Thursday, 31 May 2012
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Breastfeeding At A Wedding
I just want to start off by saying that I have absolutely NO PROBLEM with women breastfeeding, it is a natural thing and I fully support the right to do so in public, though with some modesty please.However, there was a situation that I encountered where I was uncomfortable with a woman breastfeeding.
A classmate of mine invited me to his wedding, and I was thrilled and immediately said yes. The ceremony was at 1 p.m and it was beautiful, and the reception was to be held in a hotel banquet room at 6 p.m that evening giving time for pictures and people to go home and rest. Being a hotel there were bathrooms equipped with changing tables and couches 5 feet from the banquet room; and there were lots of children and babies at this reception.
Along one wall, right beside the door, was the gift table, with two chairs for the couple to sit and open said gifts. I was at a table close to this area, and the head table was across the room. During the couple's thank you speech I noticed a woman sitting at the gift table; she was breastfeeding her child, without any sort of covering, clearly visible to the bride and groom.Now as I said earlier I have no problem with breastfeeding, but I did have a problem with this woman openly breastfeeding AT THE GIFT TABLE during the speech. My reasoning is this, she knew she was going to a wedding, she could have brought bottles; she also could have used the bathroom that was five feet away; she could even have found a different area in the room to breastfeed in; and finally couldn't she have covered up a little?
What do you think? Am I being insensitive by thinking she could have been a little more private/prepared? Would you openly breastfeed at someones wedding? Let me know your thoughts!
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Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 5125 Comments: 0 103 View all posts by Trueinnerbeauty@lovelyish
Comments (105)
if my baby was hungry and i didn't have a cover and i didn't want to miss the speech then sure i'd breastfeed right damn there in front of God and everybody. you wouldn't take a formula fed baby to the bathroom would you?
this argument is old and tired. leave the woman alone, she was feeding her child.
Hey, when it's feeding time, IT'S feeding time.... Nothing wrong with that, especially for the little ones.... Peace
Nursed my baby at a couple weddings - we were both invited, he was hungry, the end. If you don't want people breastfeeding at your wedding, don't invite babies, easy as that.
I don't have a problem with breastfeeding in public. I just always preferred somewhere out of the way, where there wasn't a lot of distraction and noise for the baby. I'm sure if the speech was that important to hear, someone was probably taping it and she could have watched it another time.(hopefully the camera person was discrete enough to avoid taping boobie, I'd be irritated to find a ton of video dedicated to a breastfeeding friend. LOL) In fact, I'm sure the bride would have been thrilled to have a reason to re-watch her wedding video. But then again, if she was sitting that close to the bride and groom, she was probably good friends with them and I'm sure that they knew she nursed her baby and probably didn't mind. Really, it's not OUR issue to argue over. It's over and done with.
@grizzlybearr@xanga - AGREED!!!
Would YOU eat in the bathroom?
You have the right to think what you will, it is your opinion. I've never been a breastfeeding mother so I cannot comment from that point of view. I'm sure she didn't start feeding her child to make you upset or uncomfortable, but maybe she didn't want to miss the festivities? If you have to ask for validation or justifications from others for your thoughts, maybe what you think is insensitive. But thankfully you didn't act upon it and get up to ask the woman to stop or leave. I would consider that inappropriate behavior as it is not illegal to breastfeed in public. If I were a breastfeeding mother and the need arises, of course, I would want to be discrete in front of all these people. However, I wouldn't want to feed my baby in the restroom, and perhaps my child doesn't like her head covered when she's eating. I would turn to face a wall away from the head table and just listen to the speeches rather than look.
I am so tired of hearing about this. It is not a big deal. It sounds like the gift table was in the back against the wall, so she went to the side to do it, correct? And about the covering up..The baby's head should cover 95% of the breast, so I don't know what you could have seen.
I guess I'll be the one to disagree with the majority. Like you, I have no problem whatsoever with breastfeeding in public, but please at least have some modesty. It's not difficult at all to find a stylish nursing blanket and use it. Even if the bride and groom don't have a problem with it, there are most likely other people there who will at least be uncomfortable that a woman has her boob exposed, no matter how natural of a thing it may be.
