Wednesday, 20 June 2012
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Becoming a Single Mom: Chapter 1
I've had a dirty word on my mind lately: divorce.How are those mental images coming? Depictions of courtrooms & custody battles, screaming fights on the phone hoping the kids don't hear, ripping hair out while going over finances and unpaid child-support, children picking favorites based on which parent lets them get away with what, evil stepmothers & abusive stepfathers...
Since my husband left I've centrifuge of emotions, leaving me dizzy, concentrated, and isolated. Relief, excitement, guilt, fear, anger. It's hard to be an optimist when all the plans for the time until death do you part suddenly vanish. I felt as though I woke up in 2006 before I was dating my husband and had to get back on with my life from way back then, except with 2 toddlers, thousands of dollars in debt, impending bills, overstuffed emotional baggage, and some stretchmarks in tow.
I have gotten criticized for not taking my husband back after he left me. I've gotten "I told you so,"s. I've gotten belittled for going from stay-at-home-mom to working mom. With a baby on each hip, the weight of the world on your shoulders feels a little bit heavier. Divorce is a web of regret and finger-pointing. You were young. You were stupid. You should have known. You should think about what it will do to the kids.
I don't want to feel like I am running away from all the negativity in my marriage, rather that I am running towards the beautiful future and family that I have always wanted for my kids.
This year, 2012, has been all new beginnings for me, not ends. Some combination of luck, desperation, and drive, has given me a new career, new people, new love, new responsibilities, new experiences. I wish every mom who finds herself unexpectedly single can take this route. You haven't failed--not yourself, not your kids, not your parents--you're doing nothing more than giving yourself a second chance to reevaluate what you wanted in the first place so you can see it clearly before heading out the door to hunt it again.
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About the Author
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- From: milfncookies@xanga
- Name: Bekka Björke
- About Me: Bitchy babe raising hell and a family.
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Comments (8)
This is how I felt exactly! As soon as I took the ring off my finger I felt my possibilities were endless. I have been single for almost 3 years, and I am happier now than I ever was before.
ditto!!!
divorce from a 15 year horror show (marrige) set me free!!! thats when I dropped 100 pounds and oh my X as well lol... i met my now husband on eharmony loland he is amazing...!sure the first few years of single mom-hood were stressfull and challenging but all worth it too me! it will be what you make it lovey so focus on you and your happyness!Good luck honey. You may be better off now.
People can be very judgmental. But they weren't in your shoes. It's not their place to tell you that you have to take your husband back.
*hugs*
I don't see how this could be viewed as anything other than positive. A dude who doesn't want to be there? Yeah, probably much better not having him around.
Consider yourself lucky to have him off your list of concerns. Especially if he was any variety of abusive.
"I don't want to feel like I am running away from all the negativity in my marriage, rather that I am running towards the beautiful future and family that I have always wanted for my kids. "
RIGHT!!!! I really couldn't have worded it more perfectly myself. For me too, 2012 has been a year of incredible upheaval. My beautiful son will have to grow up without his father being a constant in his life... but I know he will have a perfect family to raise him. He has a loving mother and two adoring grandparents who couldn't be happier to have him in their lives. I am a single mom too and I know that it is far more the preferable option than staying with a bad husband. Still, we know our children can have good childhoods with hiking, camping, swimming, school, friends and summers at the beach. We single moms may have taken hits.... but we all have resources and we know how to roll with it and enjoy life nonetheless.
Let not negative Nellies permeate your brain where you marital status is concerned. Frankly, you don't owe the world an explanation. You have enough on your plate. Is there time, even a little bit, for a support group? You deserve all that life has to offer, and then some. Do one nice thing for ourself each day. I may be fixing a dinner that you particularly like, taking 15 minutes for a hot bath, depending on the ages of your children, resting on your bed for a few quick moments, maybe with them, maybe on a day off from work planning to do LESS house cleaning and more walking outdoors. The time I spent with guilt ridden feelings after my divorce, 25 years ago, was useless, and contributed to fragile health. I think you are awesome, you will make it, and you will ease into finding happiness just because as a human being you deserve it. I know my posts are too long, but try not to fight with ex in front of the kids. They will hold those things against you. That one, I wish I could change, but alas, I cannot, and they remember it all.
Best of wishes to you and your kids!