Wednesday, 14 March 2012
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Children Having Children
Almost two years ago, a Chinese nine year old girl gave birth by Caesarean section. The story still gets passed around as though it were new, and people react with horror. A quick search of youngest mothers (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_youngest_birth_mothers) yields results that are nothing less than tragic.A mother just under six years of age is reportedly the youngest ever. In Peru in 1939. That seems so long ago, in a less evolved world. We should know so much better now, shouldn't we? And so far away, on other continents.
Online comments start "Where were the parents?" Yep, blame the victim by assessing lazy parenting in some far-off land, assuring that babies born to parents who still have their baby teeth won't happen in our neighborhoods, where we applaud helicopter moms for just a moment after reading such stories. Make a stop at the self-righteous claims of "There's a case for abortion!" End with "How did she get pregnant, and/or give birth?"
Those are some valid, reactive questions to ask. Sure, we can bring judgment, politics, social and physical environment, and human biology into the discussion. After that though, let's look at how many ten year old mommies "happened." Between 1834 and last November, over 60 ten year olds, the majority of them in the US, had the experience of childbirth. That's stunning. And these are just the cases that were reported.
Children are resilient, but how far can a child recover from such an experience, regardless of the circumstances that caused the pregnancy? What kind of conversation would we have with our own children, if this were her friend? Precocious puberty (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002152/) has different causes, and obviously is not readily apparent. The side effects of such an experience can be devastating to a child.
Although precocious puberty, and children birthing children may not be the norm, it makes the argument for body awareness from a young age, instead of having "the talk."
Does this article change your mind about how and when to educate your children about puberty and sexuality?
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Comments (28)
It does not, but that is because I have already heard of precocious puberty. If you read the article, you will see that this is RARE. It is normally caused by hormonal imbalances, problems with the adrenal and thyroid glands etc. Increased access to nutrition may play a small part in the incidence of girls beginning to go through puberty at 7/8.
I am sorry, the question "WHERE ARE THE PARENTS?" is a legitimate question in these cases especially in the US and other first world countries (after say about 1915/1920) where girls are not married off in their early teens or just before. Precocious puberty may be the reason why these girls got pregnant, but still where were their parents? You see your child going through puberty at an early age, even if you don't go to the doctor, you know how you got pregnant, you need to educate and protect your child.
These girls are 10. I know that children hide when they are being sexually abused, I understand children sneak and have sex etc. but it is still the parents responsibility to explain their bodies, how they work, and sexuality to their children. They should not leave it up to the school or anyone else. It is their responsibility. They need to do it at an earlier age if they go through puberty early. Talking about sex is one of the things you have to teach children in order for them to be a functioning adult.
I will make sure that my son understands how sexual predators manipulate their victims to make them too afraid to tell anyone. As a survivor myself, I think I am pretty good at recognizing the changes in behavior of a sexually abused child. ALL parents should educate themselves on recognizing this BEFORE their children become victims. Sexual predators tend to victimize parents that are physically absent, emotionally neglectful, or don't actively participate in their children's lives. So again, the question where are the parents is a legitimate question in the US. I am the furthest thing from a helicopter mom. I am not being judgmental, just realistic.
The comments about abortion, however, are uncalled for and judgmental. No one should tell another woman (or girl) that they should get an abortion.
ETA: How is asking where the parents were blaming the victim? It isn't. I've seen post on the subject you are talking about. Blaming the girl's race, SES, location in the US or any combination of these are blaming the victim.
I more concerned with the fact that these girls are even able to get pregnant. There was once a time when getting your period before the age of like 15 was abnormal now most girls are having them at 11 or younger.
How is asking "Where are the parents?" blaming the victim and how does it even imply that the children are in "far off lands?" That doesn't even make sense.
I am currently 25, but I started my cycle at 9. I wasn't at all traumatized by it, or my early changing body. My parents took the type to educate me about my body as well as male anatomy. They were honest and didn't try to mask things with silly names or lies.
My niece will be 13 this year and she asks me often if she is normal because she isn't blooming the same way her friends are. She is a tall her (she is 5'8, 2 inches taller then me) but is barely budding breasts while her other friends are starting to develop a lot. We sat down and went over the human body and it's "norms" which made her feel a lot better.
@Erika_Steele@xanga -
I fully fully agree!
That is a scary thought. O_O
I agree with everything I have seen here comment wise. Asking "Where are the parents?" is not blaming the victim at all. It's asking an extremely valid question. I don't think it matters if a child is born in a third world country or a country that's like the US. A parent is a parent.
