Thursday, 10 May 2012
-
Why Would You Ever Do the Co-Sleeping Thing?
Jenny and I are both just about to die with whatever bug we're both sick with. She has a follow-up with her pediatrician tomorrow early in the morning so I decided to have her sleep with me because I just washed her bedding yesterday. I figured we'd both sleep in my bed and be sick, then I'll wash my sheets tomorrow.
I've heard of people doing the whole co-sleeping thing, where you sleep with your baby - why! I can't sleep with my baby. She's driving me nuts! I'm waking up every ten minutes with her kicking me in the gut. Around midnight I woke up about every five minutes with scratches all over my neck. I was so out of it - it took me almost twenty minutes to realize Jenny was shredding me to bits. I've had to go dig up her mittens and turn the air way up so she doesn't get overheated. Now she's latched onto me - yeah okay it's super cute and everything - but every time I move her she does it again. I don't want to crush my baby. Plus, we're both sick so she keeps coughing on me.
Is this what co-sleeping is like? Mom not-sleeping. My sister, who has seven kids, says she never sleeps when one of them gets in bed with her. I don't know if I'll even be coherent for her appointment tomorrow. On the other-hand, Jenny's sleeping really well, and she's not a good sleeper. On the other-other-hand, I have to function too. I'm not going to deny that it feels nice to be close to her and all that jazz, but I won't lie - it feels the same as when she's watching Sesame Street in my lap, or 'helping me do my work', or just chilling on the couch.
I mean come on, I didn't grow up sleeping in my mom's bed. Why would you do the co-sleeping thing? I just don't get it. For all the people who say it's super dangerous and everything - it probably could be, but I'm sure there's a 'proper' way to do it. I really just don't understand why anybody would. I do see that Jenny's sleeping much better than she normally does, but eventually she's going to have to learn to sleep that way on her own. If she wakes up crying in her nursery, fine I'll wake up and put her back down. Surprisingly, that's much less of a hassle than her keeping me up all night - in my own bed.
If we were to co-sleep every night, wouldn't she become co-dependent? - something I'm already worried about being a single mom. If she stays in bed with me every night, how would she learn to sleep on her own? I'd think being in a room across the house, far away from mommy, would scare her. I would think if a mother and child were so close that they shared a bed, that it would be dangerous for a child's social development. (I'm a teacher child development is something I'm familiar with.) How would the kid learn to do anything on their own? Would it get to the point where they wouldn't want to go anywhere without their parents?
To me, it just makes no sense. I can't sleep. I don't want to get back in bed because I know Jenny will glue herself to me; and I don't even want to think about what's going to happen tomorrow when I try to put her back in her crib. All I wanted was to save time on laundry. Ugh.
Sidenote: My 19-year-old little sister (who is a major wimp) still gets in bed with my mom when it storms, but in all fairness storms are really violent where I grew up. I can see how they scare her - but it's still hilarious.
Editor's Question: Did you co-sleep? Why? Why not?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to momaroo's Momaroo Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in momaroo's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: GingerAvenger@xanga
- Name: Valerie
- Location: Roanoke, Texas, United States
- About Me: I teach English.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 3 Views: 0 13573 Comments: 0 199 View all posts by GingerAvenger@xanga
Comments (49)
If i had a baby,i'd probably kind of keep her/him separate from me. Mostly because i hear adults can make babies even sicker,so i always just assumed it'd be a better idea. Then again,i'd want to keep her/him with me,to console them through the sickness. I guess i'm just mutual on this subject.
I have a two-year-old and he sleeps with us 2-3 nights/week. When he was younger, he slept with us more frequently and didn't really move or kick when he slept so it was so wonderful sleeping with him. Now, he sometimes kicks us, but not with the frequency that you're describing. Our co-sleeping experience has, overall, been pretty good.
Nope. I wouldn't do it, but I won't knock the Moms who do. But here are the reasons I wouldn't co-sleep:
1. Same thing mentioned, I wouldn't sleep.
2. Marital relationship would suffer
3. Future difficulty getting the baby to sleep alone
4. Possibility of a horrible accident happening
I know, I know, there are preventative measures you can take to co-sleep in a safer manner. But to me, there will always be a risk, no matter how minute.
