Monday, 26 March 2012
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Race, Parenting, and Trayvon Martin
I wish we lived in a world where race was never an issue. However, it is. It isn't talked about because racism has become taboo, but it still exists and it's still prevalent. I am not a young black man, so I can't dare say that I know what it's like to be judged like Trayvon Martin was the night he was murdered. However, I am Korean and Irish, and for two years we lived two doors down from a girl whose family were members of the KKK - along with half the town. It was the worst two years of my life. I learned how to fight in those two years, and I learned how evil kids can really be. When I started dating, I realized it even more. I thought children were cruel - teenagers and adults were worse. Most of the time I would ignore it all or brush it off because I knew it was just ignorance, but I had my moments where it would get to me. I just can not understand how on earth someone's skin color could be such a significant factor in the world... But it is.
When I met my current boyfriend, children were the last thing on our minds. When we found out I was pregnant, one of the first things I thought about was having "The Race Talk." It seriously hurts my heart to say, but it is a reality that black and mixed children will more likely than not have this talk with their parents. It entails the fact that people will judge them because of their skin color, that they have to work hard to break those stereotypes, and that they have to take certain precautions that other races don't have to - like not wearing hoodies, even when it's raining. I also know that I will have to explain to my son that a lot of mixed children like to "claim" one race or another, and that he should be proud of all three of his different cultural backgrounds. I don't know if Hispanic or Asian families have a similar talk. I do know that when we moved to Tennessee, my parents sat me down and had to explain to me that despite our multicultural family, not everyone sees things the way we do, and not everyone is as accepting of difference as others. My boyfriend will have to sit my son down and explain to him that even though he is tri-racial, some people will see him simply as a black kid. I know that I could probably have that talk with him, but I know that it won't be the same coming from me as it would from my boyfriend.
When the Trayvon Martin story broke, I literally cried. I thought about my nephews, and how close in age they are to him, and that it could have easily been one of them. I thought about my son and how he will have to second guess what he wears, how he talks, and where he goes. I thought about the fact that no matter how hard we will try not to make race an issue in my son's life, there will be times where it will be an issue. I even remember telling my mother that I refused to put my son in anything with monkeys on it, or give him any monkey toys simply for the fact that I knew that even as a baby someone would attempt to make a racial joke about my son, and I didn't want to give them the open door. I asked myself if I were Trayvon's parents, could I have the self control and decorum not to find George Zimmerman and give him a piece of his own vigilante justice. I give them so much respect and admiration for realizing that the issue is deeper than revenge. Yes, Zimmerman needs to be put away, but without changing the laws, without exposing the holes in the system, tragedies like this would continue.
I asked my boyfriend today if he has thought about what he would tell our son on that day. He sat there staring, and after a long pause he said, "I honestly have no idea... I just know that I wished by the time he was old enough to have to have that conversation, it wouldn't be necessary." Me, too, baby. Me, too.
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- From: ThaPlatinumOne@xanga
- Name: Shannon
- About Me: Model, Mother, Student. I hold no punches. Hippie at heart. Hit me up on Twitter! @ThaPlatinumOne
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Comments (90)
I hope they fry that psychopath "neighborhood watchman" for the racist, malicious, dangerous predator he is. And I hope that the federal investigation into the small town PD changes things. I *hate* the good 'ol boy system.
I am a white woman married to a black man. Even before this, it made me nervous whenever he went out to run an errand in his sweatshirt (aka hoodie) after working in the yard or whatever. I hope that this won't make me fear more. It is my belief that this was the act of a psychopath, who was looking for a reason to hurt/kill someone that night.
However. My Mother in Law (btw they are extremely well off) wrote on Facebook: "I have a 17 year old son who has a closet full of hoodies. Is he safe? Will my son be safe?"
I read that Geraldo Rivera said something along the lines of "if you dress like a hoodlum, don't be surprised if people mistake you for one." He just joined the ranks of people I can no longer take seriously. Since when are all hooded sweatshirts ghetto gear? If I wore ballet flats, would people assume I'm a literal ballerina? I seriously doubt that.
This story is very upsetting to me.
As the mother of mixed children.
As the wife of a black man.
As a human being.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - I am glad I did not hear him make that comment about dressing like a hoodlum. Since when is wearing a hoodie dressing like a hoodlum? Good thing I stopped taking him seriously a long time ago.
I don't look forward to this conversation with my son, but it is inevitable. I think it is going to be hard to understand why people went from thinking that he was cute, sweet, precious, and adorable to scary when he is the same person.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - the man who murdered trayvon was not white. he was hispanic. (link)
@raspberryjade@xanga - Are you basing that on the picture? I'm appalled by that, if so.
Zimmerman is a Swiss name, as far as I know. Don't forget they live in Florida. Perhaps he has a tan. Are you thinking you must be Hispanic if your skin has some tan? Then I guess you'd mistake my kids for Hispanic too. But they are black and white mixed.
@raspberryjade@xanga - If you're so concerned, here's a better link to his ancestry, which is evidently white and hispanic. But don't make your judgments based on pictures. That's terrrible!
http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/who-is-george-zimmerman/2012/03/22/gIQAkXdbUS_story.html
White, Hispanic... It doesn't matter. The point is that Zimmerman thought that he looked suspicious because of his race and what he was wearing. It is a sad situation.
I think race is very imporant. & understanding it and acknowledging that we're all different even those of us who look alike is even more important. I don't think they'll ever come a day when race or ethnicity or gender or sexual identity won't be questioned. It's just the way it is. But tolerance and acceptance is something that can be taught. & I don't think we (as a society, as a human race) do enough of it.
