Monday, 05 March 2012
-
Trying, Trying, Trying
My husband and I have started trying to conceive. It has been 5 months with no success. I know that everyone says that I should give it time, but I'm starting to begin to think that there is something wrong. I've always had a feeling that it would be difficult for me to get pregnant. I've had heavy, painful periods since I was 13. For the last year I get cramps and my breasts start to hurt over a week (usually 10 days) before I even start my period. My OB/GYN never seemed too concerned about it, but it just doesn't seem normal to me. I have cramps and sore breasts about half of my life!
I have been tracking my cycle, and this next time I am going to start using the ovulation test kits. I have a very regular (31-32 day) cycle, and I am suspecting endometriosis or fibroids. I have not been diagnosed with either.
My family and friends are constantly asking if I am pregnant or when I am going to get pregnant. I haven't been able to tell them that we are trying, because it is painful to admit it. I know I shouldn't be ashamed, but it just seems like no one I know has had any trouble getting pregnant. I hate to even get on Facebook these days, because there are so many pregnant people...including girls who have had "accidents."
Why is it so easy for everyone else?
Rationally, I know that we are not the only ones to struggle...and we haven't been trying nearly as long as some people do. It's just heartbreaking every month when I start my period. I fear so much that I won't be able to have children, and it is devastating to my husband and me. I've always wanted a big family, and it feels like my dream is slipping through my fingers. Hell, I even picked my career, because I knew I'd be able to work part time when I have kids. We picked our house out with kids in mind, making sure we are in a good school district and everything. I know I shouldn't panic yet, but these thoughts have been consuming my every waking moment. I know many people will think I am being ridiculous, which is another reason I haven't voiced my concerns to family.
Yes, I know adoption is an option, and I am not opposed to it. I guess I'm just not ready to start thinking about that yet.
Do you have fibroids or endometriosis? Did you have trouble getting pregnant? Did you freak out as much as I am?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to momaroo's Momaroo Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in momaroo's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: cobeeisgone@xanga
- Name: cobeeisgone
- About Me: I have been married for 2 years...and we have been trying to conceive for over a year, with no success. It has been a very frustrating journey so far. I'm really trying not to lose hope!
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 4 Views: 0 10025 Comments: 0 97 View all posts by cobeeisgone@xanga
Comments (24)
I think it took three years for me to conceive my first child. I even went through the fertility workup and such. Six months, depending on your age, is not something to worry about at all. I think until a certain age the time frame is one year. After the difficulty conceiving my first, I went on to easily have two more babies. Good luck!
It took me 5 months to conceive and it was because i was ovulating at a different time than I thought. Even though my periods are SUPER regular and i thought i was ovulating at the 14 day mark, it was happening later. So yeah, once we started having more sex later, BAM. I wish you the best of luck....but if you really think there's an issue, go see another doctor who will take your concerns seriously.
My sister went through this. I believe the (fertility?) doctor put her on some sort of drug or something because she then wound up having twins. Sorry, I don't know more details about that. But, I'm with Shamrock; it can't hurt to go visit another doctor.
we've been HTC for 7yrs.. and we just adopted our son..and now we are waiting to adopt the little girl in our care.
You said several key things.. You know your body, and if you feel that there is something off there probably is. If your Doc won't do anything, get another opinion.
We chose not to go to fertility doctors because I can't handle the idea of being told Im never going to have a baby of my own. I can handle not knowing, Im comfortable with that. But having the door closed on that dream is not something I can do.
It took my husband and i 2-3 months to get pregnant, but it took me 2 years to convince him to have a baby, so for me it felt like forever. I knew the first month when we decided to start trying that it was already too late in my cycle for us to concieve. Even still we started to worry after only a short time that something was wrong. I got and started using ovulation stips and within a week of using them we found out i was pregnant. I use them now to help ensure that dont get pregnant again, at least until i get an iud put in. If we have another it will be a few years, if i am able to attempt a vbac that is. We had decided that if we hadnt concieved within the next 6 months with tracking and really trying we would go ahead and see a dr to see if there were any issues, if there were we would start the adoption process, since it can take years to get a baby. You may not have an issue tho i know its easy to freak out. I found out after tracking my cycle that we were a week ahead of when i thought i was ovulating, i have a 32 day cycle. For now just keep trying and have fun doing it, lets make a baby sex is the best sex ever! Good luck to you i hope it all works out!