Bottom line, when I was in x-ray school, there was a baby who had been smothered by her father in the middle of the night. They were co-sleepers. I cannot unsee what I saw.
I did it for about 5 months. I hadn't really thought about it before he was born - we bought a bassinet to put next to the bed and I figured everything would be fine. But in the hospital I slept with him the first night and didn't feel right setting him down. It just kind of happened.
I got used to sleeping with him and I was able to get him sleeping at night pretty fast by feeding him when he just started to wake up, instead of after he was up and crying. Whether he was with me in bed, or in the bassinet, I would have been up feeding him anyway.
When he got a little older I realized that he is a belly sleeper, so he started sleeping on his own more and more. Around 8 months we moved him into his own room and he will sleep 11-12 hours through the night unless he is sick or teething. I didn't do any sleep training, so no, I don't think co-sleeping necessarily leads to co-dependence.
This is such a big debate sometimes, but honestly, I just did it because that is what felt right at the time.
I never co-slept with my parents much, maybe like a total of six times...when I was old enough to have nightmares or be woken up scared. But I never slept with them as far as I know when I was a baby or a toddler.
I feel like this is a personal parent type of deal. You do what you feel is right & what makes you, as a parent comfortable, while trying to ensure your child's comfort as well. Eventually, you'll both find the right comfort zone.
If you don't want to co-sleep, fine, don't do it. But why go on and on about it?
I co-slept with my babies because I nursed them. They were used to sleeping right next to me and we slept in sync. They never cried at night. They'd stir and fuss a bit, it'd wake me up and I'd nurse them. I slept better, they slept better. My daughter didn't sleep well until we co-slept. And my boys I co-slept with them from day one. My life was a lot easier because we co-slept. They didn't ruin my relationship with their father by co-sleeping, that's absurd! Eventually, they'd be in their own beds by time they were two, or slept with each other. My oldest is 14 and sometimes her brother gets scared and goes sleeps in bed with her. They sleep better that way.
Humans co-sleep. It's only Americans who don't.
@TiredSoVeryTired@xanga - I'm curious how it's absurd that marital relationships might be harmed by co-sleeping?
Most people who co-sleep sleep with the baby between the parents. That way the baby doesn't fall off the bed. Maybe I am wrong in that assumption? It's the way I've always known others to have done it. If the baby is sleeping between you, when do you have intimacy?
It seems to me that you would find so much emotional gratification in your baby who is with you 24/7, that your husband might feel like a 3rd wheel. My kids are 6 (her birthday is today) and 2. My husband and I relish the time we get when it is past their bedtime. It is *our* time, to watch what we want, talk about what we want and how we want to. We don't have little ones squeezing between us or vying for our attention, etc. It's important to remember in a marriage that you aren't just roommates who co-exist. Every parent I have personally known who co-slept had intimacy issues in their marriage. They never had relationship time. They never got to sleep together alone, or naked. They rarely had sex. And when I say rarely, I mean like months would go by without any intimate touching or kissing.
Could it have been all of those people? Yeah, it could just happened to have been those couples, and not have had anything to do with co-sleeping. But I think if you do co-sleep, you need to be aware of and attentive to the marital relationship - the baby needs their mom AND dad preferably together and happy.
@TiredSoVeryTired@xanga - thank you thank you for posting this! I completely agree :D
My son is almost 10 months old and he still sleeps with my husband and I, but he also nurses at night as well. I think it's ridiculous to assume that co-sleeping negatively effects marital life...if anything, it's made mine more interesting. Not only have me and my son gotten more sleep by doing this, but it's more natural then people realize. Countries who traditionally co-sleep such as those in Asia have much lower infant death rates caused by SIDS and I don't find it to be a coincidence.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - Well, I co-slept with my oldest child and still managed to have two more kids! The master bedroom isn't the only bedroom in most people's houses. I think those couples were already having issues in their marriage and let the co-sleeping be the scape goat. I know plenty of co-sleeping parents. Sex in a marriage stops when the marriage is crumbling and that has nothing to do with who is sleeping in the same bed.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - We co-slept until my son was 8 months, so not all that long. But he always slept next to me, not between us. Often we would fall asleep husband spooning me, me spooning my son. Obviously didn't sleep like that all night, but I liked it. When we wanted alone time, we would put him in his crib for a few hours (asleep), but for night breastfeeding it was just easier to have him sleep with us otherwise. He's 3 now, and I don't think I could still be doing it (no space, he likes his own bed, etc). I agree with you completely that the relationship between parents is important, and alone time is key, but I don't think co-sleeping has to put a wedge in that. At least, in my experience it didn't. To each their own!