I am dying over the list... :(
Um, no. Even if my daughter went through puberty at an extremely young age I would know where she was and what she was doing and she would not have the opportunity to get pregnant.
I plan to start talks with my little girl before she is even in school. There will be no lies or nicknames. I just dont get why so many people are afraid to talk to their children about sex, and the human body; Its natural, its normal, and waiting could give you a grandchild before they are out of middle school!!! Also its silly to be so naive to think that your kid is always going to be honest about where she is, or who she is with. You never know when they could start sneaking out either, thats something most teens do at one point or another. Things can happen at school too, with so many kids its not hard to slip away during lunch, or even ditch; no one person follows your kid around school making sure they are not up to somethings. I will not approve of my daughter having sex, or sneaking out, and there will definitely be consequences if she chooses to do so. We simply cannot control everything our children choose to do unless we lock them away. I want her to experience life, sex, and love knowing how to do it safely, and when she is truly ready. Not every girl gets to choose when they are ready unfortunately, most girls i knew growing up were pushed to do things they were not ready for. I was lucky but also took it upon myself to educate myself on the subject, my mom could not handle talking about sex with me or my brothers. I also made sure my little sisters were aware they were 9-10, they came to me with a few questions and i made sure they got the answers. I let my mom know and she was relieved she didnt have to do it lol.
I sure do ask, "Where the hell are the parents?" I kept constant tabs on my kids when they were that young.
I don't think it's necessary to worry about an age to educate your children because of this happening. I'd reckon I'd realize that my daughter had started her period if it happened at age 5. I'd say I started talking about inappropriate touching once they could understand. First, it was don't let anyone touch you in certain places. At some point, they all learned about puberty one way or another and my youngest is 8. Tampon commercials forced that! lol
@DarkMeru@xanga - Let's talk a minute here about rape. About incest. It's lovely informing our children about their body parts ad nauseum. I know, I did it with mine. Actually read books about how to approach the subject. But I took care of two 12 year old mothers in the post partum unit when I worked there, and let me tell you, those kids were traumatized. And back then, it makes me cringe even to think of it, nobody wondered if they'd been raped, possibly by their fathers. Or if it would have been wise to carry the infant to term, given the immature size of their bodies. Blessedly, one infant was put up for adoption, and another was scooped up by the grandmother to take home with the 12 year old. How tragic for that girl!! And the baby!! Put him in the middle of that kind of mess!!
We started talking to our children about their bodies, puberty, emotions, boundaries etc. when they asked. Children are constantly listening, and talking. My daughter had questions in grade one. We talk openly, we don't have silly names for anything, we explain everything (blowjobs, handjobs, slang terms for all things so that no one finds themselves coerced into something unknown) and we know where our children are and who they are with at all times. To be honest my first thought was rape/incest for 10 year olds to become pregnant. Precocious puberty has nothing to do with the fact that SOMEONE is responsible for getting a 10 year old girl pregnant!
Oh my. This is crazy. I didn't realize girls were having babies this young. I mean I knew it was younger since there was a pregnant 7th grader when I was in high school but I didn't realize it was that young. Jeez.
Scrolling through that list makes me sick to my stomach, especially reading the "father" column.
Talking to your children about their bodies and sex shouldn't be hard to do, but unfortunately for a lot of people it's an uncomfortable subject. Imo those people shouldn't be having babies to begin with, but to each their own. If I'm blessed with a baby girl, I don't know exactly at what age we'll start having those talks, probably when she asks because I know children are very attentive, but there will be no beating around the bush. Straight up education in teaching her the parts of her body, the parts of a man's body, terminology for all those things in between, and mostly to love and respect herself.
I'm sorry, but I don't get why there has to be "the talk." Why is it not a running dialogue from day one? Here's what happens day one: "Is it a boy or a girl??" The very first question ever asked about us is our sex.
Why are we so afraid of it? They are our body parts and not to be ashamed of. Just like our arms or our legs. Do we have private parts that we don't show to people, yes we do. But privacy and *shame* are not the same. Be careful not to confuse your children about that.
My 5 year old knows she came out of my tummy when a doctor cut me to help get her out because I needed help (cesarean). I told her the word, but I don't suspect she remembers is. She also knows her 2 year old brother came out of my vagina. And that that's the way babies are usually supposed to be born, unless the Mom needs help.
