I am a textbook example of classic pregnancy symptoms. (Except for hemorrhoids, so far... Thank God.) My first trimester was full of vomit and I even broke out in hives. I'm always tired, oversleeping, indulging in cravings, easily weepy, and always cleaning like a mad woman. According to What To Expect While You're Expecting, I am on the last week of month four: 17 weeks today. These round ligament pains can get to me sometimes, especially at work where I'm constantly on my feet and moving. I am finally starting to feel like I'm actually showing and not just "getting bigger." Soon I'll be out of that awkward phase where people will be more brave to ask when I'm due rather than internally question my weight gain as just eating too much.
Even though I told all of my family, Chris's family, coworkers, and close friends... I just recently made the official announcement on Facebook to my almost 1000 friends (including close friends, coworkers, and family.. but mostly old friends, high school peers, people that attended the same parties I did back in the day, bar regulars, maybe past hook-ups... people that I could probably care less about their opinion about my baby). I got a lot of feedback, though, and they are all supportive. Both Chris and I have had endless positive feedback, not one negative comment, about us having a baby together. It is surprising because we are not married and will only have been officially together for 7 months this upcoming month...and we are young with okay jobs. People seem to think we are a really good couple and that we each have the capability to make an awesome parent.
Lately, I've been worrying about a lot of things. Of course, my legal situation. A whole other story that will for sure pass, but mainly because I am completely emptying my pockets to get the freedom I deserve. Which leads to constant worry of finances. We are moving into an awesome house that we can afford, but money will be tight with all of our bills and obligations. This is normal for a pregnant woman to worry about, though. Whether or not this is normal, I often find myself easily weepy like I said before and insecure. This leads to problems I have been having with Chris.
He is a very good man to have by my side, but I have been wondering lately if I am losing him. He doesn't seem as interested, and gets annoyed when I start feeling sensitive. For example, whenever I ask if we could go grocery shopping, he seems to get irritated to the fact that we are about to spend a lot of money. Or he's getting annoyed with me getting "pushy" (I'm not the nagging type at all, I'm usually the one that gets nagged at by everyone). Our sex life is daily, sometimes more than once. Even that is decreasing. Today, we couldn't decide where we were going to eat for lunch. We had all the same food I've been eating at the house, so I wanted to go out. He turned down everything I said, when normally he gets irritated that I never know where I want to go. So, even though we were already driving to go somewhere, I said "Fuck it, I don't want to go anywhere." I already knew it'd be a waste of money and time, we would be sitting in the restaurant wherever we would be avoiding killing each other. This pointless car ride ended in almost getting in a car wreck and me crying. Instead of eating I washed dishes so I didn't have to talk. Anytime I mentioned that I was insecure that he was starting to lose interest in me, he would get mad and say he wasn't. He never did sound convincing. I suck at communicating sometimes, and was wondering if my symptoms, definitely including my moodiness, were pushing him away.
He soon took a shower while I was washing the dishes to get ready for work. We were avoiding each other. When he got out just in his towel, he tried to make me laugh and I didn't. He came over to say he was sorry and asked me if I thought he was an ass. That's one of the many reasons why I love him. Even though he can be an ass just like any other guy, he's always sweet at the end. He told me he was going to try to be sensitive towards me and that he was going to read the What to Expect book when he got home instead of the one he's been reading. He later told me that he has been depressed lately, and said it wasn't my fault at all. I wish he knew that I really try to make him happy all the time, I didn't like hearing that... but he was honest.
I wonder if this kind of situation is normal, or if I'm just being overly sensitive. He's probably just as freaked out as I am. We didn't plan this, we went from fucking around, spending all of our money having fun with almost no responsibilities... to now. The true reality.... major adjustments. We are so much alike, said the same things at the same time before we even really knew each other. Also, we both completely SUCK at talking about our feelings... it either comes out wrong or held in for too long. We always make up, but it can be reoccurring. I hope we can grow old together, for the sake of our child and the love we have. So if anyone actually read this, what do you think?
How can I communicate my symptoms better? Any advice for him (even if its something like "go buy yourself a 6 pack because you'll never be right" kind of advice)? If there is any beneficial feedback you could spare for me, please do.