I read an article in the New York Daily News this week and thought some of the tips from two Aurora psychologists with expertise treating children were certainly worth passing on to parents of young children. With a comic book hero, a movie theater, and a helpless crowd of young people enmeshed in last week’s tragedy in Aurora, it’s no wonder that parents across the country have begun grappling with how to help young ones deal with the incident and its aftermath.
Dr. Jeffrey Dolgan, a senior psychologist at The Children's Hospital of Denver - where six victims were taken in the wake of the shooting - said parents should really take three major steps when broaching the subject of this or any traumatic event with their children.
“First, parents have to compose themselves,” Dolgan said, stressing that parents should think carefully about what they want to say to their children before they begin what will likely be a difficult conversation.
Tough task, in my generation our parents never talked about these types of events but with the massive news coverage and kids that are more wired today, those days are gone.
Second, Dolgan recommended that parents actually let their children lead the way.
“Kids are all over the place with where they are developmentally,” he said. In order to deal with these differences, creating an atmosphere in which your children feel comfortable approaching you with questions would be optimal.
As a parent I would like to not discuss things like this but with today’s media coverage and so many other kids talking about it, Aurora’s tragedy is impossible to sweep under the rug.
Dr. Richard Marafiote, another psychologist who has worked in Aurora for many years, stressed how important it is for parents to “tune in” to their children in moments like these.
“By and large I think about the importance of parents allowing their children to speak about how they feel rather than having those parents put on their children what they believe their child may think or feel,” he said.
Finally, Dolgan suggested parents should try to “normalize” the situation as much as possible, while limiting media exposure.
“What we've found with many studies is the more kids and parents see the same kind of visuals, the more traumatizing it is,” Dolgan said.
Both Dolgan and Marafiote said it is not out of the ordinary for children, even far from a tragedy’s epicenter, to display anxious behavior following a traumatic event. That has to be true, even I was a bit apprehensive going the the multi-plex for the first time after this tragedy.
Have your children learned about the Aurora tragedy? How have you handled this subject with them?
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Comments (3)
My son is too young. I don't think he knows anything about it especially since we do not watch the news. 90% of the time our TV is on PBS, The Science Channel, Discovery, The History Channel, Animal Planet, or the Sci-Fi Channel. However, if he were to have seen it on the news, or heard about it from one of his friends and was afraid, I would be honest and frank with him the same as I was when the Tornado(es) hit last year. He still gets upset when the power goes out (especially during a storm), but I am working on it. I think if I had to tell him about the shootings I would tell him that there are people in the world that are insane but they are not the norm and shootings like the theater shootings are rare. I would also tell him all the things I would have wanted an adult to explain to me when I was growing up in Germany during the 80s (air raid (weather) sirens still freak me out).
My 6 year old daughter heard about it. So I told her that a bad man took a gun to the movie theater and killed some people and hurt a lot more. He was a very bad man and the police have him in jail now. It was far away from us, and her Daddy and I will always do everything we can to keep her and her brother safe. Then I asked her if she had any questions, she didn't. I told her if she thought of any later that we could talk about it when she wanted to. And that was that.
In the past she has asked me about Bloods and Crips, another tough, violent subject. I told her that they were people who grew up without good parents who loved them and wanted them to grow up and act like good people. That they have bad friends who encourage them to do bad things. And that when you do one little bad thing it makes it easier to do bigger and bigger bad things until you don't care about anyone or anything anymore. Unfortunately that explanation backfired because when she was asked to write a sentence for school about what she would do if she found $100 on the playground, she wrote, "I would leave it there because I don't want the Bloods to punch my face and steal my money." For reference, we live in small town Texas where those gangs are not represented nor are they in the news. But Daddy is studying criminal justice and is in the military, she probably heard mention of the gangs from him.
Anyway, I think these are good steps if you are unsure how to go about talking about this with your kids.
http://files.abovetopsecret.com/files/img/su5011b3b6.JPG
And so it goes. But I think when they really get down to solving just WHY he did what he did, they're gonna find it's related to negative upbringing from the 'glamor' bad guys have today.
And what next ? Somebody who takes it upon themselves to be Batman ? A teenager, just like the movie, Dark Knight was showing ? There to 'help' battle crime ?
Our icons are too strong. We no longer have 70's bad guys that say to the beautiful princess, "And you'll never leave this castle." no now it's, "And we'll cut you up into little pieces and feed to you the dogs."
Movies and shows are entertaining, granted, but where do you draw the line on the evil and wickedness of the villains which I think directly influence our youth ? And if there is no line drawn, that is indeed a tragedy for them.