Monday, 26 March 2012
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Race, Parenting, and Trayvon Martin
I wish we lived in a world where race was never an issue. However, it is. It isn't talked about because racism has become taboo, but it still exists and it's still prevalent. I am not a young black man, so I can't dare say that I know what it's like to be judged like Trayvon Martin was the night he was murdered. However, I am Korean and Irish, and for two years we lived two doors down from a girl whose family were members of the KKK - along with half the town. It was the worst two years of my life. I learned how to fight in those two years, and I learned how evil kids can really be. When I started dating, I realized it even more. I thought children were cruel - teenagers and adults were worse. Most of the time I would ignore it all or brush it off because I knew it was just ignorance, but I had my moments where it would get to me. I just can not understand how on earth someone's skin color could be such a significant factor in the world... But it is.
When I met my current boyfriend, children were the last thing on our minds. When we found out I was pregnant, one of the first things I thought about was having "The Race Talk." It seriously hurts my heart to say, but it is a reality that black and mixed children will more likely than not have this talk with their parents. It entails the fact that people will judge them because of their skin color, that they have to work hard to break those stereotypes, and that they have to take certain precautions that other races don't have to - like not wearing hoodies, even when it's raining. I also know that I will have to explain to my son that a lot of mixed children like to "claim" one race or another, and that he should be proud of all three of his different cultural backgrounds. I don't know if Hispanic or Asian families have a similar talk. I do know that when we moved to Tennessee, my parents sat me down and had to explain to me that despite our multicultural family, not everyone sees things the way we do, and not everyone is as accepting of difference as others. My boyfriend will have to sit my son down and explain to him that even though he is tri-racial, some people will see him simply as a black kid. I know that I could probably have that talk with him, but I know that it won't be the same coming from me as it would from my boyfriend.
When the Trayvon Martin story broke, I literally cried. I thought about my nephews, and how close in age they are to him, and that it could have easily been one of them. I thought about my son and how he will have to second guess what he wears, how he talks, and where he goes. I thought about the fact that no matter how hard we will try not to make race an issue in my son's life, there will be times where it will be an issue. I even remember telling my mother that I refused to put my son in anything with monkeys on it, or give him any monkey toys simply for the fact that I knew that even as a baby someone would attempt to make a racial joke about my son, and I didn't want to give them the open door. I asked myself if I were Trayvon's parents, could I have the self control and decorum not to find George Zimmerman and give him a piece of his own vigilante justice. I give them so much respect and admiration for realizing that the issue is deeper than revenge. Yes, Zimmerman needs to be put away, but without changing the laws, without exposing the holes in the system, tragedies like this would continue.
I asked my boyfriend today if he has thought about what he would tell our son on that day. He sat there staring, and after a long pause he said, "I honestly have no idea... I just know that I wished by the time he was old enough to have to have that conversation, it wouldn't be necessary." Me, too, baby. Me, too.
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About the Author
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- From: ThaPlatinumOne@xanga
- Name: Shannon
- About Me: Model, Mother, Student. I hold no punches. Hippie at heart. Hit me up on Twitter! @ThaPlatinumOne
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Comments (90)
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - I posted that before I saw raspberry's comment. Anyway, tons of Hispanic people with non-Hispanic names and lots of people with Spanish names without a drop of Hispanic blood, especially when you get into New Mexico and Texas where people were forced to change their surnames or given Spanish surnames when the Spanish took over an area.
@LightBlue21@xanga - I don't buy that the best predictor of success is the parent's SES or race. I think saying that is classist.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - He isn't white, he's hispanic.
Just a question... will you apologize for the things you've said about him here if it turns out that he actually was acting in self defense?
@AgainstTheWind1@xanga - I am basing what I said on what i have heard of his 911 recordings. Not sure how that can be false. He chased Trayvon down. 911 dispatch told him not to. He said "they always get away." He chased him down. Self defense never involves chasing down prey, man. Trayvon was unarmed, outweighed, and unfamiliar with the territory. He stood no chance.
And again, we've already established, in other comments, his ethnicity.
What is it you hope to gain from an apology from me, I wonder? Kinda strange.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - Oh I didn't say race predicted a child's income level, just SES. But really? I thought it made a lot of sense. Imagine a group of children whose parents are both PhDs who earn over $200k and a group of children whose parents are both high school dropouts who earn <$40k. Which group will have a higher average income level? Note that I didn't claim that high SES is the direct cause of academic success.
It's not classist; it's fact. It's like saying black people are more likely to have black hair except people are more sensitive about the subject.
I could go dig up the correlations right now if you wanted me to, but I have a long essay to write.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - It was merely a hypothetical question, one to stir conversation. How is it strange to engage someone in conversation on a public forum? Isn't that somewhat the point?