@SimpleCrazyLove@xanga - Not all babies tolerate nursing blankets. I know my son did not, and my best friend's son doesn't either. In fact using one caused more of a scene as my son kicked, swung his arm, and unlatched in the effort to get out from under the covering.
Depending on the age of the baby, nursing takes from 50-30 minutes (sometimes longer). To miss 30 minutes of a ceremony like that is a lot. Sitting in the back is ideal. And I prefer to tell people who are sitting near me what I'm about to do so if they are not ok with it, they can turn the other way, and won't be surprised.
In fact I've nursed with a total and complete stranger sitting right next to me on the airplane. My son was crying, and I told the adjacent passenger that if I breastfed my son he would quiet down and probably sleep. He nodded, and I nursed away.
I love how the word modesty is just thrown around... Modesty isn't just about sexual things and I don't understand how some one can tie breast feeding and something sexual together...
The fact of the matter is in most states it isn't illegal to breast feed in public. I'm sorry I have a nursing cover and my son hates it and refuses to eat from a bottle or sippy cup. But that's right we all should just bend for everyone else because it isn't their problem.
Honestly nursing is not the same as walking around in a string bikini or flashes your breast. We don't do it so people can see our breast and get their jollies. We do it because we are feeding our child who shouldn't have to eat in the same room as a toilet.
It's fine if some people like to keep it intimate but not every baby cares for that.
It goes both ways... Like you all are saying have regard for others around you... sounds like you can listen to your own advice. Basically Every one wants everyone to be just like them and are going to talk crap to or about who ever is not.
This isn't me trying to start an argument sorry if it comes off that way. I'm not. I'm just saying how I feel just like you would and have.
I have to side with you. For the people saying she may not have wanted to miss the speech or whatever was happening, we understand that. However, every person has something to cover up with. You can bring even just a towel with you to cover up. I think the point is more so where the lady breast fed at, and how she did it. I'm sorry, but have some decency people. The person whom invited you invited you because they value you. That doesn't give you a right to do whatever you see fit. It gives you a right to attend their wedding and be considerate. Ask before you go if they would mind. It's not like breastfeeding is a new concept to you. You didn't just start breast feeding that day, so it's not like you're unprepared. There are ways to put your milk in a bottle for such occasions as this. If you can't afford to buy a pump, they have rentals. If you can't afford to rent, they have cover ups that are cheaper. If you can't afford a cover-up, I KNOW you have something you can use as a make shift cover up if you're going to sit out in public eye to do your business, so to speak. Bring a towel, or a jacket. Get creative. It's THEIR wedding, so get THEIR opinion BEFORE you go. No surprises. And don't be offended if they tell you they'd prefer for that to not be done at their wedding. You can turn down the invitation, or be considerate and step to a side room or somewhere to feed your child. There are ways to compromise and keep everyone happy. You can always ask someone what you missed. No one would mind that. :)
But yes, poster... I agree with you. I think that 1. the guest table specifically appointed for the bride and groom was an inappropriate place to do it, and 2. I think she should have brought some form of coverage. It's a wedding. Seriously? If people had done that at my wedding, I, being the bride, would have quietly brought them to the side and asked them to go elsewhere or cover up. I just find that hard to believe. I hope to breast feed my little ones one day... But I also hope to have common sense that some people would find that offensive, regardless to how I feel on the matter, and be sensible enough to think the situation through. I am all for breast feeding... But be appropriate about it. Who goes to a wedding with a child unprepared anyways? o.O? Boggles my mind.
@SimpleCrazyLove@xanga - And you hit the heart of how I feel. Agreed.
It's only a big deal if you make it a big deal, and unfortunately too many people are making this and other situations just like this a big deal!
I fail to see the issue, here. Kid was hungry. Nuff said.
