Much has been made in commentary, on blogs, in comments, of the fact that during the unthinkable tragedy in the Colorado movie theater there was a baby in attendance. Further, that one of those fatally shot was a 6 year old little girl. Instead of having empathy for her family, or even sadness for the girl herself, people go straight to blame. And it isn't blame of the murderer. It's blaming the girl's mother. Why? Because it makes some people feel too uncomfortable to believe, to know, that there are truly some things that are outside of our control. So we blame the victim. It is not only unwarranted, it is ultimately a selfish reflection back on those who are judging.
In light of that, I will provide some reasons that I can think of that might make taking a baby or a 6 year old (it was a PG-13 superhero movie) to the theater thinkable:
*An infant is likely to sleep in a darkened theater through the movie, and if not, a prepared mother (and even more a breastfeeding Mom who has nothing she needs to prepare) can feed the baby and the baby sleeps again. That's the majority of what babies do when they're that young. Eat and sleep (and poop - and they have changing stations for that, too). Why should Mom and Dad quarantine themselves to home or face forced separation just to have a night out, even just to see a movie? And no, babysitters are not always an option. As a military wife I can testify to that fact. Our nearest relatives are at least 3 states away. We move and re-network every 4 years or less. Our closest, most trusted friends have families themselves. So lets look at that option: either we force our friends to have a night apart so that we can spend our night out together, or all of the children are combined and suddenly there is a house with 7 kids under the age of 6 and only 2 adults. True friends would only put their friends through that for an anniversary or an emergency. LOL!
*My kids love superhero movies. Some, I don't let them watch at all. Some, I censor certain sequences (too-real violence, tough content, or overt sexuality). Yes that is easier to do at home on Blu-Ray. But sometimes as a special night or as a reward for doing something that was extra challenging (I read that the 6 year old victim had just learned how to swim for instance) I take them to the theater to see a movie. It is not up to me or to any of you to tell this mother it was inappropriate for her to allow her daughter to see this movie, if that is what it comes down to for you (content). You don't know them. You don't know their history or anything else except what we have been presented with in the short amount of time the press has been digging for details. Maybe there was some special connection to Batman. Maybe the mother was ready to cover her daughter's eyes when something that was "too much" appeared. Maybe it doesn't matter.
And that is the point. It doesn't matter. To those who blame the mother, the parents, of the children present at the theater the night of this horrendous event I tell you to take a minute and sit in silence. Sit in silence and grasp the fact that we don't and can't control every event of our lives. We can only live it the best way we know how in the moments we are given. If these families found joy in the moment of going to the theater to see a special movie showing during the summer - then I say cheers to them! What happened to them was not their fault. Any more than it would have been their fault if they went instead to a Care Bears movie at noon - and were struck and killed by a drunk driver on the way there. Not Their Fault.
It's ok to take your child to the movies (if you're prepared to leave if the baby cries or the toddler acts up). I have done it. My friends have done it. I am deeply sorry that this was the outcome for the families of those in Colorado who also did it.
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Comments (90)
my mom took me to a lot of movies as a kid, and i've gone to a lot of movies in my life. i haven't paid for a show since 2007 and never had a problem with noisy children.
but i do have a problem with noisy adults/teens. like yesterday i went to see the spiderman movie again, alone, and this family of four in the other row kept talking until i told them to shut up. probably not the most polite thing to do, but it's a movie and if you're paying all this money for everyone to see it, why not be quiet?and for this discussion, i feel like a lot of these people aren't parents or don't have children of their own so they shouldn't have much of a say for what other people do with their children.@galliver@xanga - I've never met a baby with a job and paid their own way, into any movie. When they can do that, they can be annoying as much as they want. They can also be told to shut the hell up, if they are being annoying, and will understand it. If they wanna be a dick, after their cellphones go off cuz they forgot to turn it down, they can also get a punch. Punching babies isn't acceptable, but, for some stupid reason, its acceptable for them to cry and piss off other paying customers. Babies on planes are a stupid idea too.
And I'm glad you completely ignored the info of my original comment about the damage to a baby's brain, from watching tv and movies....
I do actually give a bit of a rats ass about the being that cannot communicate its needs or desires, even if the parents don't seem to....
Anything television wise is not good for children under a year. It causes too much stimulation which can be linked to having attention problems. So, no, I will not be taking an infant to the movie theater with me, or a child until they can sit quietly through the movie.
NO babies in the theater. End of story. I don't care if it's even a movie made for babies. No whining, crying, pooping, blob of skin should ruin anyone's movie experience. And the only reason for it being okay that you came up with was that you can't find a babysitter.
If you live on a military base they are set up so that families with small children live in the same area as other families with small children. Not all of them are going to have 3-4 kids. Also, there are bound to be some teenagers that would kill for twenty bucks.
The only other things you were saying sounded like you were trying to defend yourself from criticism. "I can cover their eyes when violent/sexual things happen." If you don't want your kid watching that stuff, then don't bring them to a movie that will obviously have that type of thing in it. I mean.... the point of superhero movies IS the violence. I don't want to see Superman and Bizarro come to an amiable agreement. I wanna see Superman almost lose, then smash him over the head with a semi-truck.
