Much has been made in commentary, on blogs, in comments, of the fact that during the unthinkable tragedy in the Colorado movie theater there was a baby in attendance. Further, that one of those fatally shot was a 6 year old little girl. Instead of having empathy for her family, or even sadness for the girl herself, people go straight to blame. And it isn't blame of the murderer. It's blaming the girl's mother. Why? Because it makes some people feel too uncomfortable to believe, to know, that there are truly some things that are outside of our control. So we blame the victim. It is not only unwarranted, it is ultimately a selfish reflection back on those who are judging.
In light of that, I will provide some reasons that I can think of that might make taking a baby or a 6 year old (it was a PG-13 superhero movie) to the theater thinkable:
*An infant is likely to sleep in a darkened theater through the movie, and if not, a prepared mother (and even more a breastfeeding Mom who has nothing she needs to prepare) can feed the baby and the baby sleeps again. That's the majority of what babies do when they're that young. Eat and sleep (and poop - and they have changing stations for that, too). Why should Mom and Dad quarantine themselves to home or face forced separation just to have a night out, even just to see a movie? And no, babysitters are not always an option. As a military wife I can testify to that fact. Our nearest relatives are at least 3 states away. We move and re-network every 4 years or less. Our closest, most trusted friends have families themselves. So lets look at that option: either we force our friends to have a night apart so that we can spend our night out together, or all of the children are combined and suddenly there is a house with 7 kids under the age of 6 and only 2 adults. True friends would only put their friends through that for an anniversary or an emergency. LOL!
*My kids love superhero movies. Some, I don't let them watch at all. Some, I censor certain sequences (too-real violence, tough content, or overt sexuality). Yes that is easier to do at home on Blu-Ray. But sometimes as a special night or as a reward for doing something that was extra challenging (I read that the 6 year old victim had just learned how to swim for instance) I take them to the theater to see a movie. It is not up to me or to any of you to tell this mother it was inappropriate for her to allow her daughter to see this movie, if that is what it comes down to for you (content). You don't know them. You don't know their history or anything else except what we have been presented with in the short amount of time the press has been digging for details. Maybe there was some special connection to Batman. Maybe the mother was ready to cover her daughter's eyes when something that was "too much" appeared. Maybe it doesn't matter.
And that is the point. It doesn't matter. To those who blame the mother, the parents, of the children present at the theater the night of this horrendous event I tell you to take a minute and sit in silence. Sit in silence and grasp the fact that we don't and can't control every event of our lives. We can only live it the best way we know how in the moments we are given. If these families found joy in the moment of going to the theater to see a special movie showing during the summer - then I say cheers to them! What happened to them was not their fault. Any more than it would have been their fault if they went instead to a Care Bears movie at noon - and were struck and killed by a drunk driver on the way there. Not Their Fault.
It's ok to take your child to the movies (if you're prepared to leave if the baby cries or the toddler acts up). I have done it. My friends have done it. I am deeply sorry that this was the outcome for the families of those in Colorado who also did it.
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Comments (90)
i don't think it was their fault because it wasn't. it was the killer's fault and his only. the blame game is old and tired and pointless.
i do, however, have an opinion about young kids seeing movies such as the new batman and i disagree with young kids seeing it, especially in theaters where you cannot fast forward through the scary parts. batman is pg-13 but the themes of the movie are pretty scary. fortunately for parents that is not my decision to make. if a parent feels their child is ready to see it then fine...but that doesn't mean i have to agree with it. :)Regardless of whether there was a shooting or not, i don't think it's right for people to take their young children to a movie like that OR a midnight showing. I have been to movies where this has happened and the baby inevitably cries. I don't think other people's movie experience should be ruined. It is still senseless these innocent people died, but it doesn't change the fact that a baby is not appropriate for any movie. That's just a sacrifice you make when you have kids....for a short time, you either stay home or get a sitter. It's short term so it shouldn't be a big deal. Come on
I just don't think the 4 month old should have been there.
Leaving the whole shooting issue out of it, I will only address the problem at hand.
1- Taking children/babies to movies at MIDNIGHT. That is irresponsible to me, and frankly, no big surprise someone couldn't find a babysitter at that hour. Did those parents REALLY have to be at the first premiere opening of a movie so badly? The movie is also nearly 3 hours long (especially if you include the 30 minutes of previews), so it was basically 3am before anyone left. I find it HIGHLY irresponsible to take a baby or child to a movie that late. Sure, some babies might sleep through it, but your 3+ year old child likely isn't. What about getting up for school in the morning? Is this okay just because it's "summer time"?
2- Sure, many babies will sleep during movies and many children will remain seated and silent. But all too often they aren't. And it disturbs other patrons in the theater. To great extents. If I am already seated in the theater and someone walks in with a small child or baby, I move to a different seat. I don't need to be near that. It is warranted that if you go to a kid's cartoon movie, there will be noisy children and babies. That's a given - the movie is made for them. So if I go see Ice Age, I will be more willing to accept the 7 year old two rows up kicking, screaming, asking mom questions throughout the movie than I would if it were a "grown up" movie.
