Monday, 21 May 2012
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Stay At Home Mom: My Thoughts
All over the internet I've been seeing articles, posts and comments relating to how much a stay-at-home-mom actually works.From the people who think moms sit home eating bonbons all day to the people who think moms are the be-all end-all authorities on work, I find it all very amusing.
In my 18 years of parenthood I've pretty much run the gamut on working/being home situations. I spent many years as a single mother, working while my oldest sat in daycare/school/babysitter's care. Spent another few years working from home and actually being there for him. When my husband and I got together we both worked, then there was a time when just I was working. For the last five years though, he has been our sole breadwinner. Sure I've contributed with web clients, custom sewing orders and Swagbucks (which technically makes me a WAHM) - not to mention the supposed menial job of running a household with 5 kids and a husband, but financially he's got our backs.
It's hard to say what was hardest because 'hard' can be taken so many different ways. Having to leave my oldest while I went to work because I had NO other choice was pretty tough, my heart ached for years. Plus, all the housework and errands had to be done by me as well.. not the easiest.
What I do now is exhausting. Every second I'm awake is marked with a task and sleep isn't always an option. It's not all bad though, I get to sit down and eat every meal with my kids. I get to play games with them, teach them things and watch them grow without pause. Some people would say that's not work, it's a responsibility - I don't see much of a difference. I've got to get up and do everything no matter what, otherwise it doesn't get done.
Am I not working because most of my days are more enjoyable than they were when I worked 60+ hours a week outside my home?
Being a SAHM is more physically and emotionally demanding than anything else I've ever done in life, but it's also the most rewarding. I'm satisfied with what I do, I actually enjoy taking care of my children and making sure my husband, who works 7 days most weeks, has everything he needs all the time. I'm grateful I can be here for them and I feel this is exactly what I'm supposed to do.
It is absolutely baffling to me how rude people can be to each other over this subject, it's all 'I'm better than you, nanny nanny poo poo'. All over some stupid political bologna. Everyone knows what's better for everyone else. I can't wait for the apocalypse... hopefully there will be zombies.
Where do you stand on this issue? Do you think being a stay at home mom is considered work?
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About the Author
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- From: hatcherbee@xanga
- Name: Nicole
- About Me: I'm a busy mother of 5, respectful of the earth God gave us, allergic to the mainstream and in love with my sewing machines (and nail polish and books). Thanks for stopping by :)
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Comments (60)
I think being a SAHM sounds like a lot of work. And I have a lot of respect for people who do it. It's just not for me personally.
I think both are challenging and difficult in their own ways, so I don't think one is "worse" than the other. The arguments on this topic annoy me, especially when they turn petty.
I have done both, and I do think that being the SAHM is definitely more emotionally and mentally draining than any outside-the-home job I've ever had. For one, I obviously have more of a vested interest in my son and in my home than I ever did in any other job, even the ones I truly loved. But also, there just isn't much of a break. Especially right now when my husband is in the midst of a special project that requires him to work nearly 80 hours a week for the next few months. I am with a nearly three year old around the clock, and it's draining. We are also homeschoolers, which in the long run means more work. I won't lie - there are days when I'm a little envious that even though my husband is working long hours, he gets to sit down with his boss or co-workers once a day and have an adult conversation and lunch that isn't interrupted or doesn't involve a screaming toddler or and impatient one.
On the flip side, it's all worth it because it is very rewarding. I am raising our son instead of someone else doing it (we are very big on self-sufficiency, too).
The trick for me is balance. I started my own business a year-and-a-half ago, and it helps me feel like i have something of my own, but still allows me to be here to raise my son and take care of our home. Sometimes its frustrating because I can only work when my son is asleep or maybe an hour or so here and there when he's otherwise occupied, but it also keeps my brain from turning to mush or getting too irritable.
So really, I think both situations have their own set of pros and cons. I could really careless if someone thinks I don't "work" simply because I stay home and raise my son. I've never felt I needed someone else to validate me.
Right now I work, have a hobby nursery, and pets. My husband has some issues but is overall just lazy. On days where his mental health is great, I only have to do my hobby nursery and go to work. Those are easy days. Otherwise I feel like a single mom (cooking, cleaning, growing food, working....) It is absolutely draining. On my days off, I do stay at home mom/wife stuff (gathering supplies, cleaning, cooking, paying bills) and it is just as tiring as days I only go to work.
Don't get me wrong, there are stay at home wives/moms that don't do a darn thing. My MIL stays at home and does laundry and will every now and then do dishes...her WORKING husband does the rest.
Just because you don't get paid, does not mean it isn't work. It takes time and energy to maintain a home.
I am a SAHM of a 2yr old and a 5.5 month old.
When I was working a full-time job I worked at a hospital and worked my toosh off. I loved every minute of it. And when I came home at the end of the day I felt good about what I did. I was learning more and more about people and other things around me. I woke up early early and didnt come home until late late. My work-self (as it is with most people) was almost a different "me", than who i was on any other given day. When I came home from work I would transform into someone new entirely... placing my feet up, taking a nice hot shower, playing with my cat, and enjoying conversations with my husband.
Now as a SAHM.... I love every minute of it. But.............. there's no coming home after a long hard day of cleaning, and learning more and more about the kids i'm raising. I wake up early and I'm home until late late ( im home afterall). There's no transform into someone new... I'm mom, every day, all day. Until 9-10pm at night there's no putting my feet up, and only thoughts of a nice hot shower. But I do enjoy playing wth my kids and watching them grow and helping them learn.
...... SAHMs' really dont get the credit they deserve. And it is a shame that they are looked down upon....
