This post brought to you by Adam & Eve. So you've just had a baby and you're exhausted, right? I don't have to tell you that--you're so tired that you haven't brushed your hair in three days and your perma-sweats have started to adhere directly to your skin. And the last thing on your mind is clearly bringing back the spark and romance with your husband, cause as much as you love your little bundle of joy, you certainly can't handle another one right now.
But you fine mothers everywhere, one the of the most important things you can do post pregnancy is remind your husband that he's just as important and sexy as he ever was. Remember that's how you got to the place where you are now, so you can't let that relationship fall by the wayside.
But you're thinking that you're so tired, how are you ever even going to get the energy to turn up the heat again? Well, one of the most important things you can do is make sure baby is on a sleeping schedule that facilitates post-slumber friskiness. If you can put them down well before the extreme exhaustion hits, you're more likely to be able to throw down like you used to. You're going to be tired no matter what, but it's about compromise.
It's also about the little things. While your date nights may have changed, you can still make an effort to make the every day special and new. The small things can make all the difference, so kiss him randomly in your hallway, sneak up on him in the shower--this will save you time, too!
If you feel like you're in a rut or so focused on baby, it might be time to start exploring. If you're relationship was fairly vanilla up until this point, and even if it wasn't, take your hubby to a sex toy store and have him help you pick out a new toy. There's so many available today, you're bound to find something that will please both of you. He'll also see that you're trying and that alone can work wonders for both of you. Can't leave the house? That's OK, you can head over to
Adam and Eve and find something, too.
However, if you're just getting back into the sack after child birth, it's important to be open with your hubby because you're about to experience a lot of new sensations. You might find that you have a hard time getting "excited" now, so make sure you have lube around. You'll also find that you're more prone to yeast infections, so be sure to pee afterwards and clean up well. And lastly, if you're not looking to get pregnant right away, be sure to take the proper preventative measures, because you're the most likely to get pregnant again right after you've had a baby.
Just remember to laugh and have fun. While things certainly aren't the same, you still keep the spark alive. Trust me, it'll get you through the really tough days.
After you had your baby, how long did it take to become intimate again? Did you have to work towards it, or did it come naturally? Did you try anything different or new?
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Comments (41)
What's your advice to the women who don't have sex not because they are tired but because they don't feel sexy. You know having the new stretch marks and bloated tummy are a little self esteem lowering.(Even if it really isn't that bad the fact that it's new is enough.)
It's nice that this post was trying to encourage the romance back into the bedroom (it's very important) but it's one sided and put all on the women.
Next time post from both angles and don't put it all on what the woman needs to do. i mean geez We actually did just hold a baby in our bodies and need to recuperate! Not everyone just snaps back strength and all.
uhhh...lots and lots of oral sex? never heard of a flame going out on a couple that loves playing with fire...when all else fails just call it murder! but you didn't hear ME say that
@tst08@xanga - Oh your right it is a self esteem boost when my partner gives me oral... Oh wait... Did you mean the other way around? :P
Sorry TMI I know
i've not had a child yet, but i have also heard that sometimes sex can actually be very painful after childbirth. (any comments on this? is this very common?) probably hopping right back into the sack might not always be for the best. also, husbands/fathers are more than welcome to help out and make the moves too :P
Oh, my gosh, sex was so not a priority, nor making him feel sexy. We bonded as partners and teammates in those early baby days. It deepened our marriage so much more than getting back to sexing ever could have. We just kept in mind that it was just a phase.
We waited until the doctor cleared us to have sex- 6 weeks, but we started off just once a week. (It was not painful, but I would encourage lots of foreplay while you're getting back into the swing of things.) Once we were sleeping nights again, within a year, we got back to where we were before. We were both virgins when we got married so our whole sex life has been exploration. Things did feel different and breastfeeding made for some funny incidents. Still we'd had sex all through the pregnancy so it really wasn't a big deal or even priority, it just came back together naturally.
Sex after my son was horribly painful, and still is to a degree. It's taken quite a while to fit sex into our lives again and i hate it. But with a little one running around it isn't as easy as it sounds. In my case my son sleeps in our bedroom, so we can't do it there even when he's down for a nap. Plus we have 5 other people in our house so it's a real hassle sometimes to just find a place.
But i agree to but forth the effort, otherwise sex will never leave the back burner. But i suggest waiting until you're fully healed and feel physically up to it. Otherwise you may just get discouraged.
@MistyEyes22@xanga - think of it less as a self esteem / degrading thing and more of a "we love each other and both fucking love it" kind of thing... lot of guys aren't used to the idea of it being about the relationship, and not just his ego, but I blame the military for that. Whatever. We've got the whole future ahead of us. If you still want it to be evil or whatever, you can always just pretend you're lilith femdomming adam or cain. that one ALWAYS works.
but yeah. if you ask me, it's not about who's winning and who's on top. it's not about submission it's about sharing pleasure and taking care of your partner/SO/bf/gf/husband/wife/whatever-label-you-want.
Why not? Is there any reason to NOT keep each other as happy as possible 24/7?
Seriously... just shut the lights off and have a bottle of wine... BOOM.
I am not happy with this post at all. I don't like how the woman needs to put the spark back into the relationship after having a baby. Relationships are a two way street, so I feel both partners need to put forth effort to spice things up again. I also don't like how an entire paragraph was devoted to buying sex toys. Now, I'm not against toys in the bedroom between consenting adults, but really? That's the only suggestion with any emphasis? Come on....
Ok, so I realized after commenting that the post was sponsored by Adam and Eve, but still... I don't like the post one bit...
@rachmorgan01 - I'm with you. And I won't even discuss the subject because I won't be a part of this advertisement. I feel it takes away from anything I have to add to the conversation because it is a bogus ice breaker to begin with.
