Thursday, 30 August 2012
At first, keeping my pregnancy from him bothered me. But when I finally had her, it bothered me more that I felt compelled to tell him. I didn't want to, I didn't necessarily need to (for my sake), but for my daughter - I did. Now she is 3 months old and every day I wonder if I made the right decision. Her dad graduates from college in May 2013, after that he talks of going to Europe for his Master's degree. Does it not cross his mind that he would be leaving behind his daughter, who will only be a year old at the time. I chose to end our relationship before the news of my pregnancy; and I ended it because I realized how very little we have in common.
We have opposite cultures, he is from Africa - I grew up in a small Kansas town. I'm Methodist, he is Lutheran. He likes politics, I stay away from them. I'm a quiet person, he is very outspoken. I hate cooking - he makes fun of me because I can't cook. I'm generous, he is greedy. He thinks child support is only for unfit fathers, I think it's a way to keep the father accountable for supporting his child. He thinks our daughter doesn't need any toys, I think she needs them to practice significant milestones and to develop her many skills. I decorate her room, he thinks it should be bare walls. He talks bad about America - I tell him it was his CHOICE to come here.
When I told him about the birth of our daughter, he was willing to give up his parental rights - just because he didn't want to pay child support. But then he asked me if he could change her name... What kind of a Father is that?!
I found out I was pregnant when I was 5 months along (I was on birth control), I didn't tell her father until she was 5 weeks old. And I did it for her; not for me. Not for him either. But now he talks of moving across the country in a year, we fight about how she should be raised, and he still hasn't paid any child support. What if I made a mistake telling him?
How do all of you single parents manage/learn how to co-parent? I want what is best for my daughter, and I believe that having her father in her life is a significant thing - but staying connected thru video chats as she grows up is not a healthy relationship. What do I do?