Wednesday, 21 March 2012

  • {Real Mom Blog} I'm Only One Person

    Lately, I find myself tired of being judged for my parenting skills. I hear it a lot through my family, but through others as well... I need to be more firm, I need to do this or that... or that my kids don't behave and I let them run a muck. One of my favorites is I need to discipline my daughter more. Please! I'M TIRED OF IT! Stop telling me all this nonsense! You are not raising my children nor contributing to raising my children so... sit down somewhere and shut up! There... I said it!!!


    I am a good mother... not perfect, but I do my VERY best! I do what I can with what resources, energy, and other creative thinking I have or can come up with. I work with my kids and teach them good manners. I teach them to speak properly and have good etiquette. My children aren't starving, unsupervised, running around with no clothes, or anything else of the like. They don't do without... ever. No matter what I will comb teeth and nail to provide for my children. Fortunately though, I have a well paying job (enough for us to live somewhat comfortably) and I don't have to comb teeth and nail.

    My kids have more than they could want and I make sure to teach them to be grateful for it. I am involved in their learning and on top of their preschool teachers. I go out of my way to make them know that I Love them. I work hard to give them what they want or need. I create memorable moments for them. I teach them about having God in their life and spirituality. I teach them the importance of sharing, caring, and loving one another, especially each other in our family. I teach them the importance of family and how together we must unite and work as a team. I praise them when they accomplish any feat, no matter how miniscule or great it may be. I thank them for following directions, saying please and thank you, saying yes/no ma'am/sir. I teach them how to apologize and mean it. I teach them that their actions mean more than words.

    I discipline my children and they know when they have made wrong choices. I am firm with my children and I should not have to sit here and explain what I do and do not do for people to understand. I am a single mother who is doing it all on her own.

    People are so quick to judge when sometimes they need to look in the mirror. I know many mothers in similar situations or even married ones who feel like single mothers. It's no easy feat. We should as parents and especially mothers, unite and commiserate in the ups and downs of parenting instead of always quick to judge and say "I would do it this way if those were my kids." Well guess what!? They are not! You do what you do with your kids and I will do what I do with mine. If you want to commiserate or I come to ask for advice ok, then do it. Unsolicited advice, however, is not needed or wanted... especially in the form of negative criticism. It all boils down to this... If you don't have anything nice to say, then just DON'T say anything at all.

     

     

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Comments (8)

  • wretched_epiphany@xanga

    I'm not sure why moms feel like parenting is a contest.  I can just about promise you that every mom out there feels the exact same way you just described, but still judges the way their neighbor or that woman at the park does this or that.

    RIDICULOUS.  Even more so when your own family criticizes you....isn't your family supposed to be your ultimate support system?!  We could all use a lesson in realistic expectations.
  • plursheep@xanga

    I have to be honest, I do judge when someone's way of rearing their child affects me or could potentially affect me.  I hate the fact people just throw out disposable diapers like its nothing knowing that there is a giant patch of trash in the ocean.  


    People are stupid though and will always judge you for whatever.  I was shopping for a baby shower while wearing my pentacle (I'm pagan) and someone seriously came up to me and said "you devil worshipers are never good mothers."  I know I'm fat but sheesh...I don't even believe in a devil!  Really kids aren't like TVs or anything...its not like they come with universal/general instructions (except stuff like don't throw them in the washing machine and other common sense.)  Really the only people who should be ashamed are the ones who seriously do pick up things with instructions and toss them aside and then say "how do I do this?"  Yeah you know who you are.

    I don't know you or your style but if your kids are kind and not dead, good job.  You're doing PERFECT.
  • oscarthegrouch108@xanga

    I agree, parenting has turned into a full contact sport in many cases. Does it really matter how we chose to do something as long as it gets done? In many cases, no. We are all entitled to our opinions, but they don't need to be shared until asked for.

    In other words, don't throw stones when you live in a glass house.
  • xOne_twentyX@xanga

    Sadly, for a lot of people it is easier to open their mouths and judge instead of actually offer help or a word that will make you feel better. Just ignore them, or let them take care of your children for a day, believe me they'll bring them back sooner than you think :D
  • Pollypinks@xanga

    All you can do is the best you can.  If you can say that to yourself when your head hits the pillow, you've done more than enough.  I had  fundamentalist religious co-worker who really trashed my kids during the years I was single.  Said they were "Running the streets", "Running my agenda," blah blah blah.  I was hanging on for dear life, with teenagers.  Well, now that both of us have grown children, guess whose kids made it through college?  And guess whose kids are nicest to their mom?  So I must have done something humane while raising them.  Stay away from people who bring you down.
  • landers_mommy0520

    Sing it, sister! I am married, but my husband and I are currently living in separate states. Long story. Anyway, I feel like a single mom in a lot of ways. Even better, everybody has an opinion on how I should raise my son. Most of the time I can listen to other women, if they have kids of their own who are doing alright. But when my little sister (who is pregnant with her first child) tries to tell me how to put my kid to bed at night, I just want to rip my hair out and scream!
  • REDPOPPY1@xanga

    I brought up 3 children, was always judged and criticized by my stepmother, who had never had any  children of her own....I never listened, I knew I was doing my best, with LOVE, I listened to them, I played with them, I fed them with the knowledge of a mother....books have been written over the years, people have been dishing out advice...but only YOU know what is best for your child.
    You are an intelligent and wise mother,, listen to your heart and your children, smile when advice is given, accept it if it sounds good FOR YOU, otherwise ignore. I have observed that the ones who have no children think they can instruct others who have..
    RITA
  • nikita

    pay no attention, as long as your children are loved and cared for that's all that matters, i have 4 children ages 1, 2, 4 and 6, and i also am a carer for my husband, and my youngest is awaiting a heart transplant and has other severe medical conditions affecting her brain and mobility and growth, all my children were born premature, and got earlier as i went along.... So life is hard, no money no help, so family support, but you know even when i'm out in the shops, i get people looking or commenting if one is playing up, but i do not let it bother me.

    I know i love my kids, and i would never let them come to intentional harm, and you know what, those people don't keep a roof over there heads, feed them, nor get up in the night or help them when they need help... so they have no right to judge.

    You see that's the problem with the world nowadays, people make judgement, pass comment and cause negativity... why not try and help, understand, and be nice... or keep theyre noses out, Simple as that

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