Monday, 26 March 2012
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Race, Parenting, and Trayvon Martin
I wish we lived in a world where race was never an issue. However, it is. It isn't talked about because racism has become taboo, but it still exists and it's still prevalent. I am not a young black man, so I can't dare say that I know what it's like to be judged like Trayvon Martin was the night he was murdered. However, I am Korean and Irish, and for two years we lived two doors down from a girl whose family were members of the KKK - along with half the town. It was the worst two years of my life. I learned how to fight in those two years, and I learned how evil kids can really be. When I started dating, I realized it even more. I thought children were cruel - teenagers and adults were worse. Most of the time I would ignore it all or brush it off because I knew it was just ignorance, but I had my moments where it would get to me. I just can not understand how on earth someone's skin color could be such a significant factor in the world... But it is.
When I met my current boyfriend, children were the last thing on our minds. When we found out I was pregnant, one of the first things I thought about was having "The Race Talk." It seriously hurts my heart to say, but it is a reality that black and mixed children will more likely than not have this talk with their parents. It entails the fact that people will judge them because of their skin color, that they have to work hard to break those stereotypes, and that they have to take certain precautions that other races don't have to - like not wearing hoodies, even when it's raining. I also know that I will have to explain to my son that a lot of mixed children like to "claim" one race or another, and that he should be proud of all three of his different cultural backgrounds. I don't know if Hispanic or Asian families have a similar talk. I do know that when we moved to Tennessee, my parents sat me down and had to explain to me that despite our multicultural family, not everyone sees things the way we do, and not everyone is as accepting of difference as others. My boyfriend will have to sit my son down and explain to him that even though he is tri-racial, some people will see him simply as a black kid. I know that I could probably have that talk with him, but I know that it won't be the same coming from me as it would from my boyfriend.
When the Trayvon Martin story broke, I literally cried. I thought about my nephews, and how close in age they are to him, and that it could have easily been one of them. I thought about my son and how he will have to second guess what he wears, how he talks, and where he goes. I thought about the fact that no matter how hard we will try not to make race an issue in my son's life, there will be times where it will be an issue. I even remember telling my mother that I refused to put my son in anything with monkeys on it, or give him any monkey toys simply for the fact that I knew that even as a baby someone would attempt to make a racial joke about my son, and I didn't want to give them the open door. I asked myself if I were Trayvon's parents, could I have the self control and decorum not to find George Zimmerman and give him a piece of his own vigilante justice. I give them so much respect and admiration for realizing that the issue is deeper than revenge. Yes, Zimmerman needs to be put away, but without changing the laws, without exposing the holes in the system, tragedies like this would continue.
I asked my boyfriend today if he has thought about what he would tell our son on that day. He sat there staring, and after a long pause he said, "I honestly have no idea... I just know that I wished by the time he was old enough to have to have that conversation, it wouldn't be necessary." Me, too, baby. Me, too.
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About the Author
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- From: ThaPlatinumOne@xanga
- Name: Shannon
- About Me: Model, Mother, Student. I hold no punches. Hippie at heart. Hit me up on Twitter! @ThaPlatinumOne
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Comments (90)
@LightBlue21@xanga - Wow: "Children whose parents are poor who probably don't know the value of education"
You want to tell me you have no classist tendencies? Wow.
@whiskey__lullabies@xanga - Ok lets get our facts straight, there. Here's a video to Zimmerman immediately after the incident being taken into police custody.
Without any evidence of injury whatsoever. So that bashed in head and nose has to be BS because those injuries, if they were so traumatic that he "feared his life" would have been more than evident.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/28/trayvon-martin-police-video_n_1386764.html?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl1%7Csec1_lnk3%26pLid%3D147477
@raspberryjade@xanga - He is actually part Hispanic and part white. I read an article in my local paper saying he has black friends. Well it does not matter if he has black friends, what matters is he is a racist murderer who should be executed. Justice should be brought to Trayvon Martin's family. They deserve justified closure and peace after the horrors that happened to their innocent son.
@Pollypinks@xanga - Hello those kids of yours are human. I am so sorry that happened to your family. I wish people will accept we are all human and stop asking, "What are you?" It's like they see others as a separate species of humanity or something. It's not like we have tentacles or wings or are purple polka dotted beings.
All of us are human and humans we are.
Actually what surprises me the most are the amount of religious people who are against intermarrying, inter dating, having friends of other color, ethnic background, whatever. And then they beat us over our heads with their bibles.
@Pollypinks@xanga - I wonder if that comes from old interpretation of "equal yokes" between spouses. I have also heard that it is in "protection of the children" who will have it harder. But. I don't think that is as prominent the thought anymore. It still exists, but I really don't think it's like it used to be.
And oddly, we can in some ways thank the media and pop culture for greater acceptance of "mixed" people.
It seems to me that the kids who really have it harder these days are the homeless ones, the poorest ones who line up for free breakfast and lunch in schools where it isn't popular. But the racist values do still exist, trust me. They haven't gone anywhere. It's more common to have weird names, but there are parents out there who align themselves with pseudo Christian thought patterns of racism. The KKK is still prominent in many states. And even with parents who claim loud and clear that it's not an issue, just wait till little sister brings home someone with brown skin. My kids are in their 30's, and it was a common occurrence in high school to be called "brown boy", or "hot little mexica." It is like it used to be, depending on where you live, and depending on your family.
