Wednesday, 29 February 2012
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The Mighty Homework Battle
We’ve been fighting an intense battle at our house for umpteen years. The weapons we brandish may be nothing more than the average textbook, a ring binder or dull pencil, but I still consider this mighty never-ending conflict with our teenager a form of combat.
Our son, Noah, is smart. He hates homework. He can’t “stay on task.” His backpack is a haven for squashed papers, crumpled candy wrappers, errant apple cores, and missing assignments. He’s 14. He’s in middle school. Am striking a chord with anyone, yet?
Up until around fifth grade, Noah breezed through school, scoring high on standardized tests and landing a permanent spot on the honor roll. Learning was fun and there was no such thing as homework. Yup. Life was totally awesome.
But now that he’s older, doing homework and getting decent grades isn’t what the “cool” kids do. Apparently, the nerd risk is drastically reduced for the class clown or a student that boasts an occasional “F” on a test. When I questioned Noah’s advisor about this mentality he said, “Unfortunately at this age, kids don’t want to look too smart.“
According to some of Noah’s teachers, this type of behavior is very typical for many middle school kids, especially boys. In addition to wanting to look “cool” to their peers, the teen hormone factory is working overtime, as is their brain development. Although their brains are obviously functioning, they’re still growing and their wiring mechanisms and connectors aren’t completely hooked up, yet. The result? Teenagers don’t understand that there can be detrimental consequences to things they do (or in Noah’s case, the things they don’t do).
We’d been combating the homework woes for years when things finally erupted last fall. Thanks to a seasoned teacher with a keen ability to halt Noah’s ghastly habits, we were alerted that our son had accumulated an unfinished homework collection “somewhere.”
In my quest to find the missing homework, I took a couple of (extremely) brave dives into Noah’s backpack and surfaced with a lofty stack of math papers dating back nearly a month – all untouched with the exception of a few scribbles or pencil holes that had been poked along the margin.
Since hyperventilating and my bloodcurdling scream didn’t seem to help matters, I turned to Noah’s teacher, Mr. Nagel, for assistance. One short meeting with Noah later, we had a strict homework schedule in place. Within a few days of slaving over a calculator, some scratch paper, and a textbook our son was finally caught up on his work. And he ended up with a solid “B” at the end of the quarter. Now that’s cool!
That experience was colossal in teaching us all lesson. I mean, don’t get me wrong…we still have homework battles, but things have gotten much better. And implementing a few rules like we did may help your child go a long way toward achieving academic success.
Here are a few things that may help you get (and keep) your child on track when it comes to homework:
- Schedule homework for he same time every afternoon or evening.
- Homework should be done in a quiet area where your child can be supervised and check on him occasionally to make sure he’s actually doing work, not dissecting a ballpoint pen or surfing the net.
- Be ready to work with the teacher – that means allowing your child to go to school early or stay after class if they need to make up work or require additional help. Ask for regular updates about their progress.
- Provide daily incentives for your child so she will want to get her work done. Allow her to see friends, use her phone, or play video games after the work has been finished. And this means taking these things away from her for a day when they don’t get done, too.
- Check work to make sure it has been completed.
- For particularly long assignments, provide a snack. Chocolate, cheese puffs, double-fudge ice cream, and neon-colored drinks that can be smeared on the homework are recipes for disaster. Things like string cheese, sliced fruit, granola bars, or a simple peanut butter sandwich are generally pretty safe.
- Reward them verbally! Constant reminders of their failure to complete work will only serve to frustrate your kid. A pat on the back with a simple, “Great job!” can go a long way toward making your child feel successful.
It’s part of a parent’s job to help their kids put their best foot forward and to pinpoint what does/doesn’t work for them. Through trial and error, you can often figure out the right formula to ensure your child’s success at a level equal to his or her personal abilities.
Life with kids, especially teens, certainly has its challenges and parents need to stay vigilant when it comes to school and homework. And until the switch to Noah’s brain is completely flipped on, we’ll just forge ahead in the homework battle knowing that eventually, he will come out the ultimate winner.
How do you handle the homework battle in your home?
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Comments (10)
My parents especally secondary school let me do mine before tea and afterwards. (checked my homework diary)
In junior school we had homework sometimes, mainly making sure we knew our time tables, mental maths etc.
at 14 he should be responsible for his own homework.
My best friend and his wife recently dealt with this same issue with 2 of their kids.
Their daughter was a cheerleader, and on the soccer team. But she decided she did not need to do her home work. Guess what? byebye Cheerleading and soccer. It took 2 months for her to realize mom and dad were serious.
their boy was one of the best players on the football team. Same thing. Homework not done, no football. It took him a week to get back on track.
I strongly suggest the book "Have a New Teenager by Friday" by Dr Kevin Leman.
I had a serious problem with homework when I was a teenager. The more I get older and think about things, and research, I think that only part of it was behavioral. I think that food allergies and intolerance had a lot to do with it as well.
