Tuesday, 06 March 2012
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To "Leash" or Not to "Leash..."
So as you all know, I'm traveling with three infants. The background story is that Al had to go to Lebanon with Sachiko because of a sad mutual friend emergency. I was already scheduled to go to Dubai and Abby is on vacation which means literally no one can help with the boys. That's no big deal, I can manage with them since they're pretty well behaved.
Now what was my plan for traveling with two six month olds and one 15 month old? Well it was pretty simple. I would pack my double baby sling/baby Bjorn for the twins for Dubai while having them in their twins stroller for the airport and since Alnair likes running now, I would make him wear his harness or what some people like to call a "leash." I packed snacks, had bottles ready with powdered milk, and had all baby essentials packed in Alnair's Trunki suitcase. Since he's still small for the suitcase, I added a collapsible seat and extra set belts for when he got tired and wanted to ride on it. The suitcase originally was made for toddlers but I customized it for our own use.
After many successful and supervised test runs, I gave it the okay for Alnair to ride on. If I, at any point thought it was unsafe, he could share a ride on his brothers' stroller. Anyhow, that was the plan. Once I got to Dubai, Kaser would be there to help me so my main concern was getting from Tokyo to Dubai.
Now, many people become judgmental when it comes to harnesses including my wife. She originally was anti-harnesses because she wasn't raised in a harness society. I, however, was a wild kid who didn't mind wandering towards the sparkly taxi speeding down a busy NYC street. My nanny had me in a harness so fast, I didn't even know what happened lol. Anyhow, it wasn't until Alnair disappeared for three seconds from Al's grasp on a busy sidewalk in Tokyo that Al agreed to using a harness. We ordered a Penguin baby harness and the rest is history.
Back to people being judgmental. I didn't have a problem boarding from Tokyo or flying to Dubai. It was when I arrived in Dubai where the judgmental people began spewing their nonsense. Not from local Arabs, mind you, but people passing through the airport. There was this group of girls from some country out west who distinctly looked our way and muttered loudly enough for us to hear, "Oh my God. He can barely walk and he's already got him on a leash. He's a boy, not a dog. People like that don't deserve to be parents." I was like, "Really? REALLY?!" I'm a bad dad because I don't want my son to be kidnapped or be trampled by your ignorant behind at the airport? I'm a bad dad because I want my son to be within my grasp at all times WHILE taking care of his baby brothers? REALLY?!
I can't wait until some of these brats have kids of their own and end up making the same decisions that I did. Then I'll happily walk by with my boys, who should be walking on their own by then, and sign, "Omg, I can't believe people like that. It's a child! NOT a dog!"
UGH!
I've made my decision and with three boys near the same age, ALL of them will eventually wear harnesses. Its a necessity for their safety especially with parents who travel a lot.
What are your views on baby harnesses? Yay or nay?
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- From: Aaliyaan@xanga
- About Me: What should I say? Newly married, Cancer, Following Islam, and trying to live a normal life. Both me and my wife are fighting cancer. That basically sums it up. Oh yeah, and I'm an Israeli revert. There. Now I'm summed up.
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Comments (39)
I'm personally against the use of leashes on kids. I do not generally think anything bad about the parents who do use them, as I understand they are doing it with the best of intentions to keep their kids safe.
However, I have witnessed a woman who put her child on a leash and thought it was funny to make her child act like a dog because it was on a leash. It disgusted me.There is no "right" answer for this. Safety harnesses have their place, like airports, theme parks, and crazy places like that. They can be vital to the safety of the child as it is very easy for little ones to get lost or abducted.
Generally going out for a walk or grocery shopping is not the place for a harness, IMO. If your child cannot behave while out for walk they should be in a stroller.
I was against harnesses until I saw a child get hit by a car while running away from her mom in a busy parking lot. Her mom was trying to get her in the cart, the girl climbed down and took of running. In the blink of an eye her life was over.
I used to be anti-harness when I had only one child. It was easy to keep up with only one child. Now I have two children and while I still don't have a harness, there have been times when I wished I did. When the children are trying to go separate ways and are pulling my arms off, I wished I had a harness. I really realized that they can actually be a safer method for small children when my friends' son got hurt. They were walking through the mall with the father holding the 20 month old's hand. The boy tripped and his little shoulder was partially dislocated. It wasn't any sort of abuse or brutality, just an accident, but it was scary. Now they use a leash for their boys to prevent that happening again.
Now that I'm older, I try really hard not to be judgmental of other parents. There are some things that I STILL have trouble accepting (like children over 2 with pacifiers, makes me crazy) but I'd never say anything to that parent because I don't know their child. I just remind myself that they probably have a good reason for whatever they are doing that I don't think is appropriate.
