Thursday, 09 August 2012
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I Hate My Child's Name
Hi, I hope someone can help. I named my boy 7 years ago and now I hate the name and am embarrassed of it. So much so that I avoid taking my child places in case I have to spell it out.I am very down as I feel I have let him down, and I love him so much! He is such a lovely child. I have tried changing his name to the middle name but he likes his name as it is and he found it distressing when we tried changing his name. I really don't know what to do, it feels like a life sentence. I am in a terrible way over it. We live in the North of England and the name is so unusual here, people keep spelling it wrong and pronouncing it wrong, but the main thing is I can't get used to it. It makes me cringe when I hear it. The name is Tadgh, it is an Irish name pronounced Tieg. We have also tried changing the spelling to Tieg and a few others but he doesn't like them.
It's hit me a bit like going to bed and then waking up and realizing I have given my son a name from another culture. I feel like it's an Indian name which is ok if you are Indian. But imagine if you are a Christian and you wake up one morning and you realize your child's is named Mohammed (this works vice versa, just in case I offend anyone).
Can someone offer advice to help me??
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Comments (30)
Does he like his name? Really that's all that matters. And love your baby. An unusual name is sometimes a blessing. It makes you memorable. (You know, unless your parent is a jerk and names you Memphis Eve...Bono is a jerk). If it really bothers you call him by a nickname. Having your name misspelled isn't the end of the world. Everyone puts a Ch in front of mine on a regular basis. It's obnoxious, but an easy mistake to make. :)
It seems like you're the only one that has an issue with his name. If your son likes it that's great!! You shouldn't try changing something about your son, especially if he likes it. Besides, unique names are wonderful. My name is Keisha, which is often thought of as an African American's name. I'm half Asian and half white. My name is who I am, if anyone tried taking it away from me I would be upset too. It seems like your son embraces his name, so you should too.
Do it now before he gets older.
Name is an identity mark. If you change the name of your son, if HE likes it (because it represents him), it can be psychologicaly hard for him.
You choose a name for him. A name from another culture -a marvellous one according to me, and I'm french- is not something bad. It is a sign that you have an open mind, turn to other and not only your "community".
As a teacher, I have many children whose names are not french, nor not comming from their own culture (marocca, turkey or India most of the time). Many many french children have anglo-saxon names, or magrhebian name (Ylias/Elias/Iliès, Yanis/Anis/Enis....). No problem here.
Be proud of your children name. It is a MARVELLOUS name, a RARE name and... it is the name of your lovely Child.
as 3 others have said, he likes his name.. Maybe he likes being unusual.. If he is not bothered by it why are you? Just let it be.
I kept reading in your post that your child likes his name. I mean, I read it more than once. Tadgh likes his name, apparently. Just let him keep his name. I'm sorry that you're over it, and maybe he'll see it your way in the future, but let him come to that decision. It is his name after all. Until then, give him a cute nickname or something. It can be a sobriquet between Tadgh and his mommy, or even the family, that might help you cope without taking away his name entirely.
not sure it helps, but I think the name is really neat!
we named our second son jacson, my husband got to choose since I chose Levi, our first son's name. I still do not like the name Jacson. Most people call him Jac instead of Jacs... so I basically stick to jacbear.... =] Every other kid is named Jackson, Jack around here... its frustrating.
I'm confused by this post. You say it's an Irish name and then you say it's an Indian name...?? Are you concerned people will *think* it's an Indian name? If you live in Northern England, surely people have heard it as an Irish name? I've never seen that spelling, but I like the sound of it. You chose the name 7 years ago so I'm not sure why you are so worried what other people think about it now.
At 7 years old, it's part of your son's identity. I would let it go and not make him feel self-conscious about it. Some kids grow up and enjoy having a unique name. It helps them stand out and be themselves. If not, he can change it or go by another name when he's old enough to make the decision.I just read the description of the name and it sounds like an awesome name to be proud of! It means a poet or philosopher? I would emphasize to your child how unique and strong his name is :)
http://www.babynology.com/meaning-tadgh-m33.html
Try to identify the name with something else besides culture or give him a nickname?
If it bothers you, call him a nickname like T. It's just a name and by comparison, I've heard truly different names like Jermajesty or Lemonjello (pronounced Limon-za-lo by those who know her, Lemon Jello by those who don't). You could have named him a fruit, like Apple, or a color like Blue, but luckily you didn't.
I don't know what his name means but I actually really like it. Whatever the religious or regional importance, it shouldn't matter as long as he likes. Your son is the one who has a life sentence to it anyway. Once he is out of your house you won't have to deal with having to explain it as much and who knows how you'll feel about it in the future.
If you have a sweet, well-behaved child who you love and who loves you in return, then count your blessings. A name is just a name. Your relationship with him is more important than his name. Try not to stress out over it or stress the poor little guy out about it.
