Monday, 20 August 2012
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Jealous Step-Mother In Law
Me and my husband found out that we are expecting our first a few weeks ago. We kept it hush hush until we went to the doctor to confirm. After the doctor gave us a green light, we decided to start sharing the good news. My parents were overjoyed. Then I told my sister in law and she was super excited, she was begging me to let her dress up our baby. Sure, more money I'm gonna save on clothes. Also we went ahead and told my father in law and his new wife.
My father in law remarried last year to his best friends wife. Basically here is the short story: My FIL and MIL were best friends with Bob and Jane (not their real names). Bob wanted to have kids and Jane didn't, so Bob met some woman named Kate and she said she will have his kid if he wants to. Jan left Bob. Bob got Kate pregnant, and then told her he wants to go back to Jane and to get rid of the baby. Kate refused and Jane told him to go be with Kate. Kate gave birth to a girl and my FIL and MIL were invited to celebrate every month of the baby's birth, 1 month old, 2 month old, 3 month old, etc. When the girl was 3 years old Bob got into a horrible car accident and died. Six month after his death Kate started calling her friend husband to hang out. The friend cursed her and told her to leave her husband along. In the mean time FIL and MIL were getting a divorce. Kate started calling FIL and offered to be his lawyer. Soon after they started living together. Before the divorce was finalized and my MIL knew what was happening, Kate had FIL living with her full time.
Fast forward 3 years, she wants to get married and FIL is not in a hurry so she gets pregnant with him and convinces him to marry her. They get married and 4 month later she gives birth to another girl. Few month later my husbands asks me to marry him (we been together longer then they have been) and we get married 9 month afterwards. She kept complaining how FIL is helping out pay for his son's wedding. She complained to her friends that FIL is paying for everything in our wedding, where as in fact, my family paid for half and me and my husband paid half of the other half. And FIL is crazy rich and my parents nor me or my husband are not. The building where Kate lives right now was 1/3 my husbands (he grew up there and during divorce MIL wrote her half of the house that she bought with FIL on my husband and his sister) and 1/3 was sister's and 1/3 FIL. Kate changed the documents without anyone knowing and put the house on her name, and two of her daughters.Ok whatever, let her have it I don't care, we can buy our own house but this is what happened. So we go to FIL to tell him our news and he is super happy, excited and basically overjoyed that he is going to have his first grandchild, and Kate is all angry looking and pissed. She tightened her lips so hard it looked like she didn't have any lips at all and she goes: "What happened, I thought you gonna wait?" "Are you sure you can do this? What are you going to do, you never had a baby?" "You sure you want to keep it?" "Where you going to get the money for it?" "Did you think this through?" Me and husband got so upset we left after being there for 5 minutes no more. First of all me and husband wanted this more then anything. Second of all me and husband both have well paid full time jobs thank you very much. Third of all if I didn't want to keep it, or weren't sure about it, why in the world would I be telling people how happy I am and excited??? Is she that scared that we will ask for "her" (she doesn't really work or do anything its all my FIL) money?! Gosh, she can keep all "her" riches for all we care. My husband is too proud to ask his dad for money anyways and would never no matter what. I told my sister in law what happened and she was extremely upset and had a talk with Kate. Kate said she was going to apologize but since I got upset about it she won't anymore. What trash. She stole a husband once, she stole a husband twice, her husband's best friend! Before I met my husband my boyfriend of a year died of a car crash and I was broken inside but I did not run after his best friend, I couldn't even think of dating another guy, and she was planning another rich man to land, and she has the audacity to judge, criticize and question me?
What do you think? What would you do in my situation?
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- From: pinkdiffusion@xanga
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Comments (20)
oy vey... i wish i had something encouraging to say.. but about the only thing I can suggest is you can deal with it 3 ways...
1, refuse to have anything to do with her, and risk alienating your FIL..
or... 2 kill (not literally) her with kindness... (Im using this tactic with my MIL.. 8yrs later im still waiting for her to crack). being nice to someone like this is unbelievably hard, but if you can manage it you might just crack her.. and she could turn out to be an ok person.
then there is a 3rd option.. sit down and talk to her and your FIL about it. Tell her how this has made you feel, and how things have to change if you all are going to be a family.
Wow, I'm sorry. I couldn't imagine.
Have a talk with your FIL and put how you feel out there. Don't stress about it too much though because really...you can't change how trashy and pathetic someone else is.
Congrats on the baby!