@Pollypinks@xanga - I think people still cling to racist ideas because it's safe and protects them in a way. It makes no sense to the rest of us prudent people. Forming illogical and doubtful thoughts is basically lying to yourself. No way are those 'beliefs' true or the way the world works. ALL of us are different in our own individual ways. Yes we might look like the bigger group but all of us are own persons. We all have our own hands, feet, brains, and hearts to keep ourselves going. We cannot control another person's hands or direct them to go where we want them to. Willpower is the engine that drives us and our blood is the fuel. Love is the motivator. Hate is the killer.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - Well, when I first heard the story it was that a "white" guy shot an unarmed black teenager, then I saw his picture and thought to myself "he's hispanic". I'm a mother of three half-Mexican kids, I can spot someone with some hispanic blood when I see them. lol I don't think that's offensive or rude, just an observation I made because of the headlines. Normally, I don't pay much attention, nor care about the race of others.
I don't think, at this point, there is any way to tell if this Zimmerman was racist or not. (Unless he's said things and there's all kinds of stories going around.) At some point though, we need to consider that this guy is just mentally unstable. Maybe he is an ageist and figures anyone at that age walking around at night must be up to no good.... Either way racist or not, this is a clear example of not assuming something! Whether Zimmerman assumed he was bad because he was black or because he was a teenage boy, isn't as relevant in this case (or at least not yet).
I don't want some crazy person legally yielding a gun walking around "defending" any neighborhood and deciding for himself (and against police wishes) who the "bad guy" is. That's probably the biggest lesson to learn from all this. Just because someone can legally own a gun doesn't mean they have the right to use it on a public street.
My kids are half-Mexican. They learn all about racism around MLK day in January starting in kindergarten. It's part of the state curriculum. I had no idea they taught it till I was shopping at the mall with my kids and my oldest yelled out, "Do you know you don't have to like black people?"
I nearly died! I quickly said, "Oh, yes you do!" and then got home and talked to her about it because I didn't know where she pulled that out of! She said she learned it in school. So, I talked to her teacher as I was pretty miffed my child was learning this. I thought she was too young, and IMO still, she was. But the teacher had no choice. She had to follow the lesson plan. So, I corrected my daughter, who was amazed that there was such an option not to like someone based on skin color. (She use to want to be black and once threw a tantrum in Walmart yelling that she wanted a black daddy.)
So, then my boys went through the lesson with a much better outlook on it... my oldest son was devastated about the little girl who was harassed by adults on her way to the first integrated school in her area.
I'm a firm believer in not telling them until they need to know. I wanted my children to see the rude remarks people would say about them or other Mexicans as a shocking thing. As something they'd realize all the other people weren't saying. I say this has worked well for us. My daughter looks half-Asian and is always teased for that... that's been the biggest issue for us. One kid wanted to know if my youngest son was Mexican and he said that he was and the kid (also Mexican) said, "So you like beans?" We found that hysterical. I was worried he was being picked on for only being half Mexican. I suppose that'll come later. But right now things aren't too bad. They've come away so far mostly with an attitude that they are great people for who they individually are, not because of where their ancestors come from. I find that most important.
Racism can take many forms. We see it in political races, where people of certain religious groups trump others who aren't "worthy" of their time. We see it in people who have no patience for the poor, assuming that since they made it out everyone on the planet will make it out as well. Everyone is worthy of respect and the distinction that respect brings them. Certainly, we recognize serial killers and others who fall into separate categories, but to treat well over half the country as misfits because they don't worship God like some politicians do harkens back to the constitution, and even that was grossly flawed, because the framers all owned slaves.
I'm white, but, was raised (didn't cooperate, though) to not mingle with those who were black and didn't even know "nigger" was racist until the age of 9. I never heard them called anything else except for maybe chocolate people and jiggaboos.
I can be friends with Hispanics and Asians, but, I can only date the latter under their standards. My parents have grounded and insulted me over these issues when I was a younger teen (I'm now 19.) and still can be mean. My mom talks shit on my best friend sometimes because she only dates black guys. In my family, my cousin Janell is sometimes the subject of gossip because of her bi-racial sons.
Though they may seem extreme at times, I realized as I got older many people are raised this way. We live in an Irish/Italian, working-class, Eastcoast neighborhood.
It's interesting to see how people think that because Zimmerman is Hispanic, this somehow means he wasn't capable of being racist against Trayvon Martin. Perhaps he wasn't white, but he sure showed racist stereotyping/tendencies against a young black man. And I think that the fact that he self-identified as Hispanic AFTER he was in trouble suggests that he thought it would be more convenient to be sure people knew that and draw the same faulty conclusion that he couldn't be racist.
@LightBlue21@xanga
I don't think your points are "classist" or "racist." You're absolutely right; the correlation between socioeconomic status and level of education is significant, even after adjusting for race/ethnicity, geographic region, family (aka single parent vs. two-parent households), etc. So to sarahsmurfette@xanga, nobody claimed causation b/t socioeconomic status and education--I'm sure that the causes are many, complex, and inextricably linked to each other. Unfortunately, there are some people who (for whatever reason) cannot seem to accept facts that run against their perspectives, and of course, if you use those facts in your argument, you're being "classist" or "racist." And another thing, berating someone and calling them names on a blog is not going to change anyone's views (least of all the person you're attacking)