You know, I can't help thinking that maybe you should bite the bullet and tell people when they ask that you are trying to conceive.
It's none of their business, but! that would probably make them shut their nosy mouths.
My mom has
endometriosis. The doctor told her she wouldn't be able to have a kid... so she switched doctors after so many meds and doctor visits she had me. Then that doctor told her that she would not be able to have another child. Well 5years latter she has my sister by accident.
I can't recommend enough the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility--it has very detailed information about our cycles and how to tell when you are ovulating before you actually do (although maybe you already know about it if you are tracking your cycles?). I know the book has a whole section on TTC. I don't know much about ovulation test kits, except don't they tell you when you've ovulated AFTER you've ovulated? Probably good for getting a handle on when approximately in your cycle you ovulate, but not so helpful for conceiving now. Anyway, sending good thoughts your way!!!
We've been trying for 5 months, too, but for our 4th. It took 2 full years and Clomid for our first pregnancy (we got twins), but our third was conceived my first cycle after going off the mini-pill. I was hoping for a repeat of that event for this last one, but no such luck.
Taking Charge of your Fertility is a great book for information and practical advice. And ovulation predictor kits measure the Lh surge (which happens 24-36 hours before you actually release an egg). Thus, you are supposed to have lots of sex after you get your positive results, and optimize your chances that month. So do try both of those, if you haven't already.
However, all that being said, I can totally relate to the fear and stress of the trying and the disappointment that a period brings. We are so used to controlling NOT getting pregnant that it's hard to face the reality that we have no similar control over getting pregnant. And frankly, all the statistics (whatever percent of couples conceive in a year and such) don't really make a difference when you're the one waiting.
SO...you have to find a rhythm that works for you. If this means noting every sensation, taking temperatures, using ovulation kits, and all that stuff...good. But I have found that all that stuff just makes me more stressed. And I can't live like that (not and parent the 3 I already have well). So I've recently decided to have regular sex with my husband for the week or so around when I'm supposed to ovulate and not try so hard to find the perfect window. And then maybe I can enjoy the process as much as the (hoped-for) end result. Anyway, just some thoughts...good luck to you!
It took us five months and the first time I used the ovulation kit I got pregnant. Try to not stress, because that can make it harder. I know it is the most devastating feeling, and I really feel for you. :( Good luck!
We are trying to conceive now too. We're not trying hard or stressing about it, as he doesn't mind if it happens now or in 6 months. I, on the other hand, want it now :-\. It took time to finally agree that we are both ready for it, and will allow it as an "accident" type of deal. We have an extremely active sex life, so I've never bothered with testing to find out my ovulation time period. This past cycle, when I ovulated we also just happened to have sex about 10 times in a 48 hour period - I'm thinking maybe the hormones that I feel (and possibly "give off"?) spark us into having even more sex. So I'm not worried about making sure we have sex when I'm ovulating as I know without a doubt that we will, but I'm worried something is wrong with one of us... I have 7 days before my period is supposed to start. Since my ovulation, I've spent everyday over-analyzing myself for signs of pregnancy. I guess I just have to wait...
I know that after 5 months, I too would be even more worried. I'd probably talk to a doctor about it. I can confidently say that if I don't conceive in the next 3-4 cycles, I will be in begging the doctor for help. Good luck, and try not to stress - I know stress makes it harder and if you just enjoy the time with your significant other then you'll have higher chances of conceiving.
OPK's are super helpful! You can get the really cheap ones on Amazon
http://www.amazon.com/Combo-40-Ovulation-10-Pregnancy/dp/B001FYLNVU/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1330980101&sr=8-2
they work just as well and I got pregnant the second month after using them.