You could probably all shut up. I'm sure she's blaming herself enough for everyone.
@juliewashere88@twitter - Animosity seems to seep through your words. I may be wrong. But it seems you generally have a bias toward this subject to begin with. Regardless, I will respond with a question:
Is it possible that the only reason you think all babies "scream" through movies is because you wouldn't otherwise notice the baby? Is it possible that your perception of prevalence is skewed?
When I see words like "breed" I can't help but wonder if the person using word is ageist.
@juliewashere88@twitter - I don't believe that it is irresponsible, discourteous, or non-sensical to go as a family to the movies.
Ageist is defined as discrimination against a group of people based on their age, usually relating to older people, adolescents, and children. It includes the negative assumption that children and babies behave in certain ways based on their age and ignoring their ideas because they are too young to have relevance or validity.
I am not in question about the definition of "breed" only that I am accustomed to people using it in a negative manner when referring to parents and children. If you don't feel that way, I stand corrected. But I would be surprised if you don't come here with a predisposition and prejudice toward this subject based on negative experience or thought - and I am judging that from your grammar.
Don't take kids to movies until they can sit quietly and actually enjoy an age-appropriate movie (pg-13 is rated for 13 & up). If you need a night out or want to do something with the family, there are many other options. Common sense... I have a 3 & 4 year old and not only do I: Not want to waste money by taking kids to a movie that won't keep their attention but: I also don't want to get on them because I expect them to sit through a long movie like an adult. It's like yelling at a kid who's cranky when they've been kept up til 12 at night.
I don't blame the parents that their child died. They could have been shot at in a shopping mall or playground just as easily. It was an unfortunate circumstance all the way around.
@juliewashere88@twitter - Newborns are just about the only age that can sleep through a movie. I agree with you that it's not a smart move to bring a little one into a theater unless the subject matter is for young children. I just don't understand why parents feel so compelled that they absolutely Must! see a movie in the theater that they have to drag their young children along (unless it's a family movie or movie that kids will enjoy it). Are there not enough other activities around? Can they not go see it with a friend at a better time when a spouse, relative, friend or babysitter can watch their kid(s)? Or is our society completely drenched with people who are only satisfied with doing what they want, when they want to, that they can't simply wait a few days or even hours?
If watching a movie is that important, then for only $14 a month (about the price of 1.5 movie tickets), they can have unlimited movies streaming through their home TV where they can relax and watch it after the kids are sound asleep at night.
I dont blame the mother or father for what happend, I blame them for taking a baby and a little kid to the theater.
1st of all my 6 year old (when she gets that age) will not be attending a MIDNIGHT showing of anything.
2nd, I wouldnt take a kid younger than 5 to the theater because I wouldnt want to ruin any one else's experience. When I was pregnant there was this woman there with 5 children and they were all really little. They kept kicking my seat and getting up to go to the bathroom. my hair even got pulled and I ended up with gum in it (didnt find out until the movie let out and someone walking behind me told me)
Im sorry but we paid $20 for 2 hours of entertainment not 2 hours of annoyance.
Either keep those kids at home or parent better.
it was irresponsible for them to take those kids to the theater at such a late time. Get a baby sitter or dont go.
thats my opinion and im entitled to it.
@DuchessCadbury@twitter - I'm not sure where you got the idea that the reason I said someone might take a baby to a movie is because they couldn't afford a babysitter. I didn't say that. It isn't about finances. It's about access to trusted babysitters.
And some people just don't want to part with their babies, and that's also their prerogative. If you want to go somewhere and guarantee that you won't be bothered by anyone, then isn't it smarter to watch a dvd in your own home where you can control your environment? You can't control any age demographic in the theater - kids and babies are not the only ones who are disruptive. But it sure is easiest to pick on them, isn't it?
@juliewashere88@twitter - Apparently you have to bind and gag a baby so that it doesn't bother you. We have nothing to discuss. That's as determined by rant reason #3.
Your icon + Your totally hateful rant + CAPS LOCK = No reason for me to comment.
You are a childfree advocate, why you are on a mothering site? It can only be for inflammatory purposes. You won't find engagement here.
@babybug329@xanga - I totally agree. Plus being around the loud constant noises is not good for kids and might possibly damage their hearing.
Something I noticed while watching all three of the Batman Trilogy movies was how many things were staged in such a way that kids could watch it. While my boyfriend and I were watching it, he kept commenting on how anyone in the movie with a gun would point the gun away from their target to shoot, and that it never actually looked like they shot the gun, you could just hear the sound effect, and your brain made the connections from there. It was slightly more gratuitously violent than pointing a stick and yelling "bam! you're dead!", and when something extremely violent happened, the camera panned away. I figured out that it was so that the kids could watch without being traumatized, and grownups could watch a superhero movie that they would consider edgy and tough. The production team behind this movie wanted kids to come see it with their parents. I mean, when I was a kid, I used to wear my dad's orange hunting vest so that I could be Robin.
@angelwingfive@xanga - That is an interesting comment. I haven't yet seen the movie, but when I do, I'll pay attention to your observation. Interesting.