This is one of the MANY parenting issues that is, gasp, a personal choice. Co-sleeping is not FOR ALL. Why is THAT so hard to understand? Honestly, co-sleeping meant better sleep for us.
And having co-slept, my daughter is VERY independent. I'm a more dependent person and I did NOT co-sleep with my parents.
Basically, this sum it up best and why PARENTS just can't ACCPET this fact, I'm not sure.
NOT ALL FAMILIES OR CHILDREN ARE THE SAME.
Good gracious.
Maybe, if more people would get that through their thick skulls, we wouldn't HAVE to debate these stupid personal choice issues. Thank you very much.
I co-slept with my first son up until my he was about 2 years old and even now sometimes he'll crawl in bed with us. I co-slept with our middle child as well, especially when my husband worked night shift. He didn't like it so much and I finally got to a point where co-sleeping on a full-size mattress with two little boys and my husband was too uncomfortable. It took a while to break the habit for us all but we enjoy our own beds now.
As a baby I usually slept with my parents, because apparently I slept better. When they seperated my mom and I lived in a small house with just one large room so we slept in the same room..I don't remember if I slept in her bed.
I do remember that I slept in her bed later when we moved to a bigger place because I actually sneaked into her bedroom and pretended to have fallen asleep there. I didn't "need" to sleep in her bed...I know other kids were afraid of the dark or afarid of being alone...I just liked it better that way and she let me. When I stayed at my grandmas place she let me sleep in her bed too. I stopped it automatically when I was 9 or 10 and felt like I was getting too old for that, and sometimes I would leave because my mother snores.
I think accidents and germs are the only thing that would bother me, when it comes to a baby. That alone would not let me sleep either. Maybe I wuld try to let them fall asleep in my arms, and then put them away. But aside from that I think it is just natural for kids (well of a certain age)
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/freedom-learn/201110/why-young-children-protest-bedtime-story-evolutionary-mismatch.
and if it helps them feel safe in general it can be a good thing. I think if a kid was afraid of say the dark over a certain age (when they are able to comprehend that it's not warranted) I would train them to sleep alone because that shouldn't become a problem. But generally I see nothing wrong with sleeping together with kids.
I co-slept with all three of my kids. Never had a problem with it. They're now 13, almost 12, and 10. All three of them sleep just fine in their own beds. They're all very independent and capable. Was I glad when the youngest finally stopped sleeping in our bed? Absolutely. Did co-sleeping cause some measure of trouble at times? Sure... ANY sleeping arrangement is going to have its problems. But when they were babies, I slept much better with them close to me than I did when I tried to put them in their crib, even with it next to the bed. Since they did it from day one, it was never something I had to get used to either... they simply went from kicking me from the inside to kicking me from outside. *shrugs* LOL
The only time I was ever ABLE to co sleep was if I was up feeding one of the kids and fell asleep burping them. Other than that I could NOT sleep with them in the bed...so it never would've worked for me.
Co-sleeping isn't for everyone. If it works for you, that's awesome. If not, that's okay, too.
My boy and I co-slept for about six months. Yes, it was uncomfortable. I didn't sleep much. But it did ensure that my boy slept soundly, and at the time that was really all I cared about. He never slept between my husband and me. That can be dangerous. Instead he would sleep on my chest, with me waking up every ten minutes to make sure I was still holding him (and I was). When he was about six months old he was becoming more restless at bedtime, so we started putting him down in his crib. He was able to roll around and play with his toys, and he would fall asleep on his own. His crib was in our bedroom, so he was still within reach if he needed anything. Many nights I would sleep with my arm jammed between the crib slats so that he could still feel close to me.