I'm not asking you to apologize to me, I'm merely asking the philosophical. Would you apologize for your comments if you later found out that there was more to the story, and his actions weren't those of a racist psychopath?
@AgainstTheWind1@xanga - His behavior displayed the traits of the names I called him. Actions speak louder than words. And all of that jazz.
I don't like arguing for the sake of argument, it wastes my time. So philosophical "but what it???" questions aren't really my favorite kind of volley. That's all.
@LightBlue21@xanga - The definition of classism: "1. a biased or discriminatory attitude based on distinctions made between social or economic classes."
I'm pretty sure that's right on point to saying that SES predicts success and income of a child.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - and yet you referred to him as a white man, based on what you'd gleaned from news reports, only to find out that he is, in fact, "also" hispanic.
As for arguing for the sake of arguing, I do apologize for wasting your time. I'd not realized that the other portions of your conversations here had achieved so much more than the time I took from you.
@AgainstTheWind1@xanga - Wow you love your words. I retracted what I said about his ethic status. Read everything before you make judgments.
I based my guess on his race by his last name, which can usually be a good indicator of ethnicity. But again, this was all played out earlier, in other comments. No need to re-hash the same ol.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - It's ok, you've made my point for me, and that was my intent all along.
We can base our opinions on factors that seem pretty crystal clear...and still be wrong.
Thanks.
@AgainstTheWind1@xanga - No clue what you're saying. Wow. I bow to your mental superiority. I should not breathe in your presence. Nor should anyone else presume to commune with your intellect.
*whew* thank goodness I didn't melt from the interaction.
Wtf crawled up your rear. Dang.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - So I'm being discriminatory/biased when I say there is a study that correlates parent SES with a child's academic success and future income? Am I being sexist when I say that gender can predict academic success in college? Or when I claim SES can predict health during aging?
SES predicts so many things and if you think it's not pc to talk about it, then I can't reason you out of it.
@AgainstTheWind1@xanga - But really the truth is, I have no wish to further communicate with you. You come to conversations with intent, with manipulation. And I don't wish to be your victim. You are one of "those" people who lean into people when they talk. It's an act of aggression, and it can be read even through words on a computer screen.
So basically, if you can't tell, which I'm sure you can since you're, you know, *you* ... I won't converse with you any longer.
@LightBlue21@xanga - It's not about PC. *sigh*
Whatever. I can't fight the whole world. nor do I have interest in doing so. I just wish, with all of my heart, that people wouldn't see other people for their color, for their race, for their economic status, for their politics, for their religion.
And that is the bottom line. I choose to see people for who they are and how they treat themselves and others. It is what I am also teaching my children. I hope there are more out there who feel the same.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - Nothing's "crawled up my rear." Perhaps I should clarify that I'm not attempting to be hostile here. I know, on Xanga, that's the automatic presumption when someone comments in anything other than a "yes man" fashion.
It's not really that obtuse. You've called him a psychopath because of the "evidence" you've seen or heard.
Yet, you also called him a white man, based on the "evidence" of his last name, as you freely admit, and that turned out to be wrong.
Yes, I dare come to a conversation with intent. I'll not insult your intelligence by presuming that you don't. As for your assumptions about me, my character, and my being one that "leans in" while speaking to someone, well... clearly the evidence shows that, as well.
But you're wrong there, too.
My "intent" here was to actually address the issue that I wanted to address. Namely, that people rush to judgment entirely too fast, and that can be just as harmful as a racist mentality.
Sharing your opinion on the matter was ok for you, so I'll presume that it as ok for me is well...
Good day.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - -________- I'm sorry, but I think you're too sensitive about SES to the point where if anyone points out differences among SES classes you just don't want to discuss it any further. And it offends me that you're so sure that I must be classist because I state these differences.
It's like when people get all offended and hurt if I state that African Americans have lower average income levels than whites. I just stated a fact. Did I say it's good? Did I say it's the right thing?
No. In fact, there are NUMEROUS problems with the education system which contribute to the widening income gap. And it's because high SES parents live in better neighborhoods with better schools and better teachers and better resources while low SES parents live in dangerous neighborhoods with crap schools and deadbeat teachers and no resources because schools are funded by local taxes and therefore school funding in poor neighborhoods is crap because when you tax poor people you don't get much. So the poor people are forced to put their kids in poor schools, which take the kids nowhere while the rich people get the best education for their kids. Low SES parents can't afford college, and the people who can afford to go to good colleges are earning
even moremoney now, so the rich are getting richer while the poor are getting poorer.
