Thursday, 05 July 2012
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Losing Babies: A Story of Multiple Losses
My first miscarriage happened at almost 16 weeks, on January 29th 2010, I had just taken a pregnancy test 4 days before and confirmed I was in fact pregnant. We hadn't been married a year and I was ecstatic that we would finally have a family. That was until I started spotting and then ended up at the ER bleeding profusely. No one there believed I miscarried - it took 2 days and my ob/gyn to confirm it. It rocked my world, I still miss "her" because we thought it was a girl her name would've been Aleyah Faith. I had to wait a while to try again, and in trying again, I would lose again.We had just moved to West Virginia, I knew I was pregnant, faint line once again. My problem, which runs in my family, is negative blood tests. I was almost 8 weeks, I wasn't nearly as sick as I was the first time with my first baby, we called this one Peanut. I craved mint chocolate chip ice cream with butterscotch topping. At the doctor's office they ran a myriad of bloodwork, and when it came back it was negative. The reason, I had lost the baby 2 hours after coming home from the doctors office. I was looking forward to our new life with a new baby.
Christmastime 2011, sick again, strange cravings for Zaxby's and their special sauce. I had missed 3 almost 4 periods in a row, rare for me even with endometriosis and the depot lupron shot which was definitely out of my system by then my doctor in West Virginia cleared me right before we moved to start trying again. The beginning of January my pants stopped fitting and I started wearing maternity pants. Then just like with my first one around 12-13 weeks I felt a fluttering in my stomach. I told my husband and it just kept continuing. I called a new doctor recommended by a friend from church, this time the pregnancy test was negative but I felt the same exact symptoms of my first pregnancy and I knew I was at least 12 weeks along, the cravings, the nausea the weight gain it was all too familiar.
The doctor was mean to me, he felt my stomach and said "I feel something moving..but you can't be pregnant. Your last shot was in May and it's January..." I said, you felt that? He said "yes" and I asked can we have an ultrasound done, I have a family history of testing negative and being pregnant. My first cousin has a beautiful girl that the doctor said she wasn't pregnant, it does happen. He still didn't believe me. He wanted me to take a cocktail of drugs to start my period by then I had missed 4 periods and I was on my way to missing #5.
Ten days later, around the same time as the first 2 years earlier, I started spotting, and hurting, and then the old familiar pain that comes with losing yet another baby. The nausea stopped, the faint fluttering stopped and the weight stabilized, my back stopped hurting and I could walk normally again. The doctor was wrong, I was pregnant and I had just had miscarriage #3.I can say that it gets easier because it does, but there is a certain feeling I get when I see someone who has no complications in conceiving and carrying to term when I can't seem to make it past 14-16 weeks. My husband and I are scared to try again when all we see is me losing. I've been told it's all in my head I really didn't miscarry, there's no way someone can lose 3 babies in a row, I'm addicted to being pregnant, which I'm not. I want a family, like most women I know. I've been married three years and it does affect us, especially me, because I want to see my husband's genes in our baby, whether it inherits my dark hair, or my husbands strong will.
Adoption is still on the table, we are planning on that if I cannot get pregnant again.
We are trying again, and I pray it works out.
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- From: southern_belle86@xanga
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Comments (15)
Hugs and well wishes. I hope you are granted the baby you so wish for and deserve. :)
wow three times!! Im not going to say I feel sorry for you, because you don't need to hear that.. but I will say that my hubby and I have been TTC for 8 years, (1 false positive, one early miscarriage, no luck since) .. but we've been blessed to adopt our son, and have 10 wonderful children/babes in our home as foster parents (including the baby girl we are waiting to adopt).
sounds like all the doctor's you've tried have been....well stupid is the nicest word I can think to say. I mean, you have a family history of blood tests being negative, what's the harm in doing an ultra sound? Have you thought about a midwife? here's hoping you can find a doc or midwife that treats you better and actually listens to what you have to say (and no more miscarriages!).
I think I would be finding a new doctor.
I have had two miscarriages. One at 10-11 weeks (May 2011), one at 8-9 weeks (April 2012).
With the second one, my sister, my "best friend" and I were all pregnant at the same time, and my friend was only days behind me. My husband and I were extremely excited. Even before I took a test, we bought a few onesies. My sister now has a 3 day old son and my friend is around 17 weeks now. An extra twist of the knife is that of the three of us, I am the only one who was supporting herself and married, or even in a good, stable relationship. My sister and her boyfriend are still living with my parents and their relationship has been a mess. My friend got married and they moved into his parent's second house (inherited). She was living with her mom, and she's still looking for a job. Her then-boyfriend now-husband's response to the news was to wish they could be as "lucky" as I was and miscarry. Of course I wouldn't wish harm on my niece/nephew(s), but it's really unfair the way this has turned out so far.
:( I'm so sorry. I had a friend who had three miscarriages before finally carrying their son to term. They never knew what was wrong. I hope for you that you will be able to have a child.
My friend recently lost her baby a couple days after the due date, and it was so heart breaking. I'm sorry to hear of your losses. I hope you can find happiness with a child, whether it be through adoption or conception. One thing is consider is even if you adopt, you can still try to conceive again after you feel ready for a second child (if you have the heart to deal with anymore possible miscarriages).
I had a miscarriage four years ago, so I know nothing I can say will ever make you feel better. All I can say is I hope things turn around soon :)
If you believe that our God is a good God, that He would send His Son to die for you, then how much more will He be willing to give you a child? Ignore what the world says, what your family history says, and focus on the following verse:
Hebrews 11:11
By faith Sarah herself also received strength to conceive seed, and she bore a child when she was past the age, because she judged Him faithful who had promised.
Once you conceive, pray for protection: Psalm 91
I'm 8 months today, and that's all I've been doing, meditating on God's word even before I conceived. It has been one smooth pregnancy - smoother than my mom's.
I wish you well. You seem a lot stronger than what I would be in your situation. Even if you can't get pregnant, just remember there are a lot of beautiful babies that need good mommies and daddies out there.
@TheD2Queen@xanga - I bet you believe in faith-healing, too.
@TheD2Queen@xanga - Cool, way to rub it in this lady's face that you can carry a kid to term and she can't. put the you in front of fuck and fuck you.
I hope you have your baby! You deserve one after all the pains of losing multiple fetuses :'(
@TheD2Queen@xanga - Dont listen to the people who are twisting your words.
I am praying that the author will have a healthy baby. I know a friend of mine who is a Christian and has lost 3 babies as you have. She is almost 40 now and still has no children, but I believe that the Lord has given her peace though it was not easy for her to walk the hard road. She is one of the strongest and most blessed people I know.
Reading this makes me cry.