I think to would be horrible to change his name. He's seven, not a baby. He knows his name and he identifies by his name - you can't change it because you've changed your mind. You can always call him by a nickname, but changing his name NOW is not fair, especially when he likes his name! You named him that, and sorry, but it's something you'll have to live with, regardless of whether you've suddenly decided you hate it or not.
If he likes it now, I dont understand the problem. I know you did name him, but it is NOT your name. I find it quite lovely, i think unique names are awesome and the Irish have a beautiful culture and language.
Usually, it's the other way around. The parent likes the name and the kid doesn't....
you lose the ability to change a kid's name at age 4 or 5... 7 is after personal identity has already begun forming and you can't change it very easily now. even if you want to call him by a nickname, much of the name is his choice- it is a matter of what he chooses to put on school papers, and wants to respond to it.
Maybe try to focus on why you chose that name for him in the first place? If your son likes his name, that should really be all that matters. Trying to change his opinion will only backfire and could lead to issues between you and him. Call him something else if he'll allow you to if it's that bothersome.
I think you need to stop worrying about it so much because you're going to teach him that being different is scary and wrong. Take a deep breath and when people ask you what his name is, smile proudly and tell them. If he likes it, that's all that matters.
If he likes it, then what's the big deal? People will figure it out eventually.
You've been calling him by this name for 7 years. To rip this part of his identity away from him (especially when he clearly loves it,) would be cruel and unusual punishment. If when he gets older, and he has a change of heart -let him pick out his own name. But if he doesn't want to be called anything other than Tadgh, than you're going to have to resolve to accept it (and love it) because it embodies who he is... Just remember, he is your son, and I'm sure that you love him more than anything, so don't worry about it so much. Let him become himself and love who he is.
You should only be concerned if HE doesn't like it. You gave it to him, but at this point it is HIS name and he probably is really attached to it as his identity. He's not a cat or hamster, you can't change his name at will.
This is the generation of goofy names, names that everybody thinks their kids will love because they do. Most of them aren't names. You can call your federal building and ask the process of changing it, and maybe explain to him you're gonna call him his middle name? Had a friend, 36 years ago, who names her son Rivers. Said he was the most brilliant child she'd ever seen, she has a Master's in teaching. Said he'd love it because it was after a beloved friend. Well, he went to first grade and couldn't learn to read. Dyslexia. And some of the kids started in on the name. When he was 10 he had a nervous breakdown, landed in the hospital, and told his mother he'd never forgive her for his name. They promptly had it changed to his middle name, which was a bona fide name, not intended to make the parents think they were really cool. It's not about the parents and their quirky ideas. It's about the kid. And btw, my husband is a teacher, and each year in his class, he'll have both a boy and a girl with the same name. For some reason people don't like girl names and think they are making the kid stronger with a boy name. Well, I'm not even going to go any further because I feel so sorry for those kids, and such anger towards their narcissistic parents.
My daughter and son have abnormal names for the times. Not only do people need for me to spell them, and often mispronounce them but often, VERY OFTEN people call my children by a completely different name that is easier for their own minds to process than my child's actual name.
The first time, I'll correct the speaker. If it continues, I just allow them to use the wrong name because, ultimately, it doesn't matter- we both know who they are talking about.I had a proper "Oh, Shit. What have I done?" moment after we filled out the birth certificate for each of my children. My daughter's first name is 8 letters long. her middle name is 10 letters long. I was sure we'd cursed her with a name she'd never learn to spell on her own. Our son's name is so abnormal for the times unless someone knows the name's biblical reference They've never heard it before. I felt horrible, for a few moments, about saddling those tiny newborn babies with such a burden of a name but now, 2 and 4 years later, I'm glad I went through with it because i can't think of a better name for either of my children.
Your son is 7. If he likes his name, let him handle the people who do things that annoy you. Let him spell his name for them. That original name, that original spelling, He name enjoy the novelty of it. Of having a name so unusual that it boggles people's minds. It's a big sparkly name tag that screams "I'm different than every one of YOU!"=) Embrace his joy over it.
I live in the U.S but have a co-worker whose name is Tadgh. It was the first time I had ever heard it.. EVER, but I like it. He is a strapping young man with the Police Department, we have solid careers and his name has not hindered him in any way.
He goes by the nickname Ty.
Have you tried using a nickname such as Ty or Tad?
@Alle_in_Ashe@xanga - My brothers name is Callum, people still pronounce it like Column. I have 10, yes TEN middle names, and two lastnames. The only thing you need to worry about with your daughters name is when she fills in forms where there is a little box for each letter, if there are enough little boxes LOL.
Personally I think Tadgh is a wonderful name and one to proud of, would you rather he be one of half a dozen Edwards or Johns in his classes?
I've always liked Manfred myself