My daughter was not an easy baby, she had colic and (has) asthma. I was often up with her at night for hours because of it. However, she never had an actual bad attitude. She normally has a very mellow, easy going feel about her. Except for her random three year old moments she is a very sweet, caring and compassionate little girl. The first time I ever had to give her a time out was when she was 26 months old.
With my son though... things seem a little different. He had heart issues when he was born and also had GERD but seemed like he might be even more laid back then my daughter. I think I was wrong...
He is very demanding! Not in normal baby need's mommy way. More in a bad attitude sorta way. He can be very sweet but then you do something he doesn't exactly care for he smacks at you and gives you this, "And you better not do it again!" kinda look. He huffs and puffs and screams at you while making this very angry face. He is only nine months and has such a bossy attitude!
I have actually had to stick him in "time out" (the playpen) a few times this week for him to cool off. I made sure everything was taken care of with him and tried to "reason" (comfort) the little guy but that only makes him angrier.
Any other parents experience there nine month old have a bad attitude? Ever have to stick them in "time out"?I know he look's like such an angel, doesn't he?
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I was wondering about this kind of thing. I am not a mom so idk. Once my uncle (while she was preggers) kicked my Gram so much she slapped her belly and told him to knock it off. Lol.
I want to read responses to this.
I've heard babies don't really get the concept of time out for punishment, but you're not doing it for punishment, you're doing it so he can cool off and not be so angry! lol I suppose it seems like it would make sense in this situation, since trying to talk/soothe him just gets him more riled up..
hope he mellows out soon!
I've read that babies that young don't know how to calculate their actions yet. They start being aware of the possibility to "trick" others at about age three, so starting from that age they might pretend to be worse off and more sad than they really are or annoy you on purpose.
He probably simply has more issues than your daughter. Sometimes babies
who cry a lot are just physically uncomfortable. I know there's nothing you can do probably...or at least I have no idea.
But I don't think your son LITERALLY has a bad attitude at that young age.
There's a popular saying that I've seen resurfacing, something to the effect, "My baby is not giving me a hard time. My baby is having a hard time." I think that's something parents need to actively remind themselves of in tough times, because in the heat of the moment, it's easy to forget that a baby is not able to purposely make our lives difficult.
I agree with the above, if you are doing it in order for the baby to cool down, change of scenery, etc., that makes sense. If you're doing it for punishment, you're punishing for something that is not understood. And the baby will not register "punishment". Thinking that a baby has a bad attitude and treating is such opens a door to so many other problems throughout his development. Imagine growing up with your parents thinking you were just having a bad attitude when you were physically uncomfortable or whatever the case may be. (I'm not judging and saying you're doing that, just making a point.).
Im sorry but I chuckled at your post... my babygirl is the same way and has been since she was about 9months. I found at that age the play pen time out was not so much for her, but for me. I needed a little distance from my little princess.
Hope it passes for you soon!
@LadyGwenivere@xanga - Same here. The break/time-out was more for me. It gave me a minute to allow myself to exhale, realize I was wearing my shoulder for earrings, and just take a breather. Then, both (or all) of us were more able to enjoy the day.
I do want to add that I believe that even from birth, and earlier, babies have personalities. Some are more chill than others. Also, anatomically speaking, the parts of the brain that control the emotions of anger and impatience, or of love and an easygoing attitude are very close to each other even in adults. I imagine that it's even closer in babies, although I haven't seen studies specified to them for this purpose. Maybe that's why you can have a laughing baby in one second and a crying one the next. The immature brain just can't properly sort itself out yet, particularly since the "folders" are so close.
And, to the author, I've seen comments here and there from you. I know you're a great Mom. You can trust your instincts with your babies.Time-outs worked wonders for my boy when he was small, and for me as well. It gave us both a chance to chill out and calm down. As long as his needs are met and he's not in any immediate danger, there's nothing wrong with a little alone time.
@SHEERROSE@xanga - Your uncle was preggers?
@raspberryjade@xanga - @SHEERROSE@xanga - @under_the_carpet@xanga - @DirtyAndShaken@xanga - @sarahsmurfette@xanga -
Hey Ladies! Thank you all for the replies, they were all honestly very helpful.
I just wanted to clarify what I meant by bad attitude... It seems like his personality is a little bit tough, like a little tough guy. I didn't mean to insinuate that he was my "bad seed." lol He's just a bit of a "hot head" I guess.
When I say "time out" I guess I do mean cool down. I really just wanted to make sure that letting him cool off wasn't a bad idea. Having these two kids really blurred my judgment as apposed to one. I just think I get frazzled a bit easier now. lol!