I disagree with a lot of the other comments. Breastfeeding is perfectly natural and legal in public, but so are a lot of other things. Like wearing shorts, or talking on the phone. But the thing is, a wedding reception is not the public. Certain places will have certain rules (for example, you can't wear a t-shirt to a fancy party, and you can't talk on your cellphone during a movie). The rules are there for the benefit of the guests. If a baby was screaming, then a parent should take the baby and leave the room, even if it means missing the speech.
The rules are set by whoever is hosting the party. It is not up to a guest to decide if breastfeeding is ok. But if the bride and groom decide that they don't want it in the reception room, that's up to them.
Sometimes, "kid was hungry" isn't a good enough reason. Certainly, if a 5-year-old were hungry during an orchestra concert, you wouldn't let your child munch away while the musicians were playing.
I agree that breastfeeding in public should be legal. But that doesn't mean that EVERY place has to permit it ALL the time.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - If the baby won't tolerate a nursing blanket, then it's time to go somewhere else where you won't be in view of everyone else at the party.
I'm not at all saying breastfeeding should be frowned down on, or be illegal in public, but like others have said a wedding reception really isn't in public. Even if the mother doesn't feel the need to cover up, it could make others uncomfortable and in cases such as this one it's not up to the other people to just "deal with it" and not look. I think the best answer in cases such as this one is to talk to the bride and groom ahead of time and come up with a reasonable solution, whether that be sitting in the back of the room or covering up or leaving the room altogether.
@SimpleCrazyLove@xanga - While we're at it, why don't we just outright ban babies altogether. That way no one will get their wittle feewings huwt when someone nurses their baby.
It makes other people uncomfortable if gay people hold hands. Should they never display affection?
It makes some people uncomfortable to see interracial couples. Should they never go out in public?
We do not base our natural normal actions that are not immodest, are not illegal, and are not inappropriate on whether or not someone will feel funny about it. It is ludicrous to think we should.
People are uncomfortable with things they are not used to. Things they are not often exposed to or experienced in. But that doesn't make those new things wrong to expose people to.
A lot of the comments posted seemed to tackle a different issue all together. The question posed was whether or not the woman breastfeeding should have been a bit more discreet, not whether or not breastfeeding in public should be okay....
Some people are uncomfortable with seeing a woman exposed, even if it's just the top of the breast and/or stomach, shoulders, etc... Breastfeeding mothers want everyone around them to "deal with it," but doesn't that make them just as inconsiderate as those who are opposed to breastfeeding in public?.... From what I can tell, most people are not against the act of breastfeeding, they are just uncomfortable with a woman being so exposed. Sure, the baby's face covers the most private area of a woman's breast, but if baby moves suddenly, someone may get an eyefull and be uncomfortable or embarrassed. For example, I would be mortified if I was breastfeeding and my baby moved and my father in law was in the room.... I also do not feel most people associate breastfeeding with a sexual act, but I can easily see how a woman feeding her child would make someone else, especially a stranger, feel they are invading a private moment.
I breastfed my children everywhere, and always used discretion. I tried to be considerate to those around us, but that wasn't the only reason I'd cover up. I personally do not like to be exposed in any way in front of anyone other than my husband, my kids and my mother. I'd find a quiet corner, a separate room, or when all else failed, would nurse in a bathroom stall. I always felt better being alone (especially with my youngest who hated being covered up) because there were no distractions and I considered nursing sessions to be private moments between my babies and I. Nursing is perfectly natural and all mothers have a right to provide their children with "milk on tap," yet I also think women should at least make an effort to be discreet.
As far as nursing at a wedding is concerned, it may be best to talk to the bride or groom ahead of time. I highly doubt anyone would flat out tell a guest they can't nurse their baby while attending their wedding, but they may prefer the mother sit somewhere a bit more private than the gift table or throw a blanket over themselves. Even a kleenex is large enough to cover the exposed top of a breast....
@SimpleCrazyLove@xanga - No we don't urinate in public as it is illegal. Do you see the difference?
And you also don't have to expose yourself to breastfeed. It depends on your clothing.
