Monday, 05 March 2012
My husband and I have started trying to conceive. It has been 5 months with no success. I know that everyone says that I should give it time, but I'm starting to begin to think that there is something wrong. I've always had a feeling that it would be difficult for me to get pregnant. I've had heavy, painful periods since I was 13. For the last year I get cramps and my breasts start to hurt over a week (usually 10 days) before I even start my period. My OB/GYN never seemed too concerned about it, but it just doesn't seem normal to me. I have cramps and sore breasts about half of my life!
I have been tracking my cycle, and this next time I am going to start using the ovulation test kits. I have a very regular (31-32 day) cycle, and I am suspecting endometriosis or fibroids. I have not been diagnosed with either.
My family and friends are constantly asking if I am pregnant or when I am going to get pregnant. I haven't been able to tell them that we are trying, because it is painful to admit it. I know I shouldn't be ashamed, but it just seems like no one I know has had any trouble getting pregnant. I hate to even get on Facebook these days, because there are so many pregnant people...including girls who have had "accidents."
Why is it so easy for everyone else?
Rationally, I know that we are not the only ones to struggle...and we haven't been trying nearly as long as some people do. It's just heartbreaking every month when I start my period. I fear so much that I won't be able to have children, and it is devastating to my husband and me. I've always wanted a big family, and it feels like my dream is slipping through my fingers. Hell, I even picked my career, because I knew I'd be able to work part time when I have kids. We picked our house out with kids in mind, making sure we are in a good school district and everything. I know I shouldn't panic yet, but these thoughts have been consuming my every waking moment. I know many people will think I am being ridiculous, which is another reason I haven't voiced my concerns to family.
Yes, I know adoption is an option, and I am not opposed to it. I guess I'm just not ready to start thinking about that yet.
Do you have fibroids or endometriosis? Did you have trouble getting pregnant? Did you freak out as much as I am?