Today on Facebook I noticed a friends status that read:
"So it has always bothered me that play kitchen sets are always "for girls" and I was looking for toys for ----- and came across a washer/dryer/iron set in all pink! Are you kidding me? Does that strike anyone else as sexist? So anyways we registered ----- for her first sport bag, complete with softball, soccer ball, and basketball. Take that Fisher Price."
The comments that followed all talked about how it was sexist and how all these moms to be are not letting their daughters play with Barbies or have anything Disney Princess.
Okay. I think I am going to number this rant..
1. Not all play kitchens are for girls and they are not all pink. Most play kitchens are not pink and feature a photo of a boy and girl playing with them on the front.
2. Why does your newborn need a sports bag that she is not going to be able to even sort of use until she is 2? (I know! Personal choice of theirs.)
3. You just posted a picture of the Bumbo, car seat, stroller, ect. that you bought your daughter and all of it is PINK.
My biggest issue though with the status was the comments from so many mothers about
banning their daughters from Barbie and Disney. What is wrong with a girl being a girl? It seemed to me from what I read these mothers were banning these things because they were so girly, not for any moral reason at all.
If you are going to ban those things because they are to girly, shouldn't you ban
all dolls or any object that is overly girly?
I've been seeing this huge push lately from mothers trying to not let their children be defined by their sex. I don't think the right way to do that is to not let girls play with "girls" toys and not let boys play with "boys toys". Or ban something simply because it is girly.
Has anyone else noticed this trend lately?
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Comments (34)
I have totally seen that trend. I always respond that it is just as sexist/anti-feminist to take away your daughter's choice to like pink, princesses, ballerinas etc as it is to say she has to like those things because she is a girl. I think these people don't consider the idea that if they won't their children to grow up and make choices on their own, they must present them with options and accept the fact that their children may end up liking things they hate.
I remember before I had children, some of my female acquaintances would tell me that my daughter was going to be the world's biggest tomboy because on the surface I appear to be super girl and I would respond with why would I care, they were the ones sitting there planning out the lives of their non-existent children.
its aggravating.. we got a lot of flack because we bought our son a LittleTykes kitchen for his 3rd Christmas.. He LOVED it... Our little girl however, is a total princess girly girl.. the complete opposite of me. But thats who she is and if she wants Barbies and princess dolls and to play dress up, then thats what she will get. And if she'd rather play with G.I. Joe and Tonka trucks, it just doesn't matter. They are just TOYS.
the important thing is to let kids be kids. Isn't it better for them to be playing and using all their creativity then be glued to the idiot box (AKA tv) like some mindless zombie?
I have certainly noticed this trend, and I think it's ridiculous! I have a friend from high school who refuses to let her daughter play with Barbies and completely bans all things princess whether it be Disney or otherwise. She thinks toys like this discourage girls from being self reliant. She also feels princess stuff in particular teaches girls to "need a man" and promotes "bratty behavior" because they will grow up believing everything is always going to be handed to them on a silver platter. I think she's blowing things way out of proportion. I grew up playing with Barbies and I loved (and still do love) Disney princesses, and I didn't turn into a woman with a warped sense of entitlement....
I don't think it's right to ban toys unless there is a cultural or moral reason to do so. For example, I don't like the Monster High dolls. I find them creepy, and my daughter shares my views, so we don't buy her any and encourage others not to purchase them for her. I also think it's wrong to force a child to play with certain toys or engage in certain activities based on their gender. I have heard of parents making their boys play with dolls against the childrens' wills so they will hopefully grow up to be nurturing and loving. I have heard of parents forcing their girls to play with trucks so they can be "tough." I think it's sickening! Let your kids choose what they like, and support their choices.
My daughter is really girly. She loves baby dolls and Barbie and princesses. She also loves playing with cars and trucks and dirt. My boys are rough and tumble kids, but are always asking to play Barbies with their older sister and they love babies. I don't care what my kids want to play with as long as they are enjoying themselves. We never try to encourage them to play with toys or do things that are "gender specific" because, well, we just don't care lol. We let our kids be kids.
I remember wanting both "boy" and "girl" toys so I could "play out" a whole story. There would usually be some heroine, and she was the princess trying to save her kingdom against terrible odds, and "the evil wizard" (a G.I. Joe or some other boy/action figure toy) would be trying to stop her as well as his "army" (army men), and she and her horse would go on great adventures...and..
Well, you see what I mean. I think both sorts of toys can be fun to either gender. My parents simply let me pick which ones I wanted. They didn't "make" me play with anything. I think you'd be surprised how unique a child's tastes can be without parents thinking they need to "make" their child unique.
