weird, i feel this way but it's opposite. all my non parent friends have, for the most part, ditched me. they come over and just sit there bored and i feel like saying "hey i'm sorry me and the kids are boring you but this is my life now get over it or get out." ...but i'm not the type to say anything.

My best advice would be to talk to your friends about how you feel. Chances are, they don't realize they're alienating you and making you feel bad. Their focus has changed, and for them, children are what they feel like talking about. I would bet that if they know how you're feeling, they'll try to be more sensitive. At the same time, though, it's important for you to be supportive, and that means attending the shower. I know it's tough, but you can feel better knowing you were there for your pal, and I know she'll be pleased as punch to see you at her party.There must still be things you all have in common, so why not strike up a convo about those things? Have you seen any good movies lately? Read a good book? Heard something crazy on the news? There is always some topic to talk about that doesn't involve babies and children. I'm sure your friends still love you and want you around, but they may need to be reminded from time to time that you are not in the same situation as them, and you don't want to feel so left out. Remember, friendship is a two way street. You're going to have to at least pretend to be interested in what's going on in your friends' lives if you want them to be interested in your's.

I'm in the opposite position. I'm nearly 25, and I have 3 small children. Most of my friends ditched out on me when I got pregnant at 18 because I could no longer do what I wanted when I wanted. The friends who did stick around have tapered off as well, including my best friend of 18 years. Now that I can no longer drop everything and go, stay out late, or party, they feel I'm not worth being around. They want me to conform and compromise to fit their lifestyles, and I just can't because my children are my number one priority. Nobody is ever willing to meet me halfway (ie: going to the 7pm movie instead of the 10:30 or planning ahead so I can get a sitter).This really hurts because my best friend, the woman who knows so many intimate things about me, no longer sees the fun loving girl I was because in her mind, I've been replaced by a zombie content with the mundane. People don't realize this kind of problem can go both ways. While the single, childless friend feels left out because she isn't a part of the baby world, the friend turned mother feels like an outsider because she can no longer be a part of her old world.

@LadyGwenivere@xanga  -- I have been honest, and all she does is tell me that I'm being selfish. She basically just gives me the 'who the heck cares' look and goes on. She complains about them constantly.. All I do when we hang out is take care of her kids for her, than she says that I wouldn't know what to do if I had one. Neither of them care how I feel about the subject, but only complain when I tell them I'd rather not hang out with either of them if it's all they're going to discuss.. I understand that B's excited about it, but it still hurts.

@grizzlybearr@xanga-I hang out with S and her kids. Heck, I'll push the stroller or carry them. They're adorable. But when she gets mad that I have to work when she wants to hang out and I tell her that she doesnt have a job, she doesn't get that I can't just call off.. I don't say this to be mean, but she takes it that way & comes back with 'Sorry I have kids, not that you'll ever understand'.  I try not to ditch her unless it comes to work or I feel absolutely horrible. .

@rachmorgan01- She still hangs out with her 'old friends' because all of them now have kids. I really am the only friend she has that hasn't had any mini me's. Don't get me wrong, I love her twin boys, but sometimes I just don't want to hear about every little thing they do, especially when I'm thinking about how I'll never get that.. I don't want to adopt, I want a child that looks like me. That might be selfish, but it's what I want.

I apologize if half of what I said didn't make sense to anyone, it's 4.30 in the am and I'm tired..and my brain's half melted from the heat.

well of course she gets mad! lol. stay at home moms do have a job. it's our job to stay home. has she never had a job outside of that though? like pre-kids? it's crazy because, again, my problem is completely opposite. my kidless friends get mad when they're in town or something and they invite me out last minute. then when i say no i'm told i'm making up excuses lol. it's not easy for me to just get up and go. 

It's totally selfish and unfeeling on her part.  Picture a woman who cannot bear children, who either never has them, or, waits on an adoption list for a very long time.  Maybe there's somebody at work with a little more empathy here?  Would like to spend time without talking non-stop about children?