People want to say that in the United States, anyone can succeed, but it's not true because not everyone is given the same chances when it comes to education. I DON'T think that parent SES SHOULD predict a child's future income level, but it DOES and it's a fact that everyone needs to face, including you.
And omg aeifjapwoeifjapw this has been really annoying.
Move to Hawaii, where the biggest problem is being white(because of OUR history).
Mixed kids are what make up our population. Being dark is embraced.
(Mixed kids are the cutest btw ;P)
& assuming a person's full ethnicity based off their last name is ridiculous if you consider that to be evidence. I'm Hispanic, yet I have a Japanese last name.
@LightBlue21@xanga - Maybe I'm an exception, but I agree with @sarahsmurfette@xanga that having two good, involved parents helps. Neither of my parents are college educated, and my mom is actually a high school dropout, but they raised me well and supported me, resulting in my success (a pretty nice career after graduation). Income is really only a factor, IMO, because college costs so much money and can make a huge difference in job opportunities these days. But that is what community college and in state tuition and grants and scholarships are for.
@LightBlue21@xanga - In my opinion, it's fairly classist...and I'll agree with @sarahsmurfette@xanga in that sense. A race
shouldn'tdefine or determine a person's SES. There are as many poor black people living in the ghettos of Atlanta as there are poor white people living in the mountains of rural Kentucky. Not every white person gets a roof over their head without a hole in it, and not every black person has to walk to the closest Piggly-Wiggly to cash in food stamps. But...statistics, while one can make them say whatever they wish to...don't always lie. A race SHOULDN'T be a factor, but in this country it unfortunately always is and probably always will be...even if you personally don't want to believe it (I generally refuse to give in to those statistics, but some individuals of some races don't care and perpetuate the vicious cycles). That's pretty much all I'm saying on THAT, though.
When I met my husband, everyone was asking him what I "was"....and he was convinced I was as white as the next person. He didn't see it, he doesn't care. Everyone should be like that when it comes to everyone they encounter on a daily basis, not questioning a person's parenthood because of skin color (often, when I was little...I had to correct people on who my dad was since I was just with some old white guy). Obviously you can see a person's shade differs from you, but that tells you nothing about that person; not good, bad, or in between...it's just a shade.
And as for the "would you stand up for your comments if..." question. You bet your ass I would. Zimmerman will probably be diagnosed as a sociopath and I'll stand by my statements on him until I'm turned into a diamond. Trayvon and his family deserve justice, and while I normally believe, "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind," murdering an unarmed, innocent child for ANY reason is punishable by law.
I look at that beautiful child and my heart breaks. I have a 16 yr old and a 13 yr old. I work in an inner city trauma center. I always see the child first. My colleagues tease me, but I still treat the kids like kids, holding hands, speaking softly.
No matter what....I always see the child first....I don't see the hoodlum. That may be part of what keeps me safe when I walk out to my car in the "hood". I'm the one who calls the gang member "Sweetheart" or "Son". I hold their hand. I tell them not to be afraid, that I'm with them.
If I don't see the "bad" kids that way, then how could I see any kid that way?
@LightBlue21@xanga - allot of the emotions are tied to some perception issue seem to have about by admitting a fact you seem to support it.
I'm very sorry you chose this case to make a point about racism. You've covered so many topics, this entry is all over the place, but to use this tragic incident as the crux is unfair to all involved, and it's shameful to use Trayvon's face to draw people to your blog. No one knows fully what happened that night. New details are emerging as we speak, such as a witness and 911 calls. Very premature and immature to make judgments and assumptions to make a point of what and how to teach your son about racial intolerance. Is it possible that violence begat violence that night? Let the investigation continue, do not opine until the truth is known. I wouldn't worry so much about how your son will understand, learn and deal with racism in his life so much if he had good parental role models to look up to. A strong family unit. Two parents, a husband and a wife to give strength and guidance. Your son will look up to his father if he is a fair and just man and will treat others in much the same way as his father is doing. Will he be making babies but not a family as well?
Considering those nasty two years you spent amongst the KKK, one would think you'd have an idea about strong family bonds.
I am a white male and i believe that there should be consequences for the man that shot Trayvon. I can not believe that he is not in jail.
My children are half filipino. Actually have Chinese and Indian, from India, on that side, and German, Irish, and Scottish on my side. It really bugs me that people ask my daughter "what she is." She's learned to reply, "I'm Chinese Irish." One woman in the store, when they were toddlers. actually approached me and asked me if they were my blood children. Yes, I said. She was incredulous, but then we live in Idaho. She said, "You mean, they are your blood children?" Yes, I said. "Well, she said, they must look like their father." I then said, "I don't know who their father is." Touche.'