My boy is not co-dependent. Not even a little. At 14 months he had his own bed in his own room. He was excited when he saw his room. And it's still his favorite place to be. He's four years old now, and for the past two years he's been putting himself to bed; grabbing his pillow and blanket, telling us good night, closing his door and climbing right into bed.I babysat my cousin a lot from the time she was around six or eight weeks old, and at times she just would not sleep in her play pen (the only "bed" I had for her at my house). When I'd get desperate I'd put her in the bed with me because it was the only way she'd sleep for more than ten minutes, and I really needed to sleep. Sure, I didn't sleep as well as if I was in the bed alone, but it beat having her awake and screaming every ten minutes. If I ever have kids of my own I wouldn't co-sleep unless necessary (like with my cousin) just because I don't sleep as well.
I co-sleep with my 14 month old son, but i hadn't planned on it. I had told myself and others i would never let him in my bed for fear of rolling over on him or him falling off. Well after many sleep-less nights of trying to get him to STAY asleep in his own crib, i caved. It's saved my sanity. While i'm afraid he'll become attached, it works for now. Once he moves into a toddler bed he'll no longer sleep with me. (Thats my plan anyway.) The thing with him is that he'll go to sleep in his crib fine, but about 3-5 hours into the night he'll wake up and wont go black to sleep unless he's in our bed. He also take naps just fine in his crib. Sometimes it can be a pain, i like to spread out when i sleep and he's a bed hog. Other times he'll kick and scratch me. But for the most part he sleeps soundly, and so do i.
I think the main reason I was so uncomfortable was because we were both extremely sick and it was the entire night. I've fallen asleep with her on the couch a bunch of times and never had any problems with her beating me up in her sleep. But based on that one sick night - I'd never do it again. She likes her crib just fine.
All three of my kids slept with my husband and I. We didn't plan it but then I had the baby (at home) and the idea of putting it alone in a crib just seemed wrong.
Our bed was a futon on the floor, so there wasn't really a worry about them falling out of the bed.
It was nice, I breast fed, if the baby fussed I rolled over nursed them back to sleep. didn't have mcuh of an issue with kicking etc till they got older, then they were ready for their own beds...between two and three years of age. They were happy to have their own bed, there were no real issues with it.
They are all grown now. My daughter has a son...he sleep with her on her futon on the floor.
I have no kids, so I haven't experienced sleeping with kids. But I have babysat and worked with kids. If I need to sit in a rocker, and rock a baby to sleep, I will do so. I see it as no drain in my life. I work the nursery at church, they are babies, I am there to take care of them. It is my duty, why should I worry about an impact to my life? they can't really help what it requires for them to fall asleep. How did we get this view, that babies were a negative, and we should do whatever it takes to make sure they don't impact our life?
I would never co-sleep simply because I'm a really restless sleeper. I move around a lot in my sleep and I'd be way too paranoid and scared about rolling onto my child or something. If other people want to do it, great, but it's definitely not for me. I'd obviously let my child sleep next to me or on me while I was awake, though.
This is another clear case of "what works for one child doesn't always work for every child".. I can't co-sleep.. My husband is a bed hog.. Even in our king size bed.. I like my space.. Our kids are all over me all day. Night time is when I finally get rest, and quality time with my hubby.
If we have our own I will probably do a bassinette or cradle in our room for the first 6 months or so.
"I do see that Jenny's sleeping much better than she normally does"
That's probably your answer to why people do it right there. :)
@Megabyyte@xanga - i agree, it's definitely a personal choice.
when my son was younger it was easier to co-sleep. now he's 3 though and i cringe when he gets into bed with us at night because he 1. digs his feet underneath me 2. snores and 3. grinds his teeth. lolnot to mention he always has to be right up under me. that's when we just take him back to his bed though.
it doesn't work for you....that's fine. but don't be all shocked and astounded that others enjoy it and it makes life easier . lol. we all make our own parenting choices and as long as the child isn't in danger (and there are ways to safely co-sleep) then we should keep our parenting opinions to ourselves :)