I am adamantly against CIO. Did not do it with any of my kids. I feel like CIO is more of a selfish thing for parents. We have to remember our babies were in our bellies for 9 months, literally attached, so what if they need us. No one said parenting was easy and before you know it they are grown and no longer want to cuddle.

@sarahsmurfette@xanga - This.

@rwiedenfeld - I was often the sole care provider for my children too for days at a time, since my husband is in the military. Maybe that did play a part in my choice.

I really hate it, to a certain extent. When my daughter was a few months old we tried everything to get her to sleep. She threw a fit when I rocked her, but if I laid her down she screamed then too. One night I laid her down and went to make her a bottle, and when I came back she had curled up with her blanket and went to sleep. From then on, if I left her to whine for about 5 minutes she went to sleep. But if she was actually crying I went back to rock her for a while. We had tried the CIO method (suggested by her doctor) a few weeks earlier, and she just turned purple and became so upset. It obviously was very stressful on both of us. It just felt unnatural. She is now 14 months old and she enjoys going to bed and has no problems sleeping on her own. 

 However, my aunt let her baby, at about 9 months old, scream for hours until she threw up. She said "She just won't sleep..she wants to lay on me to sleep." So what?? Put her in your bed and let her sleep. Is it so wrong for a baby to want to be nurtured and be with her mommy? Her doctor told her she needs to just let her cry. Which is stupid. 9 month olds do not need to be independent. 
It makes me so mad when I hear people talking about letting their babies cry. My best friend has a baby a few months younger than mine, and her parents are always telling her to let him cry "so he learns." Sad.

@Morbid_Whisper660@xanga - Great comment!

My G/F tells me to CIO. She's always been concerned that if something bothers me that I would leave it cooped up inside where it can be a problem later. I have to agree with this logic.

So, if something bothers you, let others know, and if necessary, CIO. Φ ≡

And don't be alone when you cry because the comfort of your friend will always soften the pain of your tears and you heal that much faster inside.

I think the CIO method means different things to different people, and judgements fly based on the various definitions. I have heard of people who let their babies cry and cry until they tire themselves out or throw up or both, and to me, that is wrong. Maybe I'm just ignorant, but I don't believe ignoring a child's needs was what Dr. Ferber had in mind... However, I see nothing wrong with a parent implementing a system that allows their child the opportunity to work things out on their own (i.e. letting them cry for a few minutes to see if they stop and going in to soothe them if they don't).

All 3 of my children learned to fall asleep in their cribs on their own after I implemented a system like the one I mentioned in the previous paragraph. I paid very close attention to the sound of their cries, and if I felt there might be something wrong or if we were in the throes of teething or illness, I'd help them fall asleep. I went with my instincts, and sleep training/CIO/whatever you want to call it worked for us.

I don't want to come off as judgemental, but I think some parents may be taking the attachment parenting style to an unhealthy extreme. I do not think our children need to dictate every minute of our lives. Yes, we're parents and our children should be our top priority, but we don't all have the time (or the desire) to hold our babies 24/7 or spend an hour or more getting them to sleep at night. Call me selfish if you want, but I truly believe parents need "me time" to stay sane and recharge the batteries, and if that means sleep training a baby in a healthy way, so be it.

My son and his wife decided when my grandson was six months old, or, shall I say his wife decided, that the baby should "work it out", and I was grossly disappointed that the doctor didn't get more involved.  He told them that if they'd done everything they could think of to make the baby comfortable, then that was the last resort.  Well, over  time it hasn't been the last resort.  They think it's normal for a child to cry.  I've been bitterly let down that my son has picked up on her parenting, or lack thereof, skills.  it's somewhat better now, and when I have him, and he's so exhausted he's starting to have a tantrum, I'll put him to bed, and within 5 minutes he's gone to sleep.  But I strongly disagree with crying it out.  And I strongly disagree with them putting him in his play room alone while he's crying it out, because he hates being alone.  I belonged to a church a while back that rented the upper floor to the YMCA for they toddler's daycare program, and I'd go in once a week for a meeting, and through out that entire meeting I'd hear nothing but blood curdling screams and cries from upstairs.  There is absolutely no way you know what is going on with a baby or a toddler in day care as far as crying it out, because your baby doesn't have one on one care provided.

