Tuesday, 03 April 2012
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Dance Class Struggles
Three weeks prior to our Disney trip, Isabel decided she wanted to try out dance. She LOVED it. Listened well. Participated. I would peek in every so often and she seemed so engaged, so happy, smiling, laughing, trying new things.
The week prior to Disney, Garrick took the kids to the gym so I could have a night off. He couldn't find her leotard, so just put her in an outfit. He told me she didn't listen well. Hmmm... so I asked Isabel about it and she said she didn't have her leotard, and felt left out.
So, we missed dance the week of Disney. This week, I took her, and she seemed excited and interested, then it came time for her to leave Caroline's gymnastics class and go into her dance class, and she wouldn't. She said she couldn't do what the other girls were doing.
There are a few things in my mind:
1. Does she feel left out because all these girls already have friendships and she started late?
2. Is she intimidated?
3. Is she not interested after all?
4. Are her skills behind everyone else since she started late? (She's the type of kid that likes to be on top of stuff and be able to do it right away)
5. She's been asking to go with her meemaw to her ballroom dance lessons to watch, BUT... we all know how disengaged my MIL has been. I've asked her and told her that Isabel has been asking to go. BUT, she has yet to offer to take her. UGH. Is she feeling discouraged because my MIL isn't fostering it also?
So, I called the gym and talked to them about what Isabel has been saying at home. They agreed that when she was in the class, she was doing great and really liking it. They suggested trying a different dance class there, or trying an older aged gymnastics class (they are in a combined class now, so she's the oldest), or coming in a little early and having the teacher work with her one on one to get her skills up to the rest of them.
Any insight? Anyone?
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- From: JM_in_SC@xanga
- Name: JM
- About Me: Wife to an ER resident physician, mom to 2 beautiful small girls, part-time family nurse practitioner, with three sisters. Living a very blessed life.
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Comments (11)
Kids can be very sensitive and have be fully aware if there own skills are behind the others in a class.
As a former team gymnastics teacher, I don't think it's lack of interest or the other girls, but rather the uncomfortable realization she isn't up to par with everyone else.
Have a chat with her and ask her what she would prefer, she is old enough to have a say and to know what she will like. Explain she could try an older class or come early to help catch her up.
One on ones are the best way to boost confidence in performance and skills, I would try it for a month and see if that helps the class go smoother. I don't see what your MIL has to do with it, ballroom dancing classes are usually held in an adult environment so I wouldn't be too offended she's not extending an invitation to your daughter. They're her classes, if she doesn't want her granddaughter there then think of other things your daughter can go see (community theater, ballets, gymnastic competitions..)
I started dance late too, and for a while I did feel left out because I wasn't as capable as the other students in my class. My dance instructor stayed after with me every week to help me catch up. When I felt more confident, I felt more involved. I'd say take her early and let the teacher help her catch up. She's young, and kids make friends easily, so she'll be okay in that way. Once she's confident again, she won't be as upset about her class.
Maybe it has to do with her being out of the routine. Just a thought.
My girls (I have three, 7 yrs, 5 yrs and 3 yrs) all signed up for gymnastics (my oldest is doing ballet, too) and when we signed up they were TOLD they MUST finish out the year (we did a school year, so 9 months) and not quit. My 3 yr old understands that. I would work with her, finish what she started. She'll get into it. Takes time for kids.
1. Does she feel left out because all these girls already have friendships and she started late?
I was reading this with a friend of mine, and she was saying how she always experienced that.
I took 6 years of dance, and there are always girls who will make you feel weird. If she has the appropriate attire, and is placed in a class tailored for her abilities, then maybe give it a go for a while. But if she is still suffering emotionally after a few weeks, by all means, don't punish her with the "we don't quit" attitude. Some people have different aptitudes. Or, she may want to take a break and try a little later, when her confidence is boosted.
@HopeWithinReach@xanga - Yes, this is what I was thinking too.
"She's the type of kid that likes to be on top of stuff and be able to do it right away" I'm pretty sure I was that kind of kid and it was one of the hardest lessons to learn as I got older; that sometimes, even with things you love doing, you have work hard, practice, etc. to get 'on top of stuff.'
Stemming from similar personality traits, it bothered me when I didn't have the right stuff for an activity; I suppose it was reinforced by school (you have to wear your gym shoes or sit out, you have to get this kind of notebook, etc) While now I'm sure the teacher understood the leotard/outfit switch up, perhaps the kids did not, and it made her uncomfortable to be different that way. Especially compounded with missing a week (that can feel like being gone forever, haha).
With an appropriate grain of salt, I volunteer that in your shoes, I would encourage her to try it again for a week or two before giving up, since she seemed to like it so much the first few times.
I took dance for 17 years and taught a few years afterwards. If the girl feels left out due to the other kids, then I think it will both grow her independence and teach her how to open herself up to the other classmates. The teacher will help mingle the girls around too. Not having the correct uniform on can make a big difference, so that could have given her the weird vibe. Dance is a continual journey to bettering yourself, which is great for someone who always wants to be the best.
Definitely give her another shot, finish out the year, and see if she wants to continue or not. When I was younger, I wasn't really ecstatic about it, but I grew up to love and appreciate it!
From her own comment, that she couldn't do what the other girls do, it seems that maybe she feels incompetent but doesn't know how to say that. Ask her more about it. Maybe talking more with her about what she could do to catch up or if she would like to try another class could help her out. Nothing makes a child feel better and more prepared than a talk with mom and/or dad about what she can do to empower herself.