Buy your kid a variety of toys, and what they enjoy they enjoy. I can understand objection to certain toys, I suppose, that are based on other things besides reacting to gender specific toys. Like not wanting your kid, boy or girl, playing with any toy that seems "violent". Or not wanting to give your daughter a barbie (not just dolls in general) because you feel it has negative body image implications (not sure I agree with that one, but that is a decision a parent can make). By banning certain toys, you are still enforcing the idea that certain toys are boy or girl toys.
I dont think the parents should completely decide what the kid should play with... I dunno, maybe let the kid decide for themselves if they want a barbie, or a car toy or something? I had girl toys growing up, but since I had 2 older brothers, I was always playing with boy toys too.. I also had hand me down clothes..... That.. I didn't like, lol. I wanted more girl clothes :P
I had to laugh because I totally agree with you, and it's ridiculous that people are like that, and, ultimately, they are doing the same thing as people who won't let a boy have a doll. There is nothing wrong with someone who fits their gender stereotype. The 'typical' problem is saying you HAVE to fit something, but saying you can't be something is just as bad. Am I making sense? I'm lacking sleep.
Personally, I may ban pink simply because I hate the color (hot pink is okay), and I'm slightly kidding, of course. I really dislike pink, though. I don't care if something is a "girl toy" or "boy toy". I'm a little worried my husband might push army men on a boy and try to tease him out of choosing a doll if that would be his preference. I think that's the biggest reason I'd hope for a girl.
I played with Barbie and baby dolls, and I also played with Tonka trucks and army men out in the sandbox - shit yeah that was fun! "pew pew pew OH NO! bshewwwwww" Oh, and mud pies! Dried up corn cobs made the best mud pie "seasonings".
@LadyGwenivere@xanga -
What's wrong with a toy kitchen? (Other than the price.) Shit, I wish my husband knew how to cook.
Honestly, to ban a pink kitchen set implies that it is inferior because it is girly, and that is sexist. Personal preference is one thing (by parent or child), but labeling something as sexist because of its "feminine" characteristics is kind of ignorant.
Also, this person must know nothing about children if she thinks her daughter will not end up playing with her fair share of "boy" or gender-neutral toys, without her mothers oh-so-intentional anti-feminine influence. Little girls play with Barbies, sports equipment, kitchen sets, and monster trucks naturally.
What a derp for thinking she's taking a jab at Fisher Price by buying a softball set. These are things we normal people do every day without thinking it's a political statement.
@VampireOfSeduction@xanga - LOL actually we got a really great deal on one.. and while we were more then happy for him to have it.. certain other people tried to tell me he needs "boy toys".. im sitting there thinking "what? a boy can't want to play in the kitchen?" he spent 6 months very happy pretending to cook for me! He takes after daddy, who is a good cook.
I'm not going to let my kid have kitchen sets or fake cleaning supplies.. the idea is that if she thinks I'm keeping something awesome from her, she'll want to do it all the time when she gets older! ;] Just kidding.. in all seriousness, if your kid likes pink, let her have pink. I hate barbie & everything she stands for but let her have her barbie. Worry more about making sure she gets the best diet & exercise & that she's disciplined enough to not be a spoiled brat.. those are real problems that parents aren't focusing on.
OP, this wasn't aimed at you at all but at the young moms who are obsessed with whose child can be the most different & unique.
@Awake_My_Soul420@xanga - You've brought up a good point, and that is that parents rely on toys/books/products/television to raise their children and teach them their morals. If PARENTS did it, they wouldn't have to worry much at all about the evil influence of gender-specific child-marketed products.
This just makes me sick. I buy my daughter frilly dresses and barbie dolls, and paint her nails because those are things SHE enjoys. I also buy her toy cars, trucks, blocks, art supplies of various kinds....because SHE enjoys those things. She always wants to cook/wash dishes with me...in fact 'the kitchen' is her favorite room in the house.
I'm not going to deny her ANYTHING that she enjoys as long as it's not harmful. That is not sexist, it's being a good parent. By that logic, we should force all little boys to play with barbie dolls and all little girls to play with 'boy' toys. Way to be a funsucker!
I think the point here is that barbie implies a certain standard of what girls and boys are supposed to play with so says the toy industry. If they don't play with barbie, they're "tomboys" and if the boys don't play with G.I. Joe they're "mama's boys". That is inherently sexist. I wouldn't let my child play with barbie, but that would be my decision as his/her parent. Would you buy a barbie for your son if he wanted to play with it? Would you buy G.I. Joe for your daughter? If not, I think you should really take a step back and think about what you're saying. If the answer is sure, then maybe how you're feeling isn't sexist and you truly do believe that toys are just toys.