Find new friends... take a break from them.....   If they piss you off and you piss them off then stop going around them for a while.  When one becomes a mom the kids do become your world so that has to be the main focus.  They are not being selfish in taking care of their babies.  As far as talking about them the most interesting part of their day is probably finding out baby cut a tooth or slept all night, its not to piss you off its because thats all they focus on.   When i became a mommy it turned into diapers dishes feedings and, laundy.  My entire day revolves around my baby and i have to work everything around her firends, family, and the husband included, so what else am i really going to talk about?  Sorry you cant have kids but thats probably not something they think about 24/7 especially when they are constantly busy.  And not adopting because they dont look like you is kind of a silly reason, sometimes people have kids that look nothing like them.  Either get over it, or find new friends, all relationships are about give and take.  You are your own person and can make decisions sometimes you have to throw feelings out the window and do what you want not what you should.   

@noPrinceCharming@datingish - Wow, your replies to other comments conveyed a much more pressing issue than the original post. Sounds to me like someone's a little selfish (not you). The comments she makes to you are absolutely uncalled for, and certainly not anything a true friend would say! How dare she rub your infertility in your face! Like you don't already feel bad enough about your situation.... It's not your job to take care of her kids when you are together, and if she thinks you don't do a good enough job with them (saying you wouldn't know what to do with your own is a pretty clear indication that she thinks you're inept), why does she allow you to care for them in the first place? I'm wondering if she is a little jealous of your life. You still have freedom, and maybe she's missing that?... If it's not jealousy, it could be some sort of insecurity in her new role as a mother. Nothing makes an insecure person feel more empowered than when they can cut someone else down.... Might be a good idea to try discussing things with her again, and if it doesn't change, take a break or cut her out completely. You need friends who are going to be as supportive to you as you are to them. As far as the other friend goes, the one expecting a baby, hang in there. It's so exciting when you're expecting your first baby, and I doubt she's purposely trying to hurt you by talking about it so much.

I know how hard it is to see other people getting what you desperately want. Right now, a lot of people I know are pregnant or have recently given birth. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for nearly 2 years with no luck, and I'd be lying if I said it's not killing me to see so many people getting pregnant and having babies. One friend went off her BC, and was pregnant 2mo later! I've been off mine since August of 2010.... I'm happy for my pals, and make sure I tell them so, but it still tugs on my heart strings. This might sound completely ridiculous since I have been blessed with 3 children already, but I want more so desperately that I actually get frustrated when that time of the month hits...

My best friend who is single and childless has been jealous of me since my wedding in 2008. She has said some really harsh, insensitive things to me during the past 4 years, and I've been less and less available to her because of this. Pregnancy number 3 was met with the most criticism. She actually said: "Geez, Rach.... How many kids do you think you need? Try keeping your legs closed!" 
Her and l go months without seeing each other, weeks without texting, and it seems like our only correspondence is on Facebook. She is so jealous of the life I have that she feels she has to try to make me feel bad about being happy. I try to be supportive of her decisions, I encourage her to keep going when she thinks the whole world is crashing, and I get hell in return. Please don't let your friends make you feel as bad as mine makes me feel! Let's hope you have more courage than I do and can walk away if you need to.

I just have to say, using their first names will not mean that all us random xangans will instantly know who you're talking about!!! 

That being said, I know how you feel. Pretty much everyone I went to high school with is getting married & pregnant but I just watch Friends & Sex & the City & shows where everyone still has a life well into their twenties & think that I can always have a family when I'm thirty but if I start now, I won't be able to have my life back again until I'm 40.

I have been married three years and I get the question all the time about having kids. Here is what I can tell you at this point. A little more honest and rude response. . . 

answer: Find single childless friends

if they can't understand you, how good of a friend are they, anyway?? If you've tried to be honest and aren't getting anywhere, then just plan a trip to go out of town, coincidentally during the baby shower. you could also be "sick" that weekend. I hate baby showers, and I'm a mom. I hated them a million times more when I was single and kid-less. So I 100% understand. Don't go if you don't want to!! They will get over it if they are really your friends, and besides, they are probably so wrapped up in the baby drama that they won't care if you're there or not. 

@Adrenaline_Unknown@xanga - easier said than done..The only people I can find that don't have kids are male..