@knierets@xanga - I agree. But I also feel like as long as we're always defined by those traits, be it on school forms, government forms, whatever, then that divide will always be there.
I can understand asking race on a medical form because of tendency of diseases toward certain ethnicities, but beyond that, I think it is intrusive and completely unnecessary. It serves no purpose other than to define and divide.
I remember having the talk with my parents, and it came after a boy in my preschool class asked what I, "was." My response was, "I'm a girl," but it didn't sink in that he knew that he was Mexican American, and I just knew that I was me. We were the only people of 'color' in the rural community. It only kept sinking in more and more that I wasn't white the older that I got, the more I was picked on and stared at. My kids are mixed, and we've had the talk already at 4 and 6. I don't want them to ever be ashamed of their heritage. I'm a proud Filipina/Irish woman, it just took me nearly 30 years to get there and NO ONE should be made to feel like that.
The Trayvon Martin murder has me absolutely saddened and incredibly angry. A chick throws flour on Kim Kardashian and gets arrested, a man kills an unarmed and innocent child and he's never felt cuffs on his wrists. Disgusting. George Zimmerman is a man with some mental instabilities and some racist tendencies. He should be charged with voluntary manslaughter and thrown away to rot.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - "if you're so concerned" ...please don't be rude. and I didn't make an assumption based on that picture, I read it in an article before, but went to google and typed in his name and linked the first picture of him I saw for you. maybe I should have linked the article I read about his ancestry, but I didn't think you'd try to call me out for making an assumption, especially when you just assumed he was white based on his name.
i just wrote a blog about this.
@raspberryjade@xanga - I had no intent of being rude, and I apologize if that is how it came across. Although I'm not sure why guessing ancestry based on a last name that is so ethnic is a bad way to go? It's like guessing that someone with the last name Cohen may be Jewish.
Unlike basing it on the color of their skin.
Although I stand corrected, Zimmerman is more commonly German than Swiss. I was thinking of some skiers etc I had heard of who were Swiss. But Geman is more common.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - I don't think assuming someone's race by their last name is a bad thing, but you seemed to be opposed so vehemently to the idea that I assumed the man's race based on his picture (even though I didn't).. I mean, looking at me its safe to assume I'm American or European, people draw conclusions about others' race all the time just by looking at them, just like they draw conclusions from peoples' names.. so why would coming to that conclusion based on someones looks vs. their name be that much different?
Maybe its because you have mixed kids, and you don't want people to assume things about them.. which I understand, because my boyfriend is Chinese and if we had kids they'd be very Asian looking (at least in the beginning) and it would kind of offend me if people automatically thought they were just Chinese or that I adopted them because they don't look like me
@raspberryjade@xanga - Maybe i am sensitive because of that. People often assume my children are not mine, and will look to Hispanic friends of ours to do things like order food at restaurants because they assume my kids are not mine.
Or, like when my daughter was approached by a total stranger, a woman in her 40's, who asked my then 3 year old "your Dad must be a darkie, huh?"
It may be a sensitivity. And it was frankly something I never expected. I grew up so multi-cultural, not my family but who we were around, that it just never mattered to me, and it surprised me when it did matter to others.
I have asked my husband who he thought white supremacists would hate more, him or me. And probably? The answer would be me. For loving him.
Also, the pictures being thrown around FB of "Trayvon" flipping birds and sagging his pants really angers me. People go ahead and spread the pictures, angry at the media for not portraying Trayvon as the thug he must be, if he poses for pictures like that...but the picture is a fraud. And people don't even care to confirm it before they pass on the lies. They want to believe he deserved it. It's an easier pill to swallow.
Sickening.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - yeah, it is a bit ridiculous how much people care about race. My half-brother married an Asian woman and her family calls their daughter "little white baby" even though you can clearly tell she's mixed..
I'm not looking forward to the people not thinking my mixed kids are really mine thing, sorry you've gone through it with ignorant people, its such a shame.
Ive had that race talk sooooo many times. Im black, chipawa indian, and irish. Thing is Im attracted to white guys so my mom is constantly reminding me about my race. Ive even had black people tell me im not black enough so I know exactly what you're talking about. That story about trayvon is so sad. Opens your eyes to the world were in.
It's hard. African Americans are more likely to live in poverty, to be less educated, and as a result are more likely to become criminals. Is affirmative action helping, hurting, or simply a superficial solution to a deep-rooted issue? Don't know. It seems like an impossible task, getting all the races on the same "level." Technically you'd have to bring the averages of African Americans up while bringing the averages of asians down so that there are no longer stereotypes about which race is more ghetto, less educated, or more likely to be poor. I think it would be centuries before something could make this happen.
@LightBlue21@xanga - Maybe it's that people without positive role models or two caring parents are more likely to live in poverty, to be less educated, and more likely to become criminals.
And maybe it's that people with two parents and discipline are more likely to have good grades, better education, and more money.
I don't like your "averaging" skills. It's like saying Asians are superior and African Americans are inferior. I don't think you're trying to say that, but what you wrote definitely reads that way.
Thanks for posting this...jerry
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - You can read it however you want; I don't care for your odd interpretations and reading between the lines.
I don't claim to have any skills, I just look at the data. There are significant racial differences in average income level. If you want to think implying some races have higher SES makes me sound like an asian supremacist, feel free.
And "caring" parents and discipline can improve a child's chances, but the strongest predictor of academic success and income is your parents' SES.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - Actually, the killer was Hispanic/white.
@mycontinuity@xanga - Yes, we have established this in further comments.
@LightBlue21@xanga - I don't buy it. Moreover, academic success and higher income are not the end all be all of what we should strive for.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - which part