Tuesday, 21 February 2012

• The Baby Fever I Just Can't Shake

  

  I've heard of numerous people having fleeting phases and bouts of baby fever that returns occasionally or at a later time..but what happens when the baby fever lasts for over a year? 

  My fiance and I have been together for nearly three years and we're getting married in May and during the first couple of months of our relationship, I was very cautious about sex and making sure that we took every precaution to prevent pregnancy, simply because we didn't have stable jobs or income and we were both living with our parents at that point. Once we had been together a little less than a year, I found the idea of a creating a child with him less frightening, and more comforting and exciting and I didn't care anymore if we wound up pregnant or not.

  Last January, we moved into a house of our own - perfect for a starter family: two bedrooms, a big kitchen, a big front and backyard - a home perfect for a couple with a young child. Literally, as soon as we laid eyes on the house, my baby fever increased exponentially. When we moved in, I found myself (and still do sometimes) standing in the spare room and dreaming of the day when it would be occupied by all things baby-related: where we would put the crib, the changing table, what color we would paint it, how many sleepless nights would be spent there rocking our baby back to sleep, how many days would be spent tidying the endless clutter of toys that seems to litter up the room again every time your back is turned. Then, my longing reached out further than the spare room. I began seeing things for every room. Like the living room: I know the exact spot we would put a pack and play and how much time we would spend on the floor, teaching our child to crawl and walk and figuring out new ways to make it laugh and how much more our television would be on children's channels instead of wasting away time on video games or shows and movies unsuitable for children. Thoughts turned to my kitchen: how many times I would stumble out of my bedroom and into the kitchen to make a bottle or how many messes would be made of baby food or formula or how the sink would be filled with children's dishes and baby bottles instead of two regular sized plates and two wine glasses. And lastly..the bathroom: thinking of how many hours would be spent in it potty-training my child, or how many baths would be given in that tub. 

  Everything in my house has turned into thoughts of a baby that I don't even have yet. It gnaws through my thoughts and begins aching in my bones that my fiance doesn't think we're ready for a baby yet..and he may be right. He's not in the career he wants to be in yet. I'm between jobs currently, starting at a different agency than the one I was originally at next week. Fortunately, I will be provided with health benefits and a full-time schedule. 

  There are also times when I get so scared that I won't even be able to conceive a child. How ironic would that be? Someone who wants a baby so badly that they can't even properly produce one? Ever since a little before we moved into our home, we haven't been taken the precautions anymore. We aren't actively trying...but we aren't trying to prevent it either, if that makes sense.

  How long did your baby fever last before it went away?

  
  

  • 12:20 PM
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