was really young, but I started lashing out against that, running wild, doing my own thing, all while my dad ran away from home and my mother was left to deal with the bills and me all by herself. I've got to say, I've calmed down a lot, and I've worked out my issues with my parents, and now everything is better, and in retrospect I really admire her ability to still love me despite everything I've done, how she's persevered every single day and waited for my dad despite not being able to pay the bills on her own and despite the fact that she didn't know where my dad was or when he was going to come back. She was patient and loving despite it all, I have the best mom in the world. 

@Kuai_le1010@xanga - I know exactly how your husband feels. I am unsure of myself a lot of the time and worry so much about my parenting and if I'm doing right by my kids. It took getting out of that house and running my own to realize just how bad my siblings and I had it. My brother, who lives with his girlfriend and her two kids, is often astonished by the basic things his girlfriend does with and for her son and daughter. She cooks decent meals, takes the kids to and from activities and friend's houses.... Normal things most parents do that we didn't experience.

Your mother in law sounds a lot like my mother. I'm glad you got mad at her! What a horrible thing to say! My mom's always telling me I'm too involved with my kids and my marriage would be so much better if my husband and I spent more time with each other and less time doting on the kids. Heaven forbid the woman offer to babysit once in a while...

The hardest job in the world is that of a mother.  Equivalent to two full time jobs.  And after reading all these posts, I think you ladies are doing a wonderful job of being more intuitive about your parenting.  My mother ignored the hell out of me as a small child.  I do not remember making eye contact with her, or touching her.  I over did that one when mine were little.  Hugs and kisses, and mega story sessions, until they finally would tell me they were sick of me, for a while.  As teens, I gave them too much reign, as my parents had been frigid about my needs.  We were an upper middle class family, and mom didn't have to work, but I  always had maybe 4 things in my closet.  Anything I'd ask of my mom was, "You don't need that."  Ten cents for a little necklace all the girls in the neighborhood had?  "You don't need that."  Join Brownies with my three best buds?  "You don't need that." Pick me up from school 1 1/4 mile from school during my period because I'd bled through 7 pads and my clothes had blood on them?  "Wipe it off and put it back on, and walk home."  Nada validation.  So I let go of mine too soon, I think.  But at least we are in constant contact, they in their 30's, and they do tell me they love me very much.  I'm just now learning of some of the problems they had that they didn't share with me, and it hurts.  As adults, you can't fix things, and the hurt inside your heart is worse.  I wish I'd had better parenting skills.

@Kuai_le1010@xanga - The best thing you can do is validate and encourage him as much as possible. Remind him that he's not his mother, and he's a great father.

I think those are natural skills. The very last thing I want to sound like is someone's mother but I still have this tendency to advise and worry about other's well being at times. I know it's none of my business and it's their life but I still end up doing it.

In some ways I am like my mom, but I've always thought my mom was awesome.  In other ways I am not like my mom.  My parents were way overprotective of me and I hated it.  My mom didn't tell me until I was an adult that most of the stuff she did was at my dad's demand. She would have saved herself so much heartache if she would have just told me that when I was growing up. I also would have understood better why she acted like we had completely different rules when my dad was deployed.

@ccccourage@xanga - This.  Everything she said is what I think, especially the part about being overprotective leading to children thinking they need to protect their parents from the truth or feeling like they can't tell you anything because they are afraid how you will react.  I spent so much time trying to be the perfect child for my dad.  I don't want that for my son.  I want my son to be confident in who he is and not to feel like he has to be someone else.