Thanks again Ladies!!! It's nicde to have such a supportive and helpful community!
@Grtt@xanga - lol yeah I had to re-read it... but I understood it.
Both my kids were around one before I needed to really do time-outs. When they are frustrated or upset (not being naughty or needed behavioral modification...they go into the corner for a minute per year of age for that), I give a water bottled filled with water and glitter for them to shake. Usually they end up self-relaxing because they stay still to watch the glitter go to the bottom of the bottle.
On a side note, I think it is a bit sad for me that I got happy because I could probably guess the brand of diaper cover.
@MommyMarty22@xanga - Oh, yeah, me too. I was just being a butt. It's kind of my forte.
You are doing the right thing. You are teaching him to sooth himself and also that bad attitudes will not get him the attention he is looking for. I did that with mine, he had a horrible attitude until he learned to walk and so he would be put in his crib until he calmed down. He is now two and puts himself in a certain spot on the floor when he starts his nonsense and I tell him to go sit down and get himself together.
@Grtt@xanga - No my uncle was the baby in the belly :P
@snarkius@xanga - That's a cool idea.
@Grtt@xanga - it happens nowadays.. :p
heheheMy dad will happily tell stories about back when he "was a little girl." I used to laugh easily, but now.. especially if he says it around people who don't know us well... lol I can see their minds working to figure out if he's joking or had the sex change.
@snarkius@xanga - I'm not a parent but that's a really good idea!
Researchers are close to establishing a "happiness" gene. In infants where happiness seems to be a struggle, there is more insecurity. While I agree with time outs, I disagree with them for infants. This could be feeding the insecurity needs. My daughter in law announced a month ago, when my grandson was 6 months old, that we were to now let him cry it out at bed time, that he was old enough to know what the family was doing, and needed expectations. After two weeks of him clawing his face and screaming, at home, because I don't put up with this kind of bullshit, my son announced he was no longer participating in this because the baby obviously wasn't mature enough to deal with the situation. I do personally agree with time outs for toddlers, but, many pediatricians do not.
How exactly would you give a 9 month old a time out?
Piaget suggests that there are 4 stages of development in children. Clearly your son falls in the first stage - sensorimotor. That means they can only understand what they can sense with their five senses. Everything else is incomprehensible to them. At this point, their emotions are pretty limited too - happy, sad, angry, disgusted, surprised, scared.
It's only when they are older, approximately two or three, that they begin to understand and therefore develop emotions more closely related to a sense of Self - guilt and shame being some of these emotions. So even if your son were to change his behaviour right now, it wouldn't be because he understands the shame behind his actions and feels guilty, but because he's been conditioned to change his behaviour so he can get what he wants. And that's not the lesson you really wanted to teach him!
@SoMuchWin@xanga - But the author isn't trying to shame her son by punishing him, she is giving him opportunity to "cool off" in the only way that has appeared to work. Maybe he was in sensory overload and simply needed a calm corner to right himself into feeling ok with the world again. That's a gift, not a punishment.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - But I'm not suggesting that "time out" is a punishment, just that it is more often and more effectively used when a child is to sit in a corner and cool off, to have a chance to think about what they did and is able to comprehend why they need to cool off.
We now know a lot more about colic and gerd than we did way back in the days....Maturation of certain brain processes, etc. I worked with a nurse who told me my daughter was colicky because I was a nervous mother, and that her husband put wine on her babies lips every day and they were just fine. I told her how interesting that they were creating the next generation of alcoholics, and I wasn't nervous, but overjoyed with my child, and that she would and did out grow it. For those going through it, hang in there luvs, it will get better. And the gerd can be treated as well. At 4 months, rice cereal frequently helps keep the breast milk or formula down, and you can still give Colic Calm.
A 'time out' for a 9 month old is not going to work.. Neither will hitting or scolding.. Redirect their attention... but a time out for this young a baby is not appropriate for their age!!!!!!!!!!!
@snarkius@xanga - that is an awesome idea! It is something for my son and I to do on our craft day. It could be one of the things I use to redirect his attention. Right now we use bubbles and punching balloons (not my most brilliant of ideas but he loves it so I let him have it).
I think at that age, children can not express what they are feeling with words (obviously) so they cry and I guess they may even hit themselves or their caregivers. My son never did it, but I have seen other babies do it. Your son may be making a "mean face" because he is upset but he can't tell you what is wrong. Unfortunately you either have to hold them until they are comforted or keep trying to figure out what is wrong so you can fix it.