3- The movie ratings of G, PG, PG13, R, etc are so off it's not even funny. If you think The Dark Knight Rises is a good "PG13 super hero movie", you obviously didn't see it (I did). I can't truly find a reason that it wasn't rated R, other than they wanted teens to be able to see it without their parents (thus more $), oh and maybe because there wasn't nudity, drugs, or super bloody. But there were mass killings, mass murder, explosions, extreme violence, backstabbing of characters, death, cussing, etc. I would not take someone under 13 to TDKR. No way. Just because it's a "super hero" movie doesn't mean it's going to be geared towards kids and be along the same lines of "The Incredibles" (a cartoon movie that's rated PG, by the way). The rating doesn't tell much of anything these days - you really have to go off of common sense and figure out what a movie is going to be like. TDKR is not for children. Or babies.
4- Sacrifices have to be made when you have children, just like when you knowingly choose a career (like the military) that requires sacrifices of your 'regular life'. I'm not saying parents cannot go to movies, or out to dinner, or whatever they want. BUT, when you have children (and/or a job that requires a lot from you), you knowingly change your life. Can't find a sitter? Plan ahead of time, work it out, make it happen. Or don't go. The movie will be in theaters for months. Dragging children to a midnight showing of a violent movie is extremely selfish to me, and irresponsible as a parent. Your life doesn't end when you have children, but it drastically changes, and you KNOW that before you have children - so there is no reason for parents to whine about it. Some things require more planning to make happen after you have children.
5- I don't know anymore. I'm just angry. In all honesty, no, those parents aren't at fault for their children being injured or killed. That could have happened during the day too. This has nothing to do with the children being injured/killed during that horrific event. This is a side battle - a controversial one about what is okay and not okay to subject your babies/kids to (and to make other people deal with).
Babies/kids should not be taken to a violent movie at 12am. Simple as that.I find it insensitive for the people to make comments in regards to the parents who brought their children to the fateful showing of The Dark Knight Rises. These parents probably just wanted to see the movie but couldn't afford a sitter and/or didn't want a stranger watching their kid. These parents didn't ask for a killer to come to the theater and start shooting up the place. The problem was the shooter, not the child! In my experience, children at earlier showings prove to be more boisterous than late ones (after 9 PM). It is annoying if the kids are talking--but usually "Shhh!" shuts them up. I am fine with them as long as they are not kicking the back of my seat or throwing popcorn/candy at me. However, I do agree with some of the readers that sometimes kids should not be at some showings--especially movies that are rated R for language, nudity, sexuality, violence and such. There is such a thing that some young children don't need to be seeing!
I disagree. I don't think little children should be at the theatre unless it's to see a children's film and it's at an appropriate time. Why was a baby at a movie theatre at midnight? That's my issue. Kids should be in bed at that time, not at a movie theatre which wouldn't let out until 3am or so. That's irresponsible parenting. By all means go see a movie, but go at a child-friendly time, or get someone to watch your kids if you're so desperate to go to the midnight screening. Also, regardless of the time, I don't think any six year old should be seeing the new batman movie. I know it's a PG13, but the 13 is there for a reason.
Obviously nobody predicted this and the shooting could have happened at any showing anywhere in the country, and what happened was horribly sad and tragic, but I just don't think little children should be out and about at that time of night unless it's an emergency. Parents can wait ten hours to see the movie during the day, there's no reason whatsoever that they HAD to be at the midnight screening.
@xKateElizabethx@xanga - Exactly.
Only in America do we bitch about "irresponsible" parenting in light of a tragedy.
Honestly, is it so hard to find a babysitter? I understand that parents may not be so trusting nowadays, but I still disagree with your opinion that it's okay to take a baby to the movies.
They are unpredictable, generally extremely loud, smelly, and need a lot of attention. If I were one of the parents at that theater whose child just got shot, I also would be blaming myself because I wouldn't see any logical reason in
nothiring a babysitter/nanny/whatever while watching a
midnightpremiere.
Yes, it's impossible to control every single event that is going to happen in our lives, but that doesn't mean we should just give in completely to spontaneity and just bring our (most-likely) loud child into a theater.
While I'm terribly sorry for the parents that suffered such a tragic incident that night, what's done has been done. No one can change what has already happened.
What a controversial topic indeed. As a mom of 4, I don't think it's appropriate to bring kids or a baby to a midnight showing of a movie like that. As a parent, you need to make sacrifices. Find a babysitter or wait until the movie comes out on DVD. And if you want to see it that badly, switch around with your significant other to see the movie. Plus, babies and kids can act up in a movie theather and no ones likes that, unless of course it's a movie for kids!