I know someone who was TTC for 10 years (she married young) and now she has 2 kids. The 2nd one came pretty quickly after the first. Not saying that to imply that it will take you 10 years, but just saying that to encourage you not to give up hope. 5 months isn't long enough to freak out, just yet. I agree with the other posters' suggestions, they all sound like good ones. Best of luck to you!
I agree with the commenter who recommending "Taking Charge of Your Fertility." It's a great book that will help you understand your body better, and will put your mind at ease if everything about your cycle is all right.
I think that it takes the average couple 8 months to conceive even when you both are perfectly healthy. That means some people take longer..... It took us 9 months with our first, and after about 6 months I got pretty stressed about it. My doctor at the time told me that she wanted me to try for a year before running tests and stuff, but depending on your age, some doctors will just have you try for 6 months first.
Anyway, best of luck to you. And yes, when you're trying to get pregnant it seems like *everyone* else is pregnant. Hang in there! :)
We've been TTC a second child for 6 months, although we haven't really been charting or anything. I have PCOS and was told I probably wouldn't be able to get pregnant without medication. Just one month everything seemed to line up and got pregnant w/ my son and it was a total shock (the good kind of shock) to us since we weren't really "trying." I wasn't sure what to expect this time around since many say you're more fertile after you've had a child already, but so far that's not the case for us and I'll admit I'm getting anxious and frustrated. Will probably try the OPK to see if that will help us. Crazy thing is before I got pregnant w/ my son I had very abnormal periods (very sporadic, didn't have a period for 3 months, then the month we conceived I had two periods just two weeks apart!) Since getting my postpartum period they've actually been fairly "regular." Go figure.
Five months really isn't considered long or abnormal (definitely doesn't feel that way when you're actually trying!) and most Drs say to come in after 8-12 months of trying. If you haven't had a Female Well Exam (pap smear) in a while, I say just go ahead and get that done and mention your issues with the Dr. It might end up being nothing's wrong, but it might help put your mind at ease. I can't tell you how many people I know who had such a hard time TTC and once they stopped "trying" or stressing about it they ended up pregnant!
I think the second pregnancy took me about 5 months. I didn't think much about it, and we had discussed adoption. Now days there are more options, but I don't think 5 months necessarily means you are infertile. A lot of people are very open to IVF, and having 5 or 6 kids at once. I don't think I have the personality for that.
It isn't as easy for everyone as you think, but it seems like that. We have been trying for 8 years.
My husband and I have been trying for 12 months and so far haven't had success. I definitely feel like there's something wrong, but for me I think it's PCOS. I'm in the process of looking for a good doctor to get a check-up done to see why I haven't gotten pregnant. It's a very emotionally difficult time. It took me 11 months to tell people that we're trying. We had a lot of negative feedback, but a few good as well. The only downfall is that they still ask if we're pregnant.
My husband and I have been trying for 3 years relatively casual, going with the flow and letting it happen naturally. I can't be sure if there is anything wrong considering regular physicals indicate that we're ok. People do and don't get pregnant for various reasons--I know friends who have been told they probably wouldn't get pregnant for various medical reasons and ended up expecting or were on the pill when they conceived and people who were seemingly healthy haven't conceived despite their efforts (short of visiting fertility specialists). I can see how people asking if you're expecting yet is very annoying because it really is not their business. When people ask my husband and I, we just tell that we're letting nature takes its course. Best wishes.
Fertilityfriend.com. Go there. It's a free site that helps you to track your cycle, when you ovulate, and understand your body, helping you to time intercourse properly. I hope that you get pregnant soon and don't have to wait too much longer...I know how hard it is. Try not to get your hopes dashed too soon yet. I still have hope and we've been actively trying for 4 years as of next month.