I want to say she was 3 when I told her about periods. She busted in the bathroom on me and I was on my period and was changing my pad. What did I do? I told her a gentle truth. No lies. As much as she needed to know. I told her if she had questions or ever wanted to talk about it, she always could talk to me. And every once in a while, she asks me stuff.
And that is how it should be. A running dialogue. Not a hurdle to cross at some vague point.
I agree with those who say the above pregnancies are abuse. Not a result of innocent precocious puberty.
Oh yeah, my daughter knows she has a vagina like all women do. And that her brother has a penis like all men do.
I also alternate pee-pee and penis with my son about his anatomy when I change his diaper. I don't get why we shouldn't call things by their names.
However, she doesn't yet know that sex is when a penis enters a vagina. LOL! But she simply isn't ready for that info. She knows there is a special kind of a hug her Daddy and I had that created her and her brother. It's not a regular hug that we give to each other, but a special different kind. She was satisfied with the answer. When she needs more, I'll tell more.
"A mother just under six years of age is reportedly the youngest ever. In Peru in 1939. That seems so long ago, in a less evolved world" - this was a result of a RAPE by the girl's father. The child was raised as her brother and didn't know his mother was his mother until he was 13-14 years old.
I also feel that a lot of parents are weak nowadays. My mom had no trouble disceplening me nor talking to me. My mom called my vagina my vagina from the start, not my "pee pee" or anything like that. She also made it clear that they were called "private parts" in technical settings, such as school or church. When my sister was born, I was curious how babies were made, so my mom told me. She had no problem with it. I also knew what birth control was at a young age.
This is how I'm going to be with my child. I'm going to be open with them and hope for the best. Even the best parent could have a daughter whom gets pregnant at a young age.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - Lol that's how my mom was until I was 6 or 7, then I started not believing it (I think I saw a picture of a sperm and egg in a child's encyclopedia) and she had to tell me the truth
You're one of the most logical parents on here btw. It's a relief to see.
well in many cases, if unwanted pregnancy happened because of rape (at a young one can only asume it's because of rape) parents are considered secondary victims and that needs to also be taken into consideration..
@AprilBab@xanga - I would like to addend your statement. Parents *can be* considered secondary victims...
Because many of these cases? It was parental abuse. The child's father raping his daughter. And most sexual abuse at this age is done by a family member. That crap doesn't come out of the blue with no warning signs.
Usually.
@sarahsmurfette@xanga - i really like how you are with your kids i wanna be that way idk why its not a regular conversation in everyone house because children are experamenting earlier and theres abuse and if your kids dont know they can openly talk about it with u they wont! i started asking my mom questions at like 5yrs and she never sugar coated anything she simply gave me a straight answer and i didnt feel wierd talking to her about it because she didnt make it where i should feel shame for asking. i have a 2yr old girl and i call her peepee her vagina her great grandmother on fathers side doesnt like that she says shes too young but i dnt want to lie to her or confuse her by saying its her pee pee i dnt think shes too young i mean that is what its called.
This article doesn't, but the fact that I'm 27 with an 11 year old daughter certainly does. I'm an observant mother and I watch for cues from my child to tell me when I should start gearing up to talk to her...There doesn't need to be some huge fiasco of a talk where I teach my kids about the birds and the bees in one sitting. It comes in small doses. I answer questions honestly and I'm not embarrassed, which in turn makes my daughter comfortable with asking questions. For now everything is on a need to know basis and I'm enjoying my daughter being innocent as long as possible. I was much less innocent at her age.
Innocence..once lost, can never get it back. oh that innocence. somehow untouched, un dirtied, uncomplicated..lost my innocence at 16 and it all pretty much sucked through the 20's too. but..live and learn. teach self respect, self love and self knowledge is the key..the key to empowering women young and old.rape just tarnishes a girl for life.strength will grow after time.
@skinny_lovelybones@xanga - I, as a rape victim, don't believe that an act of violence tarnishes me for life. I don't believe that it tarnishes me at all, not even for a moment. Because it was not something I had control over or suspected would happen. No one can hold against me something like that. Not in this country. Maybe somewhere like Morocco, where the 15 year old girl was recently forced to marry her rapist because the rape would bring such "dishonor" to her family name. But not here.
I don't feel tarnished. Because tarnished implies dirtied. His violence against me did not dirty me.
I don't even know where to start with this. All I can write is that parents/guardians need to tell their children that you can get pregnant from your first time and that it only takes one time.
In the case of these children getting pregnant, well, it's sick and sad and nothing to celebrate, that's for sure.