I have been down the toy isles in grocery stores and places like walmart.. The girl section is COVERED in pink and the boy section is COVERED in grays, black and browns. Let's be real here, it IS sexism, but it's against boys as well.
As for letting children decide what they want to play with, I find it hard for them to do so in early years of their lives, such as infancy (you complain about the child not being able to play with sports toys, but she is supposed to choose what toy she plays with?)
@Saridactyl@xanga - I do believe toys are just toys. My daughter enjoys all types of toys and I let her pick what she would like to play with.
Toy companies are not being sexist in the colors they choose, it is good marketing. Companies choose certain colors for a reason and not just toy companies. They do test marketing and focus groups and research and pick the colors that their target market is most likely to be drawn to.
Really it is more science than sexism.
Of course an infant isn't going to choose what toys it plays with, that is not the point of this post.
I have three girls...for years I had more loads of red/pink laundry than whites!! Believe me, I wasn't the one picking it out - and these clothes got WORN OUT! It's freakish how little girls gravitate to pink and sparkles. Wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it for myself. BTW - a great tip is the Barbie movies "Princess and the Pauper", "Rapunzel" and "Swan Lake" - GREAT messages for girls being strong (and still pretty. ;) )
Since my mother disallowed me from playing with Barbie, I bought my daughter 27 of them. She played with none of them, choosing to sit on her bed and read, at the age of 4. Children will play with what they want to. You can't force them. The best toy ever for my two kids, that allowed them imagination and time to themselves? A very large t.v. box, placed sideways, to crawl into and out of, and crayons to color it with. It required them to think, and they loved that box! The second, was story time at our house, usually at bedtime. They'd pick out book they wanted to read, and we'd all sit together on a bed and read, and talk about the book. Much better than all the fischer price toys available just to keep them busy, yet not learning a darn thing except when the battery runs down. I also purchased my daughter a cabbage patch doll, which she thought was ludicrous. She said, "You wanted it, you play with it."
@LadyGwenivere@xanga - Huh. I'd have considered kitchen toys to be unisex. Even if you want to get all "traditional" and say, "woman, make me a sammich!", chefs have usually been male. My dad is a much better cook than my mom (have to give her credit though, she's still better than her sisters and her mom are).
My husband is a crappy cook but I'm sure his sisters are, too. His mom's reasoning for not teaching him is that "it was just easier to kick everyone out of the kitchen", which I can relate to, but you should still teach your kids how to at least cook noodles.
@VampireOfSeduction@xanga - as I said.. i never had a problem with it. It was other people who gave us flack for buying him "girl's" toys.
I let my children play with whatever toys they like.
My son just so happens to love hot wheels, pirates and dinosaurs.... and my daughter loves Barbie, picked out a princess room herself, and always chooses a pink or purple dress to wear if it's clean.
I think I will let my kids be themselves until I catch them with drugs and condoms. Thank God my eldest is only 5! Heaven knows I am NOT prepared to deal with those things yet!
@Manic_Butterflies@xanga - Exactly. Toys are simply toys. They shouldn't be instilling morals & they shouldn't have all these hidden meanings like everyone seems to want to give them. Can't barbie just be a doll girls use to play with? No, it has to be a horrible influence on body image. Can't pink & blue just be colors? No, they're GENDER SPECIFIC so they're wrong. It's never ending.
"What is wrong with a girl being a girl?"
Nothing. But what is wrong with a parent deciding what their child plays with? I happen to think that their reasoning is silly, but it's not my kid... not my business. The main thing I'm concerned about, when I have kids, is teaching all of them the basic stuff you need to do to support yourself- cooking, cleaning, budgeting, simple maintenance, laundry- girls and boys.I did neither.
What I DID do was make a variety of toys available for my daughter to play with. She preferred Lincoln logs, tinker toys, and legos to barbie, but I did not FORBID anything.
I had a distaste for the "girl" building sets that were made with pink and purple bricks, so girls could build their own "Shops and salons". Nuts to THAT.
And there IS a difference in the modern sets. Instead of allowing girls to figure out how to build, they make WALL sections that they simply need to decorate. Building toys increase spatial skills---which allows people to think in terms of three dimensions---a vital skill for builders or architects. Until they are about 7 or 8, there is little difference in spatial skills between boys and girls...but after, the boys become dramatically better. UNLESS the girls were exposed to spatial skills in play....
So there IS a difference.
@LadyGwenivere@xanga - I find it hilarious that most people are all weird about boys playing house and playing with kitchen stuff, yet it seems like a majority of world famous chefs are men!