Monday, 27 February 2012
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To Formula or Not to Formula
So with my son, I really did try to breastfeed. I just find it weird. Call me whatever you want, I've heard it before, but I felt weird. Some people had the nerve to tell me I wasn't a real mom because I didn't like the idea of a child sucking on my breast. Screw them. It's not their body. I know some women have it naturally and enjoy it, but I didn't. Does that make me love my child any less? Hell no. In fact, half the mothers I know that breastfed are some of the worst moms, but they feel they earned brownie points because they breastfed. Another story.
Anyway, I used a pump (a very expensive Medela) for the first few weeks and made sure he got that 48 hour colostrum. I tore, bled and eventually the pump was filling with more blood and milk -- not good. So I began to cry every time I had to do it to the point I was miserable. My husband at the time (ex now) would make me feel guilty, so I kept with it, even though I really didn't want to. Until, we went to the pediatrician. She said she hated people who made mothers feel guilty. Yes, breastmilk was best, but formula was not going to kill a child, yet people see breastmilk is best and therefore judge those who do formula. She said what is best is a happy, healthy and comfortable mother in her opinion. She said your little one picks up on your stress and anxiety. She also said that most new mothers don't have the best diets; therefore, sure they are giving them breastmilk, but if they aren't eating properly that breastmilk isn't all it's chalked up to be.
She preferred formula because it gave babies a consistent amount of food each time (which you can measure -- can't do that from your boob) and calories and nutrients as well. My ex shut up right there and I switched to formula. My son is healthy, happy and extremely smart. He's more than surpassed the milestones and I would say he didn't even get the equivalent of 9 oz. of breastmilk his entire life.
Now, this time around with baby #2, I don't even want to try. J is a little bummed I won't try, but he knows I would never do anything to harm my baby. He was upset I wouldn't even give the first 48 hours. So I haven't told him yet (he's on duty), but I will pump that out at least. After that I'm going straight to formula.
I brought this issue up to a few friends I knew and one of them had the nerve to tell me I should see a counselor for my dislike of breastfeeding. Excuse me? It's a personal choice. My body. Doesn't mean I have a mental issue. I just don't like the idea of a baby sucking on my breast. I was willing to pump, however my rack isn't built for pumping -- according to a breastfeeding counselor. I love it, however, when people start sitting there and telling you that you are harming your baby and they cannot imagine being so selfish as to formula feed. Excuse me?
Anyone remember the 80's? Breastfeeding was considered "bad" and formula was "good" -- all before formula had all the stuff it has in it today. I was formula fed. A lot of people my age were. I think its rude of people to tell me I'm harming my child. No where is formula the devil. It doesn't harm a baby. If it did they wouldn't make it. It baffles me how people have the nerve to say stuff like that. Formula feeding doesn't make me any less of a mother or a good mother at that. If breastfeeding instantly made you mother of the year, then there are some crack addicts in prison or kids in foster care who could easily disagree. Formula doesn't make me love my kid or treat them with any less than they deserve and people who make it seem that way honestly are going to go through life with tunnel vision and I pity them.
Did you breastfeed or formula feed? Were you judged on your decision?
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About the Author
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- From: bluemoonsundaes@xanga
- Name: bluemoonsundaes
- About Me: "Today I'm a middle-aged CEO who hates her job, next week I'm a teenager suffering an "identity crisis" and yet yesterday I was just born....I'm a writer." -Me, 2012. I am a 28 year old professional writer and chef. Currently pregnant with my second child and engaged to the love of my life. I am a stay-at-home mom with my little boy and can't wait for our next little one to arrive.
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Comments (29)
I, primarily, formula fed. And I spent WAY TOO much time feeling guilty and getting caught up in this "breastfeeding vs. formula" debate.
The REAL POINT is, it's YOUR decision. If you don't want to do it, that's your CHOICE and, as annoying as it is to hear the criticisms out there, just try and focus on your baby and ignore them. Please, don't spend your time being consumed by the negative feelings. I did and it was a total waste of time and energy and fighting this issue is a total and complete waste of time.
People need to focus MORE on what they need to be doing and less foucsed on what they think others should be doing. The world of parenting is much easier, that way. I've actually been staying away from Momaroo and I can't tell you how much better my life is, when I'm not paying attention to all the, "this way is best, no this way is best" BS. Let me tell you! LOL!
Good Luck to you!
My first child, I REALLY tried....I gave it the effort, I had the pump, I cried and cracked and it hurt. My son was also boob-phobic. I swear that anytime he even thought his face was going to come in contact with a boob he would scream bloody murder, and I just couldn't deal with it. He took a bottle like a champ and we were both happy. I dried up in a couple of days and that was that.