Huge Nay.
We've traveled quite a bit, and I've never once considered "leashing" them to control them. I can do that pretty sufficiently on my own. I agree that kids aren't dogs. Most of them don't just run off on a whim unless they think that they can get away with it.
However, it sounds like you have your hands full and don't have another option aside from growing another set of arms. Good luck!
I used one with John even though I said I wouldn't. It had a little monkey backpack, he loved it. It kept him safe (he couldn't wander off after random sparkly thing). He also felt less nervous because he was attached to me, but he could still explore.
This reminds me of the time I was in the mall and some random baby was following me. The parents were yelling and since I didn't know them, I just kept walking and thinking they must be insane or talking to someone else until someone told me that their kid was following me. Sure enough there was a drooling 10-15 month old right behind me. A harness would have prevented the comical moment. I probably should have taken them up on their offer for a nanny position (since their kid liked me more than them, lol)
I think there is a time and a place if you have more than one toddler like an airport, a mall or a busy city..you see all the time that a child gets lost if you are a responsible parent and not abusive I see no problem
My boyfriend's mom had two little boys three years apart when she adopted him. So, she had three little boys only three years apart. She leashed them when they were in busy areas after losing my boyfriend for ten minutes when he darted off at two years old.
I used to be seriously anti-leash until I talked to his mom about it a few years back. Now I understand.
PS: It reminds me of that SNL episode where Mike Myers is leashed to the jungle gym. Ha!
If you take kids by the hand they cannot walk a lot either. If you have more than two that doesn't work anymore. And if they were hurting from it they would show, because thats what little kids do.
I think if parents, say, have only one child and let him/her walk on a leash in a park or somewhere where they could watch them while they explore the world on their own that's a bit too much, but in situations like that there isn't any more logical solution.
At large places they seem like a good idea. I know the likelyhood of kids getting kidnapped like that are pretty low, but they can get lost easily and kids love exploring.. It seems easier to take care of kids when they are on a harness.. Plus, you can get really cute ones like Ive seen a monkey back pack with a harness out of it that the kid loved wearing.
It is no different than holding a child's hand in my opinion and it has the added bonus of security when you are teaching your child to stay near without you having to hold their hand. We do not use it much now since my husband is usually with me on walks, we have a double stroller that my oldest can stand in if are around a lot of traffic or needing to cross a busy road, and when he walks he will always just grab onto one of the stroller straps so he knows how far away he can walk. If we were travelling, I would definitely use one because it can be difficult to have a free hand when you are managing luggage also.
I dunno... I took care and went out often with my sisters 3 kids and never had to leash then. They knew right from wrong so they obeyed me. So I guess it goes with what my boyfriend said (we had this convo): you shouldn't need leashes because you should have taught your kids along the way what is ok and not ok. So I hope that when we have kids, he can train them as good as he says. lol.
I judge people who leash their kids because almost all the leashed children I've seen while at work have been dragged, yanked, and strangled along as they sob relentlessly. Meanwhile, the parent screams at the child, without looking back. I think of these parents and have seen it so often that I now think leash = bad parent. I have yet to see a responsible leash parent. But I'm sure they're out there somewhere.
I just think it's a personal decison. As long as it's not being misused, I don't see an issue with it AT ALL. Some people are just so stuck in their ways and can't shut up and let other people make different choices. There's nothing wrong with child harnesses, at all. It's all in how a parent uses them and you're doing it for the safety sake of your children. Kudos to you. No judgement from me! And those who give you judgement, should probably shut up and learn a thing or two. Or, they don't have kids which makes them an expert on how things should be done!
Sounds like your only other option is grow another pair of arms/eyes ;)
I bet that group of girls didn't have three kids each to watch. A couple of my friends have twins and even without a third child I can see how hard it is to keep hold of both of them at once!
I think it's really ignorant to say you're a bad parent if you use a leash. I'd much rather have my child on a leash than under a car because he'd run off wanting to explore.
I have a little girl who's almost 3, and she has a little purple backpack that comes with a strap that I can hold. I hate the word leash--she's not a dog, and I don't find her backpack to be dehumanizing at all. She loves wearing it because it allows her a bit more freedom to explore (safely) than holding my hand, and she'll often pack little toys or snacks in it, which makes it fun for her.