I don't think it's work for rich ones. But for the average person, yes I do think it's work.
I am a stay at home mom and I think this really depends on the person! Just last month, down the street from us, a 2 year old drowned in a pool. While we were very sad, no one in the neighborhood was surprised- this stay at home mom spent most of the day out on her front porch smoking and talking on her cell phone. On the other hand, there's the group of moms I run with. We take our preschool kids out every morning, run errands after that, exercise, cook and clean and a lot of us do odd jobs. I make jewelry and sell it and antiques online, I do bookkeeping for several people, I am a secret shopper, I do assembly jobs from home, I house sit, I do spa parties and I'm currently studying reflexology. There's not a whole lot of sitting around...
It's a 100% unnecessary decision you make so don't expect sympathy.
There are far too many parents who don't take very much/good care of their kids, or really any care of their kids after they learn how to use a microwave. Or fuck, since mom's not working and dad's busy doing drugs... score on free preschool, ship the little bastards off.
I've seen too many shit people in this world. :( Sorry.
i'm sure it is a lot of work. but, look at the perks. you get to make your own schedule, work at your own pace, you are your own boss, and you don't have to worry about getting fired. i don't get any of that. so don't preach your job as being harder than everyone else's. that's all i ask.
I hope there are zombies too.
For me, working outside of the home was more emotionally draining. Partly because I was in the social work field with kids, but mostly because my son got sick all of the time at daycare, which means we were sick all of the time. This past winter was probably the worst winter I have ever had, until I left my job.
Then again, I think staying home would also be a lot better if I had multiple children.
But this does give me more time to prepare for the zombies.
@TheMANinTHEyellowHAT@xanga - LOL @ your comment. You have no idea, man. None, whatsoever.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - see, that's what i'm talkin about.
@TheMANinTHEyellowHAT@xanga - What? My good-natured response to your possibly well-intended but (sorry) inexperienced comment?
I like your name, though. Curious George reference.
This reading does gets me pouting now. If laundry is not done, dishes not done, food not checked to its freshest and bedsheets unwashed.. they will stay dirty. And this is really work to keep clean. Sometimes it feels draining even I pull out the optimist creed and recite while i fold the laundry. I am so trying hard to affirm myself that taking the role to care for a family is necessary and vital, so be it. But i do make lots of time to pamper my skin, my senses, my exercise and cook what i love to eat.
i love this post!@sarahsmurfette@xanga - oh it definitely wasn't well-intended. i had no hopes of uplifting anyone. i don't get the impression anyone here is in need of that. they're all pretty sure of themselves.
@TheMANinTHEyellowHAT@xanga - Aww then why grace us with your comments? And you know what gives one the confidence you notice? Experience. Just sayin'. All in good spirit of things.
Put it this way, it depends. It's one whoppin hell of a lot more work for a single mom who is poor or homeless then for Ann Romney with all her help and her help and her help and her cash and her maids and her servants and her nannies.
I also think it's different because Mormon women are forbidden to work because they're submissive under the church.
I have kids and I tell you what else, there's a lot of times I didn't really want to do the work, so yes, it depends on the levels. if you're multi millionaire, you work only as much as you choose to. If you're ordinary 99 percent, yes it's an ass kickin hard job.
@TheMANinTHEyellowHAT@xanga - she wasn't preachin.
I'm a sahm to 5 year old twins and an almost 1 year old baby. It's a lot of work. A lot. It's exhausting. Before I was a receptionist at a high end salon, so it wasn't the most demanding - as in I wasn't a nurse or something. I just dealt with nasty rich people. Honestly I'm so blessed to be able to stay home with them while they are young but am looking forward to the day I have a career.
Tell you what ladies...I won't give my opinions...I will state my EXPERIENCE.
I was a SATM for the first 18 months of my daughter's life.
I then worked part time for 8 years---until a family crisis forced me to quit my job to be available to my family 24/7, 365.
What no one is telling you is that when you feel it's a good time to look for work...you're going to have a hell of a time finding a job. Employers do not look fondly on SATM, and wait until you see what taking off 3-5 years does to your Social Security...it bottoms, and will only go up when you put in three years of FULL time employment.
I'm not suggesting that it isn't worth doing...but it's better to be aware of the potential cost of your decision. In my case, I didn't want strangers raising my daughter...but when I became partially disabled, the time I took to be a SAHM counted AGAINST me...and when I started looking for work past 40, discovered that few employers will call you back. (I have college, a decent work history before I took the family time, etc.),
You can argue all you like about the pros and cons...but the SAHM is going to pay a lot more for her choice than you'd expect.
@TheMANinTHEyellowHAT@xanga - I didn't hear her say her job was more difficult than anyone else's, nor have I heard her preach, however.. 1. You get to make your own schedule? Last time I checked, kids don't scream for attention on schedule.. especially when it's 3 o'clock in the morning. 2. You're not only your own boss, you're the boss of your children & when they misbehave again & again you can't fire them. Ever been stuck working with a bunch of people who have the potential to annoy the bejezus out of you? At least you get to change scenery at the end of the day. As far as not getting fired goes, you get fired, you find a different job. You become a stay at home mum, you could definitely find a career at some point but you're still a mum.
Ahem.. to the OP. I love kids & would definitely love to be a stay at home mum, it seems very difficult but oh so rewarding.
@Ride_Every_Stride@xanga - i was talking to all moms. not just the poster. and if you're gonna pick apart every positive and turn it into a negative, then your kids are going to grow up very pessimistic.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - i'm not entirely sure what you're trying to say, but.... yes?
@TheMANinTHEyellowHAT@xanga - Oh, you can get fired. They just call it "CPS" instead... :)