I didn't even produce with my 2nd child due to complications, so he got formula from day 1.
Both are healthy. Both will produce a smart, healthy child. Your choice is your choice!
I don't
likebreastfeeding, although there are moments when I think it's nice. I breastfeed because I think it's best for my baby, plus it's easier and cheaper. In NZ breastfeeding is pushed on you and it's hard to even get information on formula feeding, especially from hospital staff. I think it's great that so many people here breastfeed, although I don't think it's right the way that people are judged if they choose not to or can't. Well done for at least giving it a go, I understand that if you had a hard time with it you might not want to try again, and that's entirely your choice - in the end the most important thing is that your child is happy and healthy, and for your child to be so, you have to be as well! Like I said, I believe breastfeeding to be best, but I know it's not for everyone. People that judge you because you're not breastfeeding aren't even worth thinking about.
I breastfed both my babies and there is nothing wrong with not wanting to do it. I'm wanting to wean at 8 months and people are telling me to make it to a year....sorry, but i want my body back! I lasted long enough!!! I'm just glad women have a choice to breastfeed or bottle feed. I wish as moms we were all supportive of other women and their decision. I think that when a mom is miserable breastfeeding, that makes the baby unhappy. You have to do what's best for the happiness of BOTH mom and baby.
Oh and i'll add that I too had a very hard time bf at first - i cried everytime for the first couple of weeks from the pain but i'm really glad i stuck with it. i've recently started giving my four month old a bottle at night because my supply is too low at night. i was told i should express in the morning for the night feed... but that is far too much hassle for me!
Thank you! Glad to know that I'm not the only one with this hang up. I was going to give it a try when my son was born, but once he got here he didn't want to latch well. the nurse i had INSISTED that he eat "right now, or you can't go to your room". well he wasn't eating from the boob, so we opted for the bottle. i was a little relieved actually, but not that i would admit then.
im a fostermum, so ive never had the option to breastfeed.
The thing with formula is its not as bad as people make it out to be. I just make sure I buy a GOOD quality one that does not contain High Fructose Corn Syrup, or Corn Syrup Solids. Both of these disrupt the brain's hunger sensors, causing baby (and anyone else who eats it) just to eat more.You can make your own formula too using Goat Milk as a base, and it will save you a ton of money.I pray one day I get to have my own baby, and I would like to trying breast feeding.. but i know its on the end of the world if it doesn't work out. Ive been given a lot of flack for "choosing" to bottle feed.. and it really ticks me off. I had one woman inform me that "God gave me breasts for a reason and I am abusing my baby by filling him full of poison."@LadyGwenivere@xanga - How horrible :( I can't stand the way people judge others on this when they don't even know why the person isn't breastfeeding! It's sad, people should really focus on their own lives. And what a great thing you do :)
I breastfeed my kids. My first I only breastfed for three months, but I wish I had gone to at least a year. My second never had formula and my third is seven months old and has not had any formula, nor will he. I don't look down on moms who formula feed, but I do think everyone should be educated. If I had support and knowledge in the areas I was struggling when my oldest was three months old, then I would probably have kept going. I know there are people who just can't breastfeed, and that's what formula is there for. In the end, breast is best, but not if it's going to make the mother depressed, physically and emotionally drained, and in the end, possibly resenting their baby.
I breastfed and supplemented with formula because I just didn't have the supply for both babies. Of course it was hard, especially when they were in the NICU and I had to run back and forth to the hospital. But I couldn't afford as much formula as I would have needed, and we did OK.
I felt the same way with my first daughter, it freaked me out having someone munching on my tits all day. So my oldest was formula fed for that reason, and not to mention I was with my first husband at the time and my life sucked big time. I had my second daughter in April and I decided to give it another try. My oldest is so smart and hit every milestone ahead of time. The main reason I breastfed my youngest is because my new husband is a pretty big guy, and breastfeeding reduces the risk of obesity later in life. There are ups and downs, pros and cons, but it doesn't matter unless YOU are happy.
I wanted to breast feed my son for as long as my body would allow. But i got off to a rocky start, the lactation nurses at the hospital were absolutely no help and because one of my nipples is shaped differently than the other he wouldn't latch on very well to my left side. I managed to fight through the first 4 weeks, but i could tell he was still hungry - i tried pumping but i could never get more than 2-3oz at a time and because he wouldn't latch on my left side was starting to dry up. After a lot of guilt i finally decided to start supplementing with formula. I made it another 9 weeks like that, but he started fighting me every time i breastfed (screaming, arching his back, turning away) so at 10 weeks i finally gave up.