I don't think the back story really added to the situation, you just
seem to want to share that in order to hold it over her head. Yes, she
did bad things which makes her "concern" over your pregnancy something
defend-able. The past is in the past, let those things go. If you really
don't care about your FIL's relationship with her, their legal issues,
and money then don't hold that over her head either. I can see where an
apology on her part is needed, but at the same time you're incredibly
defensive. Her past indiscretions have NOTHING to do with the questions
she asked about your pregnancy. Venting is okay, but let the walls down;
animosity is ugly and poisonous.
@MiriamBeth@xanga - I agree, that the past is the past, but the past also shows a person's character. This woman seems manipulative and demanding, from what the poster wrote. Which may give some insight to why she would be upset that they are pregnant.
Really there is no excuse for her to act like that. My MIL has been a pain in our ass lately, always criticizing or getting upset over something. We've decided to ignore it. Just let her be rude, or whiny, or whatever she wants. Try to keep your FIL involved and ignore his wife as best as you can.
What a horrible person to be around! Who reacts like that to such good news?! I feel sorry for your family, just because they have to put up with that. I don't know what you should do here. I would probably be a little catty and ignore her. In other words I'd talk to the FIL, but I wouldn't include her as often, especially since she won't apologize. That's not a very nice way of going about things though. It certainly wouldn't help a situation where you're dealing with such a negative person.
As for her past, the indiscretions do seem to be piling up. You shouldn't concern yourself with them though. I understand you put them in so we can see the full picture of the situation. She certainly was hypocritical and such. Don't hold her mistakes and such over her though. We all make mistakes and do things other people wouldn't think to do. Granted, from what I heard, she does a lot of things that aren't great at all, and hopefully she either learns to be a better person in that she learns to care for and trust other people, or your FIL figures out what he married and gets the heck out of dodge. Either way, you just have to let things progress on their own there.
I still wouldn't talk to her too much if she's going to ask those things when she just finds out about the baby. That was rude and uncalled for. What did your husband have to say about that? What did your FIL have to say?
Since the original post time passed and she has been more and more negative. When we found out its a boy and told FIL she got pissed out and stormed out of the room. When we signed up for the baby shower (Im due in 8 weeks) she kept insisting that we take everything of the baby shower registry because she has everything (used, dirty PINK stuff from her daughter!). I told her we are not ascking for her things or new things from FIL we are going to buy our own stuff NEW for our first son, she got in a fight with FIL and started crying how we are wasting his money. Really??? We buying it with OUR money. She is so terrified that our son is going to overshadow her daugther that it got to a point where i told my husband, I dont even wish to go visit them or bring my son there, Lord forbid he steals the spotlight from her daughter.
@ulvenNixie@xanga - My husband was very upset and was the one who told me that we are leaving as soon as we got there. He talked to FIL how it was offensive but FIL was like "oh she didnt mean it like that". FIL is very defensive of her and she controls everything and is trying to control the whole family, my SIL, FIL, husband and even me. And the only people she is not able to control are me and my husband so she is flipping out. She was trying to put everything under her name, changed all the paper work from my husband's and SIL name to her own without telling FIL and FIL was like "Oh its ok she is my wife let her have it". So now she is trying to make sure me and my husband are miserble and have nothing. I honestly dont understand how can someone be so greedy.
@pinkdiffusion@xanga - :( I'm sorry that's happening. I'm not sure how you can fight back with that, other than kind of cookie-cuttering her out of your life. She'll never be completely gone, but you can distance yourself from her. I really don't know. I hope it does get better and I'm sorry about the situation with her. Congrats on the baby though. You and your husband can be extremely happy inspite of your step-mother-in-law, and that's what truly matters.
Congratulations on your first child! I'm sorry to hear that you've having so much trouble with your husband's stepmother. I cannot imagine having to deal with such a difficult and unreasonable, controlling person. I'm guessing your husband has spoken to his father in regards to this, but it seems like your FIL is blinded by her bad behavior. In which case, I believe speaking to her in private is probably best, but she sounds like someone who loves attention and perhaps, would love for someone to have pity on her. I would respectfully explain to her that you and your husband has every intention of taking care of your baby without hers or FIL's financial support. Remind her that you've treated her with respect, that you would appreciate that she would treat you the same, despite the difference in opinion. Agree to disagree, but let her know that you will not tolerate her bad behavior. If she refuses to change her tune, you shouldn't have to put yourself or your child in such a volatile situation. If FIL wants to see his grandchild, make plans to meet at a neutral third place, such as a park. That way, she may stay home, or if she does come along, you have the option of leaving when she starts acting out.