@AnitaDream@xanga - It actually IS pretty hard to find a babysitter. I have no family that I can rely on, my neighbors are all old as hell and probably haven't watched a child in fifty years, and I absolutely will not leave my boy with a teenager whose only baby experience includes Cabbage Patch Kids and a Barbie family.
Do I take my boy to the movies? Absolutely. But I only take him to children's films at the theater that offers sensory-friendly showings. I'm not about to ruin anyone else's movie experience.
@the_rocking_of_socks@xanga - : )
I think the people who are placing blame on the mom is because they probably feel a bit of anger and saddness towards the loss of a child.
They probably think that the child lost her life because she was somewhere that she shouldn't have been in the first place.
I don't blame the mom. Of course it's the shooter's fault. But I do think it's irresponsible to bring a 6 year old to a midnight showing of that type of movie.
And thank God, the baby was okay.
Movie theaters are HORRIBLE for developing children's hearing. Not getting enough sleep is also terrible. There is no reason these kids should have been there. No the tragedy isn't their parents faults but you can't help but wonder if they made better choice would those children still have suffered?
I would have an issue with a child six & under at a theater seeing a movie I wanted to see that was PG PG-13 or R..because I paid good money for my food & ticket, I would like to enjoy my movie in peace. It's not about if the movie is "too scary" for the child, it's about me enjoying my movie as stated - just to clear that up.
I saw Tintin in theaters & being an avid fan of the comic books, I was really looking forward to the movie. Sure, it's not a graphic superhero movie, which by the way could give a six year old nightmares - So, I personally would never take my six year old to a PG-13 movie, but each to their own. Anyways, I was in the theater watching Tintin, which was PG [I think] & this couple came in with their two daughters, one was roughly three & the other was like five. I remember the details of this night horrendously well...considering it wasn't the first time my movie experience was ruined by small children...
Did they sleep? No. Did they sit by their parents side quietly? No. Did they run around the darkened theater giggling, squirming, older one stage whispering to her little sister, as the little one ran up to strangers & disrupted their movie watching? YES. To all of that. I spent the majority of watching a movie I had been looking forward to, constantly disrupted by two little girls running around & even wrestling in the aisle-way which happened to be right next to my seat!, even worse? The parents did absolutely nothing to corral their children! They didn't shush them, hold them or even leave the movie. They stayed throughout the movie, even when other moviegoers started getting upset & it wasn't until the end of the movie almost, that someone finally got an usher & had the parents spoken to about their daughters behavior. Which sucked, but no one I guess wanted to be "that" person who got a family kicked out of a movie.
I understand if mothers & fathers want to go to a movie or take their baby to see Brave or whatever other cartoon movie is out, but there's something called Mothers Matinee [most theaters have them] They go on in the early afternoon, while older kids & teens are at school & young adults & adults are at work or college. Which means, if baby starts crying for some unknown reason, they aren't disrupting anyone, everyone is more whatever about it, because they have kids & they know the drill. Or if their five year old ate some candy earlier & now he/she is hyper & win't sit still or be quiet..again, it's not messing up anyone elses movie watching.
I hate to say it or make it out like we need to "alienate" people with kids, but the fact of the matter is: You can't bank all the time on your child going to sleep at the movies, you shouldn't be bringing a small child to the movies with tons of other people who are old enough to enjoy a movie quietly. As someone who had her movie watching ruined by a couple who didn't seem to care, I am pretty against small kids or babies being dragged to a movie. Get a babysitter or go to a matinee. I suppose I can understand if you can''t do either of those & you leave if the child is crying or acting up..but unfortunately, I have seen the opposite of that more then once..
I don't go to the movies much because I don't want to hear babies cry, preteens make-out, or old people explain the plot to each other. If you don't like noise during your film, watch it at home.
i would think the loud noises from the trailers and an action/horror movies would scare a baby and make it cry. tha'ts why i wouldn't take a baby to the movies.
If a parent keeps their kid from crying and running around during a movie, I have no problem with it, even if it's not something I would personally do. I'm sad for the little girl. She must have been scared, and that's way too young to die. Poor thing.
Get a fucking babysitter... if you have enough to pay for a ticket, you have enough to pay a babysitter for 2hrs or so. I don't need your kid kicking the back of my seat, or screaming through the whole movie. It's okay if you are a decent parent and don't let the little fucker act like ...well, a brat kid. The theater shooting's was very tragic. I live no more than 5 miles from that theater. I was going to go that night, but stayed at my parents an extra night so I could drive my sister down to Denver for the HCR concert. It could have happened anywhere (a church, mall, bus), so I don't think anybody should be dissing the parents, or anybody else for that matter. It was a tragedy, people should leave it at that.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - where I live the theaters host a "movies for mommies" day every week where the sound is reduced and there are changing tables and bottle warmers in the theater plus room to park your stroller at the front. They have door prizes and little grab bags as well. The movies aren't just G rated either, they play popular movies and childrens films