I felt horrible at first, but i knew me being stressed out wasn't helping any. I was happy i was able to breastfeed for as long as i did, and he's done just fine on formula. He'll be a year old on the 1st and he's growing great!
Not a mom, but I think you do what works for you. Forget the morons who tell you you're a cruddy mom just because you use formula to feed your kid(s). I really think the moms who insist "I breastfeed, therefore I'm automatically a good mom" are full of it. In the end, the goal is to feed the kid, and yes formula does the trick.
Breastfeeding does not work for everyone! I was so upset and miserable from pumping all the time, and she wouldn't latch on, so I finally went to formula. And my life was 10 times easier immediately and I finally started enjoying myself and my daughter. Ignore everyone with negative comments. Breastfeeding was probably easier for them!
People need to focus MORE on what they need to be doing and less foucsed on what they think others should be doing.breastfeeding reduces the risk of obesity later in life.
Jewelry cardsMetal labelsFabric labelsZip PullersBarcode labelsShoes hangersMetal buttonsJewelry tagsSize hangersshoes hooksThis seems like a reactionary piece. I'll tell you the parts that were a little odd to me.
It is not a child suckling on a breast. It is an infant. A child has a connotation of someone older.
Half of the breastfeeding Moms you know are the "worst" Moms. That's pretty judgmental of a whole subset of Moms. I see that you added that it's the ones you know, but you're grouping together your peers into breast-feeders and formula-feeders. You may be defining and dividing people as much as those who seem to have hurt you. Just an observation.
For your pediatrician to say that most new mothers don't have well-balanced diets is pretty misleading - and inflammatory. It's my experience and opinion that pediatricians kind of like formula because they can more easily fill out on a form how much a baby is eating down to the ounce. You can't measure as well (if at all) how much milk a breastfed infant receives. Formula and bottles make their charting easier.
I'm curious why, if you don't want to breastfeed (and that is definitely what is best for you, my sister was in the same boat - it led to resentment and was just traumatic all around) why you would "suffer" through pumping for the first 48 hours? Is it for the colostrum? I'm not sure it's worth the trauma if you don't intend to breastfeed at all.
I have heard of mothers who had past trauma or abuse having issues with breastfeeding. There are special forums online etc just for cases like that. So I can see where one might think they were being helpful suggesting therapy. But it was insensitive, definitely.
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The above is my reasonable reaction to this article which I have had to revisit more than once to sort my thoughts on what to comment on. Originally, I found this to be a bit of a knee-jerk reaction to negativity you have felt from others regarding the issue of breastfeeding. It was off-putting for me, because in some ways, it felt like you were dissing breastfeeding mothers and grouping us together as know-it-all judgement passers. I know there are breastfeeding nazis out there, I was a part of a breastfeeding support group until I realized how they were, and I left the group the day I realized they portrayed formula as poison. Unfortunately, they shout so loudly that many people believe they are the voice of the majority. They aren't. At all.
My boy didn't like nursing. He preferred a bottle and formula.
I love breastfeeding my baby! We went through sheer hell for a month! I cracked and bled and had some serious pain for a few weeks, she was not latching right, and due to a failed induction and c section i had issues with my milk coming in. Despite all that we pushed through it, and we are on an expert level now! She still gets 4-6 ounces of formula in the evenings because i just stop producing when my hormone levels drop, and we had to supliment in the beginning because of lack of milk but i know she is getting veverything i can give her. There is so much more in breastmilk that is not in formula no matter your diet! You produce more growth hormones in the night, antibodies and other little goodies to keep baby healthy simply can not be recreated in formula. Your milk adjusts to what baby needs, including becoming thicker in winter or more watery on warmer days, and even adujust to what nutriends baby is needing. I would much rather have her on only breast milk i have tried a few things to boost production some have helped a little but not as much as we need, we will keep tryin tho!
Formula feeding mothers aren't the only ones who are made to feel guilty or who are discouraged for their decisions.