Look, school as it is today (and i'm particularly referring to public school) is very distracting. Too many other things are going on, it's overwhelming. I'm not sure forcing your kid to do homework will work in the long run. What about in college? No one will be there to hold his hand and make him study, and the $$$ will go right down the toilet. Teenagers need to learn to be self-motivators for just this reason. Mom and Dad won't always be there to hold Jr accountable.
The question is how do you teach self-motivation?The hard way - consequences. If you don't study, you don't get X. If you have bad grades (older), you lose your driving privileges. Etc.
My advice for getting a teenager to do homework (speaking from recent experience myself):
1) Give them time after school to relax - maybe watch TV, get a snack, chat with friends or play sport - they need a break between the school day and starting homework.
2) When they do work, don't let them sit in front of a computer. Set up space in the dining room (with no TV/computer/phone for distractions), give them a snack and a drink, and make them work until their assignments are done.
3) If they DO need to use the internet for research, limit it, and make sure they can print off articles to read so they can't get distracted by Facebook or MSN.
4) Let them have breaks between subjects...even if it's only five minutes to call a friend or to stretch their legs. Don't force them to sit at a table for hours - it'll make them annoyed and unproductive.
5) Offer to help if they need it, but don't hover. Let them get on with it themselves - you'd be surprised how much they can do when they don't have a choice in the matter!
6) Let them know that if their grades fall below what they're capable of, that there will be consequences. They need motivation to do well - but also, reward them if they keep good grades or go above and beyond, even if it's just letting them pick up a new sport or telling them they can sleep over with friends. You'd be surprised how much teenagers can accomplish if they know something good will come out of it all - good luck! :)
Great points! There is something about the way a teen's brain is wired that can often lead to things like homework issues or handling chores around the house that makes parenting them a challenge. And until you've been there, you will never understand (I'm there right now!). You can have the greatest kid, smartest kid in the world but they often "slip", simply because of the way they are at this age.
Taking away things like football or cheerleading don't work. First of all, schools have grade requirements for participating in sports (usually C average)...at least at the high school level. So, if your kid's grades are bad, he woudln't be able to partipate in activities such as this, anyway, Secondly, if you make him quit football because his grades are poor, where is the incentive? Telling him, "When you get your grades back up, you can play football again next year," won't work.You really think he's going to work hard for the next 12 months so he can play football again the next year? Doubt it. He's a teenager...they don't think the way an adult does. And sports and activities are also a part of character-building, learning to work with others, abiding by rules, respecting a superior, confidence, mentoring, etc so removing this piece of their life puzzle can definately have detrimental effects. Besides, if you pull them out of sports or band or whatever, they WILL find something else to do -- and it isn't necessarily going to be something you'd like your kid to be doing. I've seen that countless times before, too. Very sad...
Short term incentives or punishments like telling them they can have the controller for their Xbox once homework is done or no car keys (or friends) unless they study for a test DOES work. Been there, done that.
@julie1 - yeah, I'd agree about the short-term incentives. Ban them from the PS3 or from the internet or from driving the car - don't cancel sports or hobbies, that's kind of counter productive in my opinion.
This is all really nice for now, but homework isn't the core issue. I doubt anyone really knows what it is right now. And it's nice he has someone to drill sergeant him through school, but there will come a time when that won't work in life. 14, and you have to find his homework papers? And you haven't had him tested for anything? How long do you really think these childish games are going to work?
My parents bribed me. Good grades meant decent money.
And . . . it worked. Report card time was actually a fun time of the year since it meant getting paid. Unlike some other posters I don't really think it's a big deal if a 14 year old isn't motivated on his own to do well in school. I think that's pretty normal. I was able to get good grades in high school without self-motivation, and, while college presented a learning curve initially, I was able to find my own motivation in time.
I'm a fan of positive reinforcement over negative reinforcement, especially when it comes to something like school work and grades. Learning should have as much of a positive spin as possible.
My little one is not even close to school age yet, but i do help my mom when it comes to my little sisters. Before I had my baby I would randomly drop in as they were getting home from school and go through all their folders and binders with them, clean out what was not needed, make sure everything was where it was supposed to be, and make certain they were writing down their assignments in their agenda books. Once things were in order they would do homework, study, practice for upcoming tests, and if nothing else needed done they would read. I was hard on them because they needed it, one of the twins in a pack rat and will keep every piece of scrap paper she possibly could, but in the process would loose they things she actually needed. Both girls grades are not the best not even close. When they did well and their tests were really good for a set amout of time (usually 2 weeks) and they made an attempt to keep things organized they would get a reward; Something to do with school a cute folder, cool erasers, a notebook with animals or whatever they wanted. Being twins one getting something the other didnt would really light a fire under the other butt, and made her try harder. I never comapare them to eachother (one would not get more for being better than the other) they both knew the standard that was set. I also make if perfectly clear that I do not care what susie or littly jimmy make on their tests, that their grades are the ones i care about. I dont expect perfect grades everytime but anything lower than a C is unacceptable, all you need for a C is effort even if you dont get it! Their grades and upkeep on their school papers and binder are their resposibility if they do poorly then no reward and sometime punishment.