@tst08@xanga - I wasn't implying the sex it's self is degrading my point is the women shouldn't be the only one compromising. Sometimes a women need's the guy to put an effort into boosting her ego in order to be in the mood. It's not just bam I had a baby all by myself so I need to please you.
It's not about who deserves more. It's about an equal effort. If the women who is obviously uncomfortable then the man should try and ease her into it.
"one the of the most important things you can do post pregnancy is remind your husband that he's just as important and sexy as he ever was. "
haha, yeah. Because HE'S so worried about being sexy, after he just carried a baby for 9 months and pushed it out of his body. Right.
Actually, it's important for BOTH partners to be there for each other. After a pregnancy and childbirth, the man COULD go out of HIS way to help his partner feel important and SEXY too.
And this is coming from a woman who WANTED to have sex right away, after giving birth, but had to wait on my hubby to be ready, lol. I'm just saying. With all the newness of parenthood and adjusting to all the changes, we moms should add in trying to make our spouse feel "sexy"? Lets face it, I was the one healing, I was the one up every 3 hours for feeding, I was the one with the stretched out stomach, etc...
Yeah, I'm not a fan of this post either.
It would have been better if it was more about give and take. Talk about things and compromise.
I had many complications post first childbirth, and yes, the first week or so of sex after the normal waiting period was painful. We are so conditioned to make sure we satisfy our men at any cost that even pain can seem normal. And come on ladies, how many of you got scads of good sleep after you came home, and weren't just plain worn out.
I don't like how this puts all the onus on the mother/wife/female.
I gave birth to my little one a year and a half ago and went through postpartum depression for a year. The last thing I felt like was sexy...never mind reminding the hubby that HE was sexy. Not to mention the fact that I had all this extra weight left to lose, stretch marks, leaky breasts, dark circles, etc. And although I do agree that it is an important thing to show him that you still love your baby's daddy, I think it should absolutely be a two-way street.
In all honesty, I don't think it's important to get your sex life back on track that quickly. As long as you don't let it slide for the rest of your lives. If your child/ren are sleeping through the night regularly and things are 'back to normal' (or, as normal as they'll ever be again), and there's still no spark then maybe it's time to re-evaluate the romantic aspects of your relationship. But the time during postpartum should be used to focus on the baby, adapt to your new life together and recover from the physical and emotional stress that was involved. Not to jump right back into bed and risk making another baby so soon. Unless that's exactly what you want, but I think it's safe to say that most mommies are pretty put off pregnancy so soon after childbirth, and sometimes for years after (or forever!).
You can really tell this is a sponsored blog. I know it's not trying to hide it or anything, but I had higher hopes when I clicked on the link from the Xanga main page. Sad to say that I'm pretty disappointed after reading just a couple of posts.
Some readers didn't even realize this was a sponsored post.
And others, like @ilovebrusselsprouts@xanga - will think these posts are representative of Momaroo, how could they not?
Integrity. Far more important than any giveaway or other money-oriented venture. Because without integrity, you won't have readers.
@MistyEyes22@xanga - I'm trying to say that it shouldn't be a compromise! I went down on my last girl because I wanted to. Not every girl I've been with has been...shall we say edible? But if you're committed to someone and you want to make sure they aren't shortchanged in the bedroom you sure as fuck will let them grow on you til they're all you want.
And a woman shouldn't have to have the baby all by herself, and god damn I don't know why people get in relationships. If you're with someone, and you're dedicated to them, then you should be glad that you've got someone to be in love with for the rest of your life, and someone to find new creative ways of loving with for the rest of your life...What are people doing together if their bodies are disgusting to each other? Learning how to turn disgust into pure love, i hope.
What the fuck else is there to do here?
@tst08@xanga - lolololol! I get what you're saying now. wow....
I agree with you to a point. There is always compromise but it shouldn't feel like such a big compromise.
A lot of these comments seem very selfish. Sometimes after a baby is born the husband feels left out or neglected because all of the attention is on the baby. While the baby does need attention, so does your relationship with your spouse. I love your advice. And I also hope that a lot of people take it.
Also, to those commenting about not feeling sexy. You're never going to feel sexy again if you don't try. Sometimes all it takes is the action to make you feel something.
@xhalesx@revelife - It's not about being selfish it's about this post is one sided. We just post our side. How can we post the view point of the man?
Honestly yes the man does need some attention as well but that doesn't mean forget about us. it's a give and take not a give and give.
@MistyEyes22@xanga - Marriage is in no part about taking. It IS about giving. That's what love is. Thinking about the ones you love first and NOT about yourself. Agape. Truly unconditional love.
@xhalesx@revelife - I get what you're saying and know where you are coming from. And in that context love for everyone/mankind should be agape.
I see where you got that from and understand why you feel that way but don't say some one is being selfish by them pointing out this post is selfish in it's self. How does this post show the man having agape love for the women how is the man just giving and giving with out taking?
Marriage is a give and take you give with love and don't ask for anything but you take graciously. Both partners are supposed to give the same with out expecting but if the women is in pain or needs support the man should give it. If the man need's comfort and attention the woman should give it. But if for some reason one partner is ill mentally or physically the partner should understand.
My point was the post is one sided and when keeping a spark it takes two not one otherwise it's fake.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - Alot changed when the new person took over. When she posted the review on the van she got to test drive.. I closed my account. Which was a mistake cause I lost 5 years of blogs. And lots of readers but really what has this came to.
@MistyEyes22@xanga - You just totally missed the point of agape love. Unconditional Giving Love does not involve being concerned about what you get if you do something for someone else. You are completely contradicting yourself. Even if you are not meaning to.
This post is one sided because there is only one person writing it. She is a woman so she's going to write about what she should give and not about what she should get in return.