There are plenty of great articles to be found on the Peaceful Parenting website.  Crying is a sign of distress, one of the few ways a baby can communicate (particularly if he can't see his caregiver).  Why should I ignore this, just to "teach" him go to sleep?  Like all things, kids will stop having a need once that need is filled.  It's hard to believe when you feel like you've been glued to the rocking chair for hours, but it is true.  He can't fill his needs, so you have to do it for him. 

I don't know why I'm recing this, I guess bc I do feel like many don't know it can be harmful.
I read about it in a local newspaper article once.  It said that it possibly leaves the kid with a feeling of being alone in the world, and basic needs being ignored. That resonates with the neurotransmiter stories. It said that leads to insecurity while a secure background is what leads to emotional stregth. It makes sense in every way. Before kids are intellectually and physicaly capable of MEETING their needs, and taking care of themselves, they need the parents for it.

I think the problem with babies is that sometimes you just don't have much of a choice for practical reasons (like you don't know what's wrong). I wouldn't even point fingers a parents who just want a night of sleep and let their kid cry for a while a couple of times when it cries often.

But what really bothers me is when parents use it as a regular method, bc they assume the baby 'plots' something against them, and they are 'enabling' 'bad' behaviour.
A baby that cries (even though crying is annyoing) is no worse than a mature-acting assertive person. It responds to its own needs (not "entitlements") and communicates them at its best knoweledge. Babies do not have the intellectual capacity to manipulate anyway, so they shouldn't be punished. What I also find so cruel about his is that babies who cry a lot are stamped as "difficult people" when really it can be constipation or an illness that makes them feel badly.

@dw817@xanga - I'm pretty sure she's referring to the idea that parents should drop their baby in the crib and ignore him/her until s/he passes out.

I'm not at all for it, but I don't have kids yet. For myself, while I'll look into the studies, I'm very aware of the way things get skewed, mis-reported, lied about, etc. I'm more interested in what my instincts say. As humans, we seem to largely have moved away from what should come natural to us. I'm not sure why.

i think there is definitely a right way and wrong way to use cio. and i think the people who use it the wrong way are the ones who give it a bad name. it can be harmful...but it's not all bad.

I know this comment is going a bit off topic, but has anyone ever thought about the extreme opposite of the CIO method? I'm talking about parents who take attachment parenting too far... Now, I see nothing wrong with co-sleeping or any other aspect of attachment parenting, but has anyone ever come across someone who is, for lack of a better description, too attached? I'm only asking because I had a friend (the friendship ended last year after things got nasty when I told her I could no longer be her child's babysitter) who, in my opinion, was too attentive to her baby. From the moment she brought M home from the hospital, my friend and her mother allowed M to completely dictate every single aspect of life. During her maternity leave, my friend refused to take care of herself. During the 6wks she was home, my friend showered a total of 3 times, waited until her mother got home from work to eat and contracted a UTI because she wouldn't even put her baby down long enough to use the toilet. After my friend returned to work and I began watching M during the day, I quickly became aware of the way things worked in their household. M had to be held at all times unless she was fast asleep. If she even so much as whimpered or stirred when being transferred, you had to start all over again, and most of the time, M wouldn't go back to sleep. Playing on the floor with toys was a no go. In fact, as soon as she felt an altitude change, M's face would scrunch and she'd start to whine. Same thing if you tried to put her in her bouncer. My friend would actually pull over, even on the freeway, if M started to fuss in the car. She was often late for work and other engagements because of this. Long story short, M was 8mo old when I quit being her sitter, and she couldn't hold or manipulate objects, couldn't roll over, couldn't sit up and she was beyond tired because she never napped and was only sleeping for 3-4 hours a night. I called CPS on my friend and her mother the day before I quit, and to this day, I stand by my choice. This little girl was being abused, in my opinion, because she wasn't allowed the chance to develop any skills. My friend and her mother were so afraid of ever letting M cry that they were holding her back. Now that I've written a novel, I think I'd better get to my point... I think there is a fine line between abuse/neglect and healthy sleep training when it comes to the CIO method, but I also think there is a fine line between healthy attachment and unhealthy attachment.