I was very adamant about breastfeeding for as long as I could with my daughter and was told over and over again from my in-laws and spouse that I had unrealistic expectations and that it was going to be harder than I thought. They were right in the sense that it was difficult. I bled, cried from the pain, and almost gave up on several accounts until I talked to someone and turned to the internet to educate myself. Upon learning that I wasn't the only one who bled and had difficulties in the beginning, I stuck with it because I knew that (with my balanced diet) breastfeeding was best for me and my baby.Through dirty looks, rude comments, and downright negativity, I was able to breastfeed my daughter until SHE decided she was finished one month before her second birthday.There were times when I would have to close myself in a room and unwind (sometimes cry) from all of the rudeness coming from people who didn't understand, nor wanted to understand, why I was breastfeeding longer than just a couple weeks.I understand frustration as a parent, especially when it comes to choosing the "correct" form of nutrition. My stance: As long as you take it upon yourself to become educated and make a rational decision based on nutrition and health (both physically and mentally), then the rest of society should keep their thoughts to themselves.Now, if you had said that you decided not to breastfeed because you didn't want to give up your party life or sacrifice the look of your breasts, this comment would have been completely different.@sarahsmurfette@xanga - I had a similar reaction to you the first time I read the post. Not being a mom though, I'm not commenting on this one. :)
I think the reason why formula was ever "good" was because you had to buy it...much like buying Nyquil is better than eating an orange.
My mom tried breast feeding me but also felt strange. The bad part about it is that I was allergic to every single formula on the market except for one super expensive one. Yep my formula was prescription eventually lol. My poor mom...I love her for trying her hardest. I don't plan on EVER using formula because to me it is a milk replacement and should only be used if there are no other means of feeding a baby. You are you though and I am me. If you choose to use formula, go ahead. I just suggest reading what is in it so your baby is safe.
both of my babies were premies. one 7 weeks and the other 12 weeks and 14 and 13 yrs later after being bottle (formula fed)they are healthy. the nurses told me to at least pump but i did not want to i did not feel comfortable having a baby on my boob or pumping milk not only that im a terriblle eater and love spicy foods. its what ever you want and never feel guilty about a deccision you made for your child
i did try but by son was born early and after 4 weeks of pumping i was done. i like you hated to pump. i did until my contract with my hosp pump was up and then i quit. formula is just as good as breast milk in my opinion. B was formula fed and after 2 years he is healthy and happy and hit every milestone exactly when he should. dont let anyone upset you. i think you have the right dr stating a happy mother was best :) good luck
Formula is not ever better for a baby than clean human breastmilk. A pediatrician thinks a cow's diet is better than a woman's? A pediatrician thinks adding stuff to twist milk meant for baby cows is better than the human made milk? I say you need a new pediatrician.
Now, I formula fed one baby and breastfed two babies. Formula ain't "great" for them, but it doesn't kill them either. If you have hang ups about your breasts, own up to them. It is not "okay" to choose formula for your baby because human milk lacks anything, it doesn't.
If you don't want to nurse, then don't. But don't make it into the silly notion that formula feeding is somehow better for your baby, it isn't. Formula won't kill your kid, won't turn him into a sociopath, or prevent him from getting As later on in school, but it isn't better for your baby nor for you (as far as the benefits for mothers... reduces risk of breast cancer for one.) You can choose to formula feed without turning it into a war. ALL mothers get criticized for how they feed their babies by someone. (And you can't tell how much or what your baby got in breast milk is a total crock of crap and breastfeeding moms will give you hell about that silly notion.)
But Good Luck. In ten years, this issue won't matter to you or your child. (Though my grandmother told me before she died her two regrets were that she wasn't a stay-at-home mom and she didn't nurse any of her kids.)
My daughter was a five week preemie, who never developed a strong enough suck to bring in my milk. My plan was to breast feed her EXCLUSIVELY for her first year. We got the double whammie. At five weeks pre-mature, I had not yet developed a milk supply, and it just didn't work. I tried pumping---but I was barely producing 2 tablespoons of milk a day...and it was hell getting it. I gave my daughter as much as I produced, but she was in very real danger of dehydrating.
That was when I first locked horns with the breast feeding groups. They kept INSISTING that whatever my daughter was getting was "enough". The pediatrician was kind enough to be honest with me...a baby needs more than two tablespoons a day to survive. I tried to keep it going, but after three weeks, it was over. The day after I stopped pumping, my breasts were dry. My daughter did great on formula, but the guilt was consuming.
I had it for years...always wondering if I had shortchanged both her and myself...and I was not free of it til she was nearly 10. At that point, she was diagnosed with Dyspraxia---a malfunction between muscles and nerves. In her case, it meant she had to learn to do things herself, that are instinctive to most people...and never COULD develop the suckling she needed as a baby.
Today, she is a beautiful, healthy, wonderful young woman of 20...currently in college for teaching. I hope the moms who face these sort of challenges give themselves a break...I judged myself more harshly than anyone...and yet, there wasn't a thing I could have done. It was simply luck of the draw. So please...listen to those of us who will tell you, despite the best of intentions, breast feeding doesn't work for all.
Enjoy your babies, ladies...it's the very best of times!