I get pregnant very easily and then the baby dies at the beginning of the 2nd trimester. This has happened 4 times in a row now. I'd rather not be able to get pregnant at all then to have disappointments like this. (Yes, we've tried progesterone, genetic testing, etc.)
I had a very similar track record with my period, I thought i probably would have a hard time getting pregnant and seeing as i had been a bit un careful in the past with my boyfriends i figured i was right. well, Im 5 months pregnant now and i can probably attribute it to not worrying about it at all!(though it still took a bit of time) stress can really work your body over! try our best to relax and let nature take its course!
It took us 4 months of trying before I got pregnant. I had just come off the pill those four months ago after having taken it for 4 years. For some, the trick is to "stop" trying. I mean, have your sex with your husband casually but frequently and don't track anything. Tracking leads to over-analyzing and ultimately disappointment. I think it's great to track for the first few months so you get a feel for your cycle, which is what I did since I was coming off birth control and had no idea what my body would do. However, perhaps taking a more casual approach may only work for those who don't have any problems with fibroids or endometriosis.
If you suspect you have a health issue that's hindering your ability to conceive I would get it checked out right away. Then you know what you're dealing with and can work with it, but don't think you're doomed to never have children because of these things. It may take longer, yes, but in my four months of TTC I learned that it's a lot of hurry up and wait. Patience is so important.
I literally felt like it was me writing your post. I'm in almost the exact same situation. I've been trying for 6 months now, also have not been able to get up the courage to tell anyone we are trying. I also get cramps/sore breasts about 10 days before my period. I've told my doctor about this and he does not know what could be causing it and does not seem too alarmed. He said it could be ovulation pain however that should only last for 2-3 days the most. But I also have always had the feeling that it would be hard for me to get pregnant. I've looked up so much stuff on TTC, endometriosis, PCOS, charting ovulation, OPK's, how to make my CM it's most fertile, etc. I feel like I could become a fertility specialist at this point, lol. It's exhausting. I also just found out today that my good friend who started TTC at the same time as me is now 3 mo. pregnant. I actually feel devastated, and on top of that, guilty for feeling that way. It's awful.
Anyway, I went to my dr. after about 4 mo. with no success. He told me he recommended me waiting a year until we start running tests. I was not okay with that response. I told him I wanted to get the ball rolling now. If I get pregnant in the meantime great, but I see no point in waiting a year to find out there may be an issue. I really don't understand why dr.'s have people wait when there are basic, non invasive tests that can be performed. So first he gave me a blood test to check my hormone levels. This can detect PCOS and other hormonal imbalances that could cause infertility. When those all came back normal he gave me a pelvic and abdominal ultrasound to check for cysts, uterine abnormalities, etc. That came back normal as well so I've made an appointment to get a hysterosalpingogram. This is where they check to see if your fallopian tubes are blocked. In many cases, this procedure can actually increase your chances of getting pregnant for the next few months after. If that test comes back okay, I will then begin seeing a specialist.
Another thing you can start checking is your cervical mucus. You'll learn how it changes though out your cycle. Some infertility can be as simple as not having fertile cervical mucus. I asked my dr. about this and he recommended taking mucinex or robitussin which can thin out the mucus making it more ideal for the sperm to swim through and live in. Also, make sure your husband gets checked out!
If you do have endometriosis, I've been told that really the only way to find out is to do a laparoscopy which is a minor surgery where they actually go inside to see if there is anything wrong. This is obviously a bit more invasive so I think why not begin ruling the other stuff out first.
There are so many factors that go into getting pregnant and so many little things have to line up exactly right for it to happen, it's amazing people get pregnant so easily at all!
The last thing I will say is I wish people would stop saying to "relax" and to "stop trying." While those may be very useful tactics, I've found it is nearly impossible to do in this situation and hearing it just adds to the frustration. I recommend talking to your dr. Get the ball rolling with this stuff at least to help put your mind at ease. It's been helpful for me. If there are issues you will figure them out this way and your dr. will know how to fix it so you can get pregnant.
Sorry for the long rant! Good luck to us both!