I'll admit that I once judged parents who used these, long before I actually had children, mostly based on my feelings that they weren't cute or trendy. I'm still not a big fan of the wrist straps or harness-style restraints, but there are a lot of cute options out there now (animals, backpacks, etc.) and my personal opinion is that until you have small children who like to dart away from you, you really are not in a position to make judgments or assumptions. It's not even an issue of children knowing right from wrong--my daughter is pretty good most of the time and generally behaves very well in public. But there are still those times when she's tired or hungry or when we're on our fifth errand of the day and I'm reminded that she is only three. She is not going to be perfectly behaved all the time, and it's unfair for me to expect her to be. She is still learning so much, and it's my job to teach her. As long as she enjoys wearing her backpack, I feel it's a great way to keep her close to me without necessarily having to buckle her down into a stroller. There are times when she wants to ride in her stroller and times she wants to walk and hold my hand, and I'm fine with those options too, as long as she's behaving in a way that will keep her safe. She is mostly allowed to choose which she wants, unless her behavior is showing me that she will be unable to follow the directions associated with that option. (Eg: if she is trying to climb out of the stroller and refuses to sit, that's not a safe option and I'll probably veto it. Or if she's antsy and not wanting to listen when I ask her to hold my hand, then that tells me the backpack or the stroller is probably the safest option.)
I have noticed a few looks thrown my way when we use the backpack in public. I realize that there are parents out there who may have given these harnesses a bad name, and I can't control that. I do find it a bit irritating that people in general are so quick to cast judgment when I'm (by most accounts) a pretty great mom, but isn't that life? People are often judgmental and can be quite petty, and I've learned that differing parenting views seem to be a touchy subject among most people. Oh, well. Mostly I view those who judge as simply misinformed and usually inexperienced. They probably aren't much different than I was before kids, and I consider myself to be a much more liberated and evolved person than I was 5 years ago. Parenthood is kind of a crazy thing, and many would be surprised to find that their views on certain parenting ideas will change over time. It's all about what works for each child/family.
No way.
That's pure laziness.
I think it all depends on the parents. You have two other little ones that will be taking up your arms, along with supplies. And in a crowded place? Its going to be hard to keep up with a little one running around. Plus it'll give you some peace of mind to know you've got them under control.
Don't worry about the judgemental people as long as you're happy with your decisions!
After my boy escaped my grasp and ran away from me in a shopping mall, I immediately bought and strapped him into a harness as soon as he got back in my hands. Fuck anyone who thinks negatively of you for using one. You're doing it with the safety of your child in mind, and that's all that matters.
everyone that says its "lazy" or "terrible" are just ignorant. It is not automatically a parent being lazy just because a child has a harness - there are plenty of legitimate reasons for one.
such rude ignorance.
i'm not against it because i know how some kids can be. but i wouldn't use one. i wear my baby in a boba carrier
I support harness. I remember as a little kid when my mom would hold my hand while crossing the street or while in the store so i wouldnt run off, my arm used to be so tired from being held in the air I hated it. I personally think that if a kid is an escape artist, a harness is good because then you dont have them running off. I can't tell you how many times little kids have gone running into my legs because their parents are running after them and they dont want to be caught. If you have an active child, do yourself a favor and the poor kid a favor and harness them. No more tired arms!
I support them especially in a situation with multiples. Even if its a single child they can be useful. Im not talking at the park or a trip to the store, but if your somewhere busy and crazy like an airport or the mall even around holiday time. Its not to punish a child its to keep them safe while still giving them some freedom. Walking along a busy street is really dangerous with little ones. Its not that they dont behave or listen, kids can distract really easily and thats when accidents happen. You can have the most mindful 2 year old in the world, but that butterfly is pretty, and moving, if the kids wants it they will chase it. In such situation a leash would be pretty useful cuz that person driving may not be paying attention to your kid!
what @LadyGwenivere@xanga said. lol. that was a perfect response.
"leashes" have their place. high traffic areas, theme parks...etc. you can hold your child's hand, you can teach them to stay right next to you but even all the teaching in the world and your child may still snatch away and run! you can't control a toddler. you just can't. so in crowded/high traffic areas, yes...i believe a harness is a good idea.
@the_rocking_of_socks@xanga - this is one of my hugest fears with my son. he knows better than to run from us but like i said above, that doesn't mean he won't do it.
FREE THE LEASH KIDS!!!
No..but really. I think that parents should be attentive enough to their children to not need to leash them. A stroller, a hand...whatever it may be. I'e seen way too many parents with their children on leashes not paying attention and just letting the child tug away. If you are in a high traffic area, you should be either carrying the child, holding the childs hand, or have them in a stroller. If one doesn't pay attention, then even a child on a leash could be put into danger.