I also don't think breasts and genitals are the same level of exposure. And the associations which rate movies and television shows agree.
Ok, so you have the complaint...,
but apparently you also walked up with your camera and got her breast feeding photo? Then posted the photo in public blog !
Hahaha, it's ok. Obviously the photo helps illustrate your point and facilitates the discussion, but it was worth a chuckle.
My reaction is that it seems a sweet moment. If I see an infant breastfeeding in public it doesn't bother me personally. But also, for me personally I feel enough modesty that if my child needed nursing, I know I would search out the most private place, rather than what appears here to be just left of center stage. In most situations I'm sure I would review all safe, comfortable options so that my personal moment with my baby would not be talked about (and certainly avoid being photographed LoL). That would be my personal comfort choice, but on the balance, most these situations won't bother me.
It is noticeable however that the child in this photo appears beyond infancy and I don't know the child/situation, but she's probably completey eligible to last through the event, enjoying reception foods, same as the rest of the folks.
What can I say - some people either have less modesty, don't mind the spot light, or a combination of both.
Good blog post - thanks
She should have left the room. I personally feel it just isn't appropriate to breast feed your child at a Wedding Reception right in the middle of everything. Step out of the room.
It was a hotel, I am sure there were lots of places this specific person could have excused themselves too.
The argument of "when he's gotta eat he's gotta eat"..well exactly, if you miss the speech because your child is hungry so be is.
As for people saying They are tired of hearing breast feeding parents needing to bend to the whim of others who don't feel it is appropriate, that goes both ways. I am sure those who are not into public breast feeding get tired of hearing pro-public breast feeders spout off too.
If you don't have another option, (ie you are on a plane) then that is an appropriate public feeding, do your best to over yourself up and not let your breast be exposed. I get it, some kids don't like the nursing covers blah blah blah, but that doesn't mean your boob needs to hang out.
I love nudity, and anyone who knows me will understand that as I've worked as a nude model for many years. However, I do not plan to expose myself at an event for breast feeding. I would excuse myself to another room.
At a wedding, it isn't about you as a gust, it isn't about your personal opinions and views. Why couldn't you just take the high road and go elsewhere more private.
I feel their were probably lots of options for this person to breast feed. She could have asked staff if their was a Mothers Nursing Room, She could have gone to her car, she could have sat in the powder room (the section of the rest room which is usually separated by a door and has couches) or even in the lobby, if it was nice outside, she could have stepped out.
I don't think the issue here is breastfeeding at all. Really, it's just about common courtesy. The wedding guest was engaging in a totally legal, natural act, however it's also an act that I'm sure she knows is somewhat controversial and attention getting. The polite thing to do would have been to go to a less prominent place in the room so as not to draw the attention away from the bride and groom.
To answer the OPs other questions; Yes, it is insensitive to expect a nursing mom to adjust her parenting choices for you. Not all babies take bottles or tolerate coverups. My daughter hated them and would have made a huge scene if I had tried to cover her while nursing, which would have been far worse than what this woman did. And there is NO WAY I would feed my child in the bathroom! I really wish people would stop suggesting that as an alternative.
I would breastfeed where ever my daughter wanted. I wish I was still breastfeeding my daughter. It is what are boobs are made for. I wouldn't like to eat in a bathroom why would I make my child do that.
@staclinusa - I agree with what she said. Perhaps the woman could have moved somewhere else in the room.
If the bride and groom didn't care, and obviously they didn't or they wouldn't have seated her at the gift table, then perhaps you should have walked away if it bothered you that much.
Haha...I wonder how many of the people here who agree that breast feeding is "indecent" or requires a certain level of "courtesy" to others even have any children, let alone breast fed.
Is anyone even considering that a truly exposed breast is when you can see full nipple and all? Technically when one is breastfeeding the breast isn't exposed because the nipple is in the baby's mouth. What is there to even see? Is the mere idea that her breast is hanging out? If that's the issue then everyone needs to recognize their own mental hangups and GET. OVER. IT.