Wow.
What a jealous manipulative woman! She is truly a poisonous character. Congratulations on your first born though!
My advice would be, stay the hell away from her. Let her stew in her jealousy & ugliness. She probably sees the happiness you & your husband have & lets be honest: Money doesn't buy happiness. It doesn't buy a family or love & warmth. It buys nothing but materialistic things. You & your husband are richer then she could ever hope to be & she's jealous of that.
Hopefully, your FIL wakes up & sees her true colors, but in the event of him not doing so, just stay away from her - be polite on a strict family basis. Like if you see her at a family function. Other then that..have nothing to do with her. You don't deserve to have someone like that your life. Good luck!
wow, am i the only one that will rip the bitch head up for being so greedy, manipulative, and contorlling? i'd be like what you old hag? jealous 'cause you can't pop any more babies? 'cause you're not as young and pretty as i am? just to piss her off even more hahaha i cannot simply ignore a character like her.. i refuse.
I would take a step back and perhaps let this one go. It's really hard to do. She may really feel awful someday, even though she might not say it. What is it we all want? We want as many family members to love our children and participate in wonderful events. There's a grandfather involved here that your little one could benefit from. If you think you can be civil, and I understand if you can't right now, sit down with this woman and explain that you'd really love to have her love and support concerning your baby, and that her words were hurtful to you. Tell her you understand her concerns, and are certainly taking all those matters into mind, and would she consider being part of the joyous event? It's really hard to forgive, but she may very well have something to offer the child in the future when she gets over her own painful feelings. Bottom line: Grandfather must be included for the baby's sake, whether she comes around or not. And can you forgive her enough to allow her to be at the birth? That always brings families together.
She has problems..deep problems. Sorry that she expressed her rage..what a dump.
Continue to be happy about your coming child.
Challenge her legally on your right to the house!! Don't let her get away with it . Legally, she had no right to do so.
What a mess. Good luck!
OR, forget about all of this mess and focus on your happy life and your happy child to be!! Life is too short to let it be encumbered by the love of $$$.. Will get you in deep water every time.
Focus on the good in your life and forget about her!!!! Not worth your time.
Forget about the $$. Now. :)
Kate sounds like a snobby whore. js.
It's not your fault that your FIL loves your son and wants to be a part of his life (unlike her daughter's originally). She's a jealous prick. Let her be all shitty about it. Your family hates her anyway. I'm sure when it comes down to the legal stuff if your husband and SIL fight it, they'll win.
As far as her past is concerned, it might be best to let it go because chances are, all those things will only lead to you and your husband resenting this woman. Bottom line is, there is a baby coming, and she needs to decide if she can put her own selfish thoughts and feelings aside and be a good grandma to your child. If she can't, it's her loss.
Oi Vei, that's definitely quite a situation. If I had any experience in this area I would definitely offer some adivce, but alas, I cannot.
*hugs* That would be incredibly awkward. I'm glad you guys are happy together! Whatever you do, please don't end up shunning the FIL due to the new MIL's behavior. Invite him to the birthdays and such. Just treat her as more of an acquaintance until she can act the part of something better. *hugs* Don't let this become a focus. Let it fall out of the back of your mind & focus on the excitement of shopping for the new baby! You'll be fine. :) *hugs*
Maybe this rude woman will get hit by a bus one day? Sometimes there are vicious jealous people. You can't change them. The venom runs too deep. I would just avoid her as much as possible. But I would include the father in law in as much of the upbringing of your child as you can.
It is a sad thing to lose any inheritance. But as you said, you both have well paying jobs and don't need it. I think that it was awful that she asked if you wanted to keep your child. Why wouldn't you? you were in a relationship for a while, and then you got married. You have a stable foundation with which to raise offspring. Perhaps she was worried about if she can make sure to get everything. Some women are greedy.
Don't let your hearts be poisoned with hatred. I would just ignore her as much as possible if you have to be around her. If she insults you, just say, whatever, I wasn't talking to you.Visibly not giving a crap about what she has to say will drive her up the wall more than anything.
Invite your father in law to activities that you know he likes. Especially if she doesn't. That way, she is less likely to show up. And your son can spend some time with his grandfather.
If it comes down to it, have a heart to heart with your father in law. Tell him how much her actions and attitudes hurt you. Tell him that you still want him in your lives, but that you can't handle her. That's probably what I would do.
@